


HE PAID THE PRICE

by weepingelm



Series: He paid the price [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Complete, Kidnapping, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-13 15:23:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 74
Words: 106,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1231495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingelm/pseuds/weepingelm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur was a highly successful  Queens Counsel but his success came at a price. His husband Merlin had been kidnapped. Who was responsible and would he be found in time and how will Merlin cope with life afterwards? This is their story. </p><p>Hope you enjoy please leave your comments.<br/>From chapter 5 this story has benefited by a beta, Thank you jeanshard</p><p>A Queen's Counsel is a Senior Barrister. Who is chosen due to outstanding ability. Sorry for use of Abbreviations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Today was the day of the sentencing and Arthur Pendragon was pleased he had been working on this case for some time and had got the conviction a week earlier and it had been a hard fought case. It was at times like this that he felt his job was so worthwhile. Arthur enjoyed his work for the crown prosecution service, at 30 he was one of the youngest and most successful QC’s in the country. Alined had been running a crime syndicate in London for many years and had always managed to get away now all was left was the sentencing. Tonight Arthur could relax with his friends. They had planned on going out for a meal to their favourite restaurant and then a drink nothing to heavy but it would be great to relax.  
Finishing early he drove across to the other side of the park to collect Merlin from work. At least today they could go home together and if Morgana tried to keep him late Arthur would steel him away. He didn’t think she would, for all her strange ways she was a good boss and Merlin had worked for three years as her P.A., something of a record for her. After all she had introduced Merlin to him at one of the nights out. Morgana had her good points and he would always thank his half sister for introducing him to his now husband.  
Entering the building he went straight up to Merlin’s desk and crept up behind him as he stood at the filing cabinet. Putting his arms around the slight mans waist and nuzzled his neck.  
“Hello Arthur off early today? I take it you won your case” Merlin continued with his work without turning round.  
“Yes we did but how did you know it was me?”  
“Who else attacks me while I’m working? Now let go and I can get finished quicker. Go and bother Morgana she’s free at the moment”  
Arthur turned and went into his sister’s office.  
“Hi I’ve come to steal my husband away early so he can get ready for tonight” Arthur went up to his sister’s desk and leaned on it.  
“You’re not the boss over here so what makes you think you can give the orders” Morgana smiled.  
“I take it you got a good result and were off to celebrate?” Morgana looked up at her brother  
“Yes we will meet up at seven o’clock normal place I’ve let the others know and they are all coming”  
“Great, well you can take him then, but I hardly think you need three hours to get ready so I take it you have other plans” Morgana smirked  
“Mind your own business harpy” with that Arthur left the office and found Merlin waiting for him outside.  
They left the building and in 20 minutes were home.  
Just after seven the pair entered the restaurant to find the rest already there.  
Morgana was there with her husband Leon, who was the junior QC with Arthur, sat at the other side of Morgana was Gwen and her husband Lance on the other side of the table was Elyan who worked in Arthurs office and was also Gwen’s brother, Gwaine and Will who were like brothers to Merlin’s and last of all Percy and his Girlfriend Freya. Freya had gone to university with Merlin and they had remained friends.  
Taking their places they all soon ordered and it wasn’t long before the banter that normally took place started.  
“Lance were not going to have to watch you two being all lovey dovey all evening again are we it’s unnatural you’ve been married for two years now”  
“You’re just jealous Will just because you can’t get a girl to stay with you longer than two dates” Merlin injected  
“The last one lasted a week at least mine aren’t one night stands like Gwaine here”  
Gwaine winked at Will “I have to spread the good fortune around now don’t I”  
“It’s time you two grew up and settled down that’s if you can find fools stupid enough to put up with you” Morgana had been trying to set them up with dates for sometime but none had lasted.  
Elyan kept quiet he had just broken up with his long standing girlfriend, his sister seeing his plight smiled at him.  
“Don’t worry someone special will come your way soon. Unlike those two you are a catch”  
“So’s a cold” Piped in Will which got him a glare from Gwen and Morgana  
“We are here to celebrate the putting away of one of London’s criminals so here’s a toast to Arthur and his team” Morgana held up her glass and they all cheered.  
After their meal they moved on to The Dragons Lair and stayed there until eleven when they all went their separate ways except for Gwaine who had hocked up with a leggy blond earlier in the evening and was staying behind. Unlike the others he had a later start in the morning as he was a personal trainer and started at 10 in the mornings.

A week later Arthur went back to court for the sentencing and was pleased with the eighteen year sentence passed. Then he went back to his office and settled down to clear his desk for a holiday. He was determined to get off early tonight as he had promised to take Merlin, just the two of them, for a meal to make up for all the late nights he had been putting in recently before they went off on a well deserved holiday. He smiled at the thought of the man he had made his life partner. They had been married for two years and the time had flown by. Picking up the phone he spoke to his P.A.  
“Lance can you let me know as soon as Merlin gets here and bring us both in a coffee please”  
“You two off to celebrate tonight?” Lance replied grinning  
“More getting some quality time together it’s been a long case”  
“You deserve it”  
Lance enjoyed his job and it had only got better after Arthur had met Merlin. Merlin had made Arthur more tolerant and easier to work for. Merlin was the P.A. for Morgana, Arthurs step sister and the editor of an up market Fashion Magazine.  
Across the park Merlin was just finishing off his day. Morgana had just left and he was actually getting off early for once. Looking at his watch he saw would be leaving the building at 16.00hrs a good hour and a half earlier than normal. He would be able to get across the park and wait for Arthur to finish and go home with him instead of catching the tube. That at least would please Arthur, who hated Merlin using the tube and had been on at him for ages to get a taxi home. They always came in together but seldom finished at the same time. Merlin was too stubborn to listen to his husband. Having come from a less wealthy background he refused to waste the money. His mother had always installed in him her values of not wasting money. They hadn’t been poor but had had to watch how much they spent.  
Merlin quickly rang Lance to say he was on his way and to check that Arthur would be able to keep his promise to finish early, and picking up his jacket he left the building he said goodbye Will who was still working at his desk and to the security guard at the door and set off across the park. It was a beautiful day and the path followed the edge of the lake. He stopped for a moment to watch the ducks before setting off once more. The park was quiet it was too early for the normal evening rush. As he approached the end of his walk the path veered off through some trees. It was pleasant under the trees giving some shade from the hot sun. This summer had been one of the hottest he could remember and he was glad he worked in an air conditioned building. As he approached the bend in the path he was grabbed from behind and a cloth put over his face before he had time to react. Then he was bundled into a trolley and two men dressed as council gardeners pushed the trolley to one of the wider paths and into a van. The whole thing had taken only a few moments.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur finished what he was doing and opened his office door.  
“Where has that man of mine got to? I bet he’s standing watching those ducks again. I’ll have my coffee now if you don't mind”  
Lance grinned at his boss. “You know how he likes the ducks you wait if you ever get that house in the country bet you end up with a lake”  
“Not if I have my way we won’t”  
Arthur sat back down and Lance came in with the coffee just as Arthur’s mobile rang. Getting it out of his pocket he looked at the message and his face paled “No No”   
He stood as if he was in shock and began to shake. Lance looked and then took the phone from his bosses hand and looked at the message.   
“You have recently parted me from my partner for a long period of time. You will lose yours for the same length of time”.  
Lance immediately turned to Arthur   
“I will call the police” picking up the desk phone and dialled 999 and give the relevant information to the operator.  
He then rang the front desk and asked them to expect the police to arrive and to send them straight to the office.  
Within 5 minutes the police arrived it was someone who Lance recognised. Lance quickly explained what had happened and gave them Arthur’s phone. All this time Arthur hadn’t moved.  
“Arthur its Oswain do you know who could have sent this”  
Arthur looked up of the first time “It was sent from Merlin’s mobile” Arthur blinked a few times and became more with it. “Who the hell has him?”  
Lance left the room and went out to his phone and rang the direct Leon’s office and asked his to come straight away without giving details. As Arthur’s best friend and a partner to Arthur’s sister he thought it best to get him there as soon as he could. Leon was also the junior partner in the practice.  
Leon came straight away and Lance quickly explained what had happened. Leon went straight in to support his brother in law.   
The police had already arranged for Merlin’s route to be searched after checking that Merlin had left his office as planned and where taking details from Arthur of the cases he had recently been involved in. As well as the recent case he had had several high profile cases that year that had resulted in conviction. Leon put his hand on Arthur's shoulder “They will get him back Arthur, I will ring Morgana and let her know”  
Oswain turned to Leon “Just keep it to close family for now please. Does Merlin have any close family?”  
“Just his Mother in Wales although he does have two very close friends who should be told…………..Oh my god what do I tell his mother” Arthur was totally shocked by the whole thing. He couldn't believe that someone would target Merlin for something he had no involvement in.  
“If you get her details I will get the local police to let her know and arrange for her to come to London. I am going to keep this phone for the moment if you don’t mind you will get it back soon”.  
“What if they try to get back to me with it, I need to keep it” Arthur had started to think things through.  
“Well for the moment I would like you all to come down with me to the station so we can get your statements and we can sort it out then”.  
With that they all left to go down to the station where they were met by several senior police officers. Morgana arrived before they left and demanded to be told what was going on. On hearing the news she immediately went to her brothers side.

Merlin woke up sometime later he was blindfolded, gagged and his ankles were tied together and his wrists were also tied behind his back. He tried to move but got a kick in his ribs for his troubles. “Just keep still and we won’t have to kick you again” a voice snarled. “Once we get where we are going we will give you some water if you're good”  
Merlin could feel bumps and knew he was in a vehicle of some kind but he couldn't see a thing. Realising he couldn't move he kept still. He wondered what was happening and why he had been taken. Surely it must be a case of mistaken identity who after all would want him. He ached all over and when they hit bumps in the road it hurt his hips and shoulder. After hitting a particularly bad bump his head hit the floor of the vehicle and he felt no more as he lapsed into unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that evening Arthur and the others left the police station and were gathered at Arthur and Merlin’s penthouse apartment. Hunith, Merlin’s mother had arrived just before they left the station, and after answering a few questions she had come back to stay with Arthur. No trace had been found of Merlin, several of the CITV cameras hadn’t been working in the park so although he was seen entering, they had no idea when and how he had be kidnapped. Morgana was trying to get Hunith and Arthur to get some rest but was having no luck. Leon told Lance to cancel all of Arthur’s appointments until further notice and all of his for the next day and to keep the rest to a minimum for the rest of the week.  
The police had set up roadblocks and informed the airports and ports and were checking all the cases that Arthur had been involved in. But at the moment had found nothing to help identify who was involved. Morgana and Leon were going to stay the night at the apartment to offer all the support they could. They had let their close friends know so they would not hear the news first from the television. They had all been very upset and had offered any help and support they could. 

The van Merlin was in stopped after awhile, but Merlin was not removed. He was still tied up and blindfolded. Once he had been woken and given a drink of water and then left alone. He still had no idea where he was or how much time had passed since his walk across the park. Every so often he was given a drink of water and at one stage was feed a sandwich. But no more than a couple of words were spoken to him. Thinking he was on his own he tried to move to work out where he was but was promptly kicked once more the pain nearly made him pass out. He as sure he felt a rib crack and decided it wasn’t worth the pain to try again each breath was painful. He last all track of time at some stage when his gag was removed and he was given a drink of he asked to be about to go to the loo and was told to do it in his pants. He felt so humiliated but in the end had no choice. He felt wet and uncomfortable and after awhile began to smell. After what he thought was a couple of days the van was on the move once more. When it stopped the next time he was taken out of the van and thrown onto a concrete floor. A chain was put through the rope at held his hands and also around his ankles and he was chained to a pillar of some sort and given some water and bread to eat and left once more. He heard a door shut and it sounded empty as the sound of the door echoed. He tried to make himself comfortable but had very limited success. He was cold, tired, hungry and scared.  
Meanwhile the police were having no luck in finding out what had happened. Once the news had been put out in the media several newspapers and TV stations had asked for interviews and a typed response was given. Within the hour Arthur was surprised to hear from his father. Utter had not spoken to him in the 4 years he had been together with Merlin. Morgana took the phone from her brother and was about to start yelling at him when Uther offered a further sum as a reward and offered any support he could saying that families should stick together in times of problems and that he wished to renew contact with his family. Arthur refused to talk to him and Morgana told her father that they would accept the reward money but that Arthur needed more time. Uther seemed to accept this and rang off. The reward now stood at one million pounds for information leading to the recovery of Merlin.  
Uther was seen on TV supporting his family at this time, he also put pressure on the police to put as many resources as required into the case. As an MP he felt that this might help, but at this stage there was little else anyone could do. The police checked out friends and relatives of all of the people that Arthur had helped put away in the past year, and searched all known properties belonging to them. There was no sign anywhere. Even the large reward brought no information forward. Interpol were involved as there was a thought that Merlin may have been sold to the sex trade but there was no sign he had left the country.  
Arthur was becoming more and more despondent and angry as the days and weeks went by and spent as much time as he could in trying to do his own investigations. He blamed himself for what had happened. Gwaine had given up his job and was using his savings to spend time in the sex slave countries looking for his friend. Arthur was sending him money to help. But still no trace was found. Then six months after Merlin had been taken Arthur received another message from Merlin’s mobile. He blanched before looking at it.


	4. Chapter 4

The text was short and to the point  
“Merlin is receiving all the things he would if he was in prison, crap food, in a small room 24 hours a day, the odd beating and unwanted buggering hope you’re proud of your job.” There was an attached a photo showing a naked Merlin chained up all his ribs showing and covered in bruises. He had obviously lost weight and looked appalling.   
Arthur threw up before phoning the police. Unfortunately the photo offered no clues as to where he was being kept but it did show he hadn’t been killed when it was taken. The message had been sent from the London area but that was no help as it didn’t mean he was being kept in London or even Britain.   
Arthur went out that night and got drunk and it took all of his friends and family to get him home. His health was suffering and although he was managing to work he had lost his previous drive.   
Gwaine came back for a visit and he spent several days with Arthur planning what to do next before he set off once more this time to Taiwan.  
Merlin was on the move, he thought it was a few weeks since his capture but time meant nothing to him. He had been stripped at some stage and was washed down with a hosepipe on several occasions. On arrival at the next stop he was taken into a building and this time metal cuffs were put round his wrists and his blind fold taken off. He looked round as much as he could but the light, although not bright, hurt his eyes. The chains were attached to a wall and he had enough slack to move around the small room. It had a concrete floor and no windows. There was a toilet in the far corner otherwise the room was empty. Two men stood in front of him.   
“This is your new home you will be here for the duration of you sentence which will last as long as our boss’s, if you last that long, so get used to it you have Pendragon to blame for this. Now that’s the easy bit is over. You need to get used to your new regime” the man sneered and looked Merlin up and down.  
“Skinny bugger but never mind at least your pretty enough for now.” With that he grabbed Merlin and forced him down on his knees leering at him. The two men then took turns to brutally rape him. Merlin screamed and tried to get away but to no avail. After they had finished his was in a great deal of pain and bleeding. One of the men put two dog bowls on the floor with water in one and some unidentifiable food in the other.   
“That’s today’s ration get used to it and if we hear any noise from this room you will get a beating understood.” With that they left shutting the door behind them. There was a small strip of light from around the door otherwise the room as dark. It took a while but his gradually got used to the dim light. Merlin cried himself to sleep he hurt and cold with nothing to cover himself. Each day the men would come into the room and he would either be raped again or beaten or both. It was always the same two men. He learnt from listening to them outside the door that their names were Cendred and Valiant, whether that was their proper names or not he never knew.   
One day the beating was so bad that Cendred broke his right leg with the metal bars he was using. Cendred laughed as Merlin tried to move away from him kicking him in the ribs as he tried to move away.   
“Don’t kill him or the fun will over, anyway Morgause wants him to alive for now” Valiant snarled at Cendred. “I’ll get Edwin in to sort it”   
With that the two men left him on his own once. Merlin tried to make his self more comfortable by supporting his leg but it didn’t matter what he did the pain was too much and he passed out.  
Sometime later a different man came to him he said his name was Edwin and that he was a doctor but Merlin had his doubts. Edwin put his leg in some sort of splint to hold it in place as the leg was moved Merlin passed out once more.  
Later when he woke Merlin found he still couldn’t move as the splint didn’t hold the leg very well. It helped a bit with the pain but not much. The beating still continued but with fists and kicks rather than the metal bar. They even tried to rape him but as he passed out with the pain they stopped as it was no fun for them unless he reacted.


	5. Chapter 5

After several weeks Edwin removed the splint but Merlin’s leg was bent at a strange angle and he couldn’t put weight on it. Despite the continuing pain he never received anything to help with it. His life was becoming one lot of pain after another. Sometimes the beatings were so bad they split his skin badly. Edwin would stitch him up but again with no analgesia or local anaesthetic to dull the pain. He also learnt that if he kept still and silent when he was being raped it was over with quicker. If he was lucky he would be left alone for several days except for when his food and water was delivered.  
The only other person he saw was a woman called Morgause who seemed to be in charge. When she visited Merlin she would tell him that Arthur had found someone new and had forgotten about him, and how it was Arthur’s fault he was there. He tried hard not to listen to her telling him that Arthur would never stop looking. She also liked to use a knife to make shallow cuts into his back and chest which she then put vinegar on to increase the pain. Her eyes seemed too light up and if she got a real kick out of his pain  
As the weather got colder Cendred gave him a thin blanket to help keep him warmer at night saying he wouldn’t want him to die to soon. Merlin had started to get open sores on his hips and shoulders from lying on the concrete he tried to keep off them but it was hard. The concrete floor was cold and hard and he had nowhere else to lie down. On one of Morgause’s visits she pushed him into the wall when he refused to talk to her. As he fell as his leg gave way so he put his left hand out to try to save himself, as it hit the wall his wrist bent right back and he heard and felt it break.  
When he cried out she grabbed his wrist and started to move it and pulled it against the metal cuff. He passed out with the pain. Later when he woke he was in agony and looking at his wrist he saw it was badly swollen the metal cuff was digging into the flesh. He tried to keep his arm raised to help reduce the swelling but it was difficult as he kept drifting off with the pain. After a time the swelling reduced but is hand remained bent over and he couldn’t move it at all. This time Edwin didn’t visit and Merlin couldn’t move either his hand or wrist at all afterwards. The wrist remained painful and he tried to protect it as much as he could.  
He was giving up. He tried to keep positive thinking someone would find him but it was getting harder. He had only a vague idea of how long it had been since his kidnapping but it was difficult as the only light in the room was from around the door and when someone entered or left. He knew his captors names and as they never hid their faces he thought they didn’t intend to let him go so his only hope was that someone would find him. The food he was getting was not enough and appeared to be scraps from the others meals. He had decided right from the beginning that he would have to eat all he was given to keep his strength up as much as he could. Even the meat although he hadn’t eaten meat for years but he had no choice although he found it hard to start with but he was surprised at what he could force himself to eat. During the winter he drank all his water as soon as he got it or it froze sometimes then he couldn’t have anything. The weather had got warmer once more and sometimes it was so hot he didn’t know what to do. He realised then that he must have been in this hell hole for about a year.

There was a burst of activity following the second text message from the police, but then the activity scaled down once more. The case wasn’t closed but far fewer officers were involved as there were no new leads. Arthur continued to hope and tried to get as much publicity as he could for the case. He refused to believe that Merlin was dead. Hunith had gone back to Wales but the pair spoke every week and both Arthur and Morgana visited as often as they could.  
Morgana had got several of the national magazines to run articles on the case in the hope it would help spark a lead and everyone who was in the circle of friends sort every chance to keep the case in the public eye. There had been one casualty to the grief that surrounded the group. Will had been so upset that on Merlin’s birthday he went out and got drunk. On his way home he had stepped out in front of a car and was hit and died on the way to hospital. Gwaine had returned for the funeral and Arthur had paid for the funeral and headstone. Will had no family although Hunith had been like a mother to him and it hit her especially hard it was like she had lost both of her sons. Gwaine decided that for now he would stay with her. As the anniversary of Merlin’s disappearance approached Arthur became more depressed he had no idea what else he could do. He had a television interview on Crime Watch as they were running a special programme to try to get information. He didn’t want to talk about it but thought he had no choice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to jeanshard for helping for being my beta. Hope this now story now reads better

On the actual anniversary of Merlin’s disappearance, Arthur went to work as usual.  
Morgana had tried to get him to stay at home, but he couldn’t stand to. Lance and Leon kept popping into his office with cups of coffee and attempts at support. Arthur found himself grateful for their lingering; he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.  
Leon was in the room when Arthur’s phone bleeped to say a message had been received. Arthur knew it was from Merlin’s captors as he now had two phones so no messages or calls could be delayed when they tried to contact him about Merlin.   
Sure enough there was another massage.  
“As you don’t have visiting rights we have arranged for you to receive a parcel from your loved one. It will arrive today at 13.00hrs.”   
There was no photo this time.  
Leon called the police just before the parcel was due to arrive. When Oswain arrived and with him was a police sniffer dog, to ensure they weren’t being trapped by a bomb in the parcel. The wait was agonising, until the parcel arrived at one pm. The parcel had been delivered to their office and a false name and address had been provided by the sender. After the parcel was checked over it was opened by Oswain, using gloves so the packaging could be checked for finger prints. Wrapped in tissue inside the small box, was four teeth and a message saying that they were from Merlin. The sender had also mentioned that the blood on them could be checked to show the teeth actually did belong to Merlin, and were ‘fresh’ samples.  
Arthur was beside himself he had never felt so helpless.  
By the next day the teeth had been checked and found to be Merlin’s from the DNA in the blood. The search was once more upgraded to try to trace where they came from. As the blood was fresh it did at least prove that Merlin was still alive.   
Once more Arthur’s friends tried to support him the best they could. Gwaine agreed to stay with Hunith and not go back abroad, he had seen enough of the shady side of the east sex trade to last him a lifetime.  
Even though he had not found Merlin, his time had not been wasted as he had found 7 people from England and the USA and got them returned to their families during his year abroad. But, being Gwaine, he’d managed to make a bit of a show of himself and it was getting dangerous for him to continue. He vowed to return if there was any suspicion that Merlin was there at a later date.   
Over the next year Merlin became becoming weaker and weaker. He had always been thin, enough to worry his mother, but was now skin and bones. His open sores were getting larger and his badly healed fractures gave him a lot of pain. Several ribs had been broken at different times and his teeth had begun to fall out, as well four loose ones that Edwin had removed to send off a few days ago. Morbid mementos, the best he could give to the people who might worry about him.  
His left ear hurt all the time and puss was coming out of it. His eyes were locked shut each morning, and he was losing all motivation to open them.  
But he fought on as best he could. Still he wasn’t stupid; he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.   
Then, one morning Morgause visited again and took glee in telling him that his mother had been hit by a car. He hadn’t believed her, but she described it in such detail he was convinced it was to vivid to be a lie. Morgause told him that his mother had been stuck underneath the car, and it had taken hours to get her free. Merlin heard how she had suffered in hospital, and she he had died three days later.  
Once he heard that he decided to give up the constant pain, beatings, sexual abuse and loneliness.  
He stopped eating, far past a point of hunger now.   
He started to drift in and out of consciousness and was starting to hallucinate.  
He hadn’t dreamt of anything since he had come here, which was why was so confused when he heard a lot of shouting outside his door. The door was flung open, flooding the room with light. As usual, it took a while for the pain in his eyes to bleed away so he could make sense of the shapes at the door. He was far more used to darkness.  
He lay there, expecting another beating, but instead one of the men spoke softly to him asking his name.  
Merlin wondered what new game they were playing and tried to move away, crying in pain from his wrist and leg. The man stopped and again spoke to him, and Merlin could barely hear him it was so soft. Merlin thought he heard the man saying they had were going to free him but that couldn’t be true. He had been sleeping, dreaming, hoping, dead.  
Then he saw that a second man had something large and metal in his hands and he was coming closer. Merlin cowered expecting to be hit, but then he couldn’t believe his eyes the chains were being cut! He began to think that perhaps he had been found!

It was just under two years from the time Merlin had been kidnapped to when a policeman arrived at Arthur’s office asking to speak to him.  
Before seeing him, he asked Lance if there was someone in the building who was close to Arthur.   
Lance called for Leon expecting and preparing himself for the worse. Lance then rang through to Arthur’s office and told him that a police officer had come to speak to him.   
Arthur, like Lance, immediately started to fear the worse and by the time the detective was in front of Arthur, the blond man was pale and shaking.  
“Mr Pendragon my name is Detective Kay Brown” The police officer said kindly. “I have come to give you some good news concerning your husband, Merlin Pendragon. He has been found and at present is being taken to The John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford.”   
Arthur stared at the officer he recognised him from previous court cases, but it wasn’t until Leon reacted that the words sank in.  
“Found….is he a..alive?”  
“Yes he is in a critical condition. I’m afraid the hospital have him on the critical list but his is alive. We can take you there now if you would like to come with us”  
He then turned to speak to Leon  
“Are you a close friend Sir?”  
“Best friend and his brother in law” Leon said back protectively. “I can accompany Arthur there” Leon’s training in the courts kicked in and he found he was able to be calmer than Arthur.  
“I was about to suggest you did. Can you arrange for someone to follow us later with an overnight bag Mr Pendragon?”  
Arthur was too busy try to piece himself together to be of any use.   
“Off course I will ring Arthur’s sister. Does Merlin’s mother know? She lives in Wales” Leon asked, hoping she did as he didn’t want to tell her over the phone.  
“One of the local lads has been sent to tell her and take her to Oxford don’t worry”  
Arthur was still sat in a daze, but then all of a sudden the information sank in and he stood up “Can we go now?”  
“Of course. We have a car outside Sir”  
With that, Arthur left the room at a run. He couldn’t believe that he was going to see Merlin again after all this time, and he was afraid if he wasn’t quick enough it would be taken away from him.  
Leon and police officer followed.   
Leon shouted at Lance to cancel his appointments for the rest of the day and not to tell anyone anything until he heard from him, with that he disappeared from sight.  
As soon as they were in the car they set off through the city traffic. The detective sat in the front by the driver and he turned round and said to the two men.   
“I understand that Mr Pendragon is a dangerous position but not much more. The doctors will give you a full update when you arrive” He looked uncomfortable. It has been made clear to me, however, that he has lost a considerable amount of weight and is physically impaired”  
“He’s a fighter” Arthur whispered, more to himself than anything else. “He will pull though. He’s got to” Arthur looked desperate.  
Leon was on the phone to Morgana explaining what had happened Arthur heard her screech in joy. Leon also told her that Merlin’s condition was critical and the Hunith had been informed. Leon had to force Morgana not to tell anyone else yet, because the police wanted only necessary people to know as yet. Leon then asked her to collect an overnight bag for Arthur. He asked her not to drive herself but to either get someone else to or get a taxi.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a raid by a joint operation by the Metropolitan and Oxfordshire drug squad on a large farmhouse that had finally freed Merlin. They had received intelligence that the buildings were being used as storage for drugs and guns so a raid was planned.   
When the armed police arrived two men were seen running off and they were caught and recognised by some of the policemen as Valiant and Cendred. The pair were well known henchmen within the criminal community with bad reputations, although the police had never been able to arrest them for anything. 

The farmhouse was searched; a couple of guns and a stash of drugs was found and removed. Then a start was made on the out buildings, and it was in one of these that Merlin had been kept. The Police found a door locked so used a rammer to burst the door open. To their complete surprise instead of guns they found a half dead, naked young man curled up on the floor and chained to the walls by chains with metal cuffs round his wrists. 

The room was barely eight foot square and was cold and damp. Merlin’s appearance shocked even the hardened police officers present. 

It took the police some time to free a terrified Merlin. It was obvious that at first Merlin had thought he was being attacked as he cowered even further into himself, refusing to speak. But after one of the officers cut the chains Merlin seemed to understand. He managed to tell his rescuers that his name was Merlin before passing out in fear and exhaustion. The police couldn’t locate the keys to the metal shackles around Merlin’s wrists, so decided to leave them in place and get his to the hospital as soon as they could.   
An ambulance had accompanied the raid as the police had expected to find armed men at the farmhouse. One of the constables had gone to ask them to attend once he had seen the naked man. As soon as they entered the room the ambulance crew started to work on Merlin to get him ready to transport, the first task was to get an IV line in and start the fluids he so desperately needed and they lifted him carefully onto the trolley with a policeman helping to support his leg.   
The ambulance crew were reluctant to give the young man much in the way of pain relief as he so obviously malnourished and in going into shock. As soon as they could they loaded him in the ambulance and blue lighted him with a police escort to The John Radcliffe Hospital 20 miles away in Oxford. The paramedic radioed ahead, to warn the A&E staff of the condition of their pickup.

On arrival at A&E Merlin was taken straight to the critical care area for full assessment, a full team of medical staff were awaiting his arrival. Merlin had only been there for 10 minutes when his heart stopped beating. The stress and lack of fluids and nutrients had weakened his body beyond its tolerances. A full Crash Call was put out and resuscitation commenced.


	8. Chapter 8

They managed to get Merlin’s heart beating once more before continuing with the rest of his care. Due to his previous panicked state and general condition the decision was made to ventilate him so he could be safely sedated. Now he was in a safe environment analgesia was started along with drugs to support his cardiac output.   
They cut though the metal shackles to remove them and he was cleaned and his wounds dressed before having x-rays, a CT scans and numerous blood tests. A full set of photographs of all the injuries were taken both for the medical notes and the police records for any future court case. A naso gastric tube was also passed so he could receive appropriate feed and a catheter was also decided upon.   
After all this was done he was transferred to the intensive care unit, where Merlin was hocked up to a plethora of machines to closely monitor his condition. He was not expected to survive but if he didn’t it would be for lack of trying. Due to a high risk of infection and the possibility of cross infection to other patients he was put in a side room. Two policemen had arrived and would be ensuring that Merlin was safe, he was after all their only witness.   
As soon as the police car arrived at the hospital Arthur ran into the A&E Department followed by Leon and Kay while the driver found somewhere to park.  
Arthur approach the reception and without further preamble demanded “Where I can find Mr Merlin Pendragon”   
“Are you a relative of Mr Pendragon?” the receptionist asked without looking up as she typed Merlin’s name onto her computer. The department was very busy and the waiting room was full.

“I’m his husband. Now where is he” Arthur was beginning to lose it. 

At this the detective pushed forward and flashed his warrant card under the receptionist’s nose.

“We have just driven from London on a blue light and I would appreciate it if you could tell us where Mr Pendragon can be found.”

The receptionist looked up and seeing Arthur’s obvious distress she changed her tone. Suddenly realising who the irate man had asked for, she immediately realised the reason for his behaviour. Looking at Arthur she gave a reassuring smile.

“He has been taken to the intensive care department, go through those doors take a left turn 25 yards to the lifts or stairs to the second floor and it is then sign posted. Ring on the bell and someone will let you in”  
As soon as they had left the receptionist picked up the phone and rang though to ITU to tell them that Arthur was on his way. The three men followed the directions and on finding the Intensive care unit rang the bell for entry. After a few moments the door was opened by one of the nurses.  
“I’m Arthur Pendragon I understand that my husband has been brought here”  
“He’s just being settled in Sir. If you follow me I will get a doctor to come and have a word before you go through to see him” She pointed at a small room to one side. It was a small reception room with comfortable chairs and a coffee table.  
“My name is Claire would you all like a tea or coffee after your journey?” the nurse asked.  
Leon turned and asked for 2 strong coffees for Arthur and himself and Kay asked for a tea.   
“I will tell the doctor you are here and then bring you your drinks”

Leon looked at Arthur expecting him to be impatient to get to Merlin’s bedside, but was surprised to see his friend sat down with his head in his hands. Now he had arrived the adrenaline, that had been holding him together, had faded and he no longer knew what to do or think.  
“You ok Arthur?” Leon asked as he place a comforting hand on Arthur’s shoulder  
Arthur looked up at his friend “I’m scared Leon what if he dies” the blond man was obviously scared as to what he would find.  
“I can’t carry on without him” his voice broke under the strain   
“He’s in the best place now Arthur you just have to have faith. You know how stubborn and determined Merlin is he’s held on this long, and they will do all they can for him” Leon sat down on the seat next to Arthur and out his arm and put his arm round his friends shoulder. 

With that a doctor entered the room. She was obviously looking for them and had an air of importance about her.   
“Hello my name is Nimueh O’Connor I am one of the Consultants looking after Mr Merlin Pendragon. Which one of you is Mr Arthur Pendragon?” The doctor appeared to be slightly uncomfortable, but Leon figured that it couldn’t be easy giving relatives unpleasant news.   
Arthur looked up and standing held out his hand “I’m Merlin’s husband this is my brother in law Leon and this is Kay Brown one of the detectives investigating my husband’s case”  
“Hello Mr Pendragon, before you see your husband I need to discuss his condition, do you wish both of these gentlemen to remain?”  
“Yes please. Do you know if Merlin’s mother has arrived yet?”  
“Not to my knowledge don’t worry I will speak to her once she arrives.” With that she turned and closed the door before taking a seat opposite Arthur.   
She waved in the direction of the other chairs indicating that the others should sit. She then took a deep breath before continuing.   
“There is no easy way to tell you this but I’m afraid to say Merlin’s condition is critical. Just after he arrived in our A&E his heart stopped beating and we had to resuscitate him.” She paused before continuing  
“He is extremely malnourished bordering on starvation his body weight is very low is less than two thirds of what he should be even taking into account, as we understand, that he was of slight build before his kidnap. This effects what we are able to safely do for him.”  
Arthur and Leon both gasped they hadn’t realised Merlin had lost so much weight. The doctor continued  
“Unfortunately he has several other injuries that we will be unable to treat until we can build up his reserves so our first priority will be to optimise his nutrition and stabilise his vital signs. He has been started on the appropriate drugs to maintain his cardiac output and help with the pain he has been experiencing. Intra venous fluids are being given to that contain trace elements and a blood transfusion has been started as the patient is very anaemic.”  
She paused once more to allow the men to take in what she was saying  
“The decision was made to ventilate him so we could better manage his care. When we did that we also put a tube down his nose into his stomach so we can feed him via a naso gastric route with a high protein feed.” The doctor paused and looked at Arthur before continuing.  
Arthur just looked at her hoping she would have something good to tell him.  
“His nutritional state is such that he has lost several teeth and many more are loose he has advanced gingivitis. He high susceptible to further infection, he has infected several pressure sores over his bony prominences, probably due to lying on damp concrete floors. His wrists also have significant skin loss from the shackles he was wearing. Both his eyes have infections and his left ear has become so highly infected that it is highly unlikely that he will have any hearing in that hear in future. He also has a urine infection that is compromising his kidney function” again she paused looking at Kay who was taking notes.  
Arthur couldn’t take in all he was being told, Leon was trying to remember it all but couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  
“Merlin has suffered from beatings over a long period of time that appears to have been inflicted with a bar of some kind and well as multiple bruises that suggest he has been kicked with significant force. This has resulted in some skin trauma, that appears to have been very crudely stitched in places and some of these have broken down. Merlin has also suffered from several broken bones that are at various stages of healing” she paused as if making sure she was remembering everything.

“This includes several ribs some of which have mended, a broken left leg which appears to have been set wrongly and his left wrist that was never treated and has set at a ninety degree angle bent down towards his inner wrist” she stopped once more and looked with sympathy at Arthur

“I’m afraid he has also suffered from prolonged sexual abuse. So you must appreciate that although we will do everything we can his chances of survival are low at this stage.” 

Whilst he listened Arthur became more and more withdrawn and Leon listened with increasing horror.  
“I’m sorry I know it seems cruel but it is best that you know everything at this stage. We have put him on high doses of antibiotics and will rehydrate and feed him. If he survives and begins to gain weight we can then look at the skin loss and broken bones. We are also unable to tell you what psychological damage has been caused at this stage, except to say he was in a highly agitated state when rescued and on arrival at A&E. He will be given appropriate psychological support as needed. I understand he has been kept in captivity for nearly two years so this is understandable” the doctor looked at Arthur and could see he hadn’t been able to process all she had said.  
“We are here to support you so don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as you like. Someone will always talk to you, or if you wish to speak to me we can arrange it for you” she sat in silence for a few minutes before talking to Arthur once more.   
“Now I suggest you come and see your husband. We do require that visitors are kept to a minimum at present due to Merlin’s low resistance but at the same time since he has been away from you for so long. His closest friends can have one short visit each and close family have open visits but not if they have any infections”  
Arthur looked at her and finding his voice asked “What are his chances”  
Nimueh looked at Arthur with sympathy  
“Well as I said he is critical, if he survives the next couple of weeks then his chances will improve but if I’m totally honest with you at the moment his chances are in the region of about 10%. But as I said we will do everything we can”


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur got up from the chair but was hardly able to stand. Leon held his elbow followed the doctor into see Merlin. Kay remained behind he would need to speak to the doctor again but at the moment the family members came first.  
He couldn’t remember a case of such abuse and the details had shocked him. It made him even more determined to bring the people involved to justice. He felt sick after what he had heard and felt a great deal of sympathy for the family. He needed to arrange some sort of protection as Merlin was the only witness and they had no idea how many other perpetrators were still at large. If Merlin were too die, and that looked likely, they would have a murder enquiry on their hands. He wasn’t looking forward to looking at the photos later.  
Arthur was trying hard not to break down; he couldn’t comprehend how much Merlin must have been through to end up in such a state. Leon was also devastated, Arthur’s husband had become a very good friend of both himself and Morgana, and he wasn’t looking forward to telling her Merlin’s condition.   
He also knew Gwaine would be devastated, he was very protective of the man he considered a younger brother and had been the most affected of the young man’s friends when Merlin had been kidnapped.   
As they entered the lobby leading to the side ward they were asked to use the alcohol spray and put on gloves and gowns to reduce infection risk. Leon noticed Arthur taking a deep breath as if to prepare himself for what he was about to see.   
They went though the inner door and their eyes were immediately drawn to the small figure on the bed surrounded but tubes and machines. The form in the bed was so slight that there was hardly a bump where Merlin was lying. The nurse stepped back for the bedside as the two men entered.   
Then Arthur saw Merlin’s face. He gasped in shock. It was like a bare skull with a tube into the mouth and another up the left nostril. He couldn’t believe that it was Merlin. Tears started to fall and he shook as he put out his hand to touch his husband’s cheek. He bent forward and put a kiss on the sick mans forehead.  
“Oh my love I’m so sorry, this is my fault, please be strong, I can’t live without you”   
Two years of worry and stress caught up with him and Arthur broke down sobbing. He was shaking uncontrollably. The nurse pushed a chair up and Arthur sat down like he was pole axed. He took hold of Merlin’s right hand as gently as he could; it was all skin and bone and there were heavy bandages around the wrist.   
He just sat there and stared into Merlin’s face as if he could hardly believe it was Merlin in the bed. He was glad to see his husbands once more. But at the same time he was horrified at his condition, it was worse than he than he could have ever imagined, in his worst nightmares.  
Leon stood back not knowing what to do or say, he slowly moved forward and put both his hands on Arthur’s shoulders as if to hold him steady. Merlin’s appearance shocked him more than he would admit; it was hard to believe that someone could do this to another human being.


	10. Chapter 10

They sat in silence, the only noise that could be heard over the beeps of the various machines was Arthur’s sobbing.   
The nurse gave Leon a chair and the couple sat in silence as the nurse continued to take reading and look after the figure in the bed. Several doctors came and went looking at the charts. After about an hour another nurse entered to tell them that Morgana had arrived. Arthur didn’t react. Leon turned and left the room not realising that he had tears running down his face.  
As he went to the waiting room he heard voices he wanted to turn and go back the way he had come but knew this had to be faced. As he entered he saw Morgana talking to a nurse. Leon hugged her and thanked her for coming she hugged him back crying on his shoulder.  
“Oh my god he looks like the living dead…………….it’s bad real bad Gana”   
Leon sat down and explained to Morgana what the doctor had told them.   
Hunith arrived with another policeman, and Leon went to find the doctor so she could talk to her. Morgana offered to go in with Hunith when the doctor spoke to her. They were taken into a separate room to speak. Afterwards they both went in to see Merlin leaving Leon sitting with Kay. Morgana was only allowed to stay for a few minutes and soon arrived back in the waiting room. She was shaking and white as a sheet. Leon put his arms around her and the sat in silence. A nurse followed a few minutes later with more tea and sat with them offering her silent support. The whole of the ITU staff were shocked by what they had seen.  
Doctor O’Conner came back and went off with Kay who returned a bit later and told Leon that Merlin would be provided with police protection until all the kidnapers had been arrested. He also said that close family and friends could be told Merlin had been found but that they all needed to be careful not to spread the news as yet.   
The doctor had privately made it clear to Kay that she didn’t expect Merlin to last the night so it might be wise to let his friends come, so they could say their goodbyes. The press had yet to be informed and they wanted to keep it under wraps for awhile to give them chance to apprehend others involved. He also said that victim support would be in contact to help support family and friends. Kay then went back to London to make his report.  
Leon rang Gwaine and told him of Merlin’s rescue as he knew Arthur would want him to know first. He told him what the police wanted and they decided between them who to tell as Arthur was obviously in no state to make any decisions. Leon didn’t give the full details of Merlin’s condition over the phone wanting to tell him to his face. He did however tell Merlin’s best friend that he was is a critical condition.  
Gwaine had been with Lance when Leon phoned and he immediately contacted the others to arrange to go to Oxford. Gwaine had been terrified since speaking to Leon knowing that he wasn’t being told the whole truth. He was so bad that Percy had insisted on driving not trusting Gwaine to keep anywhere near the speed limits.  
Within a couple of hours Gwaine, Gwen, Lance, Eylan and Percy arrived at Oxford. They met up with Leon and Morgana in the waiting room. They were surprised to see Morgana and Leon with tears running down their faces. None of them had ever seen Leon cry before.  
Gwaine looked petrified at what he was seeing; he knew Leon had not been telling him the full truth on the phone.  
Leon looked at Gwaine and couldn’t stop himself saying  
“I’m so sorry Gwaine…………….it’s bad real bad”  
Then Leon sat down and explained what the doctor had told them, His voice kept breaking as he spoke.   
“Arthur and Hunith are with him now”   
They all sat with only the sound of Morgana and Gwen’s crying breaking the silence.  
Gwaine was as white as a sheet he paced up and down refusing to sit. After awhile he looked at Leon   
“When can we see him?”  
“I don’t know perhaps later. They know you’re all here so we will just have to wait”   
Five minutes later the same nurse as before come in with a tray of drinks.  
“I will ask someone to come and speak to you about visiting, Sister should be free soon. Mr Pendragon knows you’re here”   
After another half an hour Arthur and Hunith came into the room holding on to each other like it was the only thing keeping them upright. Arthur made Hunith sit in the only empty seat and Gwaine put his arm around her.   
The Sister followed them into the room. Speaking to the new arrivals she said  
“If you want to go in two at a time for 10 minutes each. The Doctor says it’s ok this time but after that it’s just Merlin’s husband and mother who will be allowed visit until Merlin is at less risk of infection”  
This was too much for Gwaine  
“No way! he’s my brother in all but name and your telling me I can’t visit” Gwaine was clenching his fists’


	11. Chapter 11

The Sister looked at Gwaine and managed to speak calmly and quietly.

“The doctors may allow one other person if you are that that close, do you want me to enquire Mr Pendragon? They won’t allow anybody else though”

“You bet he wants” Gwaine muttered, Hunith looked at him 

“Keep calm Gwaine, that’s not doing anyone one any good” she tutted.

Arthur knew how close Gwaine was to Merlin and knew he would force his way in if anyone tried to prevent him seeing Merlin. They had known each other since Merlin was eight years old nearly as long as Will. 

“Please if you would. Gwaine is the nearest thing Merlin has to a brother”   
Arthur looked at the others   
“Sorry, but why don’t you visit now and then we can go back in.” With that he sat down as Morgana stood up.  
Gwaine went in first with Percy and came back after 10 minutes. They were quickly followed by Gwen and Lance, after that Eylan went in. Once they had all visited Hunith and Arthur went back to Merlin’s bedside. Both had aged in the short time they had been in the hospital. Hunith may be appearing to holding it together better than Arthur but you only had to look into her eyes to see the strain she was under. Merlin was all she had and she couldn’t bare the thought of losing him.   
No one knew what to say, they had all been shocked to the core and just sat there. It was just too much too take in. Each been so please when they heard Merlin had been found, thinking they could get back to normal. But now no one really thought he would make it, each sickened by that thought, and didn’t want to be the first one to say anything. 

They sat in silence until Leon decided that they should make an effort to move.  
“There is a hotel just down the road and perhaps we should all try to get some rest.” 

“It’s alright” Gwaine declined. “I’ll stay here and look after Hunith and Arthurs bags”

Recognising that he needed to be alone the others reluctantly went off saying they would be back in the morning before heading for home. As they weren’t allowed to visit there it seemed no point in them all staying in Oxford, they could take it in turns to come back and give their support if it was wanted. Then when Merlin was fitter and they could all visit they could come back and stay. No one mentioned the possibility they wouldn’t see Merlin alive again. No one could stand it.  
Gwaine sat there for a couple of hours before Hunith came back out. He had been given some sandwiches by one of the nurses but they lay untouched on the table in front of him. He hadn’t expected Merlin to look as bad as he did, even his trips to the brothels and the sex slaves held there hadn’t prepared him for what he had seen. He knew that Merlin’s face would haunt his dreams.

About an hour later Hunith came back into the room and looked at the man who was as good as a son to her.  
“Arthur won’t leave his side. The sister said they had a twin room downstairs, we can use if we don’t mind sharing. That way we will be close if they need to call us”  
“I’ll just pop in and say goodnight to them both” Gwaine replied. He was unwilling to leave without seeing Merlin once more. He truly thought it unlikely that anyone that ill could still be alive. Hunith just nodded and sat down.   
Gwaine wasn’t long and when he got back just picked up the bags and with Hunith followed a porter down to their room for the night. Gwaine had never seen Hunith looking so old and tired although he was sure he didn’t look much better. When they got to the room Gwaine made them both a drink, which they both forced down.  
Neither of them got much sleep that night and by 9am the next morning they were sitting in the canteen pushing breakfast around their plates when the rest of the group arrived to find them.   
By 10 they were all back in the small waiting room. Hunith and Gwaine went in to see Merlin and Arthur came out looking tired, crumpled and broken. He didn’t speak before Morgana took him down to the room Hunith and Gwaine had used the night before, she made him shower and change. He insisted he didn’t need to sleep as insisted he had dozed in the chair by Merlin overnight. She then took him to the canteen to get a drink and some breakfast that she made him eat. Even then, it was only by arguing Merlin needed Arthur to be strong right now.

They were both surprised to see Uther when they got back to the Intensive care waiting room.  
Uther stood up as they entered and walked forward and gave his son a hug. Something Arthur hadn’t expected and could not remember having from his father since he was a small child.   
“I’m sorry son, they have just filled me in. Once he is stable we will get him transferred to London it will make it easier for you. I have spoken to the doctors and said if there is any other specialists that can help anywhere in the world I will get them here”   
Arthur looked at his father but didn’t trust himself to comment. He couldn’t help but notice that his father still couldn’t say Merlin’s name. Arthur had only heard from his father a couple of times in the two years that Merlin was missing and not at all for 2 years prior to that. They had argued when Arthur wouldn’t stop his relationship with Merlin. Uther just couldn’t accept his son was gay.  
The blonde nodded to his father he couldn’t find it in himself to care what was going through his father’s mind. Uther them spoiled his previous remarks and said;

“I don’t pretend I will ever understand or approve of your relationship but I wouldn’t wish this on anyone”

Arthur turned away in disgust not trusting himself to comment. Morgana moved towards her father and said in a low voice:  
“Just shut up Uther this isn’t the time or place for your bigotry. Just leave them alone!” 

Leon pulled her away. Enough was going on in the hospital without a shouting match between Uther and Morgana.

“I will keep you informed Uther but I think perhaps you should leave Arthur for now” Uther looked at Leon before glancing at his son and daughter.  
“As you wish” with that he turned at left.  
Leon let out his breath that he hadn’t even realised he was holding. He was just pleased that Gwaine was in with Merlin or he would have had to stop the volatile young man hitting Uther. That would have only made matters worse; particularly if the press ever got hold of it. Hitting a member of Her Majesty’s Government, even if they deserved it, would have attracted media interest.   
Leon wondered how Uther had heard of Merlin’s release and admission to the hospital. But suspected it was via the police commissioner. He was surprised Uther had bothered to come but he supposed in his own way he must love his children, even if he did had a funny way of showing it. 

“I need to get back to him, thank you for coming all of you” Arthur’s words broke the silence.  
Morgana looked at her brother   
“We’re going back to London but can one of you ring us once a day at least. If you just speak to one of us we can let the rest know.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “Give Merlin a kiss from me” with that her voice started to crack and she turned to Leon and he hugged her into his side.  
“I will do. I understand that there will be two policemen here all the time until they catch whoever else was involved but they will be by the outside door and not in the room so don’t worry if you come and see them there. Thank you again” with that he turned and went back to Merlin’s side.

It was a quiet journey back to London, no one broke the silence, what could they say?  
The next day they all went back to work.  
By then the story had been picked up by the press. Thankfully the full details of Merlin’s injuries were not released. The official line being only that he was critically ill in hospital.

At both of the office blocks an air of sadness descended. Merlin was a very popular person and no one could believe what had happened to him. Leon and the other Q.C.s at the Pendragon Office found themselves thinking of their own families safety, in light of what had happened. But after much discussion decided that this was unlikely to happen again, who ever had organised Merlin’s kidnap and treatment was clearly mentally ill, and wouldn’t succeed again.

However, Leon made sure that he picked Morgana up from her office every day, and some of the other Q.C s took similar precautions. The whole episode had unsettled many of the capitals legal staff, even those at different offices.  
The press didn’t help as once the story broke as they printed as many details as they could get hold of. They even got hold of some photos of Merlin and of the room he had been found in although no one knew how they had got them. Lance was offered a large sum of money to sell what he knew which he strongly declined. One paper even approached Gwaine at the hospital canteen. The reporter involved received a broken nose for his troubles, it would have been worse but the police had just swopped in and pulled Gwaine off the reporter. No charges were pressed and the reporter left with his tail between his legs.

Arthur and Hunith were asked to do an appeal for information to be broadcast on the news. But both declined instead Arthur provided a statement to be read out.


	12. Chapter 12

Merlin’s life remained in the balance for sometime giving everyone cause of concern, but as time went on they all gradually began to let themselves hope. Slowly he began to improve as the antibiotics and the feeding regime continued. He took a turn for the worse again in the 2nd week when he went into full renal failure but this was spotted early and treated with dialysis. He also developed Pneumonia, the doctors explained that although this was regrettable it had been expected due to his condition and more antibiotics were prescribed.

It was 6 weeks before he was considered well enough to transfer to London, and still even then his condition was serious. For the whole six weeks Merlin always had one his family by his side. He was to be transferred back to London still ventilated and sedated. The plan was once he had been safely transferred the sedation would be gradually reduced so he would start breathing for himself and once he was more aware to take him of the ventilator. It was explained that his might be quite a long process.

Arthur continued to blame himself. The staff had tried to get him to see a Clinical Psychologist to help him talk though things but he refused. Hunith seemed to be holding up better but she knew that Merlin would need Arthur once he was awake and tried to get him to accept help. She hoped he would change his mind once they were back in London.

Gwaine did agree to speak to someone he was having a great deal of trouble sleeping and had started to have nightmares. He had several sessions and found it had helped. He was now better able to cope. He had started to go out for a run every day and found that also helped with his sleeping.

Arthur spoke at length on several occasions with the doctors and nurses and had been told that even once Merlin was off the ventilator, his badly fused fractures would have to wait for several months before they could be broken and reset. He would also need some skin grafts at a later stage to heal some of the wounds and sores. There was also talk of some plastic surgery to sort out some of the scaring from the badly stitched areas. So he realised it was going to take a long time to get Merlin home. 

What worried Arthur the most was how Merlin would cope mentally with what he had been put though, and that was a totally unknown quantity and would remain so until Merlin was awake once more. But Arthur and the others could at least take comfort that he was off of the critical list, even if still seriously ill. 

The day of transfer had arrived and Merlin was loaded into the ambulance. Much as Arthur wanted travel in the ambulance himself he knew he couldn’t, a nurse and doctor needed to travel with him and there just wasn’t room. So he contented himself with kissing Merlin’s forehead before the ambulance door shut. 

Hunith stood by and watched with a slight smile on her face. She was pleased that her son had managed to find such a caring partner. If only she could convince him that this whole thing had not been his fault and to accept some help, she hoped Morgana would help him see sense once they were back in London. 

They watched the ambulance pull away with its police escort before getting in Arthurs car and following behind. Gwaine was already sitting in the back seat having decided to keep out of the way when Merlin was being put inside the ambulance.   
Gwaine was worried what would happen when they woke Merlin up. He had obviously suffered badly in the nearly two years he had been a captive. How would that have affected him? Gwaine might appear to be superficial but that was a mistake, he might have a care free life style but he was a very caring man and fiercely protective of those he loved and Merlin was the nearest thing he had to a family. He would do anything for him and wished he could take some of the pain for his Merlin. 

Gwaine had seen firsthand how the people in the sex slave trade had been affected once they were freed and it made him fear for his best friend. He would make sure he was there for him come what may. He knew that Merlin’s recovery was going to be long and hard fight. Gwaine would never leave Merlin alone. 

The three of them chatted on the journey but all of their thoughts were focused on the ambulance a few cars ahead of them. As they turned into London the traffic got heavier and they were soon separated from the ambulance and its police escort. But Arthur knew the way to Guys Hospital where Merlin had a bed. 

Once there he pulled into the first parking space he could find and they quickly made their way up to the Intensive Care Unit. Guys was close to both his work and penthouse so would be ideal, as well as offering all the departments that Merlin needed for his recovery having close links to St Thomas’s should Merlin need psychiatric input at a later stage. 

They soon found themselves outside ITU and pressed the bell to be let in. Merlin had already been settled into his bed in one of the side wards as the ambulance had made better progress through the traffic than they had. They went though the visiting times to find that all their friends could now visit, provided they spread themselves out and didn’t all come on the same day. They would also need to check that no treatments where due before setting out although Arthur, Hunith and Gwaine had more leeway. 

Arthur left a list of visitors for the police as only those on the list or accompanied by Arthur or Hunith would be allowed into the room. They were given a code word to give to the approved visitors. Security was still high in the circumstances. The police were hoping to get a statement as soon as Merlin was well enough. 

Only then could they find out who else was involved. So far Cendred and Valiant were refusing to say anything, although their fingerprints were found on the bowls and door handles in the room Merlin had been found in. 

Arthur would be going home at nights now. Although he was reluctant, but the Nurses promised they would call if Merlin’s condition changed during the night. Hunith would stay in the penthouse with Arthur rather than return to Wales. Once Merlin was awake she would go back for a short visit to check on her house and affairs. 

A couple of days after they had arrived back in London the sedation was decreased. Two days later Merlin opened his eyes for the first time and looked up into Arthur’s face, he looked puzzled but slowly began to take note of his surroundings. Arthur kept talking to him explaining where he was and that he was safe. Merlin tried to cough out the ventilation tube but soon settled once he got used to it. He was very tired and only stayed awake for short periods, but it was progress. He still couldn’t talk due to the ventilation tube but they used a picture board to communicate. 

Merlin got agitated at times, but as long as one of them was with him he soon settled. He got used to the nurses and the Sisters ensure that now he was aware he only had female staff looking after him, due the sexual abuse he had suffered. 

Arthur felt a bit better now he could look into Merlin’s eyes. Those large cerulean eyes were what had first attracted him to his husband, they were still duller than normal but Arthur assumed that was because of all the painkillers he was on. The infection in them had cleared up and no lasting damage had been caused by it, as far as they could tell.

Morgana and Gwen were the first of his friends to see him awake, and they both cried. This confused Merlin and Hunith had to calm him down. The girls felt guilty and warned the others to avoid upsetting Merlin. The nurses had to be very careful, when changing his position, not to touch his back without warming him, as this made him very anxious.   
The first time they had done so after he was awake he had a major panic attack, thinking he was going to be raped again. He was so anxious that when he had his back washed they gave him a mild sedative to help him get through it. They also soon remembered his left sided deafness. It helped that them remember as all of this major injuries were down his left side.

His condition gradually improved until the day came when it was decided to take him of the ventilator completely. Arthur arranged to be there and although he had to stand back and keep out the way for a while, he got to Merlin’s side as soon as he could. Merlin tried to speak but his throat was sore and only a croak came out but he did manage a small smile for the first time and Arthurs heart sang. He hadn’t realised just how much he missed that smile he couldn’t wait to see Merlin’s full face light up once more in the way only his smile could make it.

It felt like a major mile stone had been achieved. 

Merlin became very agitated when he saw Hunith for the first time and explained to them that he had been told by his captors that she was dead. This caused Hunith a great deal of distress. Merlin was so pleased to see her alive he cried and needed a sedative to settle and didn’t want her to go out of his sight.

Arthur had started to go into work once more in the mornings. He had been encouraged to do so by the hospital. He accepted that he needed to try to get some normality back in his life. It had been difficult at first as he had to deal with all the enquiries from the staff. They were obviously concerned. But after a couple of days he started to get back into the swing of things. 

Lance was very good at deflecting people and with Leon made sure Arthur was supported. Lance also made sure Arthur ate some lunch before setting out for the hospital in the afternoon. It was obvious from the fit of Arthur’s suits that he had lost quite a bit of weight. Lance also realised that his boss wasn’t sleeping well as the blond had bags under his eyes. There wasn’t much Lance could do about that but he hoped that as Merlin improved Arthur would begin to settle.

Merlin still needed the feeding tube and the intravenous fluids but at least he was less attached to machines now. When he had arrived at Guys the doctors decided, that as Merlin would need the extra feed long term, the tube could be replaced by one that entered directly through his abdomen so his face was now free of all the tubing.

Merlin still needed oxygen sometimes, particularly at night but Arthur could at least give Merlin a kiss. The doctors explained that his severe weight loss had resulted in muscle wastage in his chest; this in turn made it difficult for Merlin to breathe deeply. This would improve in time but he might continue to need oxygen on occasion. A full assessment would be undertaken once he had started to gain weight once more.

Then the thing that Arthur had been dreading happened. Merlin asked why Will hadn’t been to see him. Arthur had already asked the doctors if he should tell Merlin the bad news and they had told him that it would be best to tell the truth if Merlin asked. Although they felt it might be best not to mention that his friend had died on Merlin’s birthday if it could be avoided. 

Arthur looked at Merlin, squared his shoulders and told him as gently as he could. Merlin was devastated and turned his head away from Arthur and refused to talk for the rest of the day. He also refused all visitors and told Arthur to leave. Arthur felt like he had been kicked in the gut.  
But by the next day Merlin was talking once more and although he was obviously still upset he didn’t mention Will again.  
The Police contacted Arthur at his office, out of curtsey, to inform him that the Consultants felt Merlin was well enough for them to interview him for the first time that afternoon. It would be a brief interview to try to get Merlin to identify those involved so arrest warrants could taken out.

Arthur was very apprehensive as to the effect this would have on Merlin’s mental state but understood legally it needed to be done to progress further.

He told Lance that he would be finishing by twelve, so he could be there. He couldn’t be at the interview but wanted to be able to help Merlin afterwards. 

The police knew the farmhouse belonged to Morgause Ailed, the wife of the man the courts had imprisoned just before Merlin’s disappearance, but couldn’t find evidence to link her to the kidnap that would hold up in court. They also suspected Edwin, he was a known associate of Morgause, who had some medical knowledge and they were hoping at the very least to be able to confirm these two names.

Oswain and Kay arrived just before Arthur and assured him that they would take the utmost care with the interview. The Clinical Psychologist Aithusa Vaughan had arranged to see Merlin later that day, and Dr Kilgarrah the Consultant Psychiatrist who would be looking after Merlin, would be available if needed.

Merlin was only told just before the interview was to take place to help reduce the time he had to get agitated. The two police officers kept to their promise and kept their questioning to a minimum. Merlin was able to confirm that four people had been involved and gave the police their Christian names he had never heard their last names. He was also able to pick out all four from photographs. 

The whole process had only taken under an hour but to Arthur waiting in the rest room it seemed forever. He knew he was becoming ultra protective of Merlin, but knew he could be no other way until his husband had fully recovered. He rather suspected he would never stop trying to protect the young man, he hated letting Merlin out of his sight even for short periods. He felt the need to be in control at all times and found it difficult that others could help Merlin more than he could.

The worried man had also set up a ten man team of body guards for when police protection was withdrawn; this would allow twenty four hour protection by two men at all times. He had decided not to use any of the agencies but was setting up his own team so Merlin would always have the same people around him. He had interviewed them all personally, not willing to give any control to anyone else.

Once the police interview was completed the two detectives had a quick word with Arthur telling him arrest warrants could now be issued. Merlin would need to be interviewed again but for know they had all they needed. They promised to get back to him once the arrests were made.

Arthur then rushed to Merlin’s side and to his relief he found Merlin far better than he had expected. A nurse arrived to give her patient a mild sedative and he soon fell asleep. The process had exhausted him.

That night despite further sedatives being given Arthur had been called into the hospital in the early hours, Merlin had a major panic attack and even once he had been calmed down he wouldn’t settle until he had seen Arthur. The worried man had stayed at Merlin’s side until the morning when Hunith arrived to take his place.

The next few days saw a great improvement in Merlin and he was moved from the intensive care unit to High Dependency Unit next door. They had all been sad to leave the staff as they had developed friendships with several of them had a high regard for their abilities. 

Merlin still had a side room which was good as he found it difficult to cope with people he didn’t know so the change was difficult for him. He became worried when he had new nurse he didn’t know and had started to have nightmares more regularly. The Clinical Psychologist Aithusa continued to visit twice a week. Merlin refused to say much but seemed to like seeing her, so she persevered. 

Arthur continued working half days and visiting every afternoon and staying all evening. The return to some sort of routine was helping him and he was sleeping and eating better. Gwaine visited every day and the others spaced their visits so not to overwhelm him. Hunith had gone home for a short visit but planned to come back soon. 

Arthur had a surprise one day when he arrived to find Merlin sat out in a chair when he went into his room. It had been a big effort for Merlin even with two physio’s helping so he only stayed out for his lunch and waited until Arthur had seen him. As soon as Arthur had sat with him for a few minutes Merlin was helped back into bed but not before Arthur took a photo on his mobile to show the others.   
Merlin was now eating and drinking small amounts as well as having his feed supplement. His visitors would bring Merlin and the nurses all sorts of treats. Gwen was a favourite with her cakes. Arthur arranged for a small fridge to be delivered which was kept in Merlin’s room to keep all his little luxuries in. This saved his visitors going to the ward Kitchen when the young man wanted something.

Merlin’s weight was still giving cause for concern but he was gradually gaining weight, and he was being encouraged to eat little and often. The tube feed filled him so he had little appetite but did his best. They soon found he hated to eat anything that was of a sauce or gravy base like stews as it reminded him of the food he had been forced to eat during his period of captivity. The loss of quite a few teeth caused him some problems but until he gained more weight it had been decided not to fit dentures as his month would change shape and was still sore. 

He had days when his mood was low that he refused to eat anything. This had caused Arthur to get frustrated and one day he shouted at Merlin. When Merlin cowered away from him Arthur felt so guilty he didn’t know what to do. The nurses sent him off to have a break and when he came back one of Merlin’s regular nurses managed to convince Arthur to also see the Clinical Psychologist. After a few visits he agreed it was helping him and he continued to see Aithusa on a regular basis.

Merlin was also frustrated at only having his right hand and leg that worked and due to muscle wasting they were weak. Merlin also found the pain he was getting from his unhealed sores and badly fused bones depressing. He was also suffering with general bone pain. A bone scan was organised which led to a diagnosis of Osteoporosis due the period of starvation and having been kept indoors for so long, without sunlight his body has not been able to absorb vitamin D. Merlin was prescribed calcium supplements with extra vitamin D. Arthur felt the bad news was never going to come to an end.


	13. Chapter 13

Merlin was visited by the Dr Kilgarrah who started him on Prozac to help with his depression and the counselling sessions were to be continued. But even now if they touched on his treatment during his captivity he shut down and refused to talk.

Some good news was given to both Arthur and Merlin. Morgause was in custody in America and awaiting extradition. This wasn’t expected to be a problem. Edwin had also been arrested. Unfortunately none of the four were willing to talk and all claimed to be innocent. Bail had been refused for all four defendants. 

The police decided to remove the protection as all the perpetrators were now under arrest either in the UK or USA. Arthur however arranged for them to be replaced with private bodyguards. This caused some raised eyebrows in high dependency but the Sister went along with it as long as they didn’t affect the running of her ward. Luckily Arthur had his team of ten in place and ready to start immediately, two would be on duty at all times.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later when Arthur had left to take Hunith back to Wales that Merlin finally started to open up and told Gwaine some of what had happened to him. 

Gwaine was going to spend the day with Merlin as Arthur would be away all day. Merlin had become distressed when Gwaine had come into the room and touched Merlin while he had his eyes shut. He had been leaning on his good ear and hadn’t heard Gwaine’s approach. 

Gwaine felt really very guilty and apologised, and then Merlin started to tell Gwaine about some of the abuse he had suffered. Once the flood gates opened Merlin couldn’t stop and talked and talked. He said he couldn’t tell Arthur as he knew his husband felt guilty about what had happened. 

Gwaine managed to convince Merlin to make a statement to the police. The whole thing seemed to help Merlin although it did trigger a series of bad nightmares which happened every time Merlin fell asleep.

They knew there was more to come out and that they would probably never know all that had happened in the two years, but at least Merlin had started the process.

When Arthur returned Gwaine told him what had occurred. The story caused Arthur a great deal of distress but he was pleased that Merlin had finally begun to tell his story. At least he now knew some of it and would be able to give better support to Merlin. As Merlin’s statement would be used in the trial Arthur he was better knowing it, now although they decided not to let anyone else know for the moment. 

The information did allow the psychiatric team to do more work with him, as they now understood some of what had happened. Over the next few months more of the story slowly emerged. It shocked everyone, and the clinical physiology team set up a support group for the staff who looked after Merlin. 

What he told them helped to explain his hatred of needles; Edwin had stitched Merlin’s wounds without any pain control, thus causing a great deal of pain. So when he saw anyone approaching him with anything slightly resembling a needle it brought back memories for him. 

Gwaine was so angry at what he heard he wished once more he could be left in a room with the four kidnappers. He pictured in his mind all he would do with them. 

It was believed that Morgause had thought she was safe, thinking that Merlin would die without naming them. The police also suspected that Valiant and Cendred didn’t talk as they had worked for Mr Ailed for years and knew they would be well looked after once they had done their sentences and their families would be cared for if Morgause remained free. 

It turned out that Edwin had started training to be a Doctor in his younger years, but had been thrown out for misconduct. He still had a yearning to practice, and was used by the underworld look after injuries that needed to be kept away from public notice. He enjoyed having people under his power so had been ripe for the work that Morgause need him for. 

After three weeks in high dependency Merlin was transferred to a surgical ward. He was given a side room once more, and the move was planned for that weekend when it was normally less busy.

Arthur and Gwaine planned to be there for the move, as Merlin they knew he didn’t cope with changes well. However all did not go to plan. Due to a major road traffic accident Merlin needed to be moved out of high dependency during Friday night, instead of waiting for the morning. 

The Nurse in charge of the surgical ward overnight was not happy with the idea of the bodyguards and only reluctantly let them stay. First thing in the morning Boris, one of the bodyguards on duty, rang Arthur to let him know of the potential problem. 

Arthur decided to go to the ward early to sort things out with the ward sister. Gwaine went as well; he had stayed the night in the penthouse so was there when the call came though. 

They got to the ward at nine o’clock and were shown into the office. No sooner had they started to discuss the bodyguards when a scream was heard, and a nurse knocked on the door asking for the Sister saying that help was needed, it was Merlin.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and Kudos they make my day.

The Sister stood up and followed the nurse, but Arthur and Gwaine were quicker and ran in the direction of the screaming. Reaching the bedside they were greeted by Merlin being held down by a male nurse who was trying to hold him in bed whilst a female nurse was trying to calm the screaming young man. The two body guards stood undecided about what they should be doing.

Arthur and Gwaine pushed through, Gwaine made the male nurse move and took his place gently holding his friend, and Arthur pushed the other nurse to one side and knelt by the bed and started to talk to Merlin.

“Hush love hush it’s me Arthur. Look at me and calm down, no one’s going to hurt you, hushhhhh, Gwaine is here as well he’s holding you, my love” 

Gwaine slowly released his hold allowing Arthur to sit Merlin up. He held him in his arms gently running his hand threw Merlin’s hair, it took several minutes for Merlin to start to settle down. Even then sobs shock his body.

“What the fuck happened?” Gwaine looked round glaring at everyone.

“Please Sir, there is no need to use that language let me handle this!” the Sister glared at Gwaine. But that was water of a ducks back to someone who was used to Morgana! 

Both the nurses started to talk at once.

“Please stop, we will take this to my office” the Sister turned and walked away expecting the nurses to follow.

Arthur looked up at Gwaine “Here take Merlin, I’m going to listen to this”

 

Gwaine moved round and took Merlin into his arms as Arthur let go. He continued to make soothing noises. Merlin looked up and seeing Gwaine settled once more. Arthur soon caught up with the ward staff and followed them into the office.

“Mr Pendragon would you mind waiting outside a moment” said the sister holding the door open expecting him to leave.

Arthur didn’t move, putting on his best QC face, he looked directly into her eyes.

“No I will not. This matter concerns my husband’s welfare and I insist on being present.” He was obviously determined to win the battle of wills. 

The Sister deciding that she would get nowhere shut the door. Arthur stood his ground at the side of the sister’s desk.

Looking at the Female Staff Nurse the Sister asked:

“As the senior staff member involved would you please tell me what happened?”

The nurse looked across to the male nurse before starting to speak.

“Mr Pendragon had finished his breakfast and I had given him a bowl to start his wash, asking him to ring once he had done all he could. He rang his bell a little while later and I asked Peter to come to help me to turn the patient so we could wash Mr Pendragon’s back. We went in and turned him on his side and whilst I helped support Mr Pendragon’s arm and leg Peter started to wash the patient. He had just started when Mr Pendragon started to scream. That’s when I asked another nurse to fetch help as we couldn’t stop him” The nurse then looked at Arthur as if to say ‘find something wrong with that’.

Arthur bit his lip and kept quiet wanting to see how the Sister dealt with it first.

“Is that what happened Peter?” the Sister asked the male nurse who seemed very nervous.

“Yes, I had spoken to Mr Pendragon before I started the wash, he seemed a bit apprehensive but Sofia said we need to get a move on as we had a lot to do…” he paused as if to collect his thoughts. “I mentioned before we entered the room, that at handover it was said that all personal care needed to be given by female staff, but I was told by Sofia that we were too busy and patients couldn’t demand to have certain staff.”

“What do you have to say to that Staff Nurse?” the Sister didn’t look at all happy.

“Well Sister we are very busy. I was asked to work with Student Nurse Peter, and we needed to work together, as it is his first allocation. We were given the single rooms. I have always believed that patients cannot ask for set nurses and we needed to get the washes done as soon as we could, as we have several dressings to do this morning”

“Were you listening in handover? I was there, and I heard the night staff say that Mr Pendragon was only to have female nurses due to severe psychological trauma from his injuries. Peter said he mentioned it to you, yet you still chose to ignore the instruction” the Sister paused, waiting for the reply

“Well, we had a lot of work to do and everyone else was busy! I was there, and saw no reason, not to use the help I had available, with a simple backwash, it would only take a few moments. How was I to know he would flip?” The Staff Nurse looked from the Sister to Arthur in defiance.

“Did you read the patients care plan before coming to that conclusion Nurse?” The Sister was holding her temper it was bad enough to have to deal with such stupidity without the patients next of kin listening.

“As I said I was busy.”

At this Arthur could no longer keep quiet and in his best steely QCs voice he went for the kill.

“So you decided, without the full information available to you, to disregard the instructions you were given in the care of your patient, even though you had been told he had severe psychological issues regarding personal care. Is that how you normally work?”By now Arthur was livid.

“As I said, we are busy and it would have only taken a few minutes” the Staff Nurse clearly wasn’t good at reading body language.

“My husband was kidnapped, and held for two years being beaten and raped on a regular basis by two men, another treated his broken bones and stitching his wounds with no analgesia. He was subjected to psychological torture, kept chained up, isolated in a cold darkroom and you feel you can ignore the care instructions given by the consultants in charge of his care.”

At the both Sophia and Peter gasped and went pale.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry Sir” Peter muttered.

“I wasn’t aiming my comments at you young man, you raised concerns with your senior and I am sure you won’t make the same mistake again” Arthur had taken note that it was his first ward.

He returned his gaze back to Sophia.

“You however are a disgrace to your profession. I will wait to see what action the hospital takes before I decide what to do”

“I demand professional representation, you can’t threaten me like that” Sophia clearly had no sense.

The Sister started to speak but Arthur cut her off.

“You need it. Unfortunately for you I know exactly what I can and cannot say. I didn’t get to be a top Q.C. without knowing the law” turning to the Sister Arthur continued

“I am going to see my husband now. I will leave this to you and the hospital to deal with, but I would appreciate a report once you have made you decision. I will decide then if I need to take my own action. I expect my husband to be given the care and consideration his condition merits, he has suffered enough. Up to now I have been very pleased with his care in this hospital and I sincerely hope I will have no complaints in future. I would see it as a personal favour if the young man is dealt with leniently.”

With that Arthur left the office and went to see Merlin who was asleep in Gwaine’s arms with just the occasional sob.

“I’ll hold him now please” Arthur moved to take Gwaine’s place.

“OK Princess, be careful” Gwaine looked up at Arthur “I hope you gave the bastards what for. What the hell happened?” Gwaine was obviously upset and angry.

“I’ll tell you later. I’m going to stay here for a while, why don’t you get a cup a tea and come back later when he’s awake?”

“Nah, I’ll sit here with you and wait for them nurses”

“Leave it Gwaine. Wait to see what the hospital does first and leave the young man alone…. He did his best.”

They sat for over an hour until Merlin woke up. Then they got him into a t-shirt, tracksuit bottoms and socks and waited.


	15. Chapter 15

A couple of hours later, the Sister came and asked to speak to Arthur. He left Merlin talking to Gwaine and followed her to the office. The two body guards were sat outside Merlin’s room. They nodded to Arthur as he left.

The ward Sister got Arthur a cup of coffee and then immediately apologised to him for the events of that morning. The duty manager had been involved and Sophia had been sent home. The Sister explained that she was an agency nurse and would no longer be working at the hospital. When the hospital had spoken to the agency it became apparent that this was not the first incident she had been involved in had now suspended her. The N.M.C. (the governing body for nurses) had been informed and a report sent.

The Sister then went on to say that procedures were also going to be tightened so that the agency had to let the hospital know of any incidents that involved any of their staff before shifts were given out. The Student Nurse Peter had been sent to see his tutors but as it was his first ward it was being recommended that a formal warning was sufficient in this case. He had taken what had happened to heart and the hospital was sure he would learn from his mistakes. Incident forms had been filled in by all concerned and would be sent to the appropriate department for action. Arthur and Merlin would be sent a formal letter of apology. 

Arthur agreed to let the matter drop. They then discussed the bodyguards. The Sister had read the full details of Merlin’s medical history and understood why Arthur was concerned, however felt was being over protective. The police had after all felt it safe to remove their protection. So the hospital felt it was unnecessary for the guards to be present and felt it might cause concerns to the other patients and their relatives.

Arthur asked her if one of her family had gone through what Merlin, had and she could afford body guards, what would she do.

“Well Mr Pendragon, I understand what you are saying but the guards will have to stop sometime, Merlin is in a hospital, and the people who committed the crimes are in prison awaiting trial. So now is a reasonable time to stop the protection, don’t you think?” The Sister was obviously trying to get Arthur to see reason.

Arthur waited until she had finished before he said:

“You make assumptions that are not yours to make. Merlin will have bodyguards from this time forward, they will not stop, ever, he will have bodyguards for the rest of his life. Due to my job I make enemies and I will not put Merlin in danger again, he WILL be protected. I am lucky enough to have a personal fortune as well as a well paid job so there is no reason I cannot continue to provide for his safety.” He paused. “I have made that mistake once before, leaving Merlin unprotected and I will not make it again. Also just because four people are in prison doesn’t mean further attempts will not be made in the future. I agreed for the police to be withdrawn as I was happy to employ my own staff. Merlin would have the same group of people and not be subjected to constant change. The protection will continue whether you like it or not, I will take this as high as I must. Although it is not something I would not normally stoop to, I will use my father’s position as a government minister if needed. You may think me paranoid but that is my position”

The Sister looked surprised at Arthur’s words

“I think you are taking the wrong attitude Mr Pendragon, we do have other patients to consider”

 

“The Body Guards will not affect the running of your ward in any way, you have my word. They have been handpicked from the best and know their job. I spoke to the Hospital Governors and the Chief Executive this morning before I came here. I’m sorry you have no choice, they are here to stay. Now I’m sure you have other things to do, so I will leave you to it. Thank you for your time. Good morning” With that Arthur turned and went back to his husband leaving a dumb struck Ward Sister behind him.

She couldn’t believe that the duty manager had put her in that position. He had agreed with her not to allow the body guards. She was also surprised that the Chief Executive hadn’t informed him. She intended to raise the issue at the staff meeting later that morning. At the same time she was happy that Mr Pendragon wasn’t taking action after this morning’s episode, it wouldn’t have reflected well on her ward.

As Arthur expected there was no other problem with the bodyguards and both Merlin and Arthur went on to develop good relationships with all of the hospital staff including the ward sister.

I do love a protective Arthur, Gwaine’s nearly as bad. Thank you for all you lovely comments they are much appreciated. Thanks also to my lovely beta who has helped improve my efforts.


	16. Chapter 16

Arthur was sitting with Merlin one afternoon when he noticed Merlin kept looking at his in a strange manner. It was almost as if he wanted to ask something but was scared to. After awhile he looked straight at Arthur and started to speak.

“Can I ask you something?” Merlin muttered quietly

“Anything you want to, and I will do my best to answer.”

In a very quiet voice, that Arthur had a job to hear, Merlin once more spoke.

“CanItouchyou?”

“Touch me?” Arthur asked in a puzzled tone. “We have been holding hands for the last hour.”

“Can I touch your body?” Came the reply.

“Of course you can, where do you what to touch, and where do you want me to be?” Arthur was puzzled but went along with it.

“Can you crouch down in front of me? I want to touch your body.” Merlin sounded worried and a bit scared.

Arthur did as he was asked. Up to now Merlin, had remained happy to hold hands and be kissed by Arthur and occasionally Arthur would put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder but they hadn’t had much body contact.

Merlin leant forward and put his damaged arm on Arthurs shoulder for support and gently put his right palm on Arthur’s chest. Taking a deep breath the slowly moved his hand across Arthur’s chest. Arthur hardly dared to breathe. This was obviously an important step for Merlin.

“Can I touch your bare chest?” Again, the voice was very quiet.

Arthur opened his shirt and Merlin very slowly put his hand back once more.

Arthur heard the door open behind him and cursed under his breath. Luckily whoever it was closed the door without saying anything. Merlin continued to move his hand and gradually a small smile appeared on his face. Merlin looked up at Arthur before moving his hand away.

“Thank you… that was nice” the quiet voice said

“Any time” Arthur replied not quite sure what to say or how to react. He knew how it had affected him and hoped Merlin didn’t notice the obvious sign in front of him. He didn’t want to embarrass or upset his husband. He stood up and sat down once more beside Merlin, putting his hands on his lap hiding the evidence.

“I had forgotten how nice it was” Merlin looked at Arthur “Sorry if it was strange.”

“It was nice, I liked it. Ask anytime” Arthur smiled at his husband; it was obviously a big step for him. Thinking about it he realised that except for holding hands it was the first time Merlin had initiated any sort of bodily contact accept for throwing himself at Arthur when he had panic attacks and even then Arthur had been the one to put out his arms.

After a couple of minutes Arthur remembered the door opening and thought he ought to find out if anyone was waiting outside. Quickly thinking he said

“I’m just going to get some fresh drinking water for you, this is a bit warm.”

He smiled at Merlin before moving to the door with the jug. Once outside he spotted Morgana sitting in the corridor opposite the body guards. He gestured her to follow him. Once away from the room he stopped

“Was that you earlier?”

“Yes, I saw Merlin leaning towards you and I thought you needed some privacy.”

“Thanks” He went on and told her what had happened.

“That’s great, he is obviously feeling the need for personnel touch once more. Just take it slowly.”

The two of them continued to the ward kitchen and refilled the water jug before going back to the room.

“Look who I found in the corridor” Arthur said as they entered.

“Good to see you Morgana” Merlin smiled, totally unaware of what she had seen.

They sat and chatted until he evening meal arrived and then Morgana left. Arthur stayed until visiting time was over and then he left promising to come back next day. He kissed Merlin on the forehead as before leaving.  
************  
The next morning, Arthur contacted Dr Kilgarrah and told him what happened. The psychiatrist was pleased and reassured Arthur he had handled the situation well. And he told him to always to let Merlin take the lead, in such encounters.

A couple of days later Merlin asked Arthur to touch him on the chest. Arthur did the same as Merlin had done. In the following weeks they gradually touched each other more and more always on the upper body, arms and face. Never lower body or Merlin’s back, although Merlin did touch Arthurs back. But it felt like good progress.

Merlin surprised Gwaine one day, Gwaine as usual had put his hand on Merlin hair and rubbed it, when saying goodbye and Merlin reach forward and put is arms round the other mans waist and hugged him. Gwaine’s eyebrows went up and he glanced at Arthur, before slowly returning the hug, taking care only to touch Merlin’s sides and not back. Later that night he had rung Arthur and he was still completely bowled over by what had happened. Arthur warned him to let Merlin take the lead in bodily contact but agreed it was progress.

Merlin gradually increased the amount of touching he both gave and allowed but only with Arthur, Gwaine and his mum when she visited. But he still hated his back and lower body regions touched. Although he had started to rest his hand gently on Arthurs thigh sometimes when they sat alone together.

Peter had returned to the ward and apologised to Arthur once more. He asked if he could visit Merlin when Arthur was there. He had read the medical notes and wanted to write one of his assignments on aspects of Merlin’s care. He said he would not be asking Merlin any questions and the article would be completely anonymous. Arthur agreed and Peter struck up a friendship with Merlin. Even visiting him after Peter had moved on to his next ward. Gwaine continued to scowl at the young man but, at Arthur’s insistence, said nothing.

The only other incident that occurred during Merlin’s stay was when he received a broken toe. The physiotherapists were teaching Merlin how to transfer from bed to chair when he caught his left foot against the chair leg and it wasn’t spotted before one of his toes was broken. Unfortunately he had reduced sensation in that leg due to damage to the nerves from the break and with his reduced bone strength it was over before it was spotted. The physiotherapists informed Arthur and a report was sent in. Arthur was upset but saw how it had happened.

Three months after his transfer to the surgical unit the hospital decided to send Merlin home for a few months. He still needed to build up his weight before he could have the operations on this wrist and leg. His open wounds were healing slowly but need skin grafts at a later date to completely heal. The plastic surgery needed for some of the scarring was a long way off into the future, if indeed Merlin decided on having any. 

The Physiotherapists and Occupational Therapists had maximised his mobility and function within his limitations. Fitting him out with an electric wheel chair, as has unable to put weight through his bad leg and couldn’t use crutches due to his wrist. They made a splint for both his wrist and leg to minimise the pain and stop further damage. It had been agreed it would help his long term recovery to spend a while at home. So the plan was being made to send him home the following week. 

The O.T. had visited the penthouse to check it was suitable and left equipment that would help with Merlin’s care. They also left a carrying chair in case of fire as the lift would not be able to be used. As there would be two body guards there at all times this was felt to be safe.

The feeding tube was still in place, Merlin was now only being feed at for eight hours at night and this could be managed at home. Merlin was excited to be going home but also scared about how he would cope, he had been in hospital so long. He didn’t want to be a burden to Arthur.


	17. Chapter 17

Arthur had spent some time with the physios learning how to help Merlin transfer from bed to chair and chair to toilet. He also had a couple of appointments with the psychiatrist to discuss Merlin’s progress and how he could help Merlin to adapt. They spent quite some time discussing the effects that Merlin’s sexual abuse would affect their relationship and Arthur felt more confident he wouldn’t cause more difficulties for his husband by saying or doing the wrong thing. 

Arthur had hired a private nurse to stay in the flat to help look after Merlin. Arthur met her beforehand he found her to be very sensible. Her name was Mithian Nemeth and she was happy to work five days per week and live in. On the weekends Arthur would manage with the help of Gwaine, who would say in the penthouse at those two days. The hospital giving backup if needed. Hunith was coming to stay for a few weeks once more and would also help.

Merlin met her several times before he was discharged and seemed to like her.

Once Morgana found out he was going home she turned up at the hospital with a tape measure and then went on a shopping trip for cloths for him as the cloths he had at home were still too large. She also filled the kitchen cupboards with all sorts of treats and nutritious food. Gwen cooked several meals to go in the freezer so Arthur wouldn’t have to worry about cooking too much.

Arthur, with advice from the hospital, went out and bought a car that would allow Merlin to sit in his wheelchair and be transported safely. It would probably be needed long term. They would also have to carry bottled Oxygen as Merlin still needed it occasionally and they also had bottles at home for when it was needed.

So it was on a sunny day in November that Merlin finally saw his home once more, and that was the day that Arthur saw Merlin really smile for the first time in nearly thirty months. As soon as he was in the lounge moved his electric wheelchair to the large picture windows and sat and stared at the view.

Arthur knelt down in front of him and put his arms around Merlin’s waist and looked into Merlin’s eyes they both started to cry. Arthur lent forward and rested his forehead against Merlin’s forehead and they stayed there for several minutes. Arthur moved away and looking once more into Merlin’s eyes said:

“Together forever your MINE” in a deep and he hoped sexy voice with a grin. It was what each of their wedding rings had engraved on the inside rim. He had realised a couple of weeks ago that Merlin’s ring was missing and had asked the police if they had found it. They looked in the jewellery recovered from the farmhouse and had returned it to him the day before.

Arthur took the ring from his pocket and placed it on Merlin’s right middle finger. It was loose but Merlin was overjoyed at getting it back. He would be able to put it on his left ring finger once he had had the surgery. 

They kissed each other and sat side by side on the sofa looking at the view that Merlin had thought he would never see again. It was the first time they had been able to sit in the same seat for so long. Arthur felt Christmas had come early.

An hour later, as arranged, Mithian arrived, one of the bodyguards knocked on the door. They were both stationed in the lobby between the penthouse door and the lift so no one could get passed them. The body guards would both stay there unless Merlin was on his own or whoever was with him wanted one of the in the Penthouse with them. If Merlin was taken out by anyone they would both accompany him. 

Mithian came in and after saying hello sorted out the bags that had been brought back from the hospital checking all she needed was there. She then made them all a cup of tea and then left them and went to settle into her room. 

Hunith arrive a little while later, Gwaine had fetched her from Wales. After saying hello to the two men she took Mithian into the kitchen to leave the pair alone together for as long as they could, realising that this was the first time they had truly had time to themselves since Merlin’s release from his kidnapping.

They had their evening meal early and then the two men sat together on the sofa and enjoyed each other’s company. There was a great deal of gentle kissing and cuddling. Hunith sat knitting happy that her son was home at last. Arthur noticed that Merlin still pulled away if his arm slipped down Merlin’s back so he made certain to keep his arm over Merlin’s shoulder and did not slip lower. 

About nine o’clock Merlin was obviously tired so Arthur put him in his wheelchair and took him to the bedroom. Mithian came out of her room and took over helping Merlin with his wash and getting into his nightclothes and into bed. She then connected his feed and started the small pump that regulated the rate and timing of the fluid before calling for Arthur. She began explaining that she would come and switch off the feed disconnect the tubing and flush the system in eight hours. 

She reminded Arthur to make sure Merlin moved position at least once during the night as they had already discussed then she left the two men alone. Arthur knew the importance of Merlin changing position to help prevent his unhealed sores from getting worse and had told Mithian he would turn Merlin and only call her if he needed help.

Arthur had offered to get twin beds for awhile but Merlin was determined he wanted Arthur in the same bed. So Arthur changed into some night clothes and got into bed making sure he kept well away from Merlin’s back. He normally slept nude but had decided that this would be a bad idea for the foreseeable future. A small price to pay if it meant he could share a bed with Merlin.

They had always slept with Merlin as the small spoon to Arthur’s big spoon, but this was the wrong position at the moment so they settled facing each other and Arthur held onto Merlin’s good hand to spend their first night together in the same bed, for what seemed to both of them, for an eternity.

“I am worried I will put my arm over your back in the night”

“Don’t worry so much, I’m sure you won’t and if you do we can sort it out just talk to me if I panic. I want you here we have been apart for too long, I won’t sleep in a separate bed for one day longer.”

Arthur lay looking at Merlin’s face as the younger man drifted off to sleep. Arthur was certain he didn’t sleep much that night in fear of cuddling up to Merlin in his sleep. At about two o’clock Merlin woke up and Arthur helped him move position and get comfortable once more. When Mithian came in at six to sort out the feed Arthur got up and went for a shower. Merlin didn’t wake up and they left him asleep until he woke at nine.

For next few days’ visitors had been asked not to visit, to let Merlin settle, and each day was spent with the two men lazing around and enjoying each other’s company. Hunith kept in the background most of the time, but having her there seemed to help Merlin. She also made Arthur go out for short walks to the shops. Often for things they didn’t need just to give him a break. She knew he was still having problems coming to terms with everything and was trying to support both of her boys.

Mithian gave Merlin his medicines, redressed Merlin’s open wounds when needed, helped him with his washes, letting him have a shower on the days his dressings were done. But otherwise she left the men alone as much as she could. Hunith and Mithian soon became good friends. The four of them had all their meals together and Mithian insisted doing the washing up and most of the housework, saying she was being paid a great deal of money for little work and she didn’t mind. Arthur was grateful to her. 

Merlin continued to touch Arthur and seemed to get great comfort in cuddling into his chest when they went to bed at night. But Arthur was still only allowed to touch his back when he helped Merlin wash at the weekends. This was something Merlin hated and even with the two men talking him though what they were doing he still found it difficult. Merlin also hated either Arthur or Gwaine helping him out of or into his boxers and trousers at the weekend He trusted them, but his brain still couldn’t accept such intimate touch. Even with Mithian he was nervous. 

It had been planned that at the weekend they would have a lunch for all their friends in the penthouse, which Gwen offered to cook. It was the first time they had all been together for two and a half years. Although Merlin got very tired he enjoyed himself and managed a small lunch followed by his favourite Chocolate pudding. Although it was noticed by the others that he kept looking at the place that Will had normal sat in but that Hunith was now filling, he said nothing and the others kept quiet.

After lunch Merlin went to lie down for a rest and the rest cleaned up the kitchen before sitting down for a chat.

“How’s he coping being at home?” Percy asked.

“Good, we are taking it slowly and not doing much- but it’s good to have him home.” Arthur had been surprised just how well Merlin seemed to settling back to normal life.

“Keep it slow and easy Arthur, I expect he will have some problems yet, he was away for a long time” Morgana wasn’t trying to be downbeat but she was genuinely worried.

“I know Gana, but we’ll go at Merlin’s pace. I’m having two weeks off, and then I’m going back part time. I have to get some work done and the psychologist seems to think Merlin will need time without me to process everything. Hunith is staying for a couple of weeks and Mithian will be here of course. If one of you can pop in each morning for a short visit I’m sure that will help.”

“It might be an idea if we get together and decide on different days so we can cover them all.” Gwen was always the practical one.

“I can always pop out and not be here all the time when you come round if you like” Hunith wanted to do the best for her son and felt uncertain how to best help.

“When can he start to go out? It would drive me nuts being here all the time, nice as it is” Leon butted in

“Well I’m giving him a bit longer and see if he asks, otherwise I am going to wait for a nice day and go out just for a short trip somewhere. Perhaps a drive, he still has open wounds and I don’t want him catching anything” Arthur didn’t want to push Merlin to fast.

After that the conversation turned to general matters for a while, and then Arthur went to check on Merlin. He came back a short time later with Merlin in his wheelchair. He looked better for his short nap and the group sat and watched DVD’s until early evening when they all went their separate ways. Mithian came back from her weekend off as they were all leaving and Gwaine decided to hang back to speak to her.

“Watch out Mithian- he’s a heart breaker” Percy warned her.

“I’m a great man, don’t put the girl off before I’ve even spoken to her” Gwaine said giving one his customary head toss’s.

“Don’t worry I’m here to work, I’ll check with Merlin before I believe anything you lot say” Mithian laughed.

“Don’t bring me into it!” yelped Merlin “I’m not getting involved!”

With that, they all set off home. Gwaine stayed for about half an hour chatting to Merlin, not Mithian, before giving him a hug before winking at Mithian as he left.


	18. Chapter 18

Now they had all gone peace settled once more in the flat, and the two boys and Hunith settled down sitting quietly just enjoying each other’s company until Mithian came to help Merlin get ready to go to bed.  
The following weeks soon slipped into a routine with Merlin attending the hospital to see the physios and psychiatrist once a week and his friends visiting when they could. Dr Kilgarrah did a lot of work with him on his aversion to touch but warned Arthur that it was going to be a long process. 

During Merlin’s sessions with Dr Kilgarrah they identified why Merlin hated his back being touched so much. Obviously it was about the rapes- but it was more than just that. Merlin opened up and told Dr Kilgarrah that when Cendred raped Merlin he always stroked Merlin’s back before each rape saying he liked the whiteness of his skin. Then afterwards he would scratch and dug his fingernails into Merlin’s back, saying that Merlin hadn’t shown appreciation of his, Cendrid’s, efforts in servicing him. Cendred kept his nails long enough for that just that purpose. In fact Merlin’s back still showed slight scarring to his back from these attacks. Merlin had come to associate the touching of his back with the rape that would follow. 

Valiant however always held Merlin’s hips hard even after Merlin had developed sores on the areas, adding his own brand of torture to the already horrifying ordeal. 

It helped Arthur understand why Merlin hated his back touched, but he was at a loss to know how to counter such actions. Dr Kilgarrah suggested Arthur carry on as he was and time might help. Although he suspected that, due to the length of time the abuse had gone on for, Merlin might always have difficulty with these areas being touched. 

Hunith went back to Wales after a month promising to visit again soon but she thought the two men needed sometime alone and to get into some sort of a routine.

One afternoon as Merlin was sat with Arthur, looking out across the city Merlin turned to Arthur.

“It was imagining this view that helped keep me sane when I was in that place… you know?”

Arthur looked at Merlin

“I’m glad it helped, I know you love it”

 

“The other thing I thought about was green fields and woods as far as the eye could see. In a way that was better, this view has a lot of concrete in it” Merlin sounded very sad.

“Would you like to live in the countryside? We could think about moving, if you like.” In truth, Arthur had already been thinking of finding somewhere that Merlin could get outside without going down in a lift fifteen floors. He knew the lift freaked Merlin. The fact was he had been getting claustrophobic since his release which was hardly surprising.

“That would be nice. I miss all the green. When I lived with Mum we were had countryside on our doorstep. Ealdor is only a small town and we used to play out in the wilds a lot as kids, me, Gwaine and Will”

Merlin’s voice cracked it was the first time he had mentioned Will since asking where he was in hospital.

“I miss him” he started to cry.

Arthur put his arms around Merlin and pulled him into a hug.

“I know you do, love.”

“It was their fault; he got drunk because of me didn’t he? It’s not fair they killed him and they won’t have to pay for it” Tears ran down his face.

Arthur didn’t say anything. What could be say? He only hoped Merlin never realised it happened on this birthday.

After a few minutes Arthur pushed Merlin away so he could look into his eyes.

“He wouldn’t have wanted you to think that way, you know”

“Oh yes he would. He would have wanted then punished” Merlin shook his head. “I hope they rot in hell.”

It was the first time Arthur had ever heard Merlin sound so bitter about anything, ever. He was surprised at first but had to agree no punishment would be enough for people who did such evil things as they had.

He pulled Merlin back into his arms and stroked his fingers through Merlin’s hair to help calm him. After awhile he realised Merlin had stopped crying and had fallen asleep.

He started to think more seriously about moving somewhere better for Merlin. After all, it would be nice for him to have an outside space.

Mithian heated up one of Gwen’s frozen meals and carefully woke Merlin up. They sat together and ate their meal. Mithian had become a good friend of them both and they enjoyed her company, so they all sat chatting until Gwaine arrived. Gwaine had been visiting most days and Merlin teased his friend saying he wanted to see Mithian more than him. Gwaine denied this but had taken Mithian out on a couple of dates at the weekends.

Both Merlin and Arthur were surprised that the couple got on so well but Gwaine had changed a lot in the past two and a half years. They were both happy that he seemed to be settling down. Gwaine had been helping Merlin to regain some of his muscle bulk with gentle exercises. They didn’t do any on his bad leg or his left wrist yet but Merlin was beginning to feel stronger, although he still had a long way to go. He was still struggling to regain weight, but with the overnight feeds he was slowly getting there and his face and body were beginning to fill out. Gwaine stopped for an hour before leaving, he talked all sorts’ nonsense but it made Merlin chuckle.

Merlin normally went to bed at about nine and Arthur usually went with him as he could lay and help calm Merlin so he fell asleep. Then he would read a book for until eleven before going to sleep himself. They had been leaving a bedside light on as it seemed to help Merlin settle. Merlin had the occasional nightmare but they seemed to be decreasing in number although Doctor Kilgarrah warned Arthur that they might continue for many years and Merlin had a long way to go.

In the early hours of one morning Arthur woke to hear Merlin crying out in his sleep. As he normally did he started talking gently to Merlin, and put his hand on Merlin’s cheek, an area which normally calmed Merlin without frightening him more.

This time it didn’t work and Merlin started to scream, kicking and punching Arthur. Arthur sat up and continued to try to calm the younger man. Mithian came in and tried to help but Merlin was getting more and more upset. So she left to get a sedative, in the mean time Geriant (one of the duty bodyguards) came into the penthouse to see if he could help and held Merlin still so Mithian could inject Merlin safely. He then let him go as soon as he could so not to frighten him even more. Arthur put a pillow between himself and the flying arms and leg to try to stop Merlin hurting either of them.


	19. Chapter 19

Merlin gradually calmed down as the sedative took effect. Once he was asleep they all took deep breaths, the whole episode has shocked them all. Geriant went and made Mithian and Arthur a cup of tea before leaving them and going back to his post in the station Arthur had set up between the lift and the penthouse door.

Arthur sat up for the rest of the night holding the younger man’s hand. When Merlin woke he was very withdrawn. Arthur rang the office and left a message for Lance to say he wouldn’t be going in and then rang Doctor Kilgarrah. The Doctor offered to come to see Merlin later, telling Arthur to keep Merlin, calm as he could, and to give him 2mg of his Lorazipam with his other usual tablets.

They left Merlin in his night clothes when he woke up, and settled him on the sofa with Arthur to listen to some music. Leon had obviously told Morgana that Arthur wasn’t at work and she turned up on the doorstep. Mithian spoke to her at the door before Morgana came in quietly and sat with them for awhile before leaving promising to ring later.

Doctor Kilgarrah arrived at ten thirty and spoke to Mithian before coming to speak to Merlin. After talking to them both for a while he asked Arthur to leave them alone for a bit. Arthur went into the bedroom and sat down, the tears started to fall. 

He couldn’t believe it. He had spent all his life, since about six years old, being told never to cry as it was a sign of weakness- only to breakdown on what seemed to him to be a regular basis… but he couldn’t stop himself. He could cope with anything but having Merlin in pieces.

Mithian came in and put her arm round his shoulder and they sat and talked. Dr Kilgarrah found then an hour later and asked Mithian to go and sit with Merlin.

He sat down and explained to Arthur that he had done everything he could but Merlin would have these panic attacks. Sometimes it just needed a trigger and it was hard to know what would set it off.

Arthur asked if it was the previous days talk about Will but Dr Kilgarrah thought it was unlikely. Merlin had told him that his nightmare was about the threats Morgause had made toward Arthur and Hunith whilst he was a captive. She had used threats as a form of mental torment, describing what she would arrange to happen to them. She had told Merlin the “boys” rape his mother and that Arthur would be beaten to a pulp if Merlin didn’t do everything they wanted. 

It turned out Merlin had gone on to say in his dream he had seen his mother being run over as Morgause described and he thought it was all his fault for not being good. That was when he had woken up in a panic.

“Unfortunately, Morgause appears to have been very adept in knowing how to cause Merlin the most torment. It is a wonder he managed to remain sane from the many things she has told the poor boy” Kilgarrah described.

“Merlin told me he used to imagine the view from here or that he was in the countryside and it helped him” Arthur whispered.

“It probably did, he was able to remove himself from reality and relieve his mind” Dr Kilgarrah paused “Not many would have been able to do that so well, he’s a remarkable young man”

“Do you think it would help him if we moved to the country with garden so he could get outside without using the lift?”

“Yes I do, it would need to be carefully managed as he doesn’t cope with change well but it could help. You need to think carefully and get the right place first time but talk to him about it. The planning process might well give him something positive to look forward to. I will bring it up at the next case meeting I have with his other consultants to see what you need to consider by way of long term facilities.”

Arthur nodded, it would also give him something positive to aim for.

“I will leave you now. Merlin has an appointment with me at the hospital next week, but if you have any other concerns just ring”

Arthur went and told Merlin and Mithian he was going to have a shower and afterwards he got dressed and went to make them all a drink before joining the other two, relaxing for awhile before Arthur cooked them some lunch.


	20. Chapter 20

Arthur rang Morgana after lunch to reassure her and then answered the door to Gwen who had come to visit. She was surprised to see Arthur home but didn’t mention it as she picked up the vibes from them that all had not been well. She had brought a chocolate cake and a few more meals for the freezer.   
They spent her visit telling her how good she was to them and how she could visit every day if she bought cake with her. Gwen promised to bring a carrot cake the next time.

Luckily, Merlin seemed to settle down once more and over the next few weeks only had a couple of nightmares that Arthur easily calmed him after. Arthur continued to work part time but now put in the occasional full day. 

He heard back from Dr Kilgarrah to say that he had raised Arthur’s idea about moving at the case conference and it had wholeheartedly been thought good idea. The Orthopaedic Consultant suggested that as a precaution it would be best to consider somewhere that had the master bedroom on the ground floor and easy access for a wheelchair as there was a good possibility Merlin would have a permanently week leg and need at least occasional wheelchair use. This had already been raised as a possibility before as well as the likelihood of Merlin’s left wrist and hand having residue loss of function so this came as no surprise. It had decided not to tell Merlin at the onset that he might not regain full mobility, but wait until all the tests had been done when he was ready for surgery.

Merlin’s mouth had settled enough and Arthur arranged for a dentist to visit Merlin at home and sort out Merlin’s dentures. He had lost too many teeth for bridges and his jaw was too weak for the new system of imbedded magnets to be an option. After a couple of visits Merlin had his dentures and although they were uncomfortable at first he soon got used to them and at least he could eat easier. The dentures also made his face look better as his mouth line was improved.

Arthur started to make enquiries at estate agents for appropriate houses for sale or a plot of land. He asked for all details to be sent to the office so Merlin didn’t find out to soon.

Arthur needed to be in commuting distance but had no real worries as to where he lived. The situation was more important to him he wanted to find the perfect spot. He wanted to buy and move before selling the penthouse so to reduce the hustle of moving. That was one blessing of being left a wealthy man from his mother’s legacy; they at least had no money worries. Once he had a few options he intended to involve Merlin fully in the final choice but until then he would keep it secret.

The other thing he hadn’t mentioned yet to Merlin was the work being done to prepare for the trial of the four people who had been charged with kidnapping him. 

The QC had been selected by the Crown Prosecution Service and as expected it wasn’t Arthur or Leon they were far too close to the case. Alator Pagan, someone who Arthur had the utmost respect for, was to be the prosecuting Q.C. His team was working on the case using the police and medical evidence together with the statements that had been taken from various people including Arthur. 

So far, they had worked using the statements given by Merlin to the police- but Alator wanted to speak to Merlin personally. Arthur was trying to put him off for a while. The court case wasn’t due to start for another six months and he felt it important to give Merlin space, but he knew the time would soon come unless they only used the available evidence and refused to let Merlin testify. This could be done but would be less effective.

All four of the defendants had entered innocent pleas at the pre court hearings. Morgause had been extradited a few weeks previously far sooner than expected.

The evidence was strong they had even found Merlin’s mobile in Morgause’s London home hidden in her attic. But despite this none of them had any intention of pleading guilty.

Christmas was fast approaching and Merlin asked Gwaine if he could take him shopping as he wanted to buy Arthur a present. Gwaine was reluctant as he thought Merlin would be too uncomfortable in crowds. He had a quiet word with Arthur who agreed but suggested that perhaps they could talk a shop into opening just for Merlin one evening. He suggested involving Morgana. She loved shopping and probably knew someone who would agree. 

So Gwaine asked Morgana and she talked one of the larger stores into a special opening. Merlin’s story was well known and had generated a lot of sympathy. She agreed to make it a group outing. So it was arranged for the group of friends to all go together, including Arthur. Morgana would ‘keep Arthur out of the way’ whilst Gwaine helped Merlin chose Arthurs present.

They all had a great deal of fun. The shop shut at the normal time but then they let in Morgana’s group for one hour to shop. The shop did well as they all did their shopping and Merlin went out without the worry of how he would cope with crowds. The shop also got publicity for doing it. Merlin found Arthur a gold tie clip in the form of a Merlin (bird) which he thought Arthur would love as well as several new ties, something Arthur never seemed to have enough of.

He bought presents for everyone else as well as Christmas food hampers full of chocolates and biscuits for all the wards he had been a patient in. Arthur, not realising what Merlin had done, had purchased similar ones with Tea and Coffee selections.

Christmas was a happy affair with Hunith once more staying. Gwaine took up residence as Mithian was going back to her family for three days. Arthur and Merlin both gave her presents before she left.

On Christmas morning, before they joined the others, Merlin gave Arthur his present. Arthur loved the Merlin tie clip and swore to wear it every day. Arthur had bought Merlin a new light weight Rolex watch to replace the watch he had been wearing when he was kidnapped, that had never been recovered. He purposely had a leather strap fitted to fit Merlin very slender wrist. He would take it back once Merlin had got back to his original weight to have the correct metal strap fitted. 

Once they got up, the four of them spent a happy but busy morning with several of their friends dropping in to exchange gifts. Hunith cooked the Christmas dinner so Arthur and Gwaine washed up afterwards. In the early afternoon Morgana and Leon visited and stayed until early evening. The group played board games and watched television.

They finished the day singing carols as by then Arthur and Gwaine were merry.

That night Merlin slept well with no bad dreams.

The first thing next morning Arthur and Hunith visited Guys and delivered the presents to the wards. Oxfords had been posted before Christmas. Dr Kilgarrah and Aithusa’s were left in ITU who promised to deliver them as soon as the holiday was over. They got back to the penthouse in time to eat lunch which Gwaine had cooked with Merlin supervising. Luckily it was edible; being mainly left over’s from the day before.

Kay and Oswain arrived after lunch with a gift for Merlin from the police station. It was a complete surprise and Merlin was moved to tears. It was a painting of a view of the Welsh Hills near Merlin’s childhood home. One of the policemen was married to an artist and they had commissioned her to paint it. Merlin decided there and then to replace one of their present pictures with it so they could hang it straight away.

About a fortnight after Christmas the hospital had contacted Merlin with an appointment to go into hospital for his skin grafts to heal his remaining open wounds. They were happy with the amount of weight he had put on but wanted him to keep on with the night feeds. Once all his wounds and the resulting donor areas were healed the orthopaedic team wanted to start work on his wrist and leg. They were unwilling to do the bone surgery until all his other wounds were healed as the risk of infection was too great. 

So, a fortnight, later Merlin was admitted once again to Guy’s Hospital, this time to the Plastic Surgery Unit. The hospital reluctantly agreed on the bodyguards as Merlin was once again to have a single room. It seemed they were unwilling challenge Arthur once again. The day before admission Merlin was getting more and more anxious. He didn’t want to go into hospital again.

Gwaine came round to see him and brought two CD’s with him and downloaded them onto Merlin’s iPod. They were relaxation tapes, one with sounds of the woodland with bird song and the other of Whale song and ocean sounds. This seemed to help calm Merlin down and he was going to take it in with him. The trouble was they weren’t as good with earphones due to Merlin only having hearing in one ear. But they all agreed that as he was in a single room he should be able to use the iPod without the ear pieces.

On the morning of the operation Merlin was accompanied by Arthur and Morgana, as well as Boris and Tristan the two bodyguards on duty that morning. It wasn’t long before he was taken to theatre. Arthur and Morgana waited in the hospital until Merlin was back on the unit, some three hours later. Morgana had a brief word with the sleepy Merlin and left. Arthur stayed until the end of visiting even though Merlin was asleep most of the time.

The operation was a success and Merlin stayed in hospital until the first graft dressing at five days. He hated every moment; the doctors prescribed sedatives for night time to try to prevent any nightmares so that he wouldn’t damage the grafted areas by moving around too much. He also had his relaxation tapes going all night on a loop, which seemed help.

He had a couple of nightmares, but they weren’t bad ones and Geriant managed to calm him down by talking to Merlin. At night one of the body guards stayed in the room with Merlin and the other outside the room. Hiring a team of bodyguards himself rather than using an agency had been one of Arthur’s better moves it meant Merlin knew all the team members well and trusted them. As usual for him- he slept with the light on.

After five days his grafts were inspected and had healed well. The donor areas would not be inspected for another five days but Merlin was allowed to go home, with Mithian once again on hand to help look after him. She had gone on holiday at Arthur’s expense while Merlin was in hospital and pleased to come back.

It was the donor areas that caused Merlin the most pain after surgery but as the days went on they began to itch instead of hurt which made him irritable. He even managed to make Gwen cry on one of her visits. Merlin had regressed since his ordeal and often acted in a childish manner, but he was upset when he made Gwen cry and sent her a large bunch of flowers via ‘interflora’ by way of an apology. 

When he went back to hospital five days later, for the dressings to be taken down on his donor areas everyone was very pleased and he returned home with no dressings for the first time and clear instructions on how to cream and care for the healed areas. The hospital still wanted him to continue with the naso gastric feeds as he still had some way to go to reach a decent weight.

Although Arthur had planned to select several new homes for Merlin to choose from, he had found the perfect place for their new home when Merlin was in hospital. It was a large plot with outline planning permission on the edge of a small village in Buckinghamshire. 

It was part lot from the breakup of an estate and he could buy four semi detached cottages cottages in the same lot. The views at the back of the plot looked over fields with hills in the background. The land was flat so was idea for their purposes. The cottages were all with empty possession and would be useful as they would need a housekeeper who could live in one. 

Another factor was that one would be useful for the bodyguards to use if they didn’t want to travel home when on a run of sifts. He was sure the other two would be needed if not he could rent them out later if no other use was found for them.

The price was high but affordable, and it was rare to get such a plot in the areas he had been looking in. Arthur had driven down and visited the site with Gwaine one morning when Merlin was in hospital. They had a good look round. The cottages needed some work but it was cosmetic only. They all had small gardens except for the one on the end which had a large corner plot.

They went down to the nearby village and found it had a small shop with post office, a butchers and a pub. The nearest small town was seven miles down the road and it had a train link to London so it all looked good. They took lots of pictures to show Merlin. On the way back Gwaine said he might be interested in renting one of the cottages which surprised Arthur.

“I had you down as a city boy, Gwaine”

“You forget I was bought up in Ealdor the same as Merlin and there is a pub… what more do you need? He paused. “I want to be based near Merlin. Also Mithian’s family only live fifteen miles away.”

Arthur said no more but was surprised he didn’t realise that Gwaine and Mithian had become that serious. But then he wasn’t surprised that Gwaine wanted to be near Merlin. Gwaine had become as protective of him as Arthur was. 

When Arthur got back home he expressed interest in buying to the estate agent and told them he was a cash buyer but needed to speak to his husband who was in hospital before finalising but he would contact them in a week. So four days after Merlin had come home he talked to Merlin about the plot showing him all the pictures. Merlin loved the idea and the views; he was also pleased that Gwaine wanted to live nearby


	21. Chapter 21

Arthur told Merlin that they would design a bungalow themselves to suit what they wanted and Merlin was excited at the prospect. Arthur also suggested they could build an annex that Hunith could either use when she visited or move into if she wanted. 

Merlin was overjoyed, he was worried about his mother, and she wasn’t getting any younger. Her two closest friends had moved away from Ealdor and he knew she was finding it lonely. That evening Merlin rang his mum and she seemed interested. Arthur told her to think about it and if she wanted to move she could be involved in the planning of the annex.

With Merlin’s agreement Arthur put in an offer on the plot and it was accepted, the sale went though quickly and with no problems. It was when they received this news that Merlin threw his armed around Arthurs neck and drew the blond man’s head down and they kissed deeply for the first time both reluctant to stop and only coming up for air when they had to. 

Arthur’s head was in a spin for days afterwards. Even Lance and Leon commenting at work at what was causing Arthurs good mood.

Merlin then started to make lists and draw rough sketches’ of layouts. The idea of building their dream home excited him and his mood lifted. The kissing continued and both men started to feel much closer once more.

The planning process gave Merlin something positive in his life and he improved both mentally and physically. His improved contact with Arthur helped; although he wanted to he still couldn’t let Arthur touch his back or private parts.

They soon settled on a basic plan which was for a curved building to maximise the view’s for each room. It would make the final cost higher as they planned to make every room face the view with a corridor round the village side. A bungalow was decided on by Arthur taking into account the views of Merlin’s medical team. Hunith’s annexe was to be at one end of the building with her own access. She would be able to gain access to the main home via a corridor that ran to Arthur and Merlin’s kitchen, with a share utility room and body guard’s office to one side. The plan then had a dining room a very large living room before an office and separate W.C. The bedrooms would come next with the master first, then the guest bedrooms- each with their own on suit. Lastly came a gym and a hydrotherapy pool. 

It wasn’t all sweetness and light, they did have a few disagreements, mainly about the design of their new home and mostly due to the size of the property. Merlin felt Arthur was going overboard and wanted too many bedrooms, a master plus four, all with on suits, and all the rooms would be too large, particularly the lounge and master bedroom. Arthur stuck to his guns saying they wouldn’t want to spoil the design by adding extensions at a later date. And that the lounge would need to be big for when all their friends visited.

Merlin won on the dining room, saying it wouldn’t be used much and if they had a large enough kitchen, they could eat in there. He told Arthur a separate dining room was pretentious, and none of their friends would mind eating in the kitchen. It would be easier for the housekeeper, as she wouldn’t have to cart food around. 

Arthur also put in for a small gym and a pool on his list of essentials, not saying that he wanted them to help Merlin with this rehab. He intended the pool to be built as a hydrotherapy pool which was something the physiotherapists at the hospital had said would benefit Merlin once his surgery was complete. Having their own would save Merlin having to travel.

The whole of the back wall was to be floor to ceiling glass so that Merlin would have great views whether sitting, standing or lying in bed. This was to be a surprise as Arthur didn’t even mention this to his husband knowing he would say the cost was unnecessary. Even more so, as Arthur had decided on the newest heat retentive glass in triple glazing. This feature alone would cost a fortune as all the panels would need to be on a curve. 

Once they agreed their list and basic plan Arthur instructed an architect to do the design to include an annex that Arthur had spent some time sorting out with Hunith. Once the plans were complete Merlin loved it, and Arthur conveniently didn’t mention the cost of the build. It was within his means but he knew Merlin would create all sorts of problems if he knew. The architect made some changes, two of the guest bedrooms now looked out toward the village but they both agreed the changes. With the land, build costs and finishing Arthur expected the final total it to be in excess of three and a half million pounds due partly to the curved nature of the building. He wanted that shape to make the best of the views in case Merlin was stuck indoors for long periods. After all it was no good building a lovely home without getting the best quality fixture and fittings. The penthouse, once sold would easily raise the cost of the new build.

Full planning permission was applied for and obtained for both the main residence and converting one pair of the cottages into one for Gwaine. The build started before Merlin went back into hospital for his orthopaedic operations. He had to attend several out patient’s appointments to plan for the surgery. He needed MRI scans and would need sedation for these as the doctors knew he wouldn’t cope with being placed in the confined space without panicking.

Once these were done the results were discussed with several experts both in the UK and the USA, before a plan of surgery was made. After further discussion with the psychiatric team it was decided to do both operations at the same time. This was against normal protocols but it was felt best for Merlin mental health which continued to be fragile. 

The couple went in to discuss the surgery with the surgeons to be told that it was unlikely that Merlin would regain full strength in his leg. But he would be in less pain and be able to potter about indoors, still needing his wheelchair outside. There was too much nerve, tendon and muscle damage to get a better result, due to not getting the correct treatment at the time of the break. Also having his injured wrist on the same side would stop him getting the best use from a stick. The wrist was even worse. They had two choices the first was to fuse the bones to stop the pain and leave his hand in its present bent position with the fingers near the inside of his wrist; this would have the quickest recovery. Or they could repair the wrist to some extent, leaving it with some movement. The nerve and tendon damage was extensive as the injury had received no treatment or splinting when it occurred, the forced movement done by Morgause at the time had made a bad injury worse and the swelling and constriction by the metal shackles had exacerbated the injury. Once the wrist was repaired extensive physiotherapy to the wrist and hand would be needed, to increase mobility. It was hoped Merlin would to gain about fifty percent use in his hand. He would not be able to make a fist but should be able to hold articles loosely so he could use this other hand to perform tasks.

He would be offered a residential place in rehabilitation unit after surgery, or if they preferred private physiotherapy could be provided at a cost as this service could not be provided on the NHS. The amount of movement would depend on Merlin undertaking the physiotherapy and working hard. The recovery time would be much longer than the first option.

They were offered time to think about it but Merlin said he wanted to be able to use his hand even if it wasn’t as good as before so plans were to be made for the surgery. He would be called once the doctors could arrange it. As he would be in surgery for about eight hours and would need two teams of surgeons it would need time to organise.

As they had chosen the more complicated option Merlin would have to stay in hospital for at least three weeks and he was warned it might be longer. He would also go to ITU for one or two nights following surgery, maybe longer if his breathing became on issue. The Doctors went through all the possible complications and Merlin signed the consent form.

It was two weeks before he was called and in that time he became more and more nervous. It wasn’t helped that Alator also wanted to see him in that two weeks. 

Arthur almost asked the surgeons to delay the operation for a while but in the end decided that that might well make things worse. At least this way Merlin major surgery would be finished with and once the court case was over they would be able to concentrate on sorting out their lives. 

The building had started and the ground works were complete. Hopefully it would be completed in seven months as Arthur was able to pay for large numbers of builders to be on site at the same time. Their site agent would get a bonus if it was ready early and there was a penalty clause if it took longer than the seven months.

Merlin’s birthday occurred before the operation and the group of friends, including Hunith and Mithian, went out to a restaurant for a meal. It was the first outing Merlin since their Christmas shopping trip and the first where he would be out in a public area. They went in the week at lunchtime so it would be quieter and Arthur booked the whole of the backroom. It went well and Merlin seemed to enjoy it and it took his mind of the operation. Freya was able to go with them as well this time, as she managed to get the time off work. Her employers had been difficult on other occasions. Merlin didn’t get to see her very often so it was a nice treat for him.  
Merlin was to be admitted the afternoon before his operation and the night before admission Mithian suggested giving Merlin a sedative tablet before he went to bed. Despite this he another nightmare with a minor panic attack but Arthur and Mithian managed to calm him down without having to resort to injecting him with a sedative. 

Arthur hadn’t been surprised at the nightmare as Merlin had been working himself up all day. The night he was admitted the hospital also gave him a sedative and left the night light on, he managed to get a good night’s sleep, to everyone’s relief.

Arthur and Hunith went to the hospital early and Arthur was allowed to go with Merlin and stay with him until he was anesthetised. Merlin was quite well known amongst the theatre staff and was popular with them. They all knew his history and couldn’t help but admire how he had coped. Arthur went to work, after taking Hunith back to the penthouse, for the day leaving his contact numbers. There was no point him hanging about at the hospital Merlin wouldn’t be out for hours.

At work he got very little done, but at least Lance made sure he was kept busy and Morgana bought him lunch and made him eat it. As soon as five o’clock came he left and went straight to collect Hunith once more and then headed to the hospital and they waited in the ITU visitors lounge.

Merlin was in theatre for nine hours in the end. The surgeons came to see Arthur afterwards and said all had gone well and they hoped he would get the result they had discussed. Merlin was on the ventilator and would be sedated for twenty four hours before being woken up. 

When Arthur saw him he had a blood transfusion going but otherwise looked peaceful. Arthur and Hunith stayed with him until visiting hours were over and then left. Arthur said goodbye to Tristan and Galahad, the body guards, on his way out. He told them he would be back at ten the next morning but to ring anytime if he was needed.

Arthur got no sleep that night, he kept thinking of when Merlin was last in ITU. But at least they were on the home straight now. Merlin had lots of physiotherapy ahead, and it might be years before he recovered mentally, but at least the pain would less and that would surely help. As soon as eight o’clock arrived he rang ITU to find out how Merlin was to be told he was doing well. Arthur said he would visit at ten.

Happier now he knew his husband was progressing well, he went and had a shower and had a quick breakfast before putting on his suit and heading for the office. Hunith was still asleep so he left her a note. After checking with Lance he headed to the hospital.

Once there he sat with Merlin, Gwaine and Hunith arrived at about eleven and joined him. The Doctors were pleased with the young man’s progress. The nurses checked his wrist and arm every half an hour and remained pleased.

As promised, Merlin was back on the orthopaedic ward in two days, and although he was in pain, it was well managed. He made a surprising recovery from such a long operation. Within a couple of days he started on his gentle hand exercises. His wrist was still held immobile by a splint but was now in a more natural position. His wrist wouldn’t be moved for several weeks. His Leg was also kept immobile but a splint. 

Merlin was allowed home after three weeks as planned. At home he remained in bed for the next couple of weeks, only sitting out for short periods, but he seemed much happier in himself. 

Arthur had given Mithian a paid holiday whilst Merlin was in hospital. He didn’t have to as she was paid by the agency but he didn’t want her to find different employment for when Merlin came home. Gwaine spent a week of it with her and he hoped that they made a go of their relationship.

The physiotherapist came to the penthouse every day and continued the gentle movements. These gradually increased both in length of time and amount of movement. Once all the stitches and splints could be removed for periods the regime stepped up a gear and Merlin was put through his paces. After a month he was taken for his first hydrotherapy session and loved it.

Being in the water relieved all the weight on his leg and he was able to walk along supported by a physiotherapist. It was the first time he had ‘walked’ since his original injury. He hated not being able to go more often but only had one session a week. 

Arthur was so pleased he had insisted on have a pool put in their new home. The pool was heated far more than a normal pool so that too much body heat wasn’t lost and was more soothing. Arthur was having PV electric generating panels on the roof of the bungalow to help offset the high running costs of keeping their pool so warm. The build was progressing well and was a couple of weeks ahead of schedule.

Whenever he visited the site he took photos for Merlin, who thought the bungalow looked the size of a hotel and said so. Arthur laughed. They were awaiting the delivery of the windows and then the second fix would start. All the doors were extra wide to allow for easy wheelchair access.

Once the second fix started all the electric switches were also set lower than normal. One of the work surfaces in the kitchen was set at wheelchair height, with one of the two microwaves built in at wheelchair height.

Arthur was having a surprise put in the master bedroom as well as the wet room being fitted out for Merlin to use easily the lighting was going to be spectacular. A planetarium was being set out on the ceiling and walls. This would mean instead of keeping a light on at night they could have the stars and moon bathing the room in soft light.

Arthur had spent ages sourcing the firm who could do this and the electrics had been a nightmare. But he knew Merlin would love it. Arthur was determined to make their home special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...............................................................................................................................................  
>  You might guess from this chapter I have worked in the healthcare sector and my other half is a builder. Sorry if it is to much detail for some of you. I have even included a hand drawn plan for their new home as the next chapter. Sorry but I want it as my dream home.
> 
> Thank you again for all you comments.


	22. Chapter 22

The court case was approaching fast and Alator was a frequent visitor to the penthouse. Merlin liked him, but found it hard mentally to cope. Alator was planning to call Merlin to give evidence but had got permission from the judge to do it via video link to reduce the stress. This had pleased Dr Kilgarrah who had expressed doubts as to Merlin’s ability to cope with a courtroom appearance. 

The defendants had hired a very well respected team, their QC who was acting for all four accused. Their QC was known to be a hard on witnesses and wouldn’t pull his punches with Merlin. Arthur hoped the judge would be on the ball to stop Merlin getting to upset.

The trial was set to last for six weeks and would start in a month’s time. Arthur and their group of friends had a full time task keeping Merlin diverted from spending all his time thinking about the case. His nightmares and panic attacks were becoming more frequent. Luckily the bungalow was keeping Merlin’s mind busy as Arthur started to bring him sample of finishes and choosing things for their new home.

Gwaine had surprised them all by proposing to Mithian- and she had said yes. They were going to live in the two cottages Gwaine had bought from Arthur. He had the same company doing the alterations as Arthur was using for the bungalow. The couple planned on getting married once the court case was over so Merlin could be best man. Once Morgana knew this she told Merlin she would buy his tuxedo and nearer the time would get him measured up. He got an eye roll from Merlin but he agreed since it was for Gwaine’s wedding.

Gwen had been made redundant from her job and Arthur had asked her if she would like the housekeeper come cook’s job for them and after talking it though with Lance had agreed. Gwen loved Merlin like a brother and she loved cooking so it was a perfect chance for her. They were also thinking of starting a family and Arthur had assured her that she would be welcome to bring her little ones to work with her. It was decided that they would to live in the cottage with the large garden, so she was travelling down to start decorating. Arthur gave Lance a month off to help her. They would move just before Arthur and Merlin did. Afterwards Arthur and Lance would travel together to London using the train station in the nearby town and working from the bungalow when they could. Things were beginning to sort themselves out.

The court case was horridly stressful for Merlin and he didn’t cope well. Eventually both Valiant and Cendred admitted to being involved in the kidnap but both denied sexually abusing Merlin and said his injuries were due to falls as they had never beaten him. 

This meant Merlin had to testify. Alator objected to the strong questioning whenever he could and tried to protect him. Both Morgause and Edwin insisted throughout the trial that they were innocent of all charges.

The police did have independent witnesses who had come forward to say both of them had been seen in the area on many occasions in the two year period of Merlin’s incarceration. This combined with other evidence found both at the farmhouse and their homes, was all helpful.

On the third day of questioning Merlin collapsed and had to be taken to hospital, and he was admitted to a psychiatric ward for a few days- much to Arthur’s distress. Merlin was not called again afterwards and stayed at home with Mithian.

The court used Merlin’s statements to the police and notes taken at the sessions with Dr Kilgarrah and Aithusa to fill in the gaps.

Arthur was well used to the high court but found being on the other side very stressful. He found also it difficult not to butt in to protect Merlin. The case overran and lasted a full month longer than anticipated. 

But in the end the jury was quick to find all four guilty on all the charges presses against them. 

There were cheers for the gallery as the verdicts were announced, with Gwaine’s being the loudest. As Arthur left the court he made a short statement before going home to tell Merlin.

Merlin had several nightmares and two daytime panic attacks in the following week and spent many hours either crying or completely withdrawn. Hunith was staying with them for the length of the court case. She had also found the whole experience harrowing. Seeing her son breakdown had confirmed her decision to move permanently into the annex of the new house.

Arthur insisted on giving her an allowance to buy some new furnishing for her new home. She would be bringing only her favourite pieces from Wales. Morgana took her shopping and used Arthurs card so Hunith had trouble keeping an eye on what was being spent. Freya had a week of annual leave due and tagged along.

Due to Merlin’s fragile mental health Arthur and Morgana went out together to buy was needed for the main bungalow. Merlin could always get something different later on if he wanted to. Seven months after the bungalow started, Arthur, Merlin and Hunith moved to their new home.

Gwen and Lance had moved a fortnight before as planned and Gwen did the final bits to the bungalow. Stocking up the kitchen and making it all ready so the two men would just move without worrying. She also stocked up Hunith’s kitchen. Gwaine helped Hunith sort out her old home and transport the things she wanted to keep.

Two of the bodyguards decided they didn’t want to travel or move so Arthur started to look for two more. Percy had applied for one of the posts and Arthur was pleased to take him on. Merlin liked Percy and felt comfortable with him so Arthur arranged suitable training for him. He was not only protective of Merlin but on size alone would intimidate any threats. Percy would take over the last of the cottages with Freya as none of the other bodyguards said they wanted to use it. The team had an office in the bungalow and there was a bed there if needed in emergencies.

Freya handed in her notice and started to look for work nearer their new home. Luckily a local taxi firm was looking for a receptionist and call taker. It was less money but she hadn’t been happy in her previous job.

Gwaine surprised them all by applying for the other post. The gym where he was based for his personal training was changing hands and he didn’t like the new owners. Also his attendance record over the past three years was against him. He suggested to Arthur that he take the post and combine it as personal trainer to Merlin once his physio had finished. Merlin was doing well with his exercises. He did get frustrated at times with his exercise regime, but with Gwaine’s help, as well as the Physiotherapist visits he was progressing.

Arthur gave it some thought before agreeing, as long as Gwaine did a course to get registered as a body guard. He reasoned that if Gwaine was Merlin’s personal trainer he wouldn’t need the second body guard at the same time and he had already thought of asking Gwaine to do some work with Merlin to strengthen this muscles and core stability. Gwaine would be a good companion when Arthur was at work and there was no one he trusted Merlin with more.

The best news was that the hospital had arranged for Merlin’s feeding tube to be removed. Although he was still underweight the young man had gained enough weight that they were happy for him to stop the overnight feeds, so at least now Merlin would be free of that problem and would also have a better appetite for his meals.

Merlin was seeing the physiotherapist less often now, but continued with his exercises. He was sleeping with a squidgy ball in his hand, to help his finger position. He was coping with his wrist and hand exercise’s and could now grip larger items in his left hand. He was still going to the hydrotherapy pool once a week which was helping his leg muscles.

The move went well and Merlin got to see his new home for the first time. He had seen lots of photos thought out the build, but nothing prepared him for the real thing. He loved it and it lifted his mood for the first time since the trial. He couldn’t find anything he would have done differently. Merlin loved the pool and wanted to get straight in but Arthur resisted his pleas saying Gwaine would go in with him the next morning. Merlin had to be content with that. 

The views were stunning and although there was still landscaping to be done it was otherwise completely finished. On the first night when Merlin went to bed and Arthur switched on the planetarium he was stunned. It was more than he could have hoped for. They both spent ages lying on their backs looking at their own night sky.

The design of the whole bungalow worked very well for then both and over the next few days they settled into their new life. Hunith showed Merlin her new home and was obviously thrilled. 

Mithian was going to stay on for a while until Merlin felt able to cope without her. Arthur was happy for her to stay she was good company and a calming influence on Merlin. His weekly wage bill was gradually becoming similar to a small company but he didn’t care as long as Merlin was well looked after. 

Alator’s firm was working on a private prosecution to recover compensation from Morgause for Merlin’s suffering. When her husband had been found guilty the state was unable to recover anything as all their assets were in her name. So it would be rough justice if he lost his assets this way. 

Arthur wasn’t worried about the money but felt that it would give Merlin security against any future needs. If they were successful then some of the wages could be taken from that source if needed and off set tax.


	23. Chapter 23

The plan for the bungalow built by Arthur for Merlin. Sorry for the poor quality it is hand drawn


	24. Chapter 24

Six weeks after the court case Arthur went back to court, leaving Merlin with Mithian. Today was the day for sentencing. Morgause, Valiant and Cendred were given life sentences with recommendation that they serve at least eighteen years and Edwin who had been prosecuted on lesser charges, was given fifteen years with recommendation he serve at least ten. Morgause had tried to claim unsound mind after she was found guilty but this was not upheld after psychiatric reports.

When he got home Arthur told Merlin the verdicts and the young man let out the breath he had been holding since he had seen Arthur arrive home. 

Merlin wasn’t sure what he felt. It was over, yes, but nothing really had changed. Will as still dead and his life was still a mess. He knew he would never be the same person again. After all, he person he had been was dead and buried in that room. He started to cry, not out of relief but, for what he had lost. 

He felt he shouldn’t feel this way but he couldn’t stop himself. Arthur, sensing his distress, pulled him into his arms and held onto him while he cried himself out. 

Merlin eventually pulled himself away and made his way to their bedroom where he lay on the bed. Arthur followed him but he asked to be left alone. Arthur closed the door and went to find Hunith.

He found her in the kitchen and told her the verdict and what Merlin’s reaction had been.

“Are you surprised Arthur? After all, the verdict doesn’t really change anything for him. Nothing can change what has happened. Yes, he will take comfort that they cannot hurt anyone else but it won’t bring back the person he was.” Hunith handed Arthur a cup of coffee.

“Let’s go and sit down, we need to let him think things through, don’t worry. He will come to see it was all he could expect. It must be hard for you, I know, your life is the law but I think this will show you that justice doesn’t solve the whole problem.”

Arthur sat and thought about what Hunith had said and realised she was right. Yes, four people were now in prison, but they still had to live with the aftermath. There were no fixes in situations like theirs. He sat and waited for Merlin to come out of the bedroom. 

When after a couple of hours Merlin still hadn’t emerged, Arthur quietly opened the bedroom door, he wanted to check Merlin was ok. He found that Merlin had drifted off to an obviously uneasy sleep. He took of his shoes and lay down beside the still figure. Watching Merlin for signs he was starting to have a nightmare. 

He loved Merlin more than he could say and wished he could make things better for him. He felt foolish at his first reaction to the verdict thinking they had won, but Hunith was right there were no winner’s, only losers.

Later, when Merlin opened his eyes and saw Arthur there next to him he held out his arms for a cuddle.

“I’m sorry Arthur; I spoiled your news for you”

Arthur held his husband and kissed his forehead.

“No you were right, nothing has changed but we will make it change, we will make our lives better. We both know how precious life is and we will lead it to the full and do things that make us happy. I’m going to work less and we are going to spend more of our time together” he smiled gently “I can’t change what happened but I can change our future. I will work part time for a few years and then I will retire early. I won’t give up yet because I still need to know I am making a difference to people. But you are the most important person in my life. Don’t ever doubt that.”

For a minute, they lay together quietly. Then Merlin asked what happened now.

“Now are you going to get up” Arthur stated. “Your Mum will worry about you and I suspect the crowd will descend later. I know for sure Gwaine will be here, he told me he would only give us a couple of hours before he came over. I know we will regret having him live so close!”

Merlin managed a slight chuckle at that. “You might I won’t, I need him about to keep your ego under control.”

They both got up. Arthur changed out of his now crumpled suit into something more casual and then walked to the sitting room together. 

They had hardly been sat down for a few minutes when Gwaine arrived with a bottle of champagne in his hand. Within an hour all their friends had descended. Hunith greeted them all at the door and quietly told them not to get carried away with their celebrations before letting them in. In the end they had a quiet few drinks to celebrate the end of the court case and toast new beginnings.

That night Merlin wanted Arthur to make love to him. When they tried Merlin couldn’t go through with it. He got upset thinking Arthur would get fed up with having no sex life. Arthur reassured Merlin telling him that he loved Merlin with or without sex. It was after all called making love, not having sex. And he was willing to wait as long as it took, and if it never happened they could still kiss, cuddle and be together.

“Together forever always MINE” he reminded his best friend and husband.

The next night Merlin took the lead and made love to Arthur. It took a bit of sorting due to Merlin leg but it was the first time they had enjoyed such intimate contact. And it made them both happy.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLAN FOR BUNGALOW. Sorry for home drawn effort. ops south facing so arrow wrong way!!

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2llfsw6)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work no longer has a beta as she is busy with her studying and exams. Please let me know if I need to correct anything. I have tried to follow her example in setting out my work. So thank you for all your help jeanshard.
> 
> All the positive comments have given me the necessary encouragement to continue this story to include several other events that have occurred to me.

The bungalow was still living up to expectations. The layout gave Merlin the independence he needed and with the help of Gwaine he got the best possible use out of the pool spending at least an hour every morning there. Merlin found it soothing as well as good for this leg. They would walk up and down the pool several times before doing other exercises. The water came up to Merlin’s shoulders, and being the same depth throughout allowed him to keep his feet on the bottom at all times. Once they had finished with the exercises Merlin would have a few minutes just floating before getting out. If Arthur was at home he would join them and have a swim.

Any of the other staff were allowed to use the pool when Merlin didn’t need it. Sometimes Merlin would go in again in the evening just to swim. He had to be careful of his grafted areas and make sure they were well rinsed and creamed so they didn’t dry out, but that was no hardship.

Merlin also spent half an hour in the gym each day. Gwaine laughed, saying Merlin would soon have better muscles than Percy. The rest of his time was spent either helping Gwen in the kitchen or with his mother in the garden. Merlin still needed to rest during the afternoon for a couple of hours but his strength was slowly increasing.

His wheelchair gave him freedom outside and the villagers got used to seeing him out with his body guards in the local area going for walks in the local woods. Arthur had helped to pay to lay wheelchair friendly paths in the area so many local people benefited. At first there were some comments about the protection that went with Merlin everywhere, but the locals soon got used to it and he became very popular with them. They in turn became very protective of him and made certain that the press, who still tried to run about him, got nowhere when trying to get local gossip.

The local shopkeeper sent many an enquirer of on a wild goose chase if they tried to get directions to the Pendragon household. The local ladies found the presence of the body guards of interest, with many hoping to get themselves a fit young man.  
The gardens were soon finished, and had numerous paths, suitable for Merlin to use in his wheelchair. The large patio area outside the garden meant they could have barbeques when the weather was nice. There were several raised beds where Merlin and Hunith grew vegetables. There was a gardener for the lawns and the large flower beds.

Arthur went back to working four days per week; at least one of those was from home. 

The time pasted and soon the date of Mithian and Gwaine’s wedding had arrived. As promised Morgana had a tuxedo made for Merlin. The wedding wasn’t to big about a hundred guests in total. But that was enough to scare Merlin. He was still having difficulties with strangers.

Arthur helped Merlin as much as he could, and sat next to Merlin throughout the day. When it came to the church Merlin was determined to stand and not use his wheelchair. Gwaine was worried but agreed in the end. The day went well and the reception was held in a marquee on the bungalow lawn. Merlin stood for the speech, and to help Merlin cope with all the strangers Hunith sat to the back of the room. Arthur held the nervous man’s hand out of sight and Merlin looked directly at his mum pretending no one else was there. 

Arthur could feel the sweat on Merlin’s hand and felt him trembling, but the speech went off well. As soon as he could Merlin left and went to lie down for awhile to calm down. Arthur went with him and they both returned later.

The newlyweds had a lovely day, and Merlin being there made Gwaine’s day. The party went on into the night and several guests stayed either in the bungalow or the cottages. Mithian and Gwaine left during the evening for the honeymoon to the Seychelles, a present from Arthur and Merlin.

Merlin didn’t get up until ten o’clock the next morning, he was exhausted. When he did get up, it was to find all the people who had stayed the night before all in the kitchen having breakfast. He knew most of them so was happy in their company.

By lunchtime they had all left, except for Morgana and Leon who stayed all weekend. They had their own announcement to make, Morgana was pregnant. Merlin and Arthur were asked to be godparents and they both agreed. The news did make Merlin sad, he and Arthur had been trying to adopt before the kidnapping but now Merlin didn’t think he would be able to cope. He told Arthur that he already had a child to look after- him. Arthur told him he was being an idiot, as Merlin was far from a child. Arthur said it didn’t matter about children they had each other.

Merlin missed Gwaine’s company for the next fortnight, but Percy went into the pool with him each morning so he could keep up with his exercises. Freya came in with them one day, but the water was too deep for her to put her feet on the bottom, so she didn’t stay in very long. The pool had been built to Merlin’s requirements and by being the depth it was allowed Merlin’s shoulders to be underwater and keep warm.

Gwen loved her job as housekeeper and kept them very well fed. She enjoyed having Merlin help her in the kitchen and he soon learnt several recipes from her. Hunith laughed saying she had never been able to get Merlin to cook when he lived at home. Gwen and Hunith went together for food shopping and had become great friends. The vegetables that were grown in the garden were shared between the two. Merlin was now eating some meat dishes. Although he had been vegetarian, this had stopped in captivity, and in the effort to get him recover and gain weight he had continued to eat what he was given. So he now continued to eat some meat dishes. 

Merlin often made something for Arthur to take to work for lunch. Arthur knew this made Merlin feel useful and he always took it with a smile.

The commute into the city worked well for Arthur and Lance. Travelling together gave them the change to do some work on the train. On the days Arthur worked from home, Lance would either work with him, or travel in to the office alone. Arthur had resumed taking on the big cases but very seldom worked more than four days per week. His home office opened up onto the lounge and Merlin would bring him coffee as he was working. Sometimes however Arthur found himself doing more talking than working, but he could always make up the time later, as Merlin nearly always went to bed by nine thirty.

A couple of months after Morgana and Leon’s announcement, Gwen and Lance announced that they too were expecting a child. Once again the two men were asked to be godparents. Mithian said she would cover for Gwen when she needed maternity leave. It seemed the place would soon be full of children.

Morgana visited one day to speak to Merlin, she looked nervous:

“Merlin I’m sorry to bring this up but I need to sort something out.” It was obvious she was finding it difficult.

“Go ahead Morgana, it can’t be that bad.”

“Well…I haven’t ever filled your job as my PA. I’ve used temps but the latest one is good, and I would like to offer her a permanent contract. I feel bad but I don’t think you will be coming back.”

Merlin was amazed “I thought you would have filled that ages ago Morgana”

“Well no….it was your job… I couldn’t… until we knew.”

“Well I won’t be any good to you now, will I” Merlin sounded bitter, he didn’t mean to.

“Oh Merlin I don’t mean it like that, if I thought you would want the job I would keep it open” she sounded really upset.

“Sorry Morgana, I didn’t mean it like that, anyway can you see Arthur letting me back, even if I could. You wouldn’t want Percy sitting next to me, even if I was able to do the work” Merlin smiled at her.

“That’s true, I’m glad you’re ok about it. Thank you. I couldn’t have just done it without telling you” Morgana looked relieved.

“Don’t be daft, like I said, I thought you will have got someone before now. Does that mean I have a leaving present due?” he smiled at his sister in law.

“Yes of course, what would you like? Do you feel up to coming in one day and seeing everyone? They would love to see you and we could have a leaving party.”

“I doubt it, sorry. I can’t go anywhere near the park. I won’t go to Arthur’s office either. I should I suppose, but I can’t. I’m being stupid.” Merlin looked at his old boss hoping she understood.

“That’s fine Merlin I understand” she sat not knowing what to say.

“Well change of subject. How are you and the baby?” Merlin smiled at her.

“Doing well, at least I’m not sick any more, fancy Gwen being pregnant as well. By the way it’s a girl. We weren’t going to say but Leon went and told his mother so it’s out now.”

They sat and chatted for awhile before Morgana left. After she had gone Merlin found himself getting upset. It was silly he hadn’t even thought of his old job, but now he knew it wasn’t there anymore he felt rejected. Gwaine had come back to bring him a coffee. He had left the Merlin alone with his visitor, but now Morgana had gone had come to check on his charge. He found Merlin looking out of the lounge window, tears running down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Kudos and comments.


	27. Chapter 27

“What’s up mate?” he asked.

“I’m just being silly” Merlin went on to tell Gwaine what Morgana had said about his old job. 

Gwaine understood Merlin’s distress and tried to comfort him. But Merlin just wanted to be left alone. A short while later Arthur returned home and Gwaine told him what had happened. Arthur went in to see him and hugged the upset man and held him. Merlin sobbed into his partner’s chest making his shirt all wet.

“Come on love, let it all out.” Arthur was secretly cursing Morgana.

“I’m stupid getting so upset. I hadn’t even thought about the job until today, so why am I crying?” He took a deep breath and dried his eyes. “Sorry, I’ve made your shirt all wet.”

Arthur grinned at him “Well I was going to change it anyway, come on we can talk as I change.” 

As Arthur changed, he started to think about Merlin’s future.

“Merlin, why don’t you give it some thought, there must be something you could do, perhaps from home? Something you can do part time to start with and see how you go.”

“I don’t see what. Half the time I can’t even think straight, I’m a nut case don’t forget.” Merlin sounded very bitter.

“Don’t ever say that Merlin! You’ve got a good mind, and something structured to do might help. Just give it some thought.”

“Ok, but I don’t see what. I might be alright some of the time, but other times my mind just goes into a hole somewhere.”

Arthur knew from Merlin’s tone that he would even give the matter any thought. Well, he would. Even if not now, there must be something Merlin could do in the future that would make good use of his skills.

They went into the master bedroom and Arthur took off his suit. As he got a t shirt out of the draw, he felt Merlin’s arms go round his waist. They ended up staying in the bedroom for over an hour, before finally going back to the lounge.

“Now there’s a good reason not to work” said Merlin with a grin on his face. The trouble was, Arthur could see that the grin never got as far as Merlin’s eyes.

Life gradually fell into a rhythm, Merlin still had the occasional nightmare and panic attack and he wasn’t able to be the little spoon when sleeping with Arthur. Something he really missed, but they often led that way for awhile once they woke up at the weekends. Arthur made sure they had a lie in for just that purpose. Merlin gradually seemed to accept his new life.

Merlin had a final outpatients visit at Guys. After a discussion with the plastic surgeons, Merlin decided against plastic surgery to reduce the ugly scars from Edwin’s botched up stitching. He had so many scars anyway that he saw no need to undergo surgery to reduce some of them. Arthur assured him they made no difference to him, he still found Merlin beautiful, scars and all. Which got Merlin cross, he insisted he wasn’t a girl, so couldn’t be beautiful anyway.

 

Merlin was still seeing the clinical psychologist and psychiatrist, but they visited him at home. But all his other treatments were over. They both knew he would continue to be checked by the respiratory team every year, for his breathing problems, but otherwise they were both glad to see the back of hospitals.

In November they received an invite to the village firework night and Merlin actually agreed to go. He was wrapped up by Arthur, and complained he felt like a child, but Arthur only replied that bonfire night was for children anyway. It was the first time they had been to a village event. Merlin still didn’t like crowds. Arthur decided it was the darkness that allowed Merlin to enjoy it so much, as he couldn’t see everyone.

Christmas soon came round once more. This time Merlin did his shopping on line. The bungalow was decorated and Merlin had a large Christmas tree in the lounge. He made Arthur decorate the top half while he did the base. Everyone was coming to Christmas dinner and Hunith was going to help Gwen and Mithian do the cooking. Nice smells came for the kitchen nearly every day and Merlin got involved in quite a bit of the cooking.

The village children knocked on the door one evening. They sang some carols and it made them feel like part of the community. On Christmas day Mithian and Gwaine announced that they too were expecting a baby. Arthur rolled his eyes and said it must be the country air. That would be three children in the group by next Christmas. Merlin was pleased for the couple and gave them both a Merlin special. A ‘half hug’ where his back wasn’t touched.  
Christmas day went well and they all had a good meal. They all enjoyed themselves. On Boxing Day only Hunith, Gwaine and Mithian were left the other visitors had gone home. They had just had a light tea and had settled down to watch television. They started to watch a James Bond film. As usual Bond had got captured and was being interrogated. None of them noticed Merlin until they heard him whimpering. Merlin was sat in his wheelchair and was staring at the screen in horror. Arthur suddenly realised that the scene was bringing memories back to Merlin of his beatings during captivity.

Arthur got up immediately and went to Merlin. Gwaine switched off the TV. Merlin was panicking and wouldn’t let Arthur touch him. He suddenly stood up and ran limping into the corridor, falling over as he did so. He crawled to the wall and curled up in a ball. Arthur kept talking to him, but he wouldn’t respond. Merlin continued to whimper and cower, terrified. Mithian had gone to the medicine cupboard and come out with an injection of sedative. She spoke to Arthur:  
“Arthur I need to get near him and inject him. I’m sorry but he’s gone too far for a tablet and not going to settle without an injection. Try to hold him gently and I will be quick.”

Arthur moved forward and put his arms round Merlin who started to struggle. Mithian moved in and injected the trapped man. Arthur loosened his hold but kept talking to him, trying to get through the panic that had possessed the scared man. As the injection took hold Merlin began to settle. Arthur then gathered Merlin up into his arms and carried him into their bedroom and laid him on their bed. 

He switched on the night sky and talked to Merlin in a soothing voice, stroking his hair as he did so. Tears were running down the blonde man’s face. It had been over a month since Merlin had had a nightmare let alone a daytime panic attack. The others were sat in the lounge shocked by what had happened.

“Bugger!” Gwaine was upset; he hadn’t given a thought to what they were watching, and its possible effect on Merlin. He had been fine other times when they had watched TV.  
“We should have known” Mithian said “But then it will always be hard to know what will trigger him and when. He’s watched a bond film and been ok. I don’t suppose we can’t protect him from everything, much as we would like to.” Mithian was trying to comfort her husband. The Bond film had been his suggestion.

In the bedroom Merlin had at last fallen asleep; the sedative was doing its work. Arthur composed himself before returning to the others.

“He’s settled. I hope he hasn’t hurt himself falling like that” Gwaine passed Arthur a drink of whiskey. “Have some of that princess.”

Arthur took a sip “Thanks Gwaine, will this ever end?” he put his head in his hands.

“Look son, you know he still has a way to go. We can’t predict everything. You know what Dr Kilgarrah said, Merlin hasn’t told us everything. Even Merlin himself can’t predict his triggers. Don’t blame yourself.” Hunith sat down next to her son in law and put her arm round his shoulder.   
The episode had finished the evening for everyone, and they went home. Mithian told Arthur to ring if he needed anything in the night. Arthur went back to Merlin and changing into his night clothes got into bed and cuddled up to Merlin.


	28. Chapter 28

He gradually dozed off. At six o’clock in the morning Merlin stirred and woke Arthur, he looked confused.

“Hi love, how you feeling?” Arthur asked him.

“I feel funny, when did we come to bed?”

“You had a panic attack last night, we had to give you a sedative. You took a fall do you hurt anywhere?”

Merlin stretched “Don’t think so, I don’t hurt anywhere, got a headache.”

“You lie there I’ll go and get you a paracetamol and a drink.” Arthur went to the kitchen for the water and collected the tablets from the bedside table. Helping Merlin to sit up he gave him the water and tablets.

They cuddled down for a while before getting up and having a shower together. Arthur checked Merlin for any damage and except for a few small bruises Merlin seemed to have escaped to much damage. Getting dressed they went to the kitchen get something to eat. Merlin held onto Arthurs arm he still felt a bit woozy. Mithian arrived about an hour later to see how Merlin was; she was pleased to see Merlin up and about.  
“Sorry if I spoiled your evening.” Merlin muttered embarrassed at the panic attack.

“That’s no problem, as long as you’re ok” Mithian reassured him. Gwaine turned up a bit later and they all chatted for a while. Merlin told Gwaine he still felt wobbly and wanted to leave his hydrotherapy till later and went to his mothers to tell her he was ok. Arthur kept an eye on him from a distance.

The two men decided to spend the rest of the holiday relaxing and trying to keep any stress to a minimum. They didn’t even stay up to see the New Year in. Arthur was paranoid about what they watched, until Merlin threatened to hit him. But even so Arthur watched Merlin, more that the TV, for signs of stress.

The winter months were hardest on Merlin he was trapped indoors most of the time and found time dragged. He drove Gwaine nuts on occasion, as he was the one who spent most daytime hours with him. But then they started to play board games and that filled in time. Hunith also bought Merlin a very large jigsaw that took a couple of weeks to do. They took over Arthur’s desk in his office to do it which left Arthur little space to work when he was home. The jigsaw was a sea scene, so most of the pieces were very similar. Percy seemed to be best at finding the pieces so more was completed on his shifts.

In February Morgana gave birth to her daughter, who they called Miranda the nearest they could get to a female form of Merlin. Merlin loved her and when they visited he spent ages cuddling her. Morgana visited quite frequently while she was on maternity leave. 

On one visit she asked Arthur if Uther could come with her the next time. Arthur was surprised. Except for a couple of phone calls to his office he hadn’t seen or heard from his father since Merlin was in Oxford. 

“Why does he want to come here? Merlin has been home for two years and he hasn’t come before.” Arthur was suspicious.

 

“He’s getting old Arthur, me having the baby has made him want to be closer to us once more.”

“Don’t be daft Morgana, we’ve never been close. Don’t forget he disowned me.” Arthur couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. “Anyone would think there was an election coming up and he needs to be seen as a family man.”

“Look Arthur I agree he’s a hard man but he sounded genuine, he’s thinking of standing down at the next election and I think it’s made him realise what he has lost. Give him a chance.” Morgana understood he brother’s reluctance but wanted him to meet his father again.

“OK but tell him he treats Merlin with respect and any sign of his bigotry and he gets thrown out.” Arthur hoped he wasn’t making a mistake. “And he only gets to see Merlin if Merlin agrees.”

Morgana didn’t mind that she knew Merlin would say yes. Arthur asked Merlin what he thought and as Morgana had thought he agreed it was a good idea. He didn’t like Arthur’s father but at the same time he wanted his husband to have his family closer to him, after all Merlin’s mother practically lived with them. So Arthur told his sister to arrange it.  
The visit happened a week later. It was short but went reasonably well. Uther was polite to Merlin and even called him by his name which was a first. Arthur remained very much on his guard and watched his father for any sign of insult to Merlin. Merlin was nervous before the visit but did his best to make Uther feel welcome. Uther left after an hour asking if he could visit again. Arthur agreed and shock his father’s hand as he left. Hardly an over friendly gesture, but a start.

 

In March Merlin came down with the flu and he had to use his oxygen all the time. He was very miserable and felt wretched. Arthur took the time off work and was worried sick. At one stage they thought Merlin would need to go to hospital, but Merlin refused and luckily they managed to keep him at home. 

It took him several weeks to get over it and Merlin lost weight once more. Gwen made all his favourite dishes to try to tempt him. He hated the oxygen mask and often took it off until someone noticed and made him put it back on. He also hated the fact that he wasn’t well enough to get in the pool. He became very moody and irritable. It took a lot of patience on Arthur’s part not to shout at Merlin. Hunith tried to act as a buffer between the two and was mostly successful.

Merlin was getting better when Gwen went into labour. After a short labour she had a girl and called her Penny. The two new babies were going to be christened on the same day to save Merlin going to church twice. Both babies would share two of their godparents, Arthur and Merlin. The Christening was held the first Sunday in June and they were both very well behaved.

The weather was warming up and Hunith and Merlin had already started to grow their vegetables once more. Arthur had ordered a wheelchair friendly greenhouse to be built for the pair. Merlin managed to get a mild case of sunburn which infuriated Arthur. It was too early in the year! 

Then in late June Merlin told Arthur that he wanted to visit Will’s grave. Arthur had been dreading this day. It meant he would have to tell Merlin the date of Will’s death, after all it was written on the grave stone. Merlin knew something was wrong.  
“What’s the matter Arthur don’t you want me to go? I need to, I need closure. I haven’t said goodbye.” he looked at Arthur silently pleading with him  
“No of course you can go, it’s just… well I haven’t told you everything” he looked at Merlin and decided just to come out with it. “He died on your birthday.”  
“Oh” Merlin’s eyes started to water. “That explains why he was so drunk, thank you for telling me.”  
“It’s on the stone Merlin” Arthur was pleased Merlin seemed to have taken it so well. But he would keep an eye on him in case he had a nightmare that night.   
“I suppose it is, well can I go?”   
“Yes of course, we can go this weekend if you like. It will take about three and a half hours each way. Do you want to stay the night there or come back the same day?”  
“Come back, I don’t want to stay away, is that ok?” Merlin knew it meant a lot of driving for Arthur.  
“I’ll arrange for one of the other boys to come as well, I think Gilli is on duty but I’m not sure who else. We can go in my car it’s more comfortable for long journeys. We have the fold up wheelchair in the boot”   
“Ok, thank you” Merlin had been expecting Arthur to try to stop him going and was pleased it had been so easy.  
In the end Gilli and Pellinor went with them, Arthur would have liked Gwaine to go but he was away visiting Mithian’s parents. Freya packed them a lunch as Merlin said he didn’t want to stop in Ealdor. He didn’t want to meet anyone he knew. He dreaded anyone asking him questions or looking at him with pity. Gwen was still on maternity leave so Freya was covering for Mithian that weekend while she was away at her parents. Freya promised to have something nice and hot ready for when they got back.

To Merlin’s surprise the body guards took in turns driving, and Arthur sat with Merlin in the back. When they got to the grave Merlin put some flowers by the headstone. He sat quietly tears running down his face. Arthur stood by his side remembering the day of the funeral. The body guards kept a respectful distance.

Merlin turned to Arthur:   
“Can you leave me alone for a while please?” Arthur walked back and stood with the others. Merlin sat looking at the grave Arthur could hear the young man talking quietly and assumed he was talking to his childhood friend. They stayed by the grave for just over an hour, before Merlin asked if they could go home. Before leaving they sat and ate the food Freya had packed for them.

On the way back the grieving Merlin snuggled up to Arthur and fell asleep. Arriving back at the bungalow Arthur woke Merlin, he helped the young man into his wheelchair and they went inside. Merlin went straight to bed refusing his evening meal. Arthur and the others ate their food in silence.   
After sobbing himself to sleep Merlin managed to get a good night’s sleep well. Merlin never discussed the day with anyone.


	29. Chapter 29

Summer was here and Merlin seemed to be getting more settled in himself. The couple had several barbeques for their friends and family. The two babies were christened on the same day and Merlin was as proud as punch. He selected special gifts for each of them. He loved the children and was always the first to ask to hold them when he could. He even got the bodyguards to take him to Gwen’s several times to visit. In fact in the end Arthur had a hard path laid to her cottage, he worried about Merlin falling from his wheelchair on the loose gravel. 

 

Arthur was working more and more from home only going in to London when he had to meet clients or attend court. One morning Arthur had crept quietly out of bed leaving Merlin asleep, he was leaving the bungalow by seven and didn’t want to disturb Merlin.

Percy was on the night shift, and was going to keep an eye on Merlin until Gwaine came on duty. Merlin was independent enough to get himself up, showered and dressed so it wasn’t a problem. Percy walked up the passageway every quarter of an hour, so he would hear if Merlin needed him. Merlin also had an intercom system to both the kitchen and bodyguards office. One of the men on duty was nearly always in their office watching the security cameras. It was about an hour after Arthur had left when Percy heard some strange noises from the master bedroom. He called out and on receiving no answer opened the door. 

Looking into the bedroom he saw it was empty. Percy thinking Merlin must be in the wet room called out, but there was no answer. He knocked on the door and called out again. Getting no answer he opened the door and looked in. Merlin was led on the wet floor still and unmoving. Percy entered and had a closer look. Merlin was out cold and there was a small pool of blood under his head. 

He felt for a pulse and was relieved to find one. He touched Merlin’s shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. There was still no response and Merlin was cold to the touch. He quickly covered the naked form with a towel to try to stop the young man getting any colder. Pulling out his mobile he dialled 999 to call for an ambulance before contacting Gilli, to inform him and to ask him to check everywhere for any signs of intruders, just to be sure. Percy was fairly certain the young man had fallen or collapsed but he wasn’t taking any chances. Percy then rang Gwaine to tell him what was happening and to ask if he would mind coming across with Mithian and inform Hunith. Percy stayed near the unconscious Merlin and waited for Gwaine to arrive; he figured if Merlin woke up confused he would be better with his friend there, as Arthur wasn’t available. 

Gwaine and Mithian soon arrived; Percy quickly told them what he had found. Mithian knelt down and checked Merlin. Then she asked Gwaine to get Merlin’s portable oxygen from by the bed. He handed the mask to her and she carefully placed the mask over Merlin’s face.

“We better not move him until the ambulance gets here. Percy have you phoned Arthur?” Mithian asked.

“No. I was waiting for you to get here, so I had more to tell him.” Percy replied.

“Well I think you’d better let him know, we won’t know anymore anyway until he gets to hospital.” With that Percy’s phone rang.  
“It’s Gilli” he spoke briefly to the other man. He turned back to Gwaine:  
“There’s no sign of any intruders, but Gilli will wait for the ambulance to arrive and bring them through.”

Gwaine rang Arthur and explained what had happened, promising to let the other man know what hospital Merlin was going to be taken to. While he was talking to Arthur he collected the duvet from the bed, and spread over Merlin. Before helping his wife to get up from where she was kneeling by the still form. She was eight months pregnant and he didn’t want her to stay on the damp floor. Gwaine took her place and looked worriedly at his friend.  
“I’ll go and collect Merlin’s medication and pack an overnight bag for him.” said Mithian wanting something useful to do.

The ambulance arrived ten minutes later. Gilli brought the paramedics though and on the way briefly explained Merlin’s past medical history. 

One of the paramedics knelt down as Gwaine moved to one side.

“Go careful mate, if he wakes we might have a problem, he hates anyone, even his husband, touching his back or nether regions.” The brunette warned.  
“Thank you for that information Sir. I remember the case from the trial so can guess why.”

The paramedic tried to wake Merlin but the young man didn’t stir. Turning to his colleague he said:  
“We’ll need a neck brace and the back board, while you’re getting that I’ll get an I/V going.” Turning to the others he asked “Who was the first to find him?”

Percy stood forward “I was”

“Has he been conscious at all?”

“No, he was just like you see him now” Percy said.

“Does anyone have any idea how long he could have been here?”

Percy answered once again “No longer than a quarter of an hour. I checked him then; I was walking up and down and heard the shower start up.”

The paramedic quickly sited a venflon in Merlin’s good arm and took a set of vital signs. Checked over what he could of the still form without moving him. He asked several questions about Merlin’s health which Mithian answered.

“It looks like he fell, that’s quite a knock on his head. We’ll get him into the neck brace and onto the back board before we do anything else. Can you give us so room please” They all moved out into the corridor. 

The two paramedics gently moved Merlin onto the back board and then checked the rest of him. Once finished they wrapped him up and strapped him onto the trolley. There was an intravenous drip going as well as the oxygen.

“It looks like he might have broken his arm as well as the nasty knock to his head. We’re going to take him to Stoke Mandeville Hospital. Are any of you next of kin?”

Hunith had arrived whilst the paramedics were working.

“I’m his mother, his husband’s at work, we’ve let him know, can I come with you?” Hunith was clearly worried. She had got dressed before coming to the bedroom so she would be able to leave straight away.  
“Yes of course, if any others wish to come I’m afraid you will have to follow in a car.”  
“I need to come as well, Mr Pendragon insists on two body guards present at all times. The others will follow in a car” Gwaine butted in.

“Look Sir, we need to be able to work on the patient, there isn’t room for more than one other person” the paramedic clearly wasn’t going to allow more people.

“Don’t worry Gwaine, you go with him I’ll follow in the car” Hunith wasn’t about to cause any delays.

“Right then, let’s get going. We’re headed to Stoke Mandeville Accident and Emergency. We will blue light there, but please follow safely and don’t try to keep up with us.”

Mithian handed Gwaine the medications she had packed and book listing Merlin’s medical history and the Consultant’s numbers from Guys. “Take the book in case they need to know anything, but don’t let them lose it, Hunith can bring the overnight bag later.” She gave Gwaine a kiss.

“Look after him Gwaine” Hunith said a hitch in her voice. With that they got Merlin into the ambulance and left.

Percy took Hunith and followed in the car, taking Merlin’s wheelchair with them just in case it was needed. Mithian phoned Arthur and found he had already left London and was heading towards home. He could now go straight to Stoke Mandeville. All the rest could do now was wait for news. Gwen had arrived and cleaned up the wet room, before joining the rest in the kitchen.

 

Arthur had been in a department meeting when Gwaine had phoned. He was shocked to hear what had happened, and said he would start heading home. Leon was also at the meeting and refused to let Arthur drive.

“You’re in no fit state; Merlin would never forgive me if you crashed. I’ll drive you. I expect they will take him to Stoke Mandeville. If we start heading that way we can change direction if we need to. Lance can you phone Morgana and let her know, tell her to wait until I phone her before going anywhere.” 

With that the two men set off, both of them remembering their previous journey, to Oxford.

Merlin was just beginning to come to, by the time the ambulance pulled up at the hospital. Gwaine started to talk to him softly reassuring Merlin, he didn’t want the young man to panic as he woke up. The paramedics soon had Merlin in a bay in A&E. As soon as he was settled one nurse started to take Merlin’s vital signs, as another nurse took the details from the paramedics. It wasn’t long before a doctor arrived.

The doctor spoke to Gwaine and got some more of Merlin’s background history. Then he gave Merlin a thorough examination, before he went off to arrange a C.T. scan of Merlin’s scull, and x-rays for his arm. Before long Hunith and Percy had arrived and came to Merlin’s side. Hunith was please to see Merlin a little more awake although he was still very drowsy.

The next person to see Merlin was the A&E consultant who also examined Merlin. By then the CT scan department had called for him. Gwaine went with them. No one had yet questioned his presence; he assumed they thought he was next of kin. Gwaine asked if he could stay as close expaining Merlin would panic if he woke up fully. He was given a lead apron and allowed to stay. After the scan was done Merlin was taken straight though to x-ray. By the time he was back in A&E Arthur and Leon had arrived.  
The staff insisted that all but Arthur and Hunith wait in the waiting room so the medical team had room to look after Merlin. Gwaine finally had to leave his best friends side. The results of the C T and x-rays came though and the Consultant spoke to Arthur.

“Mr Pendragon has bad concussion, but there is no bleeding on the brain nor any fractures to his skull. He has a spiral fracture of his left Ulna. This tends to suggest that he may have put his arm out to save himself. We’ll need to put a cast on it. As you are aware his has had extensive work done on that wrist and hand but they appear to be undamaged. I will send the x-rays to Guys to be sure. We will need to admit him at least overnight, and maybe a couple of days to monitor him. The plastic surgeons will give him a local anaesthetic and stitch up his head wound before we send him to a ward.” The consultant sounded sympathetic.

“I’m sorry to be nuisance, but there is no way he can be sutured with only a local anaesthetic. He has physiological issues with needles, due to his treatment when he was kidnapped, He won’t be able to tolerate being awake, you may need to speak to Guys. Dr Kilgarrah is his Psychiatrist there. I understand Gwaine has given you a list of phone numbers. Also for the same reason I would like Merlin to have a single room, I am happy to pay for it.” Arthur was determined not to put Merlin under any more stress from another admission.

“I’ll speak to the anaesthetists, but I’m sure they won’t want to give him a G.A. because of his head injury. After all it’s a small procedure. However I’ll get the plastic surgeon to have a word with you. I will also mention to the single room bed manager.” With that he walked off to see his next patient.  
A bit later another doctor arrived. “Hello my name is Mr Dunford, I’m your husband’s plastic surgeon. I understand Mr Pendragon has a problem with having a local for his head wound. Can you come to the office and explain further please? Perhaps we can sort something out.”

Arthur went with him and sat down and explained the problem. The surgeon picked up the phone and spoke to Dr Kilgarrah before speaking to Arthur once more:  
“I think the best thing we can do is use his hair and tie small amounts of it to pull the wound together in the hair line, and use steri strip tapes to hold the remainder over the forehead, it won’t give the best cosmetic result, but we don’t really have a choice.” He seemed to understand.  
“Later we can do a revision under a General Anaesthetic if it’s required. He won’t be able to wash his hair for ten days. If you can be with him we will do it now, so he can get settled in a bed as soon as possible. He’s still not fully conscious so that will help.” Arthur went back to Merlin’s side and sat next to Merlin while the doctors sorted out his head wound.

As soon as that was done the orthopaedic team put a cast on his forearm. The bed manager arrived to speak to Arthur. She arranged for Merlin to have a side ward and be treated as a private patient. Arthur also explained about the two bodyguards, this was not so well received; she agreed but said they would have to stay in the room with Merlin. Arthur agreed after all it was only for a couple of nights. If it was going to be for longer he would arrange for Merlin to be transferred to a private hospital.

Two porters then arrived to take Merlin up to the medical ward. Hunith went and found the others and they all followed. It was an hour later, before Merlin was more aware of what was going on. Percy had gone home as Pellinor and Kay had come to take over. Gwaine also went back very reluctantly; he knew Mithian would want him home. By then Morgana had arrived and stayed for an hour before Leon took Hunith back to the bungalow before going home themselves.

That left Arthur with the new shift of bodyguards. Arthur decided he would stay the night. Merlin was woken up regularly and his observations taken. His made Merlin very ratty, especially having a torch shone in his eyes. Luckily he only had to stay in for forty eight hours and then they let him go home. Arthur was given a leaflet telling him what to look out for and an appointment to come back to the orthopaedic clinic in a week for Merlin’s arm to be checked. It wasn’t long before the couple together with Gilli and Percy set off home.

When they arrived back they were greeted by Gwen, who had made Merlin a carrot cake, his favourite. She was so pleased to see him back. Gwaine came over from his cottage, within ten minutes and was soon sat eating a slice of cake and having a coffee.

Arthur told Merlin he could only have a shower if either he or Gwaine was there in future. This brought back the old Merlin briefly:

“Get lost prat, I’m not a baby I don’t need you watching me” Merlin was outraged.

“I’m not going to back down on this Merlin, so hard luck” Arthur wasn’t going to risk another accident.

“Yeh, we’ll see about that, I’m not your child you can get stuffed!”

Merlin stood up from the table and moved off as quickly as he could, but due to his weak leg and being stiff from his fall, he was very unsteady. Arthur stood up to stop him.

“I’ll go after him boss” Percy said from where he had been standing.

“He might just blow off a bit more if you go” Percy followed the irate man as he went out into the garden.

Merlin had only just reached the edge of the patio when he started to fall. Percy caught him and gently helped him onto a nearby bench.

“Calm down mate, you should be in your wheelchair out here” Percy kept his tone neutral.

“Don’t you start, I’ve had enough, I’m a grown man I don’t need this constant babysitting. Leave me to live my life, I might be a cripple and a mental case but I still want my own life” Merlin was obviously wound up.

“Merlin I don’t think anyone is suggesting you need babysitting.” Merlin butted in before Percy could say anymore.

“No then what are you here for, clear off and leave me alone.”

Percy realised there was no reasoning with Merlin in his present state so moved away. He still kept an eye on Merlin but from a distance.  
In the kitchen Gwaine spoke to Arthur “Not the best timing mate. Leave him to calm down but don’t push him too far. Life’s a risk you can’t protect him from everything.” With that Gwaine went out to speak to Percy:

“What did he say Perc?”  
Percy repeated what Merlin had said.  
“I don’t think it’s worth trying to deal with him now Gwaine, just leave him to calm down. The trouble is looking at it from his point of view he’s right isn’t he?” Percy looked at the other man.  
“Yeh, that’s what I told Arthur, I can see where there both coming from, but what do we do?” Gwaine walked back to the house and went to find Arthur. Once he found the worried man he explained the conversation Merlin had had with Percy.  
“As I said I know you want to protect Merlin, and don’t get me wrong so do I, but I think you need to sit down with Merl and talk this through. We can’t protect him from everything. It’ll do his head in.”

Arthur looked at Gwaine “I didn’t realise he thought that way. Oh God Gwaine, what do I do? He was taken in the first place because of me; if he hadn’t met me he would still be ok.” Arthur looked lost.

“Listen Arthur, you can’t think that way, he’s right though, you have to let him have some control. Think how you would react, if you were in his place. Talk to him Arthur. Be honest with him.”

Arthur thought through what he had heard. “You’re right, I’ll give him awhile and then go and speak to him” Arthur went to his office to think some more. He was in a quandary, he wanted to keep Merlin safe, but he also wanted him to feel good about himself. Arthur realised he himself still felt guilty about the health problems his husband was facing, and the reasons for them. He thought he had dealt with them, but perhaps he was only kidding himself. Half an hour later he walked to the patio. When he got outside he saw that Merlin had moved and was lying on the lawn. Spotting Percy he went to speak to him.

“Did he fall?” he asked the bodyguard.

“No boss, he asked me help him, he likes to cloud watch. We often put him down and help him back up later. He looks up at the sky and tries to spot shapes in the clouds. I did it with him the other day, we even spotted a dragon; I hadn’t done it since I was a kid. I think it works the same as the planetarium in his bedroom, calms his mind” Percy smiled at Arthur’s expression. “Go on boss live at little.”

Arthur walked down to Merlin and led down beside him.

“Hey, look I’m sorry, I was being over the top, I just want you to be safe.” He turned his head to look at the other man. Merlin ignored him.

“Merlin, talk to me love, please.”

Merlin took a deep breath “You can’t rule my life Arthur. I can’t do anything without someone watching me. I have to be able to do some things by myself.”

“I know, I just don’t want anything else to happen to you, I can’t cope with that Merlin. The two years you were missing was hell for me, and then when I got you back you were so ill…….I wanted to take it all away from you. It was my fault…” Arthur’s voice broke he couldn’t say anymore.  
“No it wasn’t your fault, don’t you dare say that, they were to blame not you! I can’t live this way Arthur…please, I understand the bodyguards…just. But don’t try to stop me doing things by myself.” Merlin had tears running down his face He still hadn’t looked at Arthur.

Arthur lay on his side and took Merlin’s good hand in his. “Merlin I love you, don’t forget that. We can talk this through don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not, but I need to think. I need to work out what I want to do.”

Arthur was uncertain what Merlin was trying to say to him. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but you can’t control everything Arthur. I need to get my life back. Just let me think, ok. I’ll be in soon” with that he removed his hand from Arthur’s.

Arthur led there for a couple more minutes then got up and walked slowly indoors. He went into to his office and shut the door. Gwaine watched the blonde man enter the house and followed him. Knocking on the office door he walked straight in.  
“Go away” Arthur said without looking up.

“No I won’t, now what’s going on?” Gwaine obviously wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“He won’t talk to me; he says he needs think what to do; he wants to get his life back. What does that mean Gwaine?” Arthur was nearly in tears. Did his husband want to leave him?

“I don’t know what he means Arthur, but don’t push him. He’s been through a lot, you both have. And don’t forget he’s supposed to be kept calm for a few days. Just let him have some space. He loves you, you know he does.”

Gwaine left the other man to think and went back to speak to Percy, asking him to keep a careful eye on Merlin, after all the young man was suffering from the effects of his fall still. An hour later, Hunith went out and asked Merlin if he would like a drink, telling him that the hospitals instructions were for plenty of drinks. He looked at her for awhile before asking Percy to help him get up. His broken arm was making moving even more difficult than usual. He also had a headache.

After Percy had helped him get back up Merlin went and sat indoors and drank some juice but even his mother couldn’t get him to talk. As soon as he had finished his drink he went to have a lie down in the bedroom. Later Gwaine went to fetch him back out for his meal. Arthur and Hunith joined them at the table but the meal was held in almost total silence. Hunith tried to get them talking, but soon gave up.  
At nine o’clock Merlin announced he was going to bed. Arthur followed after an hour. The next morning the two men still weren’t talking. Merlin even refused to speak to Gwaine. He went and sat in the corner of the lounge and read a book most of the day. They ate their meals together but although Arthur tried to make conversation Merlin refused to speak. The next morning unable to cope anymore Arthur went to work.

While he was at the office he rang Dr Kilgarrah and explained the situation. The doctor said he would call to see Merlin the next day and promised he wouldn’t say that Arthur had contacted him. He suggested that Arthur just let Merlin come to him when he was ready. Arthur was finding things very difficult and rang Morgana and arranged to have lunch with her. Morgana immediately realised something was very wrong. Her brother looked dreadful. Arthur told he what had happened and that he was worried that Merlin was going to leave him. She told him that she didn’t think it would come to that; they loved each other to much. She asked him to let her know what Dr Kilgarrah thought and then she would go and visit Merlin with her daughter.

When Arthur got home in the middle of the afternoon Merlin was out in the garden with his mother. He didn’t disturb them but when Hunith came in Arthur went to the annex to speak to her. She told him that Merlin had hardly spoken a dozen words to her, and seemed to be withdrawing into his self. Hunith had run Stoke Mandeville to ask if his behaviour could have anything to do with his concussion. She told them he had had a headache but this had resolved. The doctor had said that it could explain his behaviour, irritability was one of the symptoms and to keep a close eye on him and if the headache returned or his behaviour became worse to let them know immediately.

In a way Arthur was relieved, if it was a symptom of his concussion then it would hopefully resolve. He decided to try talking to Merlin again but this time about general subjects. He went out into the garden and asked Merlin what his day had been like and Merlin did answer him, all be it in just a few words. When they sat down with Hunith for a meal later Merlin did talk a bit and this gave Arthur hope.

The next day Dr Kilgarrah visited as promised telling Merlin he was visiting another patient and thought he would pop in. He spent about an hour with Merlin and this seemed to help. Dr Kilgarrah also had a quiet word with Arthur afterwards and said he would work with Merlin on his feelings of inadequacy and lack of control on his life. He suggested Arthur let Merlin do things even if there was a risk involved. Much like you would allow a child to take risks in order to gain confidence. He also told Arthur that he needed to accept that he couldn’t protect Merlin from everything and give him some freedom. Merlin, he felt needed to make more choices in his life.

 

Although Merlin was still quiet did talk more and that night cuddled into Arthur. Arthur knew that he needed to work through his own feelings more if he was to help Merlin. Arthur emailed his sister with the basic information for when she visited the next day. Morgana arrived with Miranda at ten o’clock the next morning. Gwen had brought Penny with her to work. Merlin face lit up when he saw the babies. He insisted on cuddling them despite his broken arm. Morgana helped him hold them. Morgana stayed until after lunch and their visit seemed to help Merlin turn a corner. At their evening meal he chatted about the babies and Arthur felt a weight lift.

It was over a week before Merlin began to return to anything like his normal self. Arthur casually mentioned that he had changed his mind about the showers. Although for now Merlin couldn’t get his head wet, and was fed up with his greasy hair. He also needed a waterproof bag over his plaster cast to stop it getting wet in the shower. Arthur found himself standing in the corridor listening out for problems, but was careful that Merlin didn’t know. Arthur also told the bodyguards that if Merlin wanted to go out with them, they no longer needed check with him first.

Arthur and Gwaine had a long chat on how they could let Merlin have a greater freedom and they agreed to play it by ear. The next day when Arthur was at work Gwaine suggested to Merlin they go for a walk, with Merlin in his wheelchair, around the village. He made sure Merlin was aware that they did not check with Arthur. In the village they popped into the village shop to get ice creams after Merlin suggested it. He still had the two bodyguards with him but it was more like a walk with friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry things are going to get better soon. But Merlin and Arthur need this journey.
> 
> Thank you for all your comments, please keep them coming.  
> To those of you who are Mother's Happy Mother's Day.


	30. Chapter 30

Gradually things settled down to normal. When Mithian started to get contractions, Gwaine went into panic mode and Merlin had to calm him down for once. It was Merlin that let the hospital know that the couple were on their way. By that evening Mithian had given birth to a baby boy. Gwaine was overjoyed. They had decided on the name William Merlin, Gwaine had wanted to use Merlin as the first name, but Merlin insisted that if they wanted to use it at all it must be the childs second name. But he was pleased that they decided on William as the first name. Merlin and Arthur went to the cottage the next morning to visit mother, and of course Merlin was asked to be godfather once more. But this time the second godfather was to be Mithian’s brother and not Arthur. Gwaine was pleased to have a son although he told everyone he wanted a daughter next time. Mithian threatened him with ‘no sex for ever’ if he mentioned another baby for a long time.   
With so many babies about Merlin was even more disappointed that they had decided not to adopt, but at the same time he loved being an ‘Uncle’ to them all.

It was soon time to have his plaster off. Boris and Percy went with him to the hospital. Unfortunately Arthur was in court that day, and Gwaine had to go with Mithian for her check up. Arthur suggested making a different appointment but Merlin was keen to get it over with and Hunith went with him. Percy and Kay accompanied them. In the end Merlin coped quite well but wasn’t keen on the actual cutting of process. Merlin was pleased to get home that day and hoped to keep out of hospital for awhile.

The next morning Merlin was making them a cup of coffee when he dropped the milk all over the kitchen floor. Gwen told him not to worry and cleaned it up, but Merlin was annoyed with himself. Arthur was at home that day and said he would go to the village shop to get some more milk, as they were nearly out. It was a nice day and he wanted to get away from the paper work for awhile. He set of and when he arrived he found one of their elderly neighbours Gaius Lane talking to the shopkeeper Gladys.

Gaius had lived in the area all his life and had lots of stories to tell. Gladys was telling him he should write then all down for the village web site, so there was a record. Gaius was saying his hands were too shaky to write and his eyes were getting bad. Arthur had a eureka moment. He waited until they had finished talking, paid for his milk and quickly left the shop and caught up Gaius.  
“Hello Gaius, I overheard what you were talking about in the shop. Would you be interested in recording your memories if you had help?” Arthur hoped the answer was yes.

“Yes I suppose so, I’ve thought about it in the past, but never got round to it. Why do you ask?” Gaius was curious.

“Well I can’t make the offer now, as I need to speak to Merlin, but we have been trying to think of a project for him. He isn’t fit to hold down a job at the moment as he gets bad days sometimes, but he would benefit from doing something useful. He loves history and it might be right up his street.” Arthur felt quite excited about the idea.

“Well ask him by all means. I like the boy, always so polite. Dreadful what happened to him. I could come round or he could come to me. Alice, my wife, has a real soft spot for him. It would be nice, I’m eighty this year I won’t last forever.” Gaius smiled.

“Tell you what I’ll mention it to Merlin, and get back to you in the next few days, if that’s alright.” Arthur couldn’t wait to get home and speak to Merlin.

They left it that, Arthur said he would let Gaius know and sort out the details later. He rushed back with the milk. He decided not to mention it straight away as Merlin was in a sulk. He was annoyed with himself for make more work for Gwen. Arthur knew better than to try to talk to Merlin when he was in a mood, so left it for another time. He did go and ask Hunith what she thought, and she agreed it could work wonders for Merlin.

“He likes Alice and Gaius we often speak to them when we go out for a walk. He was a pharmacist working for one of the pharmaceutical companies, working with natural herbs and plants to develop modern drugs. He’s ever so interesting to talk to. Yes it’s a good idea.” Hunith seemed very keen. “Mind you I wouldn’t mention it today he’s got himself in a strop.” Hunith grinned at Arthur. “I don’t need to tell you what he’s like to talk to when he’s like that. Funny he never used to get moody.”

“I did notice his mood don’t worry, I think I’ll keep out of his way for a while. I suppose it’s not surprising he’s changed a bit after all he’s been through.” Arthur grinned at Hunith.

It was a couple of days before Arthur mentioned it to Merlin. Merlin was immediately interested and started to think of the best way to go about it. It was the first time Arthur had seen Merlin so keen on anything since they designed the bungalow together. Arthur phoned Gaius and arranged for the old man to come for a visit the next day. Arthur told him to bring Alice and they would show them around and give them lunch. He made sure the Geraint and Gwaine knew as they were on duty tomorrow. Arthur also asked Gwen if she would mind having two extras for lunch. Of course she didn’t, she liked the elderly couple. She had got to know them well as they lived just across the road from her. So it was all planned.

At eleven o’clock Gaius and Alice arrived. Arthur met them at the door. Gaius was pulling along a shopping trolley.

“It’s full of old photos, I thought the boy might be interested.” Gaius was obviously keen to start.

Arthur took the couple to say hello to Merlin who was sitting in the lounge. After saying hello they then gave the couple a tour of the bungalow, and then Arthur left them to it. At twelve thirty he went back to call them all of lunch. The large coffee table was covered in old photos and the three of them were in deep conversation. Merlin had a note book in his hand.

“Lunch is ready people, if you’d like to join us.” Arthur thought for a moment they weren’t going to move but then Alice stood up. “Come on boys, someone’s been working hard to get us something to eat, so let’s go and enjoy it.”

Lunch was very enjoyable and the talk around the table interesting. After lunch Arthur suggested that Merlin use one of the spare bedrooms to put all the paper work, in so they wouldn’t have to keep picking it up, and putting it away again. Merlin could use half the office when he was writing things up. So that was what they did.

At least twice a week Gaius and Alice would visit. Most of the time Alice went to Hunith’s where the two ladies spent many an hour talking. Merlin and Gaius managed to label all the photos and put them in folders so they knew where to find them. Merlin was taping their conversations so he could concentrate on what the older man was saying and ask questions.

Merlin told Arthur that he thought that, from what he had already heard, they might be able to get a book done. Even if it was only printed for the villagers. Merlin and Gaius got on very well and the older man almost became like a grandfather figure to the young man. Merlin seemed to be coming out of his self and was less moody. Arthur was so pleased that Merlin had dropped the milk that morning. Alright he still had problems, but everyone agreed the project had given him a purpose.

Gaius had been born before the 1930 Great Depression. He was sitting in lounge with Merlin one afternoon and they were talking about Gaius’s childhood memories of that time. He was telling Merlin about the cupboards they had made with tight wire mesh on the front to keep the food in as they were no fridges. He said that his mother lived with the worry that flies would lay eggs in what little meat they did have. He remembered the maggots that his mother had found in a chicken carcass, and how she had scraped them of before cooking the meat. It was too valuable a food stuff, to throw away. Gaius was looking out of the window as he was speaking, a habit he often had when talking about the past. Then he heard Merlin making a noise. He looked round and realised Merlin was getting very upset. He had never seem the young man have an attack but recognised what was happening. He called for Kay who was sat the other side of the lounge.

“Merlin are you alright lad?” Gaius got up and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and tried to listen to what he was saying.

“got to eat it….horrid got to eat it…” he seemed to be mumbling. Kay was stood next to Gaius.

“Don’t touch him Sir; he might go into a full panic.” With that Kay called Arthur who was working in his home office.

Kay checked Merlin was safe and not about to fall from the chair, the young man was beginning to move so Kay quickly lifted Merlin’s feet up and lay him down on the sofa he was sitting on. Arthur arrived just as he did so. Gaius continued to talk softly to the distressed man as Arthur arrived.

“Merlin… Merlin look at me love, it’s Arthur, your safe Merlin” Merlin looked at Arthur his eyes glassy.  
“Kay get a glass of water and the bottle of Lorazepam from my bedside table please.”

“I’ll get the water.” Gaius said and went to the kitchen.

Kay went for the tablets. As soon as they got back Arthur tried to get Merlin to take two tablets. He managed after spilling most of the water on Merlin.

“hush Merlin Hush” Arthur stroked his hand through Merlin’s hair calming they young man. Merlin continued to mutter to his self.  
“Merlin it’s alright you’re safe. It’s Arthur, Merlin.” Merlin gradually calmed down. After about twenty minutes he was asleep. Arthur carefully picked up Merlin and took him through to the bedroom. He asked Kay to sit with him and went to talk to Gaius.

“Sorry Gaius, he’s sleeping now. Thank you for your help.”

“Don’t worry lad, I think it was me that set him off, from what he was saying. We were talking about the depression and I was telling him about how mum never threw anything any even if the flies had got on it” he looked worried.

“I didn’t think sorry. From what he was muttering I think they made him eat maggoty food when he was held, he kept saying he had to live or they would get you” He looked at Arthur. “They were right bastards weren’t they, I knew he had been though a lot but.. I’m sorry to trigger his bad memories.”

“No need to feel sorry Gaius, the trouble is we don’t know all that happened to him Gaius, he was just like a concentration camp victim when he was rescued as well as all the other injuries” Arthur was, as usual when Merlin had his attacks, shaken. “Thank you, with your help we manage to stop it getting to bad.”

“Look I’ll go and get that nice housekeeper of yours to make us all a cup of tea, Come on lad, don’t worry he’ll feel better when he wakes up” Gaius led Arthur through to the kitchen. After half an hour Gaius and Alice went home promising to phone later to see how Merlin was.

A couple of days later Gaius and Merlin met up again. Gaius asked Merlin to tell him immediately if he started to talk about things that had any effect on him. Merlin said he would. He also told his new friend not to blame himself. Merlin was very embarrassed about the whole thing.

“Look my boy you went through a lot, I may not know all of it, but I know enough. I know for instance that you were very underweight when you were found as well as having other problems. Now I have known men who were in the concentration camps, and a couple who were in Burma as prisoners. They were starved and tortured, and most never really got over it. And they had others with them, and they supported each other, which meant a lot. You however were on your own; it’s not surprising you have the occasional problem. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Merlin was surprised at what Gaius had said. Hardly anyone spoke to him in that way, most people tried to avoid mentioning what had happened to him, even Arthur. It was if they thought if they didn’t mention it, it would be easier for him. Dr Kilgarrah was the only one who asked but he didn’t talk to Merlin in the same way as Gaius.  
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s embarrassing getting myself in such a state.”  
“Why? You’ve had awful things done to you my boy, don’t make it worse by beating yourself up. Accept yourself for what you are. You can’t go back. I understand it is difficult for you to talk to your family, they are worried about you, but talk it through with others. Do you have someone to talk to?”

“I’ve got my psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist” Merlin said.

“Well talk to them, openly, that’s what their there for. Or talk to me or Alice if you want. Don’t bottle things up. They will only spill out if you do.” Gaius was firm but kind, he obviously wanted to help.

“Thank you, I will try. It’s not easy. People don’t understand, they can see I’m a cripple with my arm and leg. My deafness they shout at me for, but my head they think I’m either fragile or a nut case.”

“And what do you think?”

“That I’m a nut case, and a cripple, but then I am.” Merlin gave a rueful grin.

“No you’re not, and until you believe otherwise, no one else will.” Gaius was exasperated. “Now boy, we won’t get much done today, so I’ll leave you to think, not to hard mind! And I’ll come back after the weekend.” Gaius shock his head. He understood why Merlin’s family wanted to protect the lad, but it was making him totally lack in self confidence and worth. He would discuss it with Alice and see what they could do.


	31. Chapter 31

At the weekend Arthur and Merlin were sat out in the garden getting some late summer sun when Geraint came through from the bodyguard’s office. 

“Boss” he called out to Arthur. Arthur stood up and walked over to him. “You have a visitor, it’s your father. I haven’t let him in, as he’s not expected. He’s waiting outside” Geraint looked slightly embarrassed. But he knew that Mr Pendragon senior wasn’t a normal visitor so was following procedures.

“Thank you Geraint, you did the right thing” Arthur turned toward Merlin. “Just going to sort something, I’ll be back in a minute.” He turned and followed Geraint toward the front of the bungalow.

“Hello Uther, I wasn’t expecting you today.” He kept his voice as neutral as he could.

“I didn’t realise I needed an appointment to visit, Arthur. I was out this way and thought I’d drop in. I didn’t expect to be left at the door like a common salesman.” Uther sounded very unhappy at his treatment.

“Geraint was following procedures, if you had phoned first it wouldn’t have happened. So this is just a family visit?” Arthur was puzzled why had his father called now.

“Yes, what else would it be? I haven’t seen you for some time, now can I come in or are you going to keep me at the door?”  
Arthur stood to one side. “We’re in the garden making the most of the sun. Merlin hasn’t been too well lately and he needs to be relaxed.” This was said as a warning to his father.

“I understand I won’t stop long. Will you be keeping the bodyguards much longer? I’d have thought you could have dispensed with them by now.” Uther’s tone was beginning to irritate Arthur.

“Not that’s it’s your business, but I have no intention of doing without them.” With that Arthur walked toward the garden.

“Merlin, Uther’s come to visit.” Merlin looked round schooling his face to a polite smile.

“Hello Uther, nice to see you.” It was far from what Merlin was thinking he knew his father in law hated him.

“Merlin.” Uther nodded then turned to his son. “You’ve got a nice place here.”

“We designed it together, to fit our needs, we were lucky to find such a perfect spot.” Arthur grinned at Merlin making sure he was included in the conversation.

“Would you like a drink Uther?” Merlin asked determined to be polite.

“Tea would be nice” Uther’s tone was still dismissive.  
Merlin was in his wheelchair and started toward the bungalow to get Uther his tea.  
“Where are you going Merlin? I’ll get the tea in a minute.” Arthur was getting annoyed.

“That’s OK Arthur, it won’t take me a minute, you talk to your dad.” With that he continued indoors. When he got to the kitchen he made a cup of tea and putting a tray on his lap started to go back outside.

“What are you doing Merlin you’ll spill that and burn yourself?” Hunith had walked through from her annex just as Merlin was leaving the kitchen.

“Uther’s just turned up I was getting him a cup of tea Mum. Don’t worry I put it on a tray.”  
“You still need to be careful, anyway it was good timing, I was just coming out” Hunith had seen Uther from the window and thought her son might want some support. She had met Uther a couple of times in the past and didn’t like the man.

“Thank you.” Uther took the tea from Hunith and sat down before commenting “I didn’t realise you lived here as well Mrs Emrys.”

“Yes, Arthur and Merlin kindly had an annex built for me. I’m not getting any younger, and it’s so nice to be near the boys” Hunith smiled sweetly she had no intention of being intimidated by the old goat.

“That was kind of Arthur, hopefully he will be as kind to his father in the future.” He turned to look at Arthur.  
“I hardly think you would like our life style father. You are better off in London near Morgana.” Arthur was horrified at the thought of his father moving near them let alone to the same house.

“Oh, don’t worry I won’t be moving close, what I meant was that we could keep in closer contact with each other.” Uther had no intention of imposing on his son. He did think however that Merlin was taking advantage of his son and wanted to make that plain.

Hunith and Merlin knew exactly what he was up to. “Mum helps Arthur with me and he’s like a son to her. We are not taking advantage you know.” Merlin could still be sarcastic when he thought his mother was being slighted.

“I’m sure, but I hardly think your mother needs a second son.” Uther was uncertain what Merlin was suggesting. “He has a parent.”

“Oh but your wrong father, I do consider Hunith as close if not closer than a parent. I haven’t had that good an experience with parents after all you did disown me.” Arthur was beginning to regret letting his father in.

“Arthur! That’s no way to speak to your father.” Hunith exclaimed. “Now let’s have less of this talk and be nice to each other.”

Arthur walked across to Hunith and kissed her cheek. “You’re right of course Hunith. Now father, I hear your thinking of giving up your seat in the next election. What do you intend to do with yourself?”

“I suppose Morgana told you? Well I’ll spend time with my grandchild, and hopefully both of my children. I haven’t spent enough time with my family and it’s something I now regret. I feel I missed so much when you were both growing up.” Uther sounded almost wistful.

“Well that will be nice” Arthur said sarcastically.

“I’m sure you will be welcome to visit, Uther.” Merlin was trying to be the peacemaker he hated the fact that Arthur was at loggerheads with his father over him.

“Thank you Merlin” Uther sounded surprised by the fact the Merlin seemed to accept the idea of him visiting.

Uther stayed for a further half an hour before excusing himself. “Sorry I have to go, but I have an appointment back in London. It’s been a pleasure to speak to you all.” He walked back toward the house. Arthur followed and as they reached the front door Arthur looked his father in the eye:  
“Father if you intend to visit again please call first to make sure I’m in. I don’t want Merlin put under any stress. And if you’re serious about having more contact you need to accept him fully, or else you’re not welcome. And don’t infer Hunith is in anyway imposing herself. I asked her to move here not the other way round.”

“Son, I know we haven’t had the best of relationships but I do want to keep in contact.”

“It was you that disowned me not the other way round, remember?” Arthur said bitterly.

“I know and I regret it, I understand now I should have accepted Merlin into your life but I can’t change the past. Please son, give me this chance.” Uther sounded genuine.

“I will but if you dare insult Merlin or Hunith it’s the last chance you’ll have. Goodbye father.” With that Arthur closed the door and walked back to the garden.

Once things had settled back down, after Uther’s visit, Arthur decided to light the barbeque. Merlin went in with Hunith to get some salad ready and get some fish and chicken. Both Gerent and Kay were asked to join them and Kay went across and asked Gaius and Alice to come over. It was quite late before they all turned in for the night. Gerent and Kay where replaced by Percy and Pallinor at nine o’clock, as their shifts changed. 

Sunday morning was spent tidying up the garden and putting things away. Hunith cooked the roast to give the other girls a break and they spent the rest of the day relaxing in the garden. 

On Monday Arthur had to go to London and caught the train with Lance. They wouldn’t be back till early evening. So after doing his hydrotherapy and gym with Gwaine, Merlin decided he would look through the work he had already done with Gaius. He thought what they had already done was the start of a good book. Gaius had so many old photos of the area to go with his memories. Merlin rang a few people he knew from his PA days, and discussed the possibility of getting something published properly. He decided not to mention it to Gaius in case it came to nothing. 

By the time Arthur had got home Merlin had already got quite a bit done. He was tired but had enjoyed himself. They had supper together but then deciding to have an early night Merlin was in bed. Gwaine talked Arthur into going to the local village pub for a drink. They didn’t get back until closing time. It was the first time that Arthur had gone out without Merlin and Gwaine hadn’t been out much due to Mithian’s pregnancy, and then the baby. They enjoyed themselves and decided to make it a regular thing. Merlin thought it a great idea. He hated Arthur staying in all the time, just because he didn’t want to go out so he encouraged the plan.

Merlin was also please that this mother was making friends in the village she had joined the Woman’s Institute and the Gardening Club. In fact she was trying to talk Merlin into having the garden opened to the public for the village carnival week next year. In the end he agreed, but he intended to stay indoors that day. His mother knew what he had planned but was hoping to change his mind. She had also made a new best friend in Alice, who visited her whenever Gaius came to see Merlin.

Gaius and Alice had been giving Merlin’s situation some thought, and Gaius had suggested to Arthur that they get Merlin a dog. He knew someone who had some Jack Russell puppies for sale. Gaius thought a dog would be good company for the boy. Something he could tell his problems to. Yes it would need walks but that would make Merlin go out more, and people always talked to someone with a dog. So he would be made to socialise more. A small dog need not be too much of a nuisance. Something thing like a Jack Russell was longer lived than many pedigree dogs so would be with Merlin longer. Arthur said he would give it some thought. 

Gaius and Merlin had become great friends and Merlin often told Gaius things he would tell no one else. It didn’t stop his nightmares but he hadn’t had a daytime panic attack since the first one with Gaius. The nightmares were also less severe and Arthur was also happier because of it.  
Arthur spoke to Dr Kilgarrah after he paid his next visit to Merlin. The psychiatrist was pleased with Merlin’s progress and felt he would soon be able to stop his regular visits. Although he still intended see Merlin every six months and more often if needed. He felt that the contact with Gaius was helping and praised Arthur for thinking of it. Arthur asked the doctor about a dog and was told it was a good idea if Merlin liked animals. He suggested a smaller dog as a larger animal might knock Merlin over if it got over enthusiastic.

Arthur had never given a thought about a pet for Merlin. Although, before the disruption to their lives, the pair had discussed having a dog after they adopted children. Arthur wasn’t sure if he really wanted a dog, but perhaps this wasn’t about him. Arthur had come to accept they wouldn’t adopt. Merlin just wasn’t well enough to look after a child, and when they had considered adoption it was always going to be Merlin who would stay at home to care for it. Also if he was honest, Arthur didn’t know he would be able to cope with the thought that a child would be at risk, just as Merlin had been. No, children were defiantly out of any future plans. But perhaps a puppy might be a good idea. 

Working with Gaius was giving Merlin a new lease of life. Between them they had recorded such a lot of the area’s history that Merlin decided they defiantly had enough for a book, and mentioned it to Gaius. Who was thrilled with the idea. They kept it to themselves hoping to surprise everyone.

They weren’t the only ones with a surprise in mind. Arthur went to see the puppies Gaius had suggested. They were on a local farm and were a litter born to the farm pets. There was only one left, the others had been all spoken for. Arthur saw the two parent dogs and they were very friendly. The remaining animal was a beautiful female puppy. It was white with black markings to the face and one large black mark to one side. Its eyebrows were brown markings with another small brown patch on its cheek. As soon as Arthur arrived at the shed it had run up to him to be picked up.  
“Just as well you’re not spoken for. With a greeting like that you’ve got to be Merlin’s.” Arthur laughed. The puppies were tiny and would not be ready for another two weeks.

Arthur asked the farmer’s wife for a list of all the things he would need for the puppy. He explained they had never owned a dog before and she told him they could always contact her if they needed to know anything. Arthur said he would be back in two weeks to collect the puppy. By then it would be fully weaned and had its first injection. He was given a recommendation for a vet.

The colder darker days were making Merlin get more moody as he became stuck indoors more. He did spend quite a bit of time with Will and Penny playing on a big play mat in the lounge. The bodyguards got drawn into the fun sometimes as the little ones began to move about more. Merlin often had trouble keeping them where he wanted them; especially if their mothers were busy with the housework. He had become unofficial baby sitter; this however did depend on whether he felt able to cope with them. Sometimes he just couldn’t cope with them.

Merlin still got very withdrawn and go into what he called ‘his dark pit’ and would spend day’s just starring out of the window or even sometimes staying in bed most of the day. Arthur normally felt the brunt of Merlin’s moods, as the young man seemed to get very short tempered with his husband when he was finding life difficult. 

Merlin had been upset for the past few days, it had been raining all week on top of that Arthur had been in London for a big trial. Gaius hadn’t been round as he had a bad cold, and didn’t want Merlin to catch. So the young man had been alone quite a bit of the time. Although Hunith had sent more time with him, he was still short tempered.

The two weeks soon passed and Arthur went to the farm one Saturday morning to collect the puppy. The boot of his car was full of all the things the puppy could possibly want. The pet shop had added several other things to the list the farmer’s wife had given him. He had also contacted the vet and arranged for the rest of the puppies injections and register her with them.  
He had bought a travelling cage so he could take the puppy home safely. Arthur was a bit worried; he had wanted to give Merlin a surprise but was now wondering if he should have asked Merlin if he wanted a dog. As soon as he saw the puppy again his doubts vanished. The little bundle ran up to him wagging its tail so hard the rest of her body moved from side to side.

“Oh Merlin is going to love you.” He paid for the puppy and told the family they could visit the pup if they wanted to. Driving home he began to get anxious once more. What had he done? He pulled up into the drive and got out taking the puppy from its cage and tucked it carefully under his coat. As he walked towards the front door Gwaine called out.

“Morning Arthur, out early today?” Arthur turned and as he did so the puppy’s head popped out of his coat.

“You’ve got a puppy! It’s cute. Does Merlin know?” Gwaine asked as he came forward.

“No it’s a surprise, you weren’t supposed to know either.” Arthur was cross he had wanted Merlin to be the first see the addition to their family.

“He’ll love it; I’ll come across in a bit and see him.” Gwaine had no intention of spoiling the couple’s moment.

“Thanks Gwaine, I just hope he likes her, I should have asked Merlin first but I wanted to surprise him.” Arthur was having doubts again. “If I give you my car keys can you bring the things in, out of the boot when you come?”

“Sure thing, see you in a bit.” Gwaine went in to tell Mithian.

Arthur went into the bungalow and straight into the lounge. 

“Hi Merlin I’m back.”

“Where had you been? I’ve been looking for you.” Merlin was sitting in one of the armchairs looking out of the window at the bird table.

“Oh I went to pick up something; I’ve got a present for you.” Arthur made sure the puppies head was inside his jacket. Walking to where his husband was sitting, he carefully knelt down in front of him. “I hope you like it.”

Arthur opened his jacket so Merlin could see the puppy for the first time. It was well worth it Merlin’s face split into the largest smile Arthur could remember. It looked like his face would split in two.

“Ohhhhhhh give it to me….it’s beautiful……is it mine?” There were tears in Merlin’s eyes.

“No it’s not idiot, I’ve just borrowed it! Of course she’s for you!” Arthur carefully handed over the wriggling puppy.  
Merlin took the puppy that immediately started to lick Merlin and wag its whole body in excitement.

“Oh thank you, what’s her name?”

“She hasn’t got one; you’ll have to think of a name. I take it you want to keep her?” Arthur teased.

“Oh yes she’s beautiful. Oh what can I call her?”

The couple spent the next few minutes thinking of names. All the time Merlin was stroking his new friend. Then Gwaine walked in carrying several bags.

“How much did you buy Arthur?” He put the bags down. “There’s still more left. I’ll go and get them in a minute, but let’s look at the little fellow first.” He bent down by the side of Arthur.

“He’s cute” Gwaine said his eyes twinkling.

“It’s a girl! And she’s beautiful. Did you know about this?” Merlin demanded.

“No I saw her as Arthur got her out of the car. I take it you’re happy?”

“I think she’s wonderful, but I have to think of a name.”

 

“Well at least we had seven months to think of a name for William.” Gwaine laughed, “Best of luck with that.”

With all the noise Gwen and Hunith came though from the kitchen. There were lots more ahhhhs and cooings from the two women. Merlin refused to let the puppy be passed round, as she had settled down on his lap as if she belonged there. So the two women started to open the bags, Gwaine went out and brought the rest in. Kay had told Percy and they both said hello to the newest member of the family.

Gwen went to find a cupboard to keep all the food and supplies in. While Hunith took the labels of all the toys and found a place for one of the dog beds by Merlin’s chair.

“I think you bought far too much, it’s a good job you’ve plenty of space.” Hunith teased Arthur.

It was several hours before Merlin settled on a name for his puppy.  
“I’m calling her Isolde.”

“Where did you get that name from?” Arthur asked.

“I just like it and it suits her.”

“Ok Isolde it is, although you might have thought of an easier name to call out when she runs off” grinned Arthur.  
The rest of the day was spent playing with Isolde and when she was asleep they sorted out where the young puppy was going to sleep at night. Merlin wanted her in their bedroom. Arthur refused and suggested the kitchen. Merlin said she would be scared and lonely. In the end it was Kay who came up with the best idea. Isolde would spend her nights in the office with the bodyguards. That way they could let her out when she wanted to do her business. All Arthur’s worries about having a pet were proved fruitless and he didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before. He owed Gaius so much. But from everyone’s reaction he wondered how many more puppies would be joining their extended family

Later in the evening Merlin settled Isolde into her night time bed, he was upset when she didn’t want to be separated from him. Arthur took Merlin to their room, where Merlin said thank you in private. The couple cuddled and kissed Merlin for the first time in ages suggested Arthur try to make love to him. After a bit of careful thought they managed to position Merlin so his leg was comfortable and they were face to face. For the first time in nearly five years they made love with Arthur penetrating Merlin instead of the other way round. This made a great day even better. Now they would be able to be fully intimate once more. Although they had enjoyed their previous love life Merlin knew that Arthur much preferred being in control. Once Merlin found he could enjoy sex once more they never looked back. 

The next morning Arthur went and made them both a cup of tea and they drank it in bed, then the couple had a shower together. They got dressed the walked together to the lounge and Arthur went to collect Isolde from her new night time spot. Merlin holding on to Arthurs arm to support. When Isolde saw Merlin she went wild once more, it was clear the two would be firm friends. The rest of the day they spent just enjoying each other’s company and getting to know Isolde.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The puppies name has been changed to Isolde. Aithusa had already been used for Merlin clinical psychologist and he wouldn't have wanted to be reminded of that time. Sorry about that mistake. I have edited the previous chapter to make that change.

Merlin and Isolde soon became inseparable. Merlin insisted on sorting out all the messes the young puppy made, and she was soon house trained. Unfortunately she did like chewing things, especially Arthur’s things. He lost his favourite shoes by Isolde chewing one of them to pieces and the sleeve of a Armani jacket. Merlin wasn’t sure when she did it as he watched her carefully. He did know that the shoes had been made for Arthur, by a top London company. Arthur only moaned about it for a week so Merlin thought he had got of lightly. Gwen wasn’t so happy when Isolde chewed one of Penny’s favourite toys and Merlin asked Arthur to get a replacement. 

When Gaius and Alice met the new arrival they were pleased to see the effect on Merlin. When Merlin and Gaius sat down to work Isolde would sit quietly by his feet or sit at the window looking outside. Merlin still had down periods but they seemed to last a shorter time. Arthur did come home one day to find Merlin in bed curled up with Isolde next to him. It looked cute but he wasn’t amused. Merlin was asleep so he asked Percy why Merlin was in bed with the puppy.

“Merlin was feeling low and went to bed, the puppy followed him and they looked so peaceful together I left Isolde there. I know you don’t want the puppy in there but she helps Merlin and it is daytime.” Percy didn’t look sorry and Arthur forgave him. They all knew how Merlin loved Isolde.

Later when Merlin woke he found Arthur sat by the bed looking at him. “Why is that dog in our bed?” Arthur asked the sleepy man.

“Sorry, she won’t sleep here at night, but I needed a cuddle and you weren't here.” There wasn’t anything Arthur could say to that, so he leant forward and kissed his husbands forehead before picking up Isolde and putting her outside the bedroom door. “Well now I’m here” he said with a knowing look.

Percy collected the puppy as she started to cry outside the door and put her in the office on her night bed. “You stay there little one, I don’t think your wanted in the bedroom.”

Merlin took Isolde out in the garden at least twice a day. Two weeks after Isolde came home for the first time Arthur took her to the vets for her second injection. Merlin was looking forward to going out on walks with her, so three weeks later on a sunny day; he took her out for the first time to the woods. Percy and Gwaine went with him. Isolde kept away from the wheelchair, walking to one side on her long lead. Merlin had been working with her on her obedience, but wasn’t confident to let her of the lead outside the garden yet. 

They met several other dog owners on their walks. Isolde always rolled over and showed her belly when another dog came near. Merlin laughed at her, one of the other dog owners told him that would change as she got older. At the moment she was submitting to them. Merlin made several new friends but found he knew the dog’s names before he knew the owners.

Merlin caught a cold during November and needed to go on his oxygen once more. Although he did have a portable bottle on the back of his electric wheelchair, Arthur insisted Merlin stay indoors. So, one of the other’s took the puppy out for her walks. They had trouble, as she didn’t want to go without him. It was a pity as Merlin had started to let Isolde off her lead once they were away from the roads. Even when Arthur took her out she tried to run back to Merlin.

Once again Merlin became quite poorly and spent quite a bit of time resting. Isolde was always found curled up with him, she hated leaving his side. It was two weeks before Merlin was well enough to take his puppy out for walks once more.

The second Christmas in the bungalow soon came round. Isolde loved the decorations and kept pulling the tinsel of the lower branches of the tree. So Merlin moved them higher not wanting her to swallow any. As usual the bungalow became the centre of their family and friends celebrations. During Christmas morning the door bell rand unexpectedly and was answered by Kay. It was Uther who had once more arrived without notice. He had several bags of presents with him. After checking with Arthur Kay showed Uther to the lounge.

“Sorry to butt into your Christmas, but I only got back from America last night and I wanted to give Miranda her Christmas presents.” He passed two of the bags to Morgana. “Those are hers the rest are for the rest of the family.” Uther looked around for his granddaughter, and then spotted her on Merlin’s lap. He held out his hands to take her. As Uther got closer to Merlin Isolde growled and showed her teeth. It surprised everyone she had never done that to anyone before. Merlin put his hand down and told her to stop. Isolde looked up at him and looked sorry. She still looked at Uther carefully as if she didn’t trust him.

Uther stopped and looked at the puppy. Miranda was happy where she was and ignored her grandfather, smiling instead at her Uncle Merlin who had been making a fuss of her. Uther moved forward once more and spoke “Hello Miranda come to grampy” the young girl looked up at Uther and started to cry. Then Isolde started to bark.

“Get that animal away from my granddaughter, it should be put in another room.” he demanded.

“She’s protecting Miranda and Merlin. It’s you she is growling at father.” Morgana told her father. “They play together all the time. Miranda will go to you later Uther, she’s too interested in Merlin at the minute. She won’t even come to me if her Uncle Merlin’s about.” Morgana laughed trying to pacify her father. “You can open her presents with her in a bit.”

Uther was obviously annoyed he didn’t take his eyes off Isolde, it also irked that his granddaughter seemed to prefer to stay with Merlin. Penny came crawling across the room and also headed straight for Merlin. “He’s the pied piper” Leon laughed.

“That’s because he spoils them.” Arthur smiled at his husband.

Merlin grinned “I love them, why can’t I spoil them?” he looked truly happy with Isolde sat at his feet and the children with him.

Uther sat down as Arthur gave him a whiskey. “Just don’t put that down or we could have drunken children on our hands.” Arthur told his father.

Merlin looked up at Uther “Would you like to join us for Christmas lunch?” he was trying hard to involve Uther.

Uther was surprised at the offer and looked across to Arthur.

“Merlin asked you father, he doesn’t need my permission.” Arthur raised an eyebrow. “One more won’t make any difference.”

Uther looked at Merlin “Thank you that would be lovely, if it’s not too much inconvenience.”

“Like Arthur said one more won’t matter, and you’re welcome.”

Uther was genuinely surprised at the offer. Merlin put Miranda onto the floor and stood up and went to the kitchen, Isolde following closely on his heels. His mother was laying the table with Freya.

“One more you two, Uther’s staying to lunch.” Hunith looked at her son and was about to say something, but Merlin beat her to it. “It’s a time for family; can you fit one more around the table?”

There were already eighteen places set. The dining table was extended out to its maximum.

“Yes if we all squeeze up a bit” Hunith was proud of her son she knew the trouble Uther had caused in the past.

Merlin kissed her on the cheek and went back to the lounge sitting back down. He looked at Lance:  
“Lance when is Eylan due?” Gwen’s brother had flown over from New Zealand with his new wife the day before. He had emigrated two years previously.

“They should be here anytime now, it will be nice to see his wife Cathryn.” Merlin had been pleased when he heard Eylan had married.

With that the door bell rang. Before anyone could answer it Kay was there. He bought the pair into the room. Arthur went towards them holding out his hand:  
“Hello Eylan it’s good to see you” turning to the young woman at Eylan’s side he took her hand “Welcome, my name is Arthur and its lovely you could join us Cathryn.” Arthur then introduced her to all the others.

Merlin stood up as he was introduced and smiled at the overwhelmed newcomer. “Don’t worry about all the names, you’ll soon get used to us please take a seat.” he offered his chair.

“Oh no that’s alright you needn’t give your chair to me” Cathryn blushed. She had been told all about Merlin and knew he had a bad leg.

“No please, I’ll get my wheelchair, we’re beginning to get cosy with everyone here.” With that he limped off to the other room. The others knew better than to offer to get it for Merlin. When he came back in his electric wheelchair Isolde was sitting proudly on his lap.

“Don’t worry Cathryn, Merlin is quite independent.” Gwen reassured her has she gave her sister in law a kiss. It was the first time they had met in the flesh but they had spoken every week on skype.   
By now Uther had managed to get his granddaughters attention and she was opening her presents with him. He was laughing at her and looked happier. Arthur was amazed at the change in his father. Uther looked round and saw Arthur watching him.  
“There’s something for you and Merlin, as well as Morgana and Leon in the bags help yourselves.” He smiled at his son. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his father smile. Perhaps he was changing.  
“That’s alright father, we’ll open them after lunch if that’s alright with you.”

The door bell rang once more.  
“Our last two guests have arrived.” Merlin went towards the door now in his wheelchair. He came back with Alice and Gaius. After introducing them to the people they didn’t know, he had a surprise. It seemed Uther and Gaius had known each other years before but had lost contact.

The meal was soon ready and Hunith and Gwen got everyone one to their places. There when high chairs for the three little ones. Mithian and William had arrived, just as the rest were sitting down. Uther ended up sitting next to Leon and Miranda with Morgana the other side of her daughter. Uther surprised everyone by helping Miranda to eat her dinner.

After lunch Uther gave Arthur and Merlin their presents. They both had an expensive gold pen each, with the Pendragon family crest engraved on the side. It seemed Uther really was trying to include Merlin at last. He had also brought Hunith a gold watch. This made Hunith feel guilty as she had nothing to give in return. But before he left she went to the annex and got a cake she had made for the family, she could always make another. Uther took the gift with grace and thanked her. The day went very well and everyone one was relaxed. During the afternoon Gaius and Uther caught up with each other and it seemed they intended to keep in touch.

After Christmas everything soon settled back to normal. In January they had some unexpected bad weather. One day there was heavy snow falling, this coupled with the snow they had the previous night meant the trains weren’t running. Arthur and Lance were travelling to London each day as they had a case in court. Arthur rang Merlin at two o’clock to say he would try to get a taxi back from the office. Merlin insisted Arthur stay in London saying it was stupid to travel back. Arthur had to be back in London the morning for the court case so it was silly coming home. Arthur wasn’t happy but reluctantly agreed. It would be the first time they had spent the night apart, except for Merlin’s hospital admissions, since Merlin was rescued. 

Arthur rang and spoke to the bodyguards asking them to keep an extra close eye on Merlin overnight. Geraint and George were on duty. George covered the office cameras and outside patrols while Geraint would patrol indoors. This was their normal routine when on together. George preferred to work that way and the others usually let him.

Hunith kept Merlin company until he decided to retire at about ten o’clock. He took Isolde round to George for the night. He had been tempted to take her with him but thought it would be unfair on her as it would only be for one night. When Merlin woke up next morning there had been even more snow. He was glad Arthur didn’t have to travel today. He was sitting eating breakfast with Gwen and Penny when Arthur rang to check Merlin was ok. They spoke for a while and then Lance spoke to Gwen. Arthur said he would contact Merlin later and let him know whether the court case finished on time. If not he might have to stay overnight again.

Merlin got more and more unsettled as the day progressed. The snow just kept falling. The only relief Merlin got was watching Isolde playing in the snow. She loved it and ran round the garden like a mad thing. Merlin sat just outside the door on the patio and threw snowballs for her to chase.  
Arthur rang at four o’clock to say they would be staying in London for a second night. All the court was staying, including all the witnesses, to ensure the case could continue the next day. It was hoped to be finished by lunchtime for the weekend. The case had already over run buy two weeks and it was only supposed to have been a three week trial. Arthur was not amused about not going home a second night. He spent over an hour talking to Merlin.

The same team of bodyguards were on duty that night; Merlin took Isolde to keep George company and went to bed. At two o’clock in the morning little dog woke up and started to bark and scratch at the door. George thinking she wanted to go out opened the door and went towards the front door. But Isolde ran round the corridor barking as she went. 

Geraint had just walked around the guest bedrooms and gym complex and was just about to walk round the rest of the house when he heard Isolde. She ran was barking outside the master bedroom. Geraint opened the door to check on Merlin, as he did so Isolde ran between his legs and into the room, jumping up on the bed in a flash. 

Merlin was obviously having a nightmare and was thrashing about. Isolde went to his head and whimpered, licking his face. She then started to push her head up against his. Geraint quickly moved round to the far side of the bed as Merlin was about to fall out, and moved the sleeping man to the middle of the bed. By then George had arrived. Geraint sent him for some water. He went to speak to Merlin to try to calm him, but it was Isolde who calmed her master. Geraint was amazed at how quickly Merlin responded to her, he had witnessed several of Merlin’s night time events in the past, and he had seen Arthur dealing with them but this was something else. By the time George was back Merlin was awake but still confused. Geraint gave Merlin his sedatives and sat and talked to him to try and bring him back from his confused state. All the time Isolde was making a fuss of Merlin, pushing her head into his hand. Merlin started stroking her and became calm. George went and made Merlin a drink of warm milk and Honey, something Hunith had recommended, and seemed to help. As their charge started to drift off back to sleep the two men left him alone, except for the small dog who lay curled up by her master. Geraint spent the rest of the night outside the bedroom door in case, but Merlin slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

Merlin was still asleep when Arthur rang the next morning. Gwaine was on duty by then and told Arthur what had happened. Arthur was relieved that Merlin was ok, and that Isolde must have sensed her master’s distress. If she hadn’t Merlin may have been hurt falling from the bed. And not spotted before he was checked next by Geraint. Arthur was also pleased to hear that the small dog was able to calm Merlin down quickly.

Luckily Arthur was back home by mid afternoon. He had hired a taxi to get Lance and himself home. The taxi film had a four wheel drive and managed to get them back to the village safely. Arthur’s car would have to stay in the railway station car park until the roads had been cleared properly to the village. The snow continued for the next week and caused havoc throughout the south east.  
Merlin was so proud of Isolde when he heard what she had done. Even Arthur agreed if ever he had to stay away overnight again the small dog could sleep with Merlin. And he forgave the dog for destroying his shoes and jacket.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments please keep them coming, both good and bad.

Merlin was glad to see the back of the snow, it had prevented him getting out much and he enjoyed the walks with Isolde although he got in trouble with Gwen a couple of times for muddy paw prints through the kitchen. Although she always told him off nicely he hated upsetting her. One day he had a scare when he fell asleep in the chair and woke up and Isolde wasn’t anywhere to be found. Kay Gwaine hadn’t noticed her going off.  
They went outside and called her but there was no trace anywhere. Kay looked through the security camera footage and Isolde was seen going out the front drive. That put Merlin in a panic he was scared she would be run over. It was over an hour later that Gaius brought her back. He had seen her coming out of the footpath leading down to the woods. Merlin didn’t know whether to tell her off or cuddle her so he did both.

When Arthur heard about the scare when he got back from London he ordered a fence and gates to be put across the front of the property and fences to separate the front from the back gardens. He hoped this would stop the little dog escaping again. He also booked her in to be neutered. Merlin had said he didn’t want her have puppies and after doing some research discovered there was less risk of her developing breast cancer once neutered. As Isolde was coming up to six months old it was time to get it sorted. She would have her chip inserted in her neck at the same time. That way if she did run off Merlin had a better chance of getting her back.

When the morning came for Isolde to go to the vets for her surgery Merlin was in a mess. He was worried something would happen to her. His concerned state was upsetting the little dog and Arthur gave Merlin a stern talking to. They took the puppy to the surgery and Merlin held the dog as the she was put under fir her operation. The vet promised to phone as soon as the operation was over. Arthur took Merlin back home; he had stayed home on purpose that day just to be with Merlin.  
When they got back Gwaine took Merlin to the pool to do his exercises. At least this time he didn’t have to shut the dog out. The first time Merlin had been in the pool after getting his puppy she had jumped in the pool with them. It had taken Gwaine ages to get her out again. Arthur joined them in the pool after a while and the three of them had a race to see who the fastest swimmer was. Gwaine won of course but Merlin was surprisingly fast and was only marginally behind Arthur. Once they got out they went and used the gym together. 

The plan worked and the two men had managed to stop Merlin fretting to much about Isolde. The vet rang up and informed Merlin that the operation had gone well and he could pick Isolde up in a couple of hours. As soon as the time was up Merlin had Arthur drive him to pick up his pet. Isolde was very sleepy but very pleased to see her master. Once home Merlin sat with her on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon. Arthur was made to go outside with her when she asked to go out. Merlin didn’t want her to fall and hurt herself. It was only a couple of days before the pup was running around as if nothing had happened. Except for the patch were her fur was shaved off. 

Spring soon arrived and the children grew into toddlers which was fun for all. Gwen was pregnant once more. Merlin and Gaius published their book with the profits going to a charity at Gaius insistence. Merlin used his contact from when he worked as Morgana’s PA to get publicity for the book and it sold well. They were asked to do some interviews but Merlin declined. His name was on the book as editor as M.Ermys but he wasn’t interested in any publicity. Gaius understood and did a couple of interviews for magazines. Then the local television station wanted to interview them both and became quite insistent.  
Merlin kept saying no, he knew that once they found out who he was they would focus on his kidnap and he didn’t what that. In the end Arthur became involved after someone at the local newspaper put two and two together and realised who the editor of the book was. They contacted Merlin direct and upset him over the phone. Arthur contacted them and threatened legal action if they continued to pressurise Merlin. But the identity of M.Emys was now in the public domain.  
It probably increased the sales of the book but Gaius felt guilty at bringing Merlin into the forefront once again. Several reporters arrived in the village trying to get an interview with Merlin once the national press go onto the story. Percy found himself out front quite a bit. His sheer size and presence dissuaded most of them. In the end Arthur wrote s short statement and distributed it and the fuss gradually died back down.  
Having a dog appeared to be helping Merlin settling down more mentally and he was now only getting a few nightmares, mostly fairly mild. And hadn’t had a panic attack in the day of since his the one with Gaius. He still had periods when he was down and referred to then as his black hole. Isolde was his best treatment at those times. Her behaviour changed to match his mood. She became more clinging to him and would sit on his lap for hours. The toddlers soon picked up on this and left their Uncle Merlin and Isolde alone during these spells.  
Physically he had seemed to reach a plateau. He was stronger but still had days when his leg caused him pain and he would always limp. Merlin was getting used to using his hand in its new position and his grip was stronger although it would always be reduced. He continued to exercise with Gwaine on a daily basis.  
Alator’s office had finalised Merlin’s compensation and he arrived one day with to tell Merlin a final settlement had been agreed. Merlin had left it to his lawyers and Arthur. He refused to get involved, saying he didn’t want the money. Arthur told him he might need it one day and it was his by right. Merlin was surprised to find he had been awarded a six figure sum. Merlin banked it and said nothing.  
After Gaius’s book was published Merlin was approached by several other people to help them to write down their memories. At first he refused but then the county archive asked him to help with a new project they were starting up. It involved members of the public who were over seventy years of age. The archive would send out people to home and record the memories on a disc and collect copies of any documentation. They then wanted Merlin to go to through them and make a proper record. He could do it in his own time if he agreed. They had been impressed with his editing of Gaius’s memories. He agreed but declined to get paid asking instead for a donation to local charities for the disabled. So he was once more sitting down and going through old records. Gaius often came to help him they had become good friends despite he age difference. .


	34. Chapter 34

Uther still turned up occasionally, never letting anyone know beforehand. Each time the bodyguards made him wait before letting him in. On one occasion he arrived when Arthur was in London. Merlin told Percy to let him in, but Percy stayed in the background. He knew that Uther was homophobic and had caused problems for the couple in the past.  
“Hello Uther, I’m afraid Arthur is in London so you’ve had a wasted journey.” Merlin was careful to keep his normal humour to himself.  
“That’s a pity; I was passing and popped in on the off chance as usual.” Uther sat down opposite Merlin. He didn’t seem put out by Arthur’s absence, it almost as if he had been expecting his son not to be there.  
“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?” It seemed to Merlin that Uther would be there for awhile.  
“That would be nice, a tea thank you.”  
Merlin asked Percy if he would go and ask Gwen if she could make a pot of tea. Percy reluctantly went to the kitchen. Gwen said she would fetch it through when it was ready, letting Percy go back to Merlin. Gwen then went to tell Hunith that Uther was visiting. Hunith was out so Gwen decided that Percy would have to play it by ear and decide what to do.  
“I came to see you and not my son.” Uther glanced at Percy. “In private if you don’t mind.”  
Merlin looked at Percy and then back at Uther.  
“Sorry Percy stays, Arthur wouldn’t be at all happy if Percy didn’t do his job.”  
Percy was relieved; he had been trying to work out what to do if Merlin had asked him to leave. He thought of Merlin as a younger brother, and wouldn’t have liked going against his wishes and staying if asked to leave.  
Uther didn’t look happy:  
“I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with my son. I know in the past I have been against you being together”  
“I don’t want to talk family business in front of others.” He was trying to intimidate Merlin.  
“In that case don’t you’re welcome to come back when Arthur is here.” Merlin wasn’t going to give in that easily.  
Isolde had been watching Uther from where she was lying in the sun. But sensing all was not well with her master went to Merlin’s side and jumped onto his lap all the time keeping her eyes on Uther.  
“Well in that case…I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with my son. I know in the past I have been very much against you being together”  
Merlin butted in “Could you please speak up. I realise you don’t want Percy to hear what you are saying but I am partially deaf and I can’t hear you.”  
Uther was obviously put out by this and started again:  
“I wanted to talk about your relationship with my son. In the past I have always been against you being together…. but… I can see now that nothing is going to change.” It was the first time Merlin had ever heard Uther uncertain about what he was saying. He wondered if Percy being there meant he was changing the wording he had decided upon.  
“You’re right nothing will change we love each other.” Merlin wondered what was coming next. He saw Percy tense up.  
“I want to see my son again, he is my flesh and blood and despite what you may think I do love him.”  
“I’m sure in your own way you do. But trying to separate us won’t help your cause. After all it was the cause of you disowning him.” Merlin was nervous he had always been a bit afraid of Uther. Isolde started to lick Merlin’s hands. He started to stroke her.  
“Look Merlin I didn’t come here to have an argument. I am willing to acknowledge you’ll remain with my son, if that’s what it takes to see more of him. But you have to understand we can never be…..friends. Do you accept this or will you try to stop me visiting my son.” Uther was visibly trying to control himself.  
“I have never stopped Arthur seeing you, nor would I try to stop you visiting him. As to us being friends I never expected it to happen. Your relationship with Arthur is his decision not mine, it never has been. I have never tried to influence Arthur in any way. Now if that’s all you have to say I suggest you leave.” Merlin knew if Uther stayed he would get himself worked up and wanted the man gone.  
“That’s all I ask. Don’t mention this visit to Arthur.” Uther waited for Merlin to agree.  
“He might not but I will.” Percy had heard enough. “Mr Pendragon has asked for you to leave so please come this way and I will see you out.”  
Uther glared at Percy then looked once more at Merlin. “I will only visit when Arthur is here in future but I’m damned if I’ll ask first.” with that he left.  
As they got to the door Percy spoke once more in a quiet but firm voice “Merlin is like a brother to all of us, if you ever come here again when your son isn’t at home you won’t be admitted. Goodbye Sir.” Uther looked at the gentle giant and realised he meant every word he said. Without saying anymore he got in his car and drove off.  
As Percy went back inside he saw Gwen carrying a tray of tea toward the lounge. “Our guest has gone.”  
“I thought he had, I didn’t hurry with the tea, now we can have it.” Gwen smiled “How’s Merlin?”  
“He’ll be ok, don’t worry I’ll speak to the boss later” Percy took the tray from Gwen and they both went in the lounge.  
“Are you ok Merlin? I’ve got your tea” Gwen looked at the pale man. He was stroking the small dog that was sat on Merlin’s lap and had her head on his shoulder.  
“I’m glad he’s gone.” Merlin looked at his friends “Don’t tell Arthur. I want him to see his father and Arthur will only refuse if he knows.”  
“Look Merlin Arthur needs to know.” Percy shook his head in despair.  
“No he doesn’t, nothing happened, except we both know where we stand, just drop it.” Merlin took a deep breath. “Now a cup of tea I think.”  
After they had drank their tea Percy followed Gwen to the kitchen “Now what do we do?” he asked.  
“I don’t know Percy, Arthur ought to know but if Merlin has asked us not to say anything it makes is difficult.”  
“Yeh well, I warned Uther off as he left so perhaps we can leave it. But I’ll tell the others not to let Uther in if Merlin is on his own.”  
“Well if you do that you’ll have to tell Arthur, you can’t tell the others and not him.” Gwen pointed out.  
“Damn, why do things have to be so awkward.”  
Percy went back to Merlin and found his problem solved.  
“I’ll tell Arthur, it will put you in a difficult position if I don’t. But I won’t tell him everything. Just that Uther wants to see him and wanted me to understand his reasons. After all, that’s the truth in a way.” Merlin gave a small grin to Percy. “Will that help you?”  
“Thanks Merlin, I would have to have said something, you know that. Arthur would want to know.”  
“I know, it’s your job after all.” Merlin looked at Isolde and started to play with her. 

When Arthur got home Merlin told Arthur that Uther had visited and why, he just altered wording. Arthur wasn’t happy but accepted Merlin’s word for it. He told Percy to let all the bodyguards know that Uther wasn’t to be admitted to the bungalow unless he was there. Percy told him that he had taken the liberty of tell Uther the same thing. Arthur looked at Percy knowing there was more to the story. But he decided to go along with Merlin’s version for now.


	35. Chapter 35

The next month Gwen told Merlin she was expecting again, the baby was due in the following April. Gwen and Lance were over the moon. Merlin jokingly said he wondered if the other two sets of parents would follow their example. Mithian told him that Gwaine already wanted another, so he would have to wait for news. But it was another six months before Gwaine told Merlin he was to be an Uncle again. 

A couple of months later and Gwen and Mithian asked for meeting with Arthur. Now they were both expecting their second babies they wanted to discuss the housekeepers post. Arthur was concerned that they wanted to stop working. It worried him, Merlin got on well with both the girls and he wasn’t sure how Merlin would cope with the change. Arthur was the first to admit how much he relied on his team. Without them he wouldn’t be able to keep on working. And while financially he didn’t need to he needed the time away from his husband. Arthur knew he couldn’t cope otherwise, he felt guilty about it but he knew it was true.

“Look Arthur, we both think it might be difficult bringing two little ones to work. So we wondered if you would be happy if we split the job between us. That way one of us could look after all the little ones, while the other works. We would still cover the shifts, and we’ve spoken to Freya who is still happy to cook on the weekends we both want the off.” Gwen hoped that Arthur would agree.  
“That sound fine, I’ve no problem with that, what I’ll do is pay the same hourly rate and you can let me know who has worked what. Don’t worry I’ll just leave you to sort in between you.” Arthur was relieved he had thought they wanted to stop working.  
“As long as you’re both happy and can cope I’m happy. Any problems just let me know.” He smiled at the two women.”I couldn’t have managed without you both, you do know that don’t you?”  
“Thank you Arthur, I’m not going to continue with my nursing much now, I need to work a hundred hours a year or I’ll lose my registration but the local nursing home has said I do some there.” Mithian was pleased with how things were working out.

“Well if it’s any help when Merlin when needs a nurse I’m happy for you to look after him, perhaps when he needs extra support? Would that help?” Arthur would do anything to keep the two women happy.

“That would be great, but you know I will always look after Merlin without being paid don’t you?” Mithian had developed a close friendship with Merlin.

“I know but that’s not fair and if you have to do a hundred hours it makes sense, after all Merlin probably needs that over a year.”

The two women went off feeling much better. They both wanted to continue to work but didn’t want to make their children suffer or be left with strangers. Other than when they were in playgroup.

When the toddlers came to the bungalow they took up quite a bit of Merlin’s time. He loved playing with them, and now they were walking the long corridor often rang out with laughter as children and dog ran up and down chasing each other. Gwaine also had a dog but he left him at home. Mithian loved spaniels and unfortunately Isolde and Elena didn’t get on. Elena loved Merlin and this made Isolde jealous. So Merlin made do with visiting Elena when he went to Gwaine’s. Freya had two cats called Mordred and Kara, Mordred was a large tabby cat and both dogs were frightened of him. Kara was a smaller ginger cat. Mordred didn’t like many people and kept himself to himself mostly. Merlin had an ongoing battle with the large tom as the cat kept killing birds in the garden.

Miranda stayed with her parents, in Buckinghamshire, most weekends and had formed a very close bond with both the men. Unlike the other children she seemed to prefer her Uncle Arthur to Merlin. She would spend most of the time following him around. Merlin loved to see them sitting on the floor playing with their toys. Arthur seemed to completely relax at these times. But it made Merlin sad to think they wouldn’t have children of their own.

Morgana and Leon loved their daughter but told the others that they had decided not to have more children. This was one of the reasons they visited most weekends, as they liked their daughter to play with other children. Morgana said she wanted her daughter to mix with other children as she had hired a weekday nanny. Morgana didn’t wish to give up her job on the magazine. She intended to enrol Miranda in a private prep school when she reached three but she also wanted her to have other friends.

Merlin had recently taken up photography. Mainly to take photos of his beloved Isolde and Arthur, but he also liked to take photos of the garden birds. He had taken lots of the children and all the parents were happy as he gave them copies. 

Lance and Percy had started to go with Arthur and Gwaine down to the pub once a week. They tried to get Merlin to go with them but he wouldn’t. Freya started to come to the bungalow and visit Merlin when the other men went out. They would sit and talk for hours or watch films together. They both enjoyed watching the same things so they enjoyed themselves, Merlin even started to make popcorn for the occasion. Merlin was finding his days so full that it seemed for a while he was gradually leaving behind his bad memories and building new happier ones.

One Thursday when Arthur was at work he had a surprise visitor to his London office. It was his late mother’s brother, Agravaine de Bois. He had been living in Australia for the past twenty years and they had lost touch. Uther wasn’t keen on his brother in law and hadn’t encouraged the other man to keep in touch. Now Agravaine was back in England to stay. He had traced Arthur down and wanted to get to know his nephew.

Over lunch they had a long chat, it seemed Agravaine had been divorced for several years and had decided to come back to the UK to start afresh. It soon became clear that he hadn’t even known his nephew had got married, or about Merlin’s kidnap. Although Arthur didn’t go into too much detail about the two year ordeal they had been through. Arthur agreed phone Merlin and talk to him, and ask about Agravaine staying with them for awhile. He explained that Merlin had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was nervous of meeting new people. He promised to contact his uncle after speaking to his husband.

So later he called Merlin and asked him if he minded someone staying for a few days, Merlin said yes straight way. He was upset that Arthur had such a strained relationship with his father and hoped that this uncle might be able to fill that gap. Arthur phoned his uncle and arranged for the other man to arrive the following day

Arthur had taken Gwen and Hunith, to the supermarket in the nearest town, for the big monthly shop. They were expecting Agravaine just before lunch. Percy was on duty with Pallinor when Agravaine arrived. Merlin stood up as the man entered and held out his hand. He was surprised he had been expected to see a trace of Arthur in the man but he couldn’t.

“Hello I’m Arthur’s husband Merlin.” As Agravaine took Merlin’s hand Isolde growled. He immediately noticed Merlin’s damaged hand but said nothing. He was surprised at what he saw. Agravaine had been surprised when Arthur had told him he had married a man, not something he had expected from Uther’s. But he could see the attraction his nephew had; even through the young man had a very guarded look in his eyes.

“Please to meet you, I’m Arthur’s Uncle Agravaine.” he bent down to stroke Isolde who growled once more.

“Stop that Isolde.” Merlin was surprised Isolde seldom growled at people without reason. “Sorry about that, she doesn’t normally growl at people. I’m afraid Arthur is out at the moment he shouldn’t be long would you like a cup of tea or coffee while we’re waiting?” 

Merlin looked at the visitor; he didn’t look anything like Arthur and for some reason the other man made him feel uneasy.

“That would be nice, a coffee if you don’t mind. Thank you for letting me stay, I lost contact with Arthur years ago I’m afraid. I’ve been living in Australia and have just decided to return. It took me a time to track him down.” he explained.

“Please take a seat, if you could sit in a chair to my right side, I’m deaf in my left ear.” Merlin explained.

Agravaine walked to the nearest chair and sat down. At that point Mithian came in with a cup of coffee for Merlin; seeing Agravaine had arrived she went to fetch a second cup.

“I know Arthur is looking forward to seeing you again, you’re from his mother’s side of the family I understand.” Merlin was curious.

“Yes his mother was my sister. When she died Uther wasn’t keen to keep relationships going and I emigrated when Arthur was eight. But I’m back now and wanted to renew contact with my family.” The man sounded sincere.

Merlin could tell Isolde was unhappy and it made him uneasy. He looked around and was relieved to see Percy stood in his usual place just inside the door. Agravaine saw Merlin look at Percy. He had been surprised by the presence of both the man who had let him in and the silent figure stood in the lounge and wondered what and who they were. He decided to ask Arthur when he had the chance.

“I was sorry to hear of your troubles, I didn’t know anything about it until Arthur told me. If I had known I would have come and supported Arthur earlier. It must have been awful for you both” The man gave a small smile.

“That’s ok, I’m sure Arthur understood.” Merlin didn’t want the conversation to continue down that route. He was trying to change the subject when he heard the front door open.

“That will be Arthur now; I’ll go and get him.” Merlin stood up and limped off to the kitchen. Arthur was surprised to hear Agravaine had arrived he had hoped to be there when the man arrived. After giving Merlin a kiss he went straight into the lounge to see his uncle. They sat talking for ages, Merlin left when Agravaine asked for further details about the kidnap. He didn’t want to listen. 

“I’m just going to see Mum for a bit I’ll leave you two talking.” Merlin left the room without waiting for a reply.

After he left Arthur looked at his visitor: “Uncle, Can you not mention the kidnap in front of Merlin please. I don’t want to trigger any panic attacks. He was kept for two years and treated appallingly, both physically and mentally. It has taken him a long time to get where he is now.” As before Arthur also didn’t want to go into details.

“Sorry my boy, I didn’t think. I’m just sorry I didn’t know, I would have come and supported you. At least you had your father here with you.” Agravaine leant forward at patted his nephews knee. 

“Father doesn’t approve of our marriage uncle, so I think it best we close this topic of conversation.” Arthur took a deep breath and changed the subject.

The two men continued to chat and Arthur told his uncle they were both happy for him to stay for awhile if he wanted. Agravaine noticed the Percy had followed Merlin out so took the opportunity to ask about the extra staff. He was amazed when Arthur told him they were bodyguards for Merlin. Arthur explained that Merlin had been kidnapped in revenge for a trail he had been involved in and didn’t want to risk a repeat. Agravaine didn’t comment but Arthur could see he thought it was an overreaction but didn’t care. Both Merlin and Isolde continued to feel uneasy when Agravaine was about. 

On the Saturday morning Morgana, Leon and Miranda arrived. As usual Miranda shouted out the minute she came through the door:  
“Uncle Afer! Where are ow?”She ran into the lounge and grabbed her uncle round the legs. Arthur picked her up gave her a kiss and then the little girl spotted a different man in the room. She immediately went shy and hid her face in his shoulder.  
“Miranda this is Uncle Agravaine, he’s staying with us.” Miranda peered at him through her fringe but said nothing. Arthur put her down and she went to Merlin.  
Merlin held out his arms and she gave him a cuddle and stroked Isolde before running into her mother’s arms. Morgana and Leon had just come through the door after putting their bags in their normal rooms.  
“Agravaine this is my half sister Morgana, her husband Leon and their daughter Miranda.” He then turned to Morgana “and this is my Uncle Agravaine who is staying with us for a while.” The group shook hands and then all settled down to talk.


	36. Chapter 36

By the following Friday and Arthur’s uncle showed no signs of moving on. In fact he seemed to be getting very comfortable. Then to Merlin’s dismay he found out that Agravaine had taken his mother out for a meal. This made Merlin feel very uncomfortable. So during Merlin’s time in the pool with Gwaine, he asked the other man what he thought of Arthur’s uncle.

 

“Not for me to say mate.” Gwaine looked at his friend. “You look worried what’s up?”

“I don’t like him he gives me the creeps, and Isolde doesn’t like him either.” Merlin realised he sounded daft.

“Isolde doesn’t like him because you don’t Merlin; she picks up on your vibes.”

“No Gwaine, she growled at him as soon as he arrived, and I hadn’t even met him properly then. There something about him and now he’s taken mum out. I don’t like it.” Merlin was clearly worried. “He also seems to snoop about a lot.”

“Look Merlin your mums a sensible lady, she can look after herself. But if it makes you feel better I’ll keep an eye on him for you and ask the others what they think, but I don’t expect he’s snooping but looking around you’ve got a great place here. Listen why don’t you speak to Arthur?”

“No I can’t do that! He’s Arthur’s uncle.” Merlin sounded horrified at the thought.

Hunith went out twice more with Agravaine and Merlin remained unhappy. He started to go into a down period, and sat alone not wanting to talk to anyone. Arthur noticed his husband’s mood seemed to be getting low once more. He tried to cheer the young man up but nothing seemed to work. He phoned Gaius and asked if he could visit Merlin, to see if that would help but Merlin didn’t want to talk to anyone. He had said his bit to Gwaine, and felt he was being silly. He knew his mother was careful so decided there was nothing he could do. This didn’t help his mood.

During the week Gwaine asked Percy what he thought of the guest.

“Well I don’t go much on him, I know the pup doesn’t like him either and that’s good enough for me.” Percy looked at Gwaine “Why you asking.”

“Merlin asked me what I thought; he doesn’t like the man and is worried about Hunith. He also used the excuse that Isolde doesn’t like him. What is it with you two?” Gwaine grinned at Percy.

“Look that dogs got good sense, she don’t like Uther either.” Percy was quite serious. “Trust her animal instincts.”

One morning after Arthur had left for work, Merlin and Gwaine were in the pool when Agravaine walked in. He was clearly intending to have a swim. Merlin saw him and stood behind Gwaine. He didn’t like anyone new to see his scared body. Gwaine looked over towards Arthur’s uncle.

“Sorry but no one can use the pool when Merlin is in here, come back in about an hour we’ll be out by then.” Gwaine was civil but firm.

“But I won’t be long and there’s plenty of room.” Agravaine clearly still intended to get in.

“NO one can use the pool that applies to you as well.” Gwaine’s voice left no room for argument. He was not someone that Agravaine wanted to push things too far with. The younger man was obviously far fitter than him. So after looking at Gwaine and Merlin he turned and left obviously not pleased.

“OK Merlin he’s gone, let’s get moving.” He looked at Merlin who as white as a sheet. “You ok mate?”

“mm fine” was all Merlin said so with that they continued with the exercise regime. 

After they had got out and got dressed Merlin went into the lounge. He knew he was sinking into his black hole again but just couldn’t seem to motivate himself. Gwaine had gone to get Merlin a hot drink and Merlin was sitting looking out of the window. Agravaine came in and started to talk to Merlin, trying to draw him into conversation. He was having no luck and was getting impatient.

“Look Merlin you’re not doing yourself any good just sulking, buck yourself up boy!” His voice was impatient in tone.

At that Gwaine came back in with two coffee’s he gave one to Merlin and, just as he was going to sit down next to Merlin, Agravaine walked over and took the second cup out of Gwaine’s hands and took a sip. 

“Hey! That was my coffee.” Gwaine was shocked at the man’s actions.

“Make yourself another; you are after all, only an employee here.” Agravaine said dismissively he was obviously still annoyed by having to back down at the pool.

“That was rude, and Gwaine is here to look after me! He’s not paid to look after you.” Merlin looked up. He might be down but he wasn’t out there was still a streak of his old sassy personality underneath it all.

“I was under the impression my nephew paid the wages.” He spoke to Merlin as if he was nothing.

That was a mistake. Gwaine turned to Agravaine “I’m employed by the Pendragon’s not you! I’m not here to make you drinks and you will NOT speak to Merlin in that tone. As a visitor you will be polite to your hosts.” The bodyguard glared at the other man. Agravaine had clearly overstepped the line.

Unfortunately Agravaine seemed unaware of what he had done.

“You will not talk to me in that tone! I will report you to my nephew when he arrives home.”

“You do that! I think you’ll find that the care of Merlin is of more importance to Arthur than your opinion of me!”

Merlin butted in “Thank you Gwaine, but I can talk for myself. Agravaine you are not to treat any of the bodyguards in such a manner, or any of the other staff. You are here as a guest but that doesn’t give the right to be rude.”

Agravaine looked scornfully at Merlin and Gwaine and then left the room.

“Hey Merlin, where did that come from?” Gwaine was surprised at Merlin. Normally when he was low in mood he didn’t raise to any comments anyone else made.

“I don’t like him!” Merlin looked back out of the window and said no more.

Gwaine went to get himself another coffee and sat quietly with Merlin. But Merlin didn’t want to talk anymore.

Arthur came back mid afternoon and found Merlin was out with Isolde and the bodyguards. Hunith and Gwen were in the kitchen making some chutney from some spare beetroot from the garden. Agravaine made the most of their absence to talk to Arthur. He knew the altercation with Gwaine would come to light and wanted to get his side in first. Arthur had already changed out of his suit and was in his office.

“Hello Arthur, good day?”

“Not too bad, better now I’m home. I suppose Merlin is out with his dog?” Arthur smiled at the thought.

“Yes he is, Arthur the bodyguards are they still necessary? It must be costing you a fortune.”

“Yes they are, and worth every penny to me.”  
“The one on this morning seemed to spend all day drinking coffee and sitting down. Hardly doing his job and he was very rude to me. He didn’t even want to make your guest a cup of coffee. You need to keep them in check or they will take advantage of you.”

“Gwaine isn’t here to make you or anyone else but Merlin and himself coffee Uncle. He can spend all day talking to Merlin for all I care, and if he was rude to you I suspect he thought he had cause to be, he’s very protective of Merlin. Sorry but I don’t hire him to be polite.” He looked at his Uncle. “I don’t think you understand how this house runs; as long as Merlin is looked after and protected I don’t care what anyone does here. He’s all that is important to me. Gwaine is the last person to take advantage of either me or Merlin.” 

Arthur’s comments shocked his uncle. “You can’t mean that!”

“Oh I do! Now I don’t know what went on today and quite frankly I don’t care. You are welcome to stay here uncle, until you make permanent arrangements. And you are welcome to visit after that, but understand this, I won’t sacrifice Merlin’s safety and well being for anything or anyone and the team here know that. So if you have anything else to say please keep that in mind.” Arthur looked his uncle in the eye. Then trying to lighten the mood he spoke once more:

“Now let’s go and make ourselves a drink and hopefully Merlin will be back soon.”

They were in the kitchen when Merlin and Isolde came into the kitchen closely followed by Gwaine and Pallinor. Isolde ran up to Arthur and jumped up at him for some fuss.  
“Oh no girl, you know better than that, It’s your masters turn first.” with that Arthur went to Merlin and gave him a kiss. “Sit down love, you look tired” Arthur pulled out a chair at the large kitchen table. 

“I’m ok” Merlin gave Arthur a weak smile that said more to Arthur than any words.

“Still feeling down?” Arthur asked concern in every word.

“Bit” Merlin mumbled. Unwilling to say more with Agravaine stood there.

“Have your drink and we’ll go in to the other room.” Arthur hated to see Merlin like this and hoped his uncle’s presence wasn’t causing too many problems.

As Merlin drank his tea, Gwaine went to fetch the indoor wheelchair. This also made Arthur worry as Gwaine was obviously concerned about the young man as well. Merlin normally walked and wouldn’t use the wheelchair when he was indoors unless he was ill. After Merlin got into the wheelchair they all moved into the lounge, except for Pallinor who went on his rounds.

Agravaine watched Arthur and Merlin together and frowned, as usual he was amazed at the public display of affection Arthur lavished on his husband. He could see why Uther found the relationship difficult to tolerate.

Gwaine was the only one who noticed but he said nothing. Until their evening meal Arthur sat next to Merlin and cuddled up to the quiet and sad man. All evening Merlin hardly said a word and only ate a small amount of his plate at supper. Arthur took him to bed early and Agravaine was left to watch the television alone. 

A couple of days later Arthur was having a day off work. Merlin was still low and had refused to get out of bed. Arthur had got up to have some breakfast and was sitting in the kitchen alone when his uncle found him. 

“Good morning Arthur” Agravaine was going to try to talk to Arthur while he had him by himself.

“Morning” Arthur clearly wasn’t in the mood for talking much.

“I was hoping to have a word with you today if I might?” he was concerned about his nephew.

“Ok, I need to go and try to get Merlin to eat and drink something. We can talk after that.” Arthur hated mornings like these. It made him realise that Merlin was still far from recovered.

Arthur finished his breakfast in silence, then making a cup of tea and some toast, headed towards the master bedroom. Gwen arrived and started to wash up.  
“Good morning Gwen. Tell me is Merlin often this much trouble of Arthur?” 

Gwen thought, Agravaine was obviously snooping he didn’t normal talk much to the staff.

“I don’t think Arthur looks on it as trouble.” Gwen was annoyed at Agaravaine’s tone of voice. Gwen like the others was very loyal to Merlin.

“Perhaps the wrong words, Is Merlin often this low in mood?”

“He has good times and bad times, but he’s a lot better than he was.” Gwen was clearly unhappy talking about her employers.  
“Yes I’m sure, I was only thinking how hard it must be for Arthur, has he ever thought of finding Merlin somewhere he could be looked after?” he made it sound like the only sensible thing to do.

Agravaine was surprised when Gwen looked at him as if he were mad. “No he hasn’t, and I don’t suggest you say such a thing to Arthur!” with that Gwen flounced off out of the room.

Just round the corner she bumped into Gwaine who was doing the rounds. He immediately noticed her anger.

“Hey Gwen, what’s up darling?” He asked winking at her, thinking that Lance had upset her before she came to work.

“That Man!” she said glancing back towards the kitchen. It was obvious to Gwaine then that she wasn’t mad at Lance.  
Gwaine pulled her into the bodyguard’s office and closed the door.  
“By that man I assume you mean Arthur’s uncle?” Gwen nodded to angry and upset to say more. “What did he say to you?” he asked.  
“He wanted to know why Arthur didn’t put Merlin in a home somewhere. He’s as bad as Uther!” Gwen started to cry. “Why can’t they leave them alone?”

“Don’t worry Gwen I’m sure he’ll be moving on soon.” Gwaine was beginning to think Merlin and Percy were right.

In the bedroom Merlin was still refusing to eat anything, but he did drink the tea. Arthur tried to get Merlin to tell him what was wrong but Merlin just shrugged his shoulders. Then he asked to be left alone. Arthur left but asked Gwaine to hang around near the master bedroom and keep an eye on Merlin. Then he went to speak to his Uncle. He found the man sitting in the lounge drinking a cup of tea.

“Right Uncle you wanted a word.” Arthur sat down not really wanting to talk.  
“Arthur I’m concerned for you, you can’t keep this up, and you’re being dragged down. You’re not going to like this, but it needs to be said, you need to find somewhere to put Merlin so he can be looked after, for both of your sakes.” Agravaine clearly thought he was right and that Arthur should listen to him.

Arthur stood up “Look Uncle I’m sure you mean well, but that’s never going to happen. You’re seeing Merlin when he’s down. He isn’t always like this. Now I’m sorry but this isn’t up for discussion” with that the blonde man left the room.  
Merlin was lying curled up in the bed, his mind kept drifting back to what had happened to him, and he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t stop being so low. He tried, he really did, and he knew he was useless, he shouldn’t have let himself get kidnapped in the first place, and then he wouldn’t be in this mess. His thoughts just kept going round and round in his head.

Gwaine sat in the hall thinking about Agravaine wondering if his presence was making Merlin worse. He decided it probably was, and made up his mind to speak to Arthur. He heard Merlin moving so went into the room to check on him. Gwaine sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at his friend. 

“Hey Merlin, you going to get up, Isolde need’s to go for a walk.” He smiled at the unhappy man trying to get through to him.

“Don’t want to!” was all he got back.

“You might not want to, but she does, come on it will do you both good.” To his surprise Merlin sat up. He was dressed Arthur had seen to that.   
“Come on, I’m not taking no for an answer.”  
Merlin stood up and moved across to his wheelchair and sat down without saying any more. Gwaine followed him out and went to the kitchen to pick up Isolde. Arthur was sat having yet another coffee.  
“We’re off for a walk you coming?” Gwaine asked Arthur.  
“Yeh I’ll come, glad you got up Merlin.” He kissed the other mans forehead.

Merlin didn’t reply. They collected Pallanor and set of out into the sun. Merlin seemed a bit more responsive when they got back and sat in the lounge cuddling his dog.


	37. Chapter 37

The next day was Saturday and Morgana and her family arrived for the weekend as usual. Morgana was upset to see Merlin low in mood once again. She knew Arthur found it difficult when Merlin was so low so she sent Leon to try to cheer him up. Morgana went to the kitchen to help Freya with the food; they were going to have a barbeque. Normally Merlin would help but he wasn’t interested, so Kay and Geraint took him out to walk Isolde. As the two girls were getting the last few bits and pieces ready, Arthur and Leon started up the barbeque. Gwaine’s family and Percy had arrived as they were all coming to the barbeque, when Morgana told Gwaine she had seen Agravaine going to the annex Gwaine took his chance and went to speak to Arthur. 

Gwaine told Arthur what Merlin had said, and that Agravaine made Merlin nervous, he also told his boss that Merlin disliked the fact that Agravaine was seeing his mother. Gwaine pointed out that Merlin’s mood had got worse in the time his Uncle had been staying and suggested that Agravaine might be best staying elsewhere and seeing Arthur in London.

Arthur took it all on board and agreed with Gwaine and thanked him for talking to him. He said he would speak to Merlin, and if necessary get his uncle to leave after the weekend. Arthur didn’t have the chance that day and by the next day things took a turn for the worse.

They were all about to have their evening meal. Hunith and Morgana were just finishing dishing up and Arthur fed Isolde while they were waiting. Isolde liked to eat at the same time as them. Arthur put the bowl down and the small dog started to eat. As usual she took some of her food out of the bowl and put it on and ate it of the floor. Agravaine spotted this and once more tried to interfere:

“That dog is disgusting it should eat outside, eating off the kitchen floor it’s so unhygienic!” he said in disgust.

Merlin who had until then been very quiet suddenly stood up. “What do you know? Have you ever eaten of the floor! I have! Does that mean I’m disgusting?” With that he picked the small dog up and fled from the room. The rest of them looked at each other before Arthur followed after Merlin.

Morgana turned to Agravaine “You can’t keep your mouth shut can you!” with that she followed her brother.

Agravaine looked at Hunith and shook his head “What did I say now! It’s not right that animal eating with us!”

Hunith looked at him “You need to think before you comment, this isn’t your home.” She didn’t trust herself to say anymore, but started to put the food in to keep warm and then picked up Miranda from her highchair. Agravaine left the kitchen and went into the lounge to wait. 

Arthur found Merlin in the bedroom. He younger man was sitting on the bed cuddling his dog.  
“Merlin, are you ok?” he asked quietly as he sat down beside Merlin.

Merlin looked at his husband and in a very quiet voice started to speak: “He doesn’t know what it’s like to eat of the floor I do, I had to eat out of dog bowls and if I spilt any I used to eat of the floor. I was so hungry, bits of grit and dirt.” Merlin was staring into space. “Once I was licking the floor and he came up behind me….I didn’t hear him, he had the bar in his hand and he hit me calling me an animal…I fell and hit my face on the floor, he just laughed and hit me again and again.” A distressed Merlin was clearly remembering the scene.

Arthur caught his breath and put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, tears running down his face. “Merlin I’m sorry, he had no right to say anything.”

Merlin looked at Arthur as if seeing him there for the first time. “It’s not your fault Arthur, but I can’t get things out of my mind, I’m mad aren’t I?” he looked into Arthurs face.

“No you’re not mad love.” He pulled the young man into his chest and ran his hand through Merlin’s hair “You’re not mad never think that.”

Leon and Morgana were outside the door and had heard what Merlin had said. Morgana was crying “Oh my god! Poor Merlin.”  
“I don’t think we’ll ever know all he went through, and I for one don’t think I want to know.” Leon said to her. He pulled he into his arms “Come on darling, let’s leave them alone” they walked back to the kitchen.   
As they walked down the corridor they saw Agravaine go in the lounge. Leon felt Morgana tense up. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“That bastards what’s the matter.” She was seething.

“Morgana leave it to Arthur, please. Let’s go and find Hunith and Miranda.” 

In the bedroom the two men stayed cuddled together, until Merlin settled once more. Then Arthur left Merlin lying on the bed with Isolde, and went back to find his uncle. Agravaine saw Arthur walk past and called out:

“I’m sorry Arthur, has Merlin settled down?” Arthur thought he didn’t really sound that sorry.

“He’s asleep, while he is I want you to leave.” Arthur’s uncle looked shocked.  
“Leave? You mean leave the bungalow, but we’ve hardly had time to get to know each other” he protested.

“Since you’ve been here you have done nothing but upset Merlin. I’ve told you before Merlin is the most important thing in the world to me, so I want you to leave.” Arthur was determined. “I’ll give you half an hour to pack your things.” Arthur turned and started to go back to the kitchen.

“Arthur! You can’t mean that, we’re family!”  
Arthur turned “Yes I do mean it, I’ve done without you for twenty years, just go. Geraint will make sure you’re gone once the half hour is up.”

Geraint heard what was said and nodded. Geraint thought that at least Gwaine would be happier. But he couldn’t help but wish Gwaine or Percy had been on duty, he knew that Arthur’s uncle would have had a few bruises, at the very least, if they had been.

Arthur went to the kitchen and they all sat down to eat their meal, although no one was hungry. Arthur filled in Hunith, leaving out some of what Merlin has said. After they had finished Morgana and her family left to go home, promising to phone in the morning. Hunith loaded the dishwasher and Arthur went to check on Merlin.

Agravaine realising his nephew meant what he said went and packed. Before he left he put a note in Arthur’s office.  
‘Dear Arthur,  
I realise you are under a lot of pressure at the moment. I have left my mobile number. Please contact me when you have had time to calm down and realise that this action was unnecessary. Remember family is important and don’t just throw away the chance we have to get to know one another. We owe it to your mother’s memory. I don’t see this as an end but I beginning of our new relationship. What I have said to you over the past few days was meant to help both you and Merlin.  
Yours loving Uncle,  
Agravaine de Bois.

It took a further week for Merlin to come out of his shell, but when he did Arthur took several days off to spend time with Merlin, they just enjoyed being together. Gaius came over once again and they two men started on their archive work, this helped get Merlin back into his normal routine. As Merlin recovered Arthur asked Merlin about his uncle’s actions. Merlin told Arthur that Agravaine had made him feel even more inadequate and useless. But Merlin being the person he was said he understood if Arthur wanted to keep in touch with his Uncle, after all he was family. 

Hunith later told Arthur and Merlin that she had gone out with Agravaine to give the two men chance to have time together, she hadn’t realised that by doing so she had upset Merlin. Although Agravaine had gone Merlin couldn’t help but think he would be back.


	38. Chapter 38

Arthur was trying to convince Merlin to go on holiday for their tenth wedding anniversary. Before the kidnap they had planned a cruise, to see the Northern lights and go whale watching. Arthur had looked into the possibilities and found they could still go. They could have a penthouse cabin which could cope with the wheelchair. Or they could go on Safari to Africa another dream of theirs. Merlin flatly refused to go on either saying Arthur could go by himself. Merlin wasn’t prepared to leave Isolde behind.

Then Gwaine suggested that they have a canal boat holiday. He had recently seen a programme about a trust who had specially adapted canal boats. They ran on the Kennet and Avon Canal from Berkshire to Wiltshire. That way Isolde could go as well. It would be peaceful and Merlin wouldn’t have to go in crowds of people. 

Merlin liked that idea, so Arthur got in touch with the charity and booked a barge for the week of their anniversary. He asked for volunteers from the security team to come. They could bring their families as there were several different size boats available. Percy and Freya were the first to offer. Gwaine said no as they would have two children by then and he didn’t fancy taking a small baby. 

The others were thinking about it. Arthur said one of the others needed to go but gave them a bit more time to think. In the end Kay said he would go. He wasn’t married so it made more sense for it to be him. Hunith said she wouldn’t go it was her son’s anniversary and it wouldn’t be appropriate. They couldn’t change her mind. For the same reason Gaius and Alice declined. The holiday wasn’t until the next year but it gave them something to look forward to.

Christmas came and was celebrated with the now established large group. Except for this time Gwaine and Mithian went to stay with Mithian’s parents. But they celebrated New Year with Arthur and Merlin. Uther stayed for three days and Merlin managed to keep out of his way for most of the time. Somehow Uther had found out that Agravaine had stayed for a while and warned Arthur that the man was unsavoury. Merlin giggled as he heard Gwaine comment under his breath that that was the pot calling the kettle black.

In February and March Merlin and Gaius continued with the work for the Archive and they were establishing a detailed data base. It made Merlin use his mind and was helping his mental state, although on occasion it also put him in his Black hole when memories were triggered. Arthur tried to talk him into doing something else but he refused saying he wouldn’t let his past rule his life. He enjoyed the work. Alice often bought her knitting over and would sit and keep them company. Both Arthur and Merlin ended up with a thick winter jumper each that was ideal when they went out with Isolde. 

 

April came and Gwen had her second baby another girl who she named Elizabeth. Mithian stood in for Gwen again as she had last time she was on maternity leave.

It was just after this one night when Kay was sitting in the bodyguard’s office watching the cameras. He was panning them around to see what he could pick up. Night duty was always long but he didn’t mind he had been watching a fox on its night time wanderings for several nights now. As he looked at the camera that was sited between the garages and Gwaine’s cottage he notices two shadows near the fence, He had a closer look zooming on the area. He sat up it was two men. He watched for a couple of seconds and then called Percy who was doing the inside patrol.  
“Percy we’ve got two intruders, they’ve just come over the front fence. Better put the screens down! I’ll keep an eye”  
Percy immediately became more alert. “Will do, call the police now!”  
Percy went into the lounge and to the corner by the window nearest the master bedroom. There was a button hidden behind the curtain. Pressing it he waited to here a motor start before he headed to the master bedroom door.  
Kay followed the intruders with the cameras round to the kitchen door.  
“They’re coming in the kitchen. I’m on my way” he radioed to Percy.  
As the two intruders came into the hall Percy had sat down in the lounge as if he were asleep. He watched then under half closed eyes had seen the two men were armed and were looking around as if they knew there would be security about.  
Kay had carefully come in the door at the gym and moved toward the guest bedrooms. As the intruders reached the master bedroom they stopped. It was if they knew the layout of the house. As they opened the door they looked at each other in shock. That was when Percy and Kay struck, Kay hit the one closest to him over the head with his torch and Percy grabbed the other round the chest pinning his arms to his side.  
Kay quickly took the gun out of the hand of Percy’s victim and kicked the other one down the hall. He then ran to their office and got some rope and tied to the two men up.  
What had shocked the men and given Percy and Kay the change to act was a metal screen inside the door. Percy went to release the screen and then went into the master to check on its occupants.  
As he went into the room a further larger screen was still rising up at the window. Arthur was stood up and looked at Percy.  
“Practice or real?” he asked with a quirked eyebrow.  
“Real this time boss, two of them, they’re tied up and the police are on their way.”  
Merlin walked into sight, he went to Arthur and put his arms round his husband’s waist.  
“It’s safe and secure.”Percy looked at both the men.  
“Good job, Merlin you go back to bed I’ll sort this out.” Arthur gave Merlin a kiss.  
“No I’ll go and make some tea for everyone. I couldn’t sleep now” Merlin insisted.  
The men walked toward the lounge and Merlin carried on to the kitchen.  
Percy looked at Arthur “He’s taking this well.”  
“It’s all the practice runs we’ve done, when the scenes started to go down he was completely calm, I however was shitting bricks, I knew we didn’t have a practice due.” Arthur laughed. Then looking at both the men he said:  
“Thank you lads,that was a perfect job. Now perhaps everyone will stop telling me to get rid of you!” Arthur grinned.  
They all hear the police arrive and Kay went to let them in. The officers were somewhat surprised to see the two men tied up. The one Kay had hit was now conscious and they were both protesting they had been assaulted.  
Kay went and got a copy of the security tape for the police including the ones taken from the corridor. Two police cars had arrived so one took the two men back to the station while the others took statements. Merlin called them all into the kitchen for a cup of tea.  
After the police had left Arthur took Merlin back to bed, by now the truth of what had happened had hit both of them and they lay hugging each other.  
Merlin pulled away and looked at Arthur “Thank you.”  
“Why are you thanking me? Its Percy and Kay that need thanking.”  
“No thank you for looking after me. I know it’s not easy; I’m a mess most of the time. But I do appreciate all you do even if it doesn’t always seem like it. I love you so much.”

“And I love you, and your worth everything to me and don’t think you’re a mess, you have made great progress.”

The two men went to bed and managed to get a bit more sleep. The next morning more police arrived and tied up the rest of the information they needed. As all the bodyguards were registered and had acted within the law, as the men were armed the actions the Kay and Percy had taken were reasonable. The process would be fairly simple to sort out and get to court. Although the two men would not disclose who had paid them. They were maintaining it was a burglary.

Even once the case went to court the police were unable to prove who had been behind the break in. Although they agreed with Percy and Kay that it appeared they knew the layout of the bungalow and as they looked nowhere else but headed straight for the master bedroom it was more likely it was more than just a burglary. The two men were found guilty of armed robbery.

Merlin surprised everyone by how well he took the whole thing. Arthur put it down to the fact that they had run practices so at the time he didn’t realise it was a genuine so by the time he did his mind had adjusted to the idea. It was Arthur who became more paranoid for a while. Arthur had a long chat with Gwaine and made legal provision for if he died before Merlin. He made Gwaine power of attorney of his fortune to be used for Merlin’s care. He also made Gwaine promise to care for Merlin. Gwaine had no problem with that as he thought of Merlin as a brother anyway. Arthur told Merlin what he had done which did upset Merlin as he couldn’t bare the idea of Arthur dying first. Percy and Kay were both given a large bonus each by Arthur and Gwaine took both men out to the pub on their next night off.


	39. Chapter 39

The time for the holiday soon came round, and they set off in two cars. Arthur had booked an eight berth boat in the end. It was the smallest available and although there was only five of them it would give them plenty of room. Freya had told Arthur she would do the cooking and keep the boat tidy so the pair could enjoy their holiday. Merlin insisted in doing some cooking as he enjoyed it. 

Isolde loved the boat she could jump on and off as they went through the narrow places under bridges. She chased rabbits and had lots of exercise. She even went for swims in the canal when they were tied up in the evenings. Arthur found he was more relaxed than he had ever been. The pace of life was so slow. Merlin took lots of photos and the two men sat at the front of the boat watching the world go by. Most evenings found them moored up near pubs, and they nearly always all went out for a meal together. The weather was good enough to sit outside and eat so they weren’t in crowds of people. The hydraulic lift made easy for Merlin to get on and off the barge in his wheelchair. Arthur refused to let him walk the gang plank in case he fell in the water.  
The night of their anniversary Arthur booked a secluded table for two in a pub by the canal and they had an intimate meal together. Arthur even ordered a bottle of expensive champagne. Neither of them could believe they had been married for ten years. They had in fact had been in a civil partnership but always called it a marriage. Now marriage between same sex couple was being legalised Arthur asked Merlin if he would marry him again, this time properly. Merlin said yes provided it was just them and the witnesses. Arthur agreed. They planned it for their eleventh anniversary, but they kept it as their secret. 

Arthur of course couldn’t resist taking over the tiller of the barge sometimes from either Percy or Kay. They all soon became very skilled. Their two week holiday flew past and it was soon time to head for home. Once back they soon settled into their routines but after the fun they had Arthur and Merlin were already considering booking the barge again the following year as a secret honeymoon.

Then in October Mithian gave birth to their second child, a second boy. They called him Tristan, a name from Mithian’s side of the family. Once again Merlin had babies to cuddle as well as the toddlers to play with.

Then yet another Christmas arrived, time seemed to be flying past. Uther had slowly become more human. Having grandchildren certainly seemed to be mellowing him. He was still distant with Merlin. But Merlin was pleased about that. He just couldn’t warm to the man. But he was pleased however that Arthur had some sort of relationship with his father. Isolde took a lead from Merlin and never completely trusted Uther, which made Arthur laugh.

The next four years pasted with very little change in their lives. Merlin had fewer and fewer panic attacks and nightmares. Although Merlin often had black periods when he would sit and brood refusing to have anything to do with anyone. They all learnt that the best thing for him at these times was Isolde who continued to be Merlin’s constant companion. Arthur and Gwaine both tried to get him to talk about what was bothering him but Merlin would seldom be drawn out. Occasionally he would tell them that he was thinking of the past and what had happened. Arthur and Gwaine got frustrated wanting Merlin to be able to leave that part of his life behind.

Merlin did organise a party for Arthurs fortieth birthday and even invited some of Arthur colleagues from work. This was a step forward as Merlin seldom wanted to meet up with people he wasn’t really close to. In fact the party had sixty guests. The largest group Merlin had been in since his kidnap. Arthur was so pleased that Merlin had progressed that far. Even though, on the day, he kept to the edge of the party unless Arthur was by his side. 

Just before the tenth anniversary of Merlin’s kidnap Arthur received some less pleasant news. The gang land boss whose imprisonment had caused the kidnapping of Merlin was up for parole. He kept the news secret from Merlin to start with. Alined was successful and would be released on Parole within the next couple of weeks. Although his wife had been convicted of Merlin’s kidnap there was nothing to suggest the Alined himself had any knowledge of the crime.

Arthur immediately told the bodyguard team to be on full alert. He was still in two minds whether to tell Merlin. Gwaine thought he should saying that Merlin would notice the change in their behaviour. In the end the whole issue was taken out of his hands when a tabloid newspaper contacted Merlin and asked him his opinion on the release. They had been running a series on the rights of victims. Merlin was very upset that Arthur hadn’t told him but understood the reasons once they had talked about it.

As Arthur had feared just the threat that something might happen was enough to make his husband terrified. It immediately brought everything back to him. Arthur told him he would be protected, but he just needed to be more careful. There was no reason to believe that Morgause’s husband would do anything. The local police said they would increase patrols for a while. It was a tense time for the couple. Ailed showed no sign of taking action, although he wasn’t best please to find most of Morgause’s, and thus his, assets had be seized to pay Merlin’s compensation. The police informed Arthur that word on the street was that Alined didn’t intend to do anything; he had no intention of going back inside.

Merlin’s nightmares resurfaced for a time and made a bad situation worse but the couple battled through. Merlin even had a couple of daytime panic attacks. One when Isolde disappeared. Merlin convinced himself she had been taken. Everyone spent ages looking for her. It wasn’t until Merlin collapsed that she was found. Percy heard her barking in distress and found her shut in one of the spare bedrooms. She had obviously been asleep and when she sensed Merlin’s collapse had started to bark. As soon as she was released she ran to her master’s side and started to comfort him. Everyone was surprised she hadn’t barked before when they were all calling her especially as Merlin had started crying.

Merlin started to see Dr Kilgarrah once more and he was put back on some of his tablets. Arthur found Merlin was going into his ‘dark pit’ far more frequently. Even Isolde couldn’t keep his dark thought s away. Arthur was devastated all the progress they had made seemed to have disappeared overnight. Arthur gave up work completely and just did some consultation work and legal opinion cases from home so he could spend more time with Merlin. With Arthur at home Merlin at least stopped worrying that Arthur might be taken and not come home. That scared him more than the thought he might be kidnapped once more. Lance transferred to Leon as his PA had moved on to a new job. Leon became head of the law company.


	40. Chapter 40

One morning a few days after Arthur had given up his job the doorbell rang. Arthur went to answer it expecting it to be Dr Kilgharrah at the door. Instead he found himself confronted by a very angry Uther.  
“What the hell are you doing you fool!” Uther shouted at Arthur.  
“You’d better come in.” Arthur not wanting to upset Merlin took Uther to the bodyguard’s office before he could ask his father what the problem was Uther spoke once more.

“You idiot! What on earth possessed you to give up you firm? You’re only forty you have years left; you would have been made a high court judge soon. Just because you’ve got yourself tangled up with that man, you throw everything away. He’s no good to you, put him away somewhere and get on with your life.” By now Uther was red faced and angry.

“What are you talking about father? I love Merlin, just because he’s ill I won’t desert him. He’s unwell because of me don’t forget.” Arthur was taken aback by his father’s attack before he could say more Uther spoke again:  
“You can’t walk away from everything for him. He’s weak and no good. See sense my boy, get rid of him.” Uther seemed unaware of the effects his words were having on Arthur who opened the office door

“Get out! And don’t come back. This time I disown you, don’t ever come here again!” with that he saw Percy. “Escort Uther off the premises and don’t ever let him back” Arthur was livid. 

Uther stepped out of the room and spotted who was just coming out of the lounge.  
“You Pervert! This is your fault; you’ve ruined my son’s life. They didn’t do a good enough job; you should have died instead of coming back and dragging Arthur down! You deserved everything you got.” he shouted pointing at Merlin. Uther had lost all control.

Merlin looked at Uther in horror and put his hands over his ears. He turned round, stumbled and fell to his knees. “I’m sorry, you’re right… my fault.” he sobbed all the horrors came flooding back to him as he saw the angry man shouting at him and shaking his fist. With that several things happened at once.

Gwaine stepped out from behind Merlin and pinned Uther against the wall by his throat “You bastard! What the fuck are you doing!” His face made Uther pause worried for his safety.

Isolde left Merlin’s side and leapt at Uther her teeth aiming for Uther’s leg. Uther kicked out sending the small dog flying through the air. 

Arthur ran to Merlin’s side and fell down next to him holding the younger man to his chest.

Percy came round the corner scooped up Isolde and put her into the office out of harm’s way and then went to Uther. 

Together with Gwaine he manhandled Uther out of the bungalow. Gwaine pushed the older man against his car. “If you ever come here again I will rearrange your face, you bastard. No one speaks to Merlin like that, now get out of here while you still can!” with that he turned and went back to check on his friend.

Percy looked down at Uther. “You’d better hope you haven’t hurt that little dog or I’ll find you. As Gwaine said don’t come back, Merlin’s like a little brother to us and we protect our own.” Somehow coming from Percy the quiet words carried more of a threat than Gwaine’s. Uther got into his car and left. Percy went back indoors to see if he was needed.

Arthur and Gwaine got Merlin to his feet and sat him in an arm chair. Merlin was muttering to himself and cringing as if the two men were going to hurt him. In his mind he was back in the room that had been his prison for so long. In those few seconds of anger Uther had brought all Merlin’s inner worries to the fore. Whenever he had his down periods he was always tormented by the feeling that he had been to blame for his capture, and if he had tried to escape none of what followed would have happened. He also felt that he should have let himself die instead of fighting them, that way Arthur would not have to cope with him now. Uther in those few seconds of anger had confirmed his fears he had been wrong it was his entire fault.

Nothing Arthur or Gwaine could do would calm Merlin. Even Hunith when she came through couldn’t get through to him. He seemed to think Hunith was a ghost come to torment him. In the end they left him alone and kept an eye on him from a distance. The physiatrist was on his way

It was about an hour later when Dr Kilgharrah finally arrived. Percy opened the drive gates and let him in then briefly told him what had happened. Isolde was the only one Merlin would let near him, the little dog has ran straight to him as soon as she had been let out of the office. Merlin was staring into space and refused to speak. Arthur was looking in horror at Gwaine as Dr Kilgharrah and Percy came through the door. 

Dr Kilgharrah knelt down and moved towards Merlin, talking to him all the time. He slowly got closer and managed to check the young man over quickly for any sign of injury. Merlin looked at him with a blank expression on his face. After establishing that Merlin was now calm enough to accept them near, him he asked Percy to carry Merlin into the bedroom so he could examine the shocked man properly. Arthur by now was to shocked himself to be any help.

Arthur and the others sat in the kitchen waiting for the doctor to come out. It was over a half hour later that Dr Kilgharrah came to find them. He pulled out a chair and sat down. Percy stood up to leave but Arthur told him to stay.

“I know what happened Percy told me. It has pushed Merlin over the edge I’m afraid. He seems to have gone into a Depressive catatonic state. I need to admit him to hospital for some tests and if it is as I think, we can start treatment. Merlin’s not reacting to anything at the moment he withdrawn himself from the world.” He paused before continuing.”I could admit him to a private clinic in London if you prefer. That way the bodyguards will be able to stay.”

Arthur nodded to upset to say anything. Gwaine however did think of something:  
“Can Isolde go with him? She helps him, and when he does come round he’ll be devastated if she’s not there.”

Dr Kilgharrah considered the request for a moment. “I see no reason why not as long as the bodyguards care for her. We can consider her as a medical assistance dog. Although Merlin doesn’t appear to know what’s happening he may well be more aware than we think. Now I will arrange a private ambulance. Go and sit with him Arthur.” The doctor felt for the couple they had been through so much together.

Within an hour Merlin was on his was to London. Hunith stayed home and would visit Merlin later when he was settled. After the ambulance had left Hunith called Morgana as Arthur had requested. She told Arthur’s sister what had happened and where Merlin had been taken. Morgana was upset to hear what her father had done. As soon as she had put the phone down she called her father and they had a row. Uther insisting he had been wrongly treated and had meant well, wanting to save his son from himself. In the end Morgana told him she didn’t want to see him and not to visit unless she contacted him first.

Once Merlin had been admitted to the private clinic Dr Kilgharrah organised various tests and investigations to rule out any organic cause for Merlin’s collapse. Once they were done Merlin was put on more drugs and started ECT. Arthur was horrified but Dr Kilgharrah convinced him it was a valid treatment. After two weeks Merlin was allowed to go home. He was far from being well but he would be better at home.


	41. Chapter 41

Gwaine started the swimming and gym with Merlin, exercise was supposed to lift the mood after all. He often had a problem convincing Merlin but most days they managed it. Getting outside for walks with Isolde was easier. Merlin loved his dog and would do anything for her. Gradually Merlin started to recover once more but was about a couple of months after coming home from the clinic before Merlin really showed any real sign of enjoying life once more.

Arthur contacted Leon and got him to have a restraining order put on Uther to prevent him going anywhere near Merlin. This also had the effect of shaming Uther publicly once it had became common knowledge. It was just as well he had stepped down as an M.P.

Christmas was once again approaching at least this time Merlin would not have to put up with Uther. With the children more mobile the house was fun of noise and laughter. Isolde was worn out by teatime after running up and down the corridor with the children chasing her and she was now curled up on Merlin’s lap. Gwaine’s dining table had been brought over to place next to Arthur’s so they all had room to sit. Merlin had William and Penny sat next to him and Miranda was sat next to Arthur. Isolde was sitting underneath the table eating all the bits of food the children dropped. William was trying to get rid of his sprouts that way; unfortunately Isolde didn’t like sprouts either.

When the children had gone to bed and some of the others had gone home Merlin and Arthur were pleased for the peace and quiet only Morgana and Leon remained at the bungalow with them. Merlin told Arthur he wanted a lie in the next morning but Arthur reminded him that Isolde would miss her Boxing morning walk if he did. This had become another yearly tradition. Arthur and Merlin along with two bodyguards and the children took Isolde for a walk boxing morning so the rest could have a lie in.  
“Don’t worry Merlin, we’ll take the dog and children out tomorrow and give you a rest.” Morgana smiled at the tired man.  
“Hey! Don’t I get a say?” Leon had just realised he had been volunteered.  
“Doesn’t look like it Leon, guess it’s your turn! Do you good, you’re normally stuck in your office all day.” Arthur laughed.  
“And whose fault is that. You didn’t mention all the extra paperwork when you handed over.” Leon grinned. He was surprised when Arthur gave him control of the office and was very grateful to him.  
“It will help you keep your wife in the lifestyle she wants so just be happy.”  
The four of them giggled and chatted until eleven o’clock and then all turned in for the night.

After the holiday period was over Leon had some disturbing news to tell Arthur. He had been in contact with the police, who had been keeping an eye on Alined since his parole. In the past few months he had started to establish a new set of associates within the fringes of the London crime scene. None had convictions so no breach of parole had occurred. But this had meant the police were interested in him once more. But what was of more interest was that one of these acquaintances was none other than Agravaine de Bois. After further checks it seemed that Agravaine had visited Alined in prison on several occasions. Once before he had made contact with Arthur, and again three times after he had left the bungalow.   
It seemed after making some enquiries with the Australians the police found out that Agravaine had been suspected of being heavily involved in the drug syndicates in Sidney. The group had links with the London drug scene. But he had left the country before any proof was obtained. As he had dual nationality it had not been a problem for Agravaine to come back to England.

Arthur was surprised, he had occasionally still occasionally heard from his uncle but he had never allowed the man to get close to Merlin again. Even though once he had calmed down, he had put the incident with Merlin down to the man’s arrogant manner and thoughtlessness, rather than deliberate intent. After all several well meaning people in the past had inadvertently triggered panic attacks in Merlin. Arthur had just thought it best to keep him away from the bungalow, he knew Merlin didn’t like him and that Gwaine and Percy also held strong opinions. But now it looked like Merlin and Isolde had been right not to trust him. 

It was Gwaine that pointed out Agravaine could have given to details of the bungalows layout to the intruders, so Alined might well have been behind the break in. That gave all of them the creeps to think that a family member could have done such a thing. Unfortunately nothing could be proved.

The police continued to keep a close eye on the group and Arthur kept any contact to a minimum. He had wanted to stop all contact, but the police suggested that might just make it harder to spot if anything was being planned.

 

Leon kept in touch with his contact in the police and soon came up with better news for Arthur. Both Alined and Agravaine, together with several others, were arrested in possession of a large consignment of crack cocaine and were in custody awaiting trial. Ailed had been put straight back in prison for breach of his parole. After days of questioning a minor member of the gang, implicated Agravaine, in arranging the break in at the bungalow. It seemed that Alined had asked Agravaine to arrange the kidnap and murder of Merlin while he himself had a cast iron alibi. In return Agravaine would become Alined’s partner in the future drug deals once Alined was out of prison. 

Arthur was devastated that his uncle had been prepared to let Merlin be killed just to forward his own illegal plans. He told Merlin who immediately felt sorry for Arthur; yet again his male relatives had proven to be a disappointment to him. Gwaine and Percy had been please to hear the man was safely out of the way and concerned that Merlin had yet again been a target.

Merlin had been home now for three months and was making a good recovery. He was active once more and out twice a day with Isolde. He was also working with Gaius on the archive, although for now Gaius was being selective at what they looked at. Merlin did come down with a nasty cold and ended up on oxygen. They were worried for awhile he would need to go into hospital but once again managed to avoid it. Merlin was on for a fortnight and sometimes felt too weak and tired to do much but he still kept as busy as he could.

The trail of Alined and Agravaine and there gang was held by the end of the year and they were all found guilty. Each getting a ten year sentence, Alined’s to be added to the remaining part of his previous sentence.


	42. Chapter 42

Merlin seemed to have once more managed to shake off his black spells and showed hardly any sign of them to the outside world. Although he had in fact just got better at hiding his moods. Merlin would often go to bed with headaches when he was in fact having flashbacks of the past. He knew that Arthur still had guilt feelings about what had happened so did his best to hide the truth from him. Merlin occasionally found himself right back in that room and tried to pretend he was asleep if Arthur checked on him. This was easier than he thought; he often used this tactic during his kidnap. Most of the time, it was the feelings and thoughts that he had been responsible, in some way for what had happened. Merlin managed to hide these from everyone by convincing himself that it was best Arthur didn’t know. It was his punishment. 

Arthur even went back to work doing some of the shorter cases for Leon. He loved the work but made sure not to take anything that would keep him away from home to many days in a month.

Two years after the first holiday Arthur talked Merlin into going on another canal boat holiday and get married before they went. The marriage was very quiet as promised with just Morgana, Leon, Gwaine, Mithian and Hunith attending. In the end it was on the eleventh anniversary of their civil partnership. As Merlin had requested no one else knew about the ceremony until the couple returned home.

Three days later a much larger group set of on holiday. This time two barges were hired and a larger group went away for the two weeks. Arthur and Merlin went with Hunith, Morgana’s family, Gwaine’s family, Gwen’s family, Percy and Freya, Gaius and Alice and Kay. The only dog to go was Isolde; Gwaine’s dogs went into kennels.

Everyone who went enjoyed themselves. The second barge was an ordinary barge without the adaption’s so the group meet ups and meals were on Merlin’s barge. The children loved the holiday and kept Isolde busy. Once again they had good weather and, as on the previous occasion, the holiday did everyone a power of good. Merlin finally felt he had got back to how he had been before Uther’s outburst. It did him so much good that Arthur ended up as chair to the charity that ran the special boats and the holidays became a regular event for them.

On their return Merlin once again started to work for the archive and Gaius continued to help him. Gaius had dropped all contact with Uther after what the man had done to Merlin. He had been disgusted with the other mans actions. When Gaius died in his sleep a year later Arthur was surprised how well Merlin coped. He even insisted on standing up and speaking at the church. He told the congregation how they had met, and some of the stories the older man had told him. He went on to say that Gaius had helped him to recover and how he would miss him. Merlin managed the funeral without breaking down but his speech did bring tears to many of the congregation’s eyes. Alice told him afterwards the Gaius would have been proud of him.

When they got back home Merlin told Arthur that Uther had been at the back of the church to say goodbye to his old friend. The only other person who had spotted him had been Pallinor who had kept an eye on Uther, but like Merlin, had left him to say his goodbyes. 

The next Christmas was a sad reminder of Gaius’s death, Alice came over and they all made the best of it, but they could tell Merlin was missing his old friend. Arthur couldn’t believe how the time had gone. Merlin had been rescued over twelve years previously but the effects had never gone away. Looking at Merlin he could hardly believe he would be forty next year. Despite all they had gone through he never regretted the day they got married, he just wished thing had been different. By now they would have been parents and celebrating Christmas with their own children instead of other peoples. 

When Arthur realised that Isolde was ten years old he went out and bought Merlin another puppy. He knew from the vets that Jack Russell’s often reached over fifteen years old but wanted to be sure Merlin always had a dog. Isolde had proved to be such a comfort to Merlin and Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of Merlin being without a dog. The second puppy was also a girl and Merlin named her Finna. Luckily the two dogs got on straight away so Merlin was happy and when he was sat down had one dog at either side of him. Isolde remained the boss but Finna was just as protective of Merlin. Percy was in seventh heaven he loved the dogs and was always the first to offer to take them out if Merlin couldn’t go for some reason.

The puppy had made an excellent fortieth birthday present for Merlin. That evening when they were sitting together Arthur teased Merlin when he found a grey hair in amongst the black. Merlin said Arthur was lucky that with his blonde hair the grey didn’t show up. Merlin said he was looking forward to Arthur going grey as he always thought it made him look more distinguished. Or at least his barristers’ wig did. They went to bed laughing.


	43. Chapter 43

Hunith’s sixtieth birthday was coming round and Merlin talked Gwaine into helping him spend the next four weeks planning a birthday party for her. It was hard to keep the secret as Merlin was so excited. Everyone was invited; Merlin had even managed to secretly contact a couple of her friends from Ealdor to come. It was arranged they would stay for a few days. Gwen. Mithian and Freya were all secretly baking. And a large birthday cake had been made and was hidden in one of the guest bedrooms.

Gwaine had found a band to come and play and everything was organised. Arthur took Hunith out in the morning on the pretext of buying some much needed groceries. When they were out a marquee was erected in the garden, the band set up. Some of the food was set out and the barbeque lit. All her friends from the village had started to arrive and the friends from Wales came across from where they had been waiting in Gwaine’s house.

Hunith was so surprised and pleased when she saw what had been organised for her. She immediately went to the annex to change into her best dress before returning to greet her guests. She had never had such a party before. Merlin danced the first dance with her to one of the slow dances, managing not to fall over. In fact Hunith spent most of the party dancing. It was passed midnight before the party finished. The two dogs were full and their bellies were bulging with all the tip bits they had managed to scrounge. 

The whole thing had been a fantastic success and Gwaine had a few days of to take Hunith and her friends to various different places including a west end show. 

The following six years Merlin and Arthur slowly began to have more of a social life both of them realising they needed more to occupy themselves. The two parties had shown Merlin he could manage to be amongst more people if he had support and he wanted Arthur to have an outlet. They started to go out to some of the local attractions. Merlin and Hunith loved some of the large gardens and they visited several with Arthur. Even Kew Gardens, although they made sure to visit out of peek times. The bodyguards took it in turns to go on the day trips. Arthur even took Merlin to Whipsnade Zoo but they didn’t stay long as the day they went there seemed to be school trips everywhere and Merlin got to nervous. 

Arthur booked a box for the theatre as a special treat and arranged to go in just before curtain call to try to miss the crowds but Merlin still got stressed and didn’t enjoy it so they left early. But Arthur continued to try different things to try to help them live a full life. In the end though they both seemed happier at home, so that was where they spent most of their time. There were lots of dog walks in the area that Merlin could go in his wheelchair; Arthur even bought a special wheelchair suitable for more rough terrain. Another favourite was to go to a beech and walk alone the promenade in the winter and spring and just watch the waves the dogs loved to chase the breakers which made both the men laugh.

Arthur had just had his forty fifth birthday when Morgana rang him to say Uther was in hospital, he had had a heart attack. His housekeeper had found him in the morning when she arrived for work. Arthur at first refused to go and see him but Merlin insisted he went. So it was a reluctant Arthur that went with his sister to visit the hospital. Uther was seventy two years old and it was his first hospital admission. As it turned out it was also his last. Arthur and Morgana were by his side when he died. He never regained consciousness. But Arthur was pleased he had gone to say goodbye. 

Arthur went to the funeral, Merlin offered to go with him for support but Arthur refused his offer. As an ex Member of Parliament the funeral was attended by many of Uther’s previous colleagues including the Prime Minister and members of the cabinet. Several asked after Merlin and Arthur told them that has his father had disapproved of his marriage he saw no reason to subject his husband to the funeral. There was no way that he would lie about it. Arthur heard Morgana giving a similar answer when she was asked why Merlin wasn’t there. Merlin watched the news and noticed that as normal all who were asked said what a fine, kind and upstanding man Uther had been.

After the funeral Morgana and Arthur went to Uther’s solicitor Geoffrey Monmouth. Uther had requested an old fashioned reading of the will with all the beneficiaries present. They were called into the office and the first thing Geoffrey did was to apologise two the couple.   
“I tried to talk your father out of this but he was insistent and said he would go elsewhere if I didn’t agree. I the end I thought it best it came from me.”   
Morgana and Arthur looked at each other:  
“Go ahead Geoffrey we’ve known you long enough I’m sure father had his reasons for doing whatever did.” Arthur thought he knew anyway, he was expecting and wanted nothing from his father’s estate.  
Geoffrey looked at them both “I will miss out all the legal wording at the beginning and get on with the main part; you can each have a copy.” He cleared his throat and started to read:

“I Uther Pendragon wish the following to bequests on my death.  
To my daughter Morgana, formally Le Fay, I leave her my love and thanks for providing me with a beautiful granddaughter. I also leave her half a million pounds.   
To Arthur he has, through his perversions, ended the Pendragon name. For this I can’t forgive him. If however he ends his present relationship and marries a suitable woman and provides an heir I wish him to inherit the family house and half a million pounds. If he continues with his present relationship then I leave him my disappointment and nothing else. He lost any respect or love I ever had for him.  
To my granddaughter, in trust until her eighteenth birthday, I leave the remainder of my estate including the items left to Arthur should he not comply too the conditions set out above. Miranda has been a shining light in my life. The one thing I ask is that if she feels able to do so, she changes her name to Pendragon when she receives her inheritance.”

Geoffrey looked up at the couple sitting quietly in front of him. “I’m so sorry Arthur, you can of course contest the will.”

“Off course he will, that’s outrageous.” Morgana was the first to speak.  
“No Morgana, I don’t want or need his money, Mother left me more than I’ll ever need, and anyway on our deaths she will inherit all that is left. I only wish I hadn’t been such a disappointment to him and we could have had a proper father son relationship, but that was never going to happen.” Arthur then looked at Geoffrey. “Don’t feel bad about this Geoffrey, I wasn’t expecting to inherit and wondered why I needed to be here. Now I know.”  
He stood and shook the solicitors hand then turned once more to his sister. “Please Morgana don’t worry I’m glad Miranda is getting the estate. The irony is he never knew she was named after Merlin. Now I’m off home I’ll speak to you later. Oh and don’t let Merlin know what was said here today.” 

With that he left the office. When he got home he told Merlin that he hadn’t inherited anything, but that didn’t surprise the other man.

Following his father’s death Arthur started feeling very tired and everything felt like to much bother. On day he was sat in his office going through some paperwork when he found a photo of himself with Merlin taken before Merlin had been kidnapped. All the worries and emotions of the past fifteen years just suddenly hit him; his father’s death was the last straw. He sat looking at the photograph they looked so happy and carefree, it was on one of their mini breaks to Paris. He started to think back about the fun they had and the plans they had made for the future. They had spent the holiday planning out their lives; they had talked about having six months of to travel the world before they tried to either adopt a baby or find a surrogate to carry a child for them. Merlin had been so keen on the idea. But all their plans had come to nothing; one act had destroyed their plans and changed everything.

He wondered if they had had a child, with his blood to carry on the family, name whether his father would have come to accept Merlin. He found himself sitting with tears running down his face. He even started to wonder what would have happened if they hadn’t found Merlin, how would he have coped and how long would he have waited until giving up. He loved Merlin but their life wasn’t easy on either of them. He tried so hard to keep positive but it wasn’t easy and he wondered if Merlin would ever be in a good place. He couldn’t remember feeling so fed up. He sat and tried to pull himself together. It took him an hour before he felt able to go out of the office.

As he went to get himself a cup of coffee Gwen called out:  
“Lunch will be ready soon. Do you know where Merlin is?” Arthur had no idea.  
“I’ve been in the office sorry. I expect he’s out with the dogs.” Arthur sat down and waited for Merlin and the bodyguards to return. It was the first really nice day for over a week, the rain had been constant. It was an hour later before they arrived. Finna managed to get away from Merlin as he was her paws. Isolde had already been cleaned and had run into the lounge to see Arthur. Unfortunately Finna just ran after her leaving a trail of muddy paw prints everywhere. Arthur snapped and shouted at Merlin:

“You idiot! Why don’t you be more careful look at this mess.” He seldom ever shouted at Merlin.

“Sorry Arthur the little scamp wriggled away.” Merlin was half laughing.

“It’s not funny you’ve just given Gwen a lot of work and what’s more your late for lunch have you no consideration. This place can’t just run for your convenience you know.” Arthur was really angry.

Merlin was gobsmacked Arthur was normally so calm. “I said I was sorry.”

“Well it’s not me you need to apologise to its Gwen she’s the one who got the food ready and she will be the one who cleans the mess up since you can’t!” by now Arthur was shouting.

Merlin turned back and went to the kitchen where he immediately apologised to Gwen. “I’m sorry we were having such a good time and it was so nice. I’ll try to clean up the mess.”  
“Don’t worry Merlin, it’s only sandwiches and I don’t mind the mud it doesn’t normally happen.” Gwen was surprised at Arthur reaction.

“Don’t be so soft Gwen, he’s nothing but a bloody nuisance.” Arthur voice shouted through.

Gwen and the bodyguards looked shocked. Merlin turned with tears in his eyes and walked down the corridor to the bedroom.

Gwen went into the lounge “Arthur what was that all about? I think that was harsh, it was an accident and you knew lunch was sandwiches.” She looked at Arthur.

Arthur just stood up and went into his office and slammed the door shut. Neither of the men bothered to eat and for the rest of the day hardly spoke to each other until later that evening when Merlin tried to apologise once more. Arthur ignored him and they didn’t speak again that day.


	44. Chapter 44

The next day remained fraught with neither man saying anything much to each other. Merlin tried to say sorry to Arthur but the other man just walked away. Gwaine tried to talk to Arthur but also got his head snapped off. So instead he talked to Merlin suggesting that the death of Arthur’s dad when they weren’t on speaking turns might have upset Arthur and for Merlin just to give Arthur time.. The trouble is that made Merlin feel guilty so he in turn then started to get quiet and unhappy. By the evening the atmosphere could be cut with a knife. By nine o’clock Arthur disappeared of into the other room. Merlin thought Arthur had gone to bed and followed shortly after. But Arthur wasn’t in bed when Merlin got there. Merlin then tried to find Arthur, by now he was getting worried. Eventually he found Arthur in one of the spare bedrooms he appeared to be asleep. Merlin gave his husband a kiss on the forehead.  
“Goodnight my love, I’m sorry.” He left the room.

Arthur had been awake but just couldn’t be bothered with Merlin right now. He just wanted to think and be alone. Merlin went back to the master bedroom and even the planetarium couldn’t calm his nerves, so he went and got the two dogs from the bodyguard’s office and let them lie with him. Merlin knew Arthur would be cross but by now he didn’t care he needed their comfort. The two men had never spent a night apart in anger before.

When Merlin got up the next morning Arthur had already left the bungalow and gone to London. Merlin knew he must have come into the master bedroom to get his suit so was expecting an argument when Arthur got back as he must have seen the dogs. As the day went on Merlin became more and more worried. In the end he rang the office and spoke to Lance. Arthur was there and working, but Lance said Arthur wasn’t happy. Merlin explained that they had had a row. At least now Merlin knew that Arthur was safe. 

Arthur got back at six o’clock and went straight to his office and asked to be left alone. Merlin decided to take his husband something to eat and drink and went to see the other man. When he opened the office door he found Arthur asleep his head on the desk. Merlin went up to Arthur had put his arms round the sleeping mans shoulders he couldn’t bear to be at loggerheads with Arthur. Arthur stirred and opened his eyes, as he focused on Merlin he realised the younger man was really upset and he felt guilty. He gave Merlin a half smile and that was all the encouragement Merlin needed. He kissed the other man and as Arthur sat up Merlin fell into his arms. Arthur sat there and held Merlin. He still felt tired and feed up but he needed that hug as much as Merlin did. Merlin then made him eat and drink before the two men went to bed and just cuddled up. They didn’t speak but then neither of them worried about that. 

Arthur continued to be snappy and short tempered for the next couple of days but every night he slept with Merlin. When Morgana visited that weekend she suggested he go to the doctors, Arthur refused saying he was just tired. In the end Morgana rang Dr Kilgarrah who said he would go to see Merlin and talk to Arthur at the same time. 

Dr Kilgarrah spoke to Arthur at length and afterwards told Arthur that he was suffering from stress and depression. Dr Kilgarrah told Arthur that it was hardly surprising in the circumstances and that it had probably been building up for a long time. He explained to Arthur that he had been under stress for years as well as feeling guilty, now his father death had just been too much. After discussing things with him he managed to get Arthur to agree to counselling, something he had tried to get Arthur to do several times in the past. After a couple of sessions Arthur also agreed to go to group support sessions which really seemed to help him, and he continued these on and off for several years. 

Everyone was surprised and in hindsight wondered how Arthur had managed so long. Merlin felt guilty once again, feeling he had caused Arthur’s problems and needed support himself to stop him getting low in mood. In fact it was caring for Arthur that in a strange way, seemed to help Merlin to keep focused himself. Merlin felt he needed to be the strong one for once. The dogs now seemed to be helping both the men cope with life. Although Finna sometimes upset Hunith and Arthur by digging holes in the vegetable patch, Merlin would forgive his dogs anything. Arthur gradually got his life back on track and Hunith, Morgana, Leon and Gwaine made sure he always had support. Gwaine insisted that Arthur continue to go out with his once a week just to get a break.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please be warned tigger's for suicide risk in this chapter. Don't read if it might affect you. This applies for next two chapters.

Arthur gradually managed to get on top of his stress and depression and it gave him a better understanding of Merlin’s black periods. Hunith kept a closer eye on her boys and made sure they looked after each other. Merlin tried his hardest to help Arthur and not cause too much anxiety to him with his own moods. But he knew he was far better at hiding things now than he had been, he sometimes thought he would have made a good actor. Life slowly settled back down into a routine. The next issue that concerned Arthur was coming round all too quickly. And this might be the next big problem for Merlin to face. Morgause and the others were due to be considered for parole. Arthur decided he would oppose any applications for parole when and if they arose. He had never considered Edwin a long term threat; he was no more than a lackey and had already been released.

Although Arthur thought Merlin was unaware of the timing of the parole hearings, he was wrong. Merlin knew that the parole board was due to meet and was getting more and more anxious. He had overheard Arthur on the phone one day and realised what was going on. But didn’t let on to Arthur he knew. Merlin started to make his own plans and was slowly getting things ready.

When the time came for the parole boards to meet Arthur asked and received permission to attend, instead of Merlin, after getting a report from Dr Kilgarrah to say Merlin was not fit to attend. The board carefully considered each of the three defendants separately.

Valiant and Cendred had been involved in several incidence brutality to other inmates during their sentences and they were turned down without hesitation. Morgause’s fate took longer to decide, but in the end her application was also turned down but would be reconsidered in a year. She had shown no remorse for her actions, and when she had heard her husband was once more in prison she had said she would seek revenge once more. Although Morgause denied this she was considered to still be a threat, so her application for parole was also turned down. 

Arthur was relieved, he could now go home and tell Merlin the news even though they would have to face it all again the next year. He had been told it was unlikely any of the three would be successful then either. He drove home feeling much happier.

Back at the bungalow Merlin was putting his plans in action. He was determined to cause his husband no more problems; he had made the poor man suffer enough. Merlin had been devastated when Arthur had begun to suffer from depression; he had always been so strong, it was his fault he knew it.

So after his session in the pool, he told Gwaine he was getting a headache and was going to have a lie down for a couple of hours. Gwaine asked his son to take the dogs out for their walk. The children were on half term and William loved the Jack Russell’s. Gwaine got Merlin a couple of paracetamol and left Merlin resting.

Once Merlin was sure Gwaine had gone he opened his bedside draw and removed three letters and a bottle of pills. He put the three letters on the bed and took the tablets, he had been saving them up for since he realised that his captors would soon be free. He felt totally numb, he had wanted to say goodbye to Gwaine and hug his friend, he would also have loved to do the same for his mum and Arthur but knew he couldn’t, they would have known something was the matter. 

He led down and waited to feel the effects of the tablets. It was a mixture of his old anti depressants and painkillers along with some sedatives he had found. He thought of his husband and how his blonde hair shone in the sunlight, and how his blue eyes looked when he was exited. Merlin hoped he would find someone new to love, someone who would be good for him. He knew they would all be sad at first but he couldn’t face the constant fear that the trio would come for him again. He slowly drifted off as the sedatives took effect and his eyes closed.

Out in the woods William was having trouble with the dogs, they didn’t want to go with him. Isolde in particular was whimpering and wanting to go back. He didn’t normally have this problem with them, so in the end he turned back the way he came. Gwaine was surprised to see his son back and as he let them in the back door the two dogs pulled away from William and ran barking to the master bedroom.

Gwaine paled, “Stay here son, don’t move!” he ran after the dogs, worried at what he would find. Gwen came into the kitchen just as Gwaine ran out; she saw William and asked him what the matter was. He told her he wasn’t sure but his dad had told him to wait, so she gave him a drink and told him to sit down.

Within seconds she heard Gwaine shouting for help and ran to see what had happened. As she got to the hallway she heard Gwaine shout to Kay to call an ambulance. As she went into the master she saw Merlin lying on the bed with a pill bottle and the letters by the side of him.

“Gwen send William home and get Mithian please. Merlin’s still alive, but I don’t know if we can keep him that way.” Gwaine was as near to panicking as Gwen had ever seen him.

Gwen went back to the kitchen as quickly as she could. “William your dad said for you to go home. Thank you for looking after the dogs. I’m coming with you as your dad wants your mum to come and see Merlin he’s not well.”

Gwen took William as quickly as she dared to the cottage and saw Mithian in her garden.  
“Mithian can you go to see Merlin please, I’ll stay with the children.”

Something in Gwen’s voice told Mithian it was important, as she went past Gwen the other girl whispered. “I think he’s taken an overdose.”

Mithian ran as fast as she could into the bungalow. 

Arriving in the bedroom she quickly took in the scene. “Do you know what he took?” she asked Gwaine who was trying to wake Merlin. 

“No, it looks like he had a mixture in the bottle; there were a few on the floor.” He showed Mithian.

“Looks like anti depressant, sedatives his strong painkillers.” Mithian said as she took Merlin’s respiratory rate which was very slow she then took his pulse which was weak and irregular.

She slapped Merlin hard across the face. “Wake up Merlin, come on look at me. Gwaine get his oxygen.” Gwaine turned and grabbed the mask hanging on the oxygen cylinder in the corner of the room and switched the bottle on. He gave the mask to Mithian who opened Merlin’s airway as much as she could and placed the mask over Merlin’s face. She continued to shout and try to wake the unconscious man up as they waited for an ambulance


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers as last chapter

Kay had been waiting at the gate and let the paramedics in. They saw what was happening asked what he had taken. The paramedics quickly administered Narcan to counter the effects of the strong painkillers that were making his breathing rate so slow. And as he was totally unconscious quickly passed an endotracteal tube into his windpipe to maintain and protect his airway in case he vomited. Merlin was quickly loaded into the ambulance. Gwaine went with him with the remains of the drugs that had been found on the floor he also had Merlin’s suicide notes in his pocket. 

Mithian phoned Leon, who she knew was going to be with Arthur for the parole board meeting. The two men had just left the building. As soon as Mithian told Leon what had happened they set off to Stoke Mandeville once again. Arthur was shocked and scared by the news; he never thought Merlin would try to kill himself. Kay in the meantime went to find Hunith who had gone down to the village; as soon as he had located her they followed on to the hospital. 

The ambulance went all the way on blue light. The paramedics knew the quicker they got Merlin to hospital the better his chances of recovery. As soon as Merlin arrived in A&E he was given activated charcoal to help stop the absorption of the drugs and taken to ITU where he was ventilated. 

Gwaine was sat waiting for news; he was upset that he hadn’t noticed what Merlin was up to. He thought he knew Merlin’s moods after all this time. Gwaine knew he would never forgive himself if Merlin didn’t survive. As he sat there he opened the letter Merlin had written him, hoping to understand:

Dear Gwaine,  
I’m sorry I did this to you, but I knew about the parole board, and couldn’t face the fact that they would be free once more. I know I have let you all down, but then you must be used to that by now.  
Thank you for all your help and love, I do love you like the brother I never had. I don’t know what I would have done without you these past years. I also know what I have done will upset you, but its better this way I promise. I have ruined so many lives and it is time you all got your lives back.  
I have one more request for you: please look after Mum and Arthur for me and make sure they both understand that I loved them both with all my heart. Give Isolde and Finna cuddles for me and make sure they get good homes if Arthur feels he can’t keep them.  
One last thing, sometime ago I spoke to Leon and have left you something; I knew this day would come. Please accept it, as it is something I wanted to do for you and Mithian. Don’t blame yourself, if I could have done my last act without you on duty I would have. I planned well and you could not have stopped me. I should have done this years ago, but I was too much of a coward. Please don’t feel too badly of me but I need for this to end.  
All my love my best friend and brother.  
Merlin.

Gwaine read the letter and tears fell freely. He hoped against all hope that Merlin would survive and he could tell Merlin that he loved him. But he also felt he had let Merlin down and not the other way round. Why hadn’t he known what Merlin was up to that morning?

He was sat outside the cubicle in A&E when Hunith and Kay arrived with a nurse. Hunith saw his tears and thought she was too late and sobbed. Seeing her distress he quickly told her that Merlin was alive, but that he had been reading the letter Merlin had left him. He told Hunith he had a letter of her, she asked him to keep it as she would only read it if he didn’t make it. They sat in silence waiting lost in their own thoughts.

After about half an hour Merlin was transferred to ITU where he would be fully ventilated and closely monitored until he regained consciousness. Soon afterwards Arthur and Leon arrived. The nurse had just come out to say they could go to see Merlin so Hunith, Arthur and Gwaine went in.

Arthur walked up to the bed and took Merlin’s hand.  
“Oh you fool, you should have waited, they weren’t let out…you idiot, why did you do this. My love don’t die I can’t live without you.” Arthur broke down in tears unable to contain his self anymore.

The nurse came forward and put her hand on his shoulder. “The doctors will speak to you as soon as you’re ready. Take your time.”

Arthur stayed until he managed to regain some control, but he wanted to know the news so they all left to go to speak to the medical staff.

The doctor told them that due to Gwaine and Mithian’s actions, and the fast arrival at hospital, they felt that Merlin had a very good chance of surviving without any organ damage. The fact that Merlin had used water and not alcohol to take the tablets had also helped. Merlin would be monitored for twenty four hours and once the effects of the drugs had worn off he would be taken off the ventilator provide he was well enough. 

He would then be seen by a physiatrist to see what further action they suggested. Arthur gave them Dr Kilgarrah’s name and number. They went back and sat by the bedside until that evening, when it was suggested they go home to get some rest. Arthur wanted to stay but the others convinced him to go home. Hunith tried to get Arthur understand it wasn’t his fault and that Merlin wouldn’t want him to blame his self, but she was also feeling guilty that she hadn’t noticed anything. In the end they all sat and cried. Leon had called Morgana and told he what had happened and she arrived once she had taken Miranda to stay with Gwen. None of them could believe Merlin had been able to fool them. 

Gwaine gave Arthur Merlin’s letter but he didn’t open it. The next morning Gwaine and Arthur were seen by the local police and interviewed. They explained what had happened and why. The police left after expressing their sympathies. With that the two men joined Hunith and Morgana at the bedside. After awhile they left leaving Arthur alone with his husband. Arthur held Merlin’s hand and kept talking to him. Afterwards he couldn’t remember what he said but he figured it didn’t matter he just wanted Merlin to hear his voice if he could.

 

As Merlin began to wake, Arthur stayed with him. Once Merlin realised he had failed he started to cry. Arthur told him that none of his kidnappers were free and that he just wanted Merlin to get better. He told Merlin he loved him and nothing mattered as long as they were together. After some tests Merlin was taken of the ventilator and Arthur hugged him not wanting to let go. Hunith and Gwaine came in and saw Merlin for a short visit. Later that day Dr Kilgarrah came to see Merlin they spent several hours talking before Dr Kilgarrah spoke to Arthur, Hunith and Gwaine. 

“Merlin has given me permission to talk freely to you all. He deeply regrets his actions but at the time saw no other option, at the moment he feels he is ruining your lives. He has said he would like you to read the letters he wrote, as they will tell you his reasons why he did what he did. He thinks the letters will tell you better than he can.” Arthur nodded. Hunith said no she wouldn’t read hers she didn’t need to.   
“This was not a cry for help; Merlin thought he wouldn’t be found until it was too late. However having fully assessed and despite his comments I don’t consider he needs to be inpatient for psychiatric treatment. He had a very good support network at home. I will arrange for the crisis team to visit him when he is discharged from here and I will visit him at home. He will also be assigned a Community Psychiatric Nurse. You will need to keep a careful eye on him as well. Are you happy with my plan?”

Arthur was the first to talk. “Do you think he will try again?”  
“No I don’t but we must all be careful, the trigger of the parole board has been removed but it hasn’t completely gone away, so we need to be vigilant. If I thought he was high risk I would section him but don’t think that’s necessary. Don’t worry Arthur you will have plenty of support.”

Gwaine asked if Merlin would need to be watched all the time.  
“Yes to start with, but it’s because you have a full team that I feel he would be best at home. Arthur you also need to make sure that all the medications are locked up, just to remove that risk.” He paused.

“One other thing I think I should make clear to you all is what a good job you have done so far with Merlin. He was severely traumatised, both physically and mentally by his period of captivity. When I first met Merlin I didn’t think you would be able to cope with him at home, I fully expected him to have to be admitted, perhaps permanently, into an institution. I was also surprised that he didn’t try something like this early on in his recovery.”

Arthur went pale and looked at Hunith and Gwaine. The psychiatrist continued:

“It is through your love and support he has done so well. I think we all realise that Merlin will never be the person he once was but, you have given him a meaningful and mostly happy life, so don’t blame yourselves now.”

Hunith spoke for the first time. “Thank you for that Doctor, I sometimes think we don’t realise how far Merlin has come.”

 

Dr Kilgarrah stood up “Arthur I would like to speak to you alone if I may. If anyone else wishes to speak to me privately we can either sort something out now or I will see you once Merlin gets home.” With that he took Arthur into a side room. Dr Kilgarrah wanted to make sure Arthur had all the support he needed as he didn’t want the blonde man to sink into depression himself once more. Arthur agreed to speak to his counsellor and the doctor said he would arrange a home visit for him. 

With that he left. Merlin was taken to a general ward the next day and three days later he was deemed fit to go home. He would need regular blood tests but these would be arranged by the General Practitioner. In the mean time Arthur and Hunith made sure they collected up all the medications and Gwaine put a lock on one of the kitchen cabinets. They decided on the kitchen as there was nearly always someone in there during the day and at night Merlin would have to pass the bodyguards office.

Merlin was very ashamed of himself and he needed lots of reassurance by everyone when he saw them. Hunith still refused to read her letter. She said it made no difference to her. She knew her son and that was good enough. The day after Merlin was taken of the ventilator Arthur found a quiet spot in the hospital grounds well away from everyone to read his letter.

Dearest Arthur,  
Please understand my actions were in no way yours or anyone else’s fault but my own. I love you more than you could possibly know. You are the only thing that has kept me going until now. Before you I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong. You are everything to me, more important than you will ever understand.   
I realise that the years since that awful time have been hard on you, and for that I’m sorry I should have made everyone’s life easier, and given up long before I was rescued, it would have saved you all so much grief. But at the time I couldn’t see that. I just wanted to prove they couldn’t beat me, to proud I guess. You however have been my rock and have looked after me in a way I could never have dreamed of.  
Yet in return, I have ruined you life, even separating you from your father and uncle, although I know you always found your dad difficult. And then being such a fool with all my nightmares and panic attacks. These were my mind telling me that I was wrong, wrong to myself and everyone else. I even caused you to suffer from depression, something I find hard to bear knowing I had caused you that much stress. Your dad was right you know, in what he said that day, I had been telling myself all those things for years. But I was too much of a coward to end it all.  
When I was given my compensation I spoke to Leon and asked him to arrange some requests I hope you don’t mind but I know you won’t want the money.  
1\. Mum- if you sell the bungalow and I hope you don’t but understand if it’s too many memories to keep. She is to have a nice place somewhere. Please keep an eye on her.  
2\. Gwaine and Mithian- pay off their mortgage; Gwaine is my brother and has helped me so much. Oh and don’t blame him I had everything well planned. Can you try to make sure he doesn’t blame himself.  
3\. Percy and Freya- Use some of my money so they can own their cottage  
4\. Gwen and Lance- same for them.  
5\. The rest to be split between the rest of the bodyguards and Morgana and Leon.  
6\. In the bottom draw of my bedside table is a present each for the children. Please give them one each on their eighteenth birthday. I hope they always think kindly of me.  
Also if you don’t want to keep Isolde and Finna please make sure they get good homes. I love them both deeply and they won’t understand where I have gone.  
As I said Leon knows all this although he had no idea what I was going to do. Nor did I at the time but made the arrangements as I felt I needed to plan ahead. As I have hardly touched the money it should be enough for everything.  
To you I leave my everlasting love and I hope along the way I gave you some happiness.  
My last request is that you don’t blame yourself, you did everything I could have asked for. Find someone else and be happy please.  
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND ALWAYS HAVE.   
IT HURTS TO LEAVE YOU! You Pratt.  
My love, my everything, my strength, my all. Goodbye my darling.  
Your idiot, Merlin. 

Arthur read the letter but by the end he was crying unable to stop. He sat there for over an hour. When he stood up he didn’t care who saw him. He was glad he had read the letter; he knew Merlin wouldn’t have been able to be so honest about his feeling directly to him. It also made him angry, angry at Merlin, himself, Uther and Agravaine and angry at life but mostly angry at the people who had kidnapped Merlin.

He would need to think this through later but it was worth reading to know that Merlin loved him so much. Yes he knew his husband loved him, but to see it written like that was heart breaking. They still had so much to live for, together.

He went to see Merlin and as soon as he went into the room he hugged his husband like he never had before, forgetting for the first time in years not to touch his husbands back. But Merlin didn’t seem to notice he just hugged Arthur the raw emotion carrying them both along.


	47. Chapter 47

Merlin was being discharged, Arthur and two of the bodyguards travelled with him. Merlin was very quiet not saying a word all the way home. Isolde and Finna greeted Merlin like he had been away for weeks and wouldn’t leave his side. Merlin felt ashamed of what he had put everyone through but they were all too pleased to see him to say anything. That afternoon his Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) arrived too see Merlin. He was a man in his early fifties as tall as Merlin with grey hair and a kindly face.  
“Hello I am Iseldir Llewellyn but you can call me Ise if you prefer. I will be your CPN.” He shook hands with both Merlin and Arthur. They sat and talked together and Iseldir explained he would visit every day for the next week then once a week. But if either Merlin or Arthur needed him he would leave his phone number.  
“I am a member of the crisis team but I do also have a few other clients and I have been asked by Dr Kilgarrah to look after you long term. I hope this meets with your approval. If not we can find someone else for you but for now let’s see how we get on.”   
Merlin felt at ease with Iseldir and Arthur left them to talk. Iseldir sat with Merlin for over an hour and Merlin felt slightly better once they had finished. The CPN then said he wanted to talk to Arthur, he explained to Merlin that Dr Kilgarrah had also asked him to keep an eye on Arthur as well. This pleased Merlin as he worried that his husband might become unwell after Merlin recent actions.

Arthur and Iseldir spoke for a further half an hour before the CPN left promising to come back the next morning. 

The next few days the CPN visited every day and spent time with Merlin discussing his feelings and helping to support him. Merlin seemed to trust the other man and was able to slowly open up. Iseldir soon realised that Merlin had been hiding his low moods from his family for some time and this had added to the intensity of his reaction to the parole hearings. Merlin in trying to protect others had made his own position worse. Iseldir was working with Merlin to get him to open up and admit to his carers when he wasn’t coping. He realised that Merlin needed long term help. After talking some more to Arthur he also realised that Arthur had also been trying to protect Merlin. He would have to try to get both men to open up more to each other.

Iseldir also spoke to Gwaine and Hunith and helped them to identify where they could help both men. The CPN was impressed with the support structure in the house soon realising that all the staff were part of the caring team. 

For first few weeks Merlin was never left alone for a moment. He hated it but understood. Dr Kilgarrah also visited regularly until he was happy that the crisis had passed. But he insisted that Arthur go back to his group sessions for awhile, so he had support as well as Merlin. Arthur and Merlin had a couple of sessions with both the Psychiatrist and CPN to help them to realise they needed to talk more about their feelings. And for the first time Arthur and Merlin started to talk through things honestly and openly without hiding their worries from each other. Arthur tried to forget he was barrister and his father’s son and talked about his feelings not only to Merlin but to Morgana, Leon and Gwaine. Merlin tried to stop himself taking the blame for everything and started to share some of the worries in his head, although he still wouldn’t open up about his treatment during his kidnap.

Merlin’s nightmares started again but Iseldir felt that this might be a good thing as it was allowing him to work through of some of his anxieties that he was unable to talk about. Merlin however wasn’t being totally honest with anyone. He was feeling increasingly guilty about his failed suicide attempt. Not because he had tried but because he had failed. He had had enough, but knew that if he tried again he would cause more pain and hurt to others. 

Merlin was becoming more reluctant to get up in the mornings and when he did Gwaine had to really push him into going into the pool and the gym just didn’t happen. He just wanted to sit around. Even getting him out with the dogs was becoming an effort. He also started to lose his appetite and this was causing problems as Merlin was losing weight he could ill afford. Iseldir spent some time with him and contacted Dr Kilgarrah. When Merlin started to sink into his black pit Gwaine made more effort to talk to him and tried other things to help divert his mind by trying to get him doing Puzzles and games.

The psychiatric team suggested Merlin should see his general practitioner in case there was an organic cause. Merlin ended up having several tests before a diagnosis of Adult Failure to Thrive was decided upon. Dr Kilgarrah changed his medications and the CPN made more regular visits. Gwen started to offer Merlin small snacks during the day and high protein drinks but he didn’t seem to want to eat. Gwen also tried to get Merlin cooking more, getting him to make Arthurs favourites. Hunith also played her part getting both Merlin and Arthur out in the garden dead heading and weeding seemed to help calm Merlin, where getting Arthur doing the heavier work seemed to help him more. They all found it hard work but kept trying. The children were also involved Merlin loved to see him William and Penny brought over their computer games and managed to get him to play for short periods. The team also made sure Merlin went out with the dogs and met up with other dog walkers to help to get him meeting more people other than his carers. The two dogs helped everyone. Gradually Merlin improved and slowly started to take more of an interest in life. 

Eight months after the suicide attempt and once Merlin started to improve Leon took Arthur away for a few days to watch the cricket at Lords. Iseldir suggested a break would be a good idea. Arthur stayed at Leon and Morgana house. It had taken a combined effort on everyone’s part to get him to go, but the break did him good. He came back refreshed and more able to cope. Merlin was having more black periods even though they were of shorter duration.

Later that year they all went off on another Canal holiday. Arthur had suggested they hire a cottage but Merlin wanted to go on the barge as he knew the dogs loved it. So that’s what they did. This time they could only get the barges for a week but it gave them enough of a break. Arthur continued with his support group when he felt the stress beginning to build but never again allowed it to take over his life. 

It was two years before next parole board was due to sit Arthur informed everyone and Merlin was kept informed at all stages and again was watched carefully. Iseldir and Dr Kilgarrah kept a close eye on Merlin for signs of any suicidal thoughts. Iseldir was still visiting at least every two weeks. Arthur made sure he kept an eye on Merlin to make sure he didn’t start to lose weight once more. Since the suicide attempt and his episode of Failure to Thrive Merlin was considered more at risk than before and no one was taking any chances. Once more all parole requests were turned down. 

Three years after Merlin’s suicide attempt he was sitting on the settee one afternoon with both his dogs sitting by his side Isolde had her head on his knee. They had been sat there for some time Merlin was dozing as the sunshine poured through the window. Arthur came in with a cup of coffee for his husband. Arthur shook Merlin’s shoulder to wake him up.  
“Come on dozy, take your drink.” Merlin opened one eye and looked up.  
“Oh must I, we’re comfortable here.” He grinned, moving slightly he went to move Isolde’s head not wanting to risk spilling his hot coffee on her. As soon as his hand touched her he knew. His eyes went wide and Arthur immediately asked what the matter was. Merlin touched Isolde’s side.  
“She’s dead, oh Arthur she’s dead” Tears started to fall.   
Arthur put the coffee down on the table and checked the small dog. By now Finna was awake and had jumped down as if she also knew.   
“Sorry love, she is, but she went peacefully, were she was most happy.” Arthur went to pick Isolde up but Merlin stopped him,  
“Let her stay there for a minute, let me say goodbye” Merlin stroked his friend, she was eighteen years old and accept for being a bit deaf and grey around the nose she had been well. After about half an hour Merlin let Arthur pick her up and place her body on her bed near the window.

Arthur had to fight to stop the tears, he turned and cuddled Merlin and Finna went to sniff her friend then jumped up as if to comfort Merlin. They all stayed there sharing their grief. Percy came in as he did his rounds and spotted what was going on. He had a quiet word with Arthur to confirm his suspicions. Percy was very fond of Isolde and went and said his goodbyes, unshed years in his eyes. He then sat with Merlin while Arthur left the room.   
Arthur rang Iseldir and told him as he was sure Merlin would have difficulties coping. He then went and told Gwen in the kitchen. After he went back to Merlin Gwen went across and told Gwaine who was out in his garden. Gwaine came across to see if Merlin wanted anything. 

Later Arthur asked Merlin if he wanted Isolde buried in the garden. Merlin decided he wanted her place under the apple tree. Arthur left Merlin hugging Finna as he took the small body outside. Percy started to dig the grave be was nearly as upset as Merlin. Gwaine had told William and he came across to see Isolde before she was wrapped in her favourite blanket. They all stood and watched as Isolde’s body was laid to rest. Hunith came and stood one side of Merlin and Arthur the other side supporting him in his grief. Merlin sat by the grave for several hours with Arthur until the older man made Merlin go indoors. Iseldir called in and briefly spoke to Merlin promising to come back in the morning. That night Merlin cried himself to sleep. He had known she couldn’t live forever but it was still a shock for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to those who I promised I wouldn't kill off Isolde but she was getting old I did give a long life. I have always had Jack Russells and they have all passed on between 16 and 19 years old.


	48. Chapter 48

The next morning Arthur had trouble getting Merlin out of bed and when he did he refused breakfast and just sat and stared into space. Arthur went up to him and tried to get him to talk but in the end got cross.  
“Look Merlin I know you’re upset but you can’t do this. I won’t have you giving up again like before, your failure to thrive was just another name for I give up and you’re not going to. It’s not fair on anyone. Finna needs you she doesn’t know where her playmate is. And I need you, so come on; Isolde wouldn’t have wanted you like this.”

At Isolde’s name Merlin looked up at Arthur. “I need her Arthur.”

“Well you can’t have her Merlin, she was old and is now at peace.” Arthur knelt and put his arm around Merlin. “She went the way she would have wanted to, now come on Gwaine’s taken Finna out for her walk, come and have something to eat and then I want you to give Finna some attention….ok” Arthur looked Merlin in the eye. “Please for me.”

Merlin leant forward and hugged Arthur “For you and Finna.”

Merlin hardly ate anything but he did try, he wanted to stop Arthur being cross with him. Finna was soon back from her walk. She ran up to Merlin wagging her tail. While she liked all the staff Merlin was her best friend and made no secret of the fact. Gwaine was also happy to see Merlin sitting eating.

“You wanting to go to the pool Merlin?” Gwaine wanted to know.

“Later I’m going to play with Finna first.” Merlin looked at Arthur before continuing “Is Iseldir coming today?”

“Yes he’ll be here just after lunch, so go to the pool before then.”

Merlin played with Finna then reluctantly went to the pool with Gwaine. Gwaine noticed that Merlin was rather quiet but didn’t say anything; he felt that the CPN was the best person to deal with Merlin’s low mood.

When Iseldir arrived he spoke to Arthur as the blond man let him in. Arthur explained about Isolde and also that Merlin had at first refused to eat and been withdrawn that morning. Arthur explained he was worried that Merlin was going to sink once more. Iseldir thanked Arthur and promised to keep a close eye on Merlin for awhile.

Merlin was sitting in the lounge cuddling Finna when Iseldir found him. They spent some time talking about the death of Isolde. Iseldir listened to Merlin as he talked about his feelings and emotions, but he got the feeling Merlin was holding back something. Try as he might he couldn’t get Merlin to say more so the CPN suggested several coping strategies Merlin could use, to cope with his grief. Iseldir also discussed the need for Merlin to ensure he didn’t slip backwards. They arranged to see each other again the next afternoon.

The meetings carried on for several days then the weekend came round once more. On Friday afternoon Arthur had a phone call from Miranda asking if he could pick her up from the station. She was coming straight from college, Morgana and Leon would be coming in the morning as usual. So at five o’clock Arthur set off to collect her. When she got in the car the first thing she asked was how Arthur was, then she asked how her Uncle Merlin was coping. She had already heard about Isolde.

“I hope he’s not taking it too badly, and Uncle don’t forget, we’re all here for you, don’t try to cope on your own.”

Arthur was amazed at how mature Miranda was, it hardly seemed that long ago that she was a child and now she was a young adult.

“I’m fine Miranda, Uncle Merlin is taking it hard, but his CPN has been helping him, just try to keep him busy this weekend will you?” he smiled at his niece.

“Of course, but I will also look after you, you are my favourite after all.” They laughed together.

As soon as they arrived at the bungalow Miranda ran into the lounge and sat next to Merlin and gave him a hug. “Hi Uncle, I’m so sorry about Isolde, but at least you were with her.” She smiled at Merlin but tears were waiting to fall.

“I know Miranda, I miss her so, she’s buried under the apple tree.” Merlin pulled the young lady into his side.

“Uncle I’ve got something for you. I bought it for Christmas, but I think you should have it now.” She picked up a small box up from behind her and handed it to Merlin.

He carefully opened it and took out a small china Jack Russell terrier. It’s markings were identical to Isolde’s. “I did wonder whether to take it back, but I thought you might like it as a reminder.” With that Miranda started to cry.

Merlin looked at the small dog before turning once more to his niece. “Thank you, I will always treasure it, that was thoughtful of you, I don’t want to pretend she never existed I want to remember her.”

They sat there together in silence until Arthur came into the room having put the car away. 

“Look Arthur, Miranda gave me a present.” 

Arthur took the ornament from Merlin. “I can see why you are both crying. It’s lovely where do you want it put?”

“Up on the mantel piece, where I can see her please.” Merlin was genuinely pleased with the gift.

“Now I have both of you together I have something I want to ask you both.” Miranda paused.

“That sounds worrying” Arthur said pulling her leg.

“I’m eighteen this year and Mum and Dad are going to let me have a party, I want you both to come. Now before you say no Uncle Merlin, I’d like you to think about it. There will be lots of people there but you are very important to me. I can’t celebrate unless you are there to. Please think about it.”

Merlin looked at her “You don’t need me poppet, you’ll have all your friends there.”

“If necessary I won’t invite them I want you to come!.....please.” Miranda was obviously very serious.

“Let us think about it Miranda, I’ll defiantly come but Uncle Merlin needs to think about it….give him time. Ok” Arthur knew they would have an uphill battle to talk Merlin into going. “One other thing are you also having a twenty first birthday party and which one will be the special one?

She hugged Arthur knowing she had him on her side. “Oh no my twenty first is my special party. I’m having this one before I go off to Oxford for university. I’m going to invite all of you. It will be fun.”

“Just how many are going to this party?” Arthur grinned at her.

“Oh, about a hundred!” Miranda had obviously been planning this for awhile.

Merlin blanched at the thought. “That’s a lot of people in your mum’s house.”

“Oh no, were going to use Grandpa’s old house. Then people can stay. After all I’ve got to use it sometime’s and it’s mine when I’m eighteen. Then some people can stay over if they want.” Miranda had no idea of the controversy of Uther’s will. “Mum was going to ask you but I wanted to.”

Arthur looked at his niece “I’ll speak about it with your mum, but we need to think ok?” Miranda picked up on her uncle’s tone of voice and left the subject.

Later that night when the two men were in bed Merlin turned to Arthur. “You never said that Miranda was having the family home, do you mind?”

Arthur looked at Merlin “Well, father left the bulk of his estate to Miranda; she was his only grandchild after all. Even if it had come to me she would have had it in the end. No Merlin, I don’t mind, I didn’t want anything of his, my mother left me all I’ll ever need and I’ve always been paid well.”

“I suppose so, but you were his only son.” Merlin was puzzled.

“Merlin, just drop it ok. You know we didn’t part on good terms. I knew what was happening and it’s no problem.” Arthur really didn’t mind but the way it had been done still upset him.

Merlin seldom heard that tone from Arthur so dropped it. But decided he would ask Morgana in the morning. When Morgana and Leon arrived the party plans soon came up. Morgana was cross her daughter and already mentioned it. She had wanted to ask Arthur about the house when they were on their own. She knew he wouldn’t mind, but even so she would have liked to have run it past him first. Then before she had chance to speak privately to her brother Merlin managed to get her on her own and he started to ask questions.

“Merlin you need to ask Arthur it’s not up to me” she told him.

“He won’t tell me. He told me to drop it.” Merlin was determined to find out what had happened.

Morgana took a deep breath. “Look Merlin Uther didn’t leave Arthur anything, he left me some money but most of the estate went to Miranda when she was eighteen. Arthur didn’t mind at the time and he doesn’t now.”

“Was it because of me?” Merlin was tenacious when he wanted to be.

“Merlin I’m sorry I’m not saying anymore, and I suggest you drop it if that’s what Arthur asked.” Morgana walked away.

She went to find Arthur and told him about her conversation with Merlin.

“Why couldn’t he drop it? I didn’t want him to know, he’ll only blame himself.” Arthur was annoyed.

“Look Arthur you shouldn’t keep secrets from him, just tell him he’ll understand, he’s not as fragile as you think and he’s no fool.” Morgana wasn’t going to be caught in the middle. She walked off to find her daughter.

Arthur gave it some thought and then asked Merlin to go to his office with him. There he told Merlin about Uther’s will. As expected, Merlin was livid that he should be the reason for the breakdown between Arthur and his family.

“Look Merlin, it didn’t matter then or now. As I told you before, Miranda is the only grandchild, and she would have had it all anyway in the end so please drop it. I didn’t want anything from him; he was a bigoted old man. I didn’t tell you then because I didn’t want you to blame yourself. It was his decision not yours, and we mustn’t let it cause disagreement between us or he’s won.” Arthur pleaded with Merlin.

Merlin realising he was just upsetting his husband so let the matter drop. But he still felt to blame, and it added to the guilt he was already feeling. He decided there and then that if Arthur wanted to go to the party he would go and cope somehow.

Later that weekend Merlin approached Leon. “Can I have a word Leon?”

Leon looked at Merlin hoping it wasn’t about Uther’s will. “Yes of course where shall we go?”

“Come down the garden with me.” With that Merlin got into his wheelchair and took Finna outside. Leon followed.

“Leon you know I made my will sometime ago, well I would like to do it all now instead of waiting till I die.” Merlin looked at Leon expecting an argument.

“Well Merlin I can only advise you against that. The compensation was to ensure you had the means to look after all your needs, not for you to give it away.” Leon was puzzled at what Merlin was doing.

“Arthur has more than we will ever need. I know he has made me his beneficiary should anything happen. I don’t want the money I never did, it’s their money. But I do want to help other people and they would benefit more now that later. So how can I get it all organised?” Merlin was determined.

“Have you discussed this with Arthur?” Leon wanted to know.

“It’s my money Leon.” 

“Look just talk to him and I’ll sort it out, but I want you to be sure. It’s a lot of money. You haven’t used hardly any and the interest has been building up, please just talk to Arthur.” Leon hoped Merlin would do as he asked as he couldn’t break client confidentiality and knew if Merlin was determined he would go to someone else if he didn’t agree to help.

“I’ll think about it.” Merlin turned and went back to the bungalow upset that Leon was being difficult.

The weekend soon passed and nothing more was said about the party, Uther’s will or Merlin’s wish to give his money away but they were all clouds over the horizon.


	49. Chapter 49

Despite Iseldir’s visits Merlin did become withdrawn for awhile, he was also still upset about Uther’s will and often brooded over its unfairness. Finna however was a great help to Merlin, who eventually took comfort in the fact that Isolde had died in her sleep and he hadn’t had to have her put down. 

The matter of the party once more surfaced when the invite came. Arthur asked Merlin if he wanted to go. Merlin said he would if Arthur was happy to go to the old family home. So it was decided. Hunith, Gwaine and Gwen where invited as were Freya and Percy. They all agreed to go. The other bodyguards were also invited but declined. Arthur was happy with that as either himself, Gwaine or Percy would stay with Merlin at all times. Gwen and Lance were also going. All the children were going so Arthur decided to hire a minibus taxi to take then all to London. 

Arthur had a long conversation with Morgana about Miranda’s legacy and in the end they were all happy with the outcome. Miranda was not going to change her name to Pendragon yet, that might change later, but Morgana didn’t think so. Her daughter didn’t want to lose her father’s name and she had no wish to go double barrelled either. So it looked like Uther wouldn’t have things all his own way.

One day Merlin went to Arthur’s office as the blond man was doing some legal work. He sat down and waited for Arthur to look up.

“Hi Merlin, what can I do for you darling.” Arthur smiled at his husband.

“I want to ask you something.” Merlin looked ill at ease.

Arthur turned to face Merlin and reached forward and took Merlin’s hands in his, taking care not to hurt the younger mans left hand. “Ask away love.”

“You know that letter I wrote you?” Arthur felt a stab of pain at the thought of the only letter Merlin had ever written him. 

“Yes, I remember every word.”

“Don’t look like that Arthur, I ask because I wanted Leon to carry out my bequests from that letter. I want to give away the money. But he wouldn’t do anything unless I speak to you first.”

Arthur took a deep breath “Is that all. Thank goodness for that.”

“What did you think I was going to say…………..Oh I’m sorry Arthur………I didn’t think.” Merlin looked heartbroken.

“Don’t worry Merlin. I just try never to think of that day. Now you want to give away your money?”

“It’s not my money! It’s theirs and I don’t want it. I want to give it to my friends, its more use to them now than it will be later. I want to use the money to buy the cottages off you, and do all the other things I said. I know it’s supposed to be to help me, but you’re doing that, and you won’t let me pay for anything, so I want to give it away.” Merlin was getting agitated.

“Why are you so worried about having the money?” Arthur asked clearly puzzled.

“It’s from them! I don’t want it! It’s like they paid me for what they did! Like it’s was ok, because they paid! Why can’t you see that? Why can’t Leon see that?” Merlin’s voice was getting more and more hysterical in tone.

“Calm down Merlin.” Arthur pulled Merlin into his chest and ran his hand through the other mans hair to calm him. “What’s brought all this on?” he asked calmly.

“I’ve never wanted the money, every time I get a letter from the bank it brings it back. It used to be once a year, about the interest. But now they keep sending me letters asking what I want to do to get even more money! I don’t want it! Arthur I don’t want it!....I don’t want it.” Merlin was getting angrier and angrier.

“Hush Love, calm down..please…calm down. If you don’t want it that’s fine…just don’t upset yourself please.” Arthur kept talking trying to bring Merlin back down. He hadn’t realised Merlin felt that way. He hadn’t even thought of the bank writing to Merlin and what effect it might be having on his husband. 

Gradually Merlin became calmer as Arthur continued to comfort him. Arthur picked up his phone and rang the kitchen and asked Gwen to bring them round a hot drink. He then spoke to Merlin once more.

“If that’s how you feel I’ll speak to Leon and get him to sort things out. But Gwaine and the others might not be willing to take the money.” In fact Arthur was certain they wouldn’t.

“Will you tell them why please? Then they will, please Arthur.” Merlin’s voice started to rise once more.

At that Gwen knocked on the door and brought in the tray.

“Thank you Gwen, could you take it through to the bedroom, we’re going to lie down a bit.” 

Gwen nodded seeing Merlin was upset, she turned and left leaving the door open behind her. As she went down the corridor she bumped into Gwaine and told him Merlin was upset. As Gwen left Arthur stood up and got Merlin to start walking towards the bedroom. Merlin was leaning on Arthur’s shoulder, his limp much more pronounced than normal. Gwaine came round the corner as they were half way across the lounge.

“Need some help there? Come on Merl’s give me your other arm.” Gwaine didn’t comment on Merlin’s condition, but helped Arthur get Merlin into the bedroom and onto the bed. They propped him up with pillows so he could have his hot drink, to calm him.

“Merlin do you need one of your tablets?” Arthur asked softly.

“I’m ok” came to reply.

Gwaine nodded to Arthur and went to stand outside the door, in case he was needed. Merlin drank his drink and then moved down the bed and curled up in a ball.

“Merlin I’ll go and speak to Leon, you get some rest. I’ll get Gwaine to sit with you, ok.” Merlin nodded his head. 

Arthur went out and asked Gwaine to stay with Merlin. Gwaine sat by the bed and he too kept running his hand through Merlin’s hair, to calm him until he fell asleep. Then he sat and watched his friend wondering what had upset him this time. Arthur went back to the office. He rang Leon and told him what had happened. As Leon was acting for Merlin as his legal representative, Arthur asked him to speak to the bank about sending letters to Merlin, and to start sorting Merlin’s requests. He told Leon that he would talk to the men about their gifts and explain why Merlin was so keen to get rid of the money. Arthur also asked his brother in law to make sure that his own will was iron clad; to protect Merlin should anything happen to him first.

Arthur then went to speak to Percy, who was on duty covering the outside areas. Percy was amazed when Arthur told him that Merlin wanted to buy his cottage and give it to him and Freya. Not surprisingly he said no. Arthur then explained why Merlin wanted to give it to him. Percy said he would speak to Freya. He was then asked not to mention it to anyone else at the moment.

Percy couldn’t believe what Merlin wanted to do for them. When he finished his shift he sat with Freya and told her about what Merlin wanted to do and why. Freya was as surprised as Percy had been. She could see why Merlin didn’t want anything to do with the money, but they both felt it would be wrong to take it. Freya had known Merlin for years but would never have guessed he would want to do such a thing for them. In the end they decided to wait until the others knew and talk it over with them.

Gwaine was the next to be told. He had known Merlin had something planned, from the suicide letter, but never dreamed Merlin would want to pay of his mortgage. It fitted Merlin’s consideration of others, once he thought about it; he could also understand why Merlin wanted to do it. Gwaine and Mithian also sat and talked about it later but made no decision.

Gwen cried when she was told and wanted to tell Merlin off, it took all of Arthur’s persuasive powers to stop her.

After everyone had been told Arthur held a meeting. He explained once again why Merlin wanted to carry out is plan, both as a thank you and because he was unhappy having the money as he saw it as payment for his bad treatment. He told them that Merlin wanted to have the money now instead of later as it would be more use to them now, particularly those with children. Arthur also explained that giving away the money wouldn’t affect Merlin’s care in any way, as Arthur was sufficiently wealthy to cover any eventuality. After a great deal of discussion everyone reluctantly agreed. 

Even after all the gifts were given, including those to the bodyguards living off site, Merlin still had a small residue left. His mother would be cared for separately should the bungalow be sold in her lifetime. Merlin was happy they had agreed and seemed to cheer up for awhile afterwards; it was as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

The following weekend was the party for Miranda and they all set off. Finna was left at the bungalow and Kay was staying there to look after her. Merlin’s electric wheelchair was taken; this would give him more independence than the manual one as he could get himself about. They got to Uther’s old house before the main crowd so Merlin could settle in. He was very nervous but Morgana made sure that the library was reserved as a bolt hole for him if the crowds got too much. Merlin hated every moment, he felt hemmed in and threatened, but Miranda made sure that her uncle was well looked after when he retreated to the library. The others all took in turns to stay with him and by the end of the evening all the adults were there leaving the youngsters to party. When it came to time to retire for the night Arthur and Percy helped Merlin go upstairs, Gwaine was a bit tipsy so he was banned from helping. The two men slept in Arthur’s childhood bedroom.

They went back home the next morning and there was a surprise waiting for Merlin as he went through the door. Everyone had got together and as a thank you to Merlin, purchased another puppy, from the same farm as Isolde had come from. It was a direct descendent from the same line. The puppy was male this time. Merlin immediately called him Gi after his old friend Gaius. Alice, who was now in her mid eighties said her husband would have been pleased and honoured. Finna was a bit put out at first but was soon playing with the puppy. She had missed having Isolde about. The puppy gave Merlin something else to concentrate on, making sure he didn't chew anything or leave puddles anywhere. Gi was nearer in temperament to Isolde and loved sitting on Merlin’s lap, and didn’t like his master out of his sight. Where Finna loved Merlin she had always sat by the side of him and played more.


	50. Chapter 50

Gi was already a well established member of the family and the two animals helped keep Merlin busy. When Gi was taken to the vets for his check up Merlin was advised to have him castrated. They had never had Finna neutered and at her age it would be dangerous for her to have puppies. At first Arthur was against the idea. He felt the little dog should keep his bits but he didn’t want to risk anything happening to Finna. Merlin teased him asking why he hadn’t minded Isolde having the op but didn’t want their little boy to have his. 

Gwaine then announced that his and Mithian’s son William was starting University in Cardiff to train to be a physiotherapist in September. This pleased Gwaine as it was something he wished he had done when he was younger. 

When September came Miranda and William went off to their separate universities, the two men couldn’t believe how time had flown. Leon and Arthur were happy as Miranda had decided she wanted to study law and follow in her father’s footsteps. But it would seem strange without her about at the weekends and the group of cottages would be much quieter. 

Penny had decided to finish her education after college; she wanted to go into baking. She was applying for a job as an apprentice baker with a speciality baker in the nearby town and needed a character reference which Arthur was only too pleased to give. A couple of weeks later an excited Penny came to see Arthur and Merlin she had been successful and would start soon. Merlin gave her some money so she could get some of the equipment she needed.

The changes were all happening at once and Merlin in particular would miss the older children. They had all spent quite a bit of time with him over the years. But he still had Elizabeth and Tristan about although they were starting their last year at secondary school and both hoped to go on to college afterward. Tristan had already decided he wanted to be a carpenter and Elizabeth a nurse. It made Merlin wonder what Arthur and his children would have turned out like if they had ever had a family. So once more he became down in mood. He hated thinking like this but couldn’t help himself; they had missed out on so much. He knew they would have been good parents.

Gwen was the one that picked up on the reason for Merlin’s latest drop in mood as she was also finding the changes difficult. Gwen had loved having the children around the place, as they had grown and spent more time with their friends she missed their constant presence. So Gwen tried to get Merlin more involved once more in the kitchen. He was still doing work for the archive but that had become a solitary occupation once Gaius had died, Gwen knew Merlin was better with company.

Hunith still went out with Merlin in the garden but was not quite as fit as she once was; arthritis was making it harder for her. She was in her late seventies but still very good for her age and still very good mentally. The mother and son spent quite a bit of time together having his mother so close certainly helped Merlin. She had become like a grandmother to all the children and was also noticing their absence. 

However at Christmas they all descended and Arthur had bought a second table to be used when everyone was about. So Gwaine’s two lads were given the job of helping their father and Percy too bring it out of storage in the garage. This year the Christmas cake was made by Penny for the first time. Having the extra person helping in the kitchen was certainly a help. Hunith was told that this year she was there in a supervisory capacity only, much to her disgust.

Once the Christmas holidays were over peace descended once more. There were two big events the following year. William and Penny were going to have a combined eighteenth birthday party in the bungalow garden. It suited both of them. Although they now spent most of their time apart they had become very close and had started going out together and William came back from Cardiff as often as he could. 

The other celebration was still a secret. Arthur was planning an event to celebrate Merlin’s fiftieth birthday and also the thirtieth anniversary of their meeting for the first time. It was in the August and Arthur was trying to think of something special. Gwaine was involved and they wanted something he would enjoy and that they could all participate in. They had thought of going away but that would be too difficult to include everyone. In the end they decided on a hog roast in the garden, with a live band for music. Now it was just working out who and keeping it a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry those who wanted Finna to have puppies but I found out she was to old to safely have some. 
> 
> Any suggestions on who Arthur can book for Merlin's 50th, don't forget he has plenty of money!!
> 
> Thank you for my many followers I'm so glad you love this story it made me continue when I was going to finish it ages ago


	51. Chapter 51

The party for Penny and William went well. A large marquee was put up in the garden and they had a barbeque. They invited all their friends and many stayed over using the marquee overnight. Arthur and Merlin went to the barbeque but left shortly afterward leaving the youngsters partying to the disco Arthur had provided. Both the dogs managed to scrounge quite a few tip bits so Merlin decided not to give them their meal that night. Finna loved being made a fuss of but Gi stayed with Merlin most of the time. It was quite apparent to everyone that the pair were in love and everyone hoped that they would stay together. Both the men were awake until the early hours due to the noise so had a lay in next morning.

The next morning everyone helped to clear up before they all went their separate ways. William stayed until the Sunday evening when he had to go back to Cardiff. He would be back for the summer holidays so would be there for the next party, even if it wasn’t common knowledge as yet. Arthur was working hard to get someone special to provide the music he had several ideas but needed to find out who was available. It was such a pity that Merlin’s favourite singer had been dead for some time. Merlin loved listening to Elvis, Gwaine suggested an Elvis tribute but Arthur thought not.

In the end Arthur found two people who were happy to come he booked both of them in case of problems both where aware and didn’t mind. He kept their names secret for two reasons, one so Merlin didn’t find out and also as he didn’t want gatecrashers to the party. Both were singers Merlin loved. The guest list had been drawn up and invitations sent out. So far Merlin didn’t have a clue. The next problem was to sort out the garden without Merlin getting too much of a clue. The Marque was going to be put up in the morning and Gwaine was given the job of keeping Merlin and the dogs out for as long as possible. The hog roast was going to be started elsewhere and set up during the morning. The catering was going to be outside sourced but Gwen, Freya , Mithian and Penny found out and were offended so in the end it was decided they would do most of the food preparation but in the cottages but on the day an outside company would do the serve ring and last minute items. Penny was making the cake. 

In the run up to the party Merlin became unwell once again his chest was causing difficulties. He was back on oxygen again which always made his mood suffer. Arthur was getting anxious hoping all would be well for the party. He had so wanted to do something special for Merlin. Both the stars confirmed they would attend and one would be staying overnight with his family. The other one didn’t live very far away. So Gwen made up the rooms secretly.

Merlin was feeling really down one morning two weeks before the party and due to feeling so unwell his appetite had also dropped off. Arthur got the doctor out who advised protein drinks which Merlin hated. He was also put on antibiotics. Iseldir came and spent some time with Merlin but it was beginning to look like the party wasn’t such a good idea. Merlin was sinking into one of his dark periods once more. Arthur tried to get him to talk to him but Merlin just sat quietly. He was feeling useless he hated the feeling of breathlessness and having to wear the nasal cannula all the time, he knew he needed the oxygen but that didn’t help. At night he had to sleep sitting up, Arthur was doing the same but Merlin knew that his husband found it difficult to sleep that way. Once again Merlin was causing problems for Arthur. His self esteem was taking a hit. 

The children were all back having broken up for the summer. Miranda had brought home her boyfriend for them all to meet. Both Leon and Morgana like him. Morgana joked to Arthur saying her daughter had picked him as he was so like Merlin. His name was Mordred, he had come to stay at the bungalow for the weekend. Miranda asked Merlin if he minded if Mordred shared her room. Merlin was surprised and said it was ok with him but only if her parents and Arthur were also ok with it. Mordred took a liking to Merlin and ages talking to him. Mordred was studying medicine, and after watching him with Merlin Arthur thought he would have a very good bedside manner. Both the dogs liked Mordred and that was good enough for Merlin. Despite the age difference the two men soon became friends. Slowly with all the children about once more Merlin’s mood began to lift. And once he was able to take off the oxygen he improved quickly. Just in time for the party.

One the morning of Merlin’s fiftieth birthday he was given lots of presents and cards which he loved. Arthur told him he would have his from him later. But laughing gave Merlin a kiss to tide him over. Gwaine and Percy then took Merlin out for a walk with the dogs. For a change they took him off in the car to some woods the other side of the village. Merlin had no idea what was going on. He asked Arthur to go with them but Arthur said he had to make a few phone calls so couldn’t but they would spend the rest of the day together.

As soon as the car was out the drive operation party started. The lorry arrived with the marquee and it was soon up. The hog roast team arrived and started up their fires and the pig and side of beef were transferred onto the spits. They had been started in a friends garden the other side of the village. All the food was brought over from the cottages and the outside team came to set it all out. The garden was decorated and all the extra seating was set up. Just before lunch Arthur set out to the pub were Gwaine and Percy had taken Merlin.  
Arthur met them and they sat and had a drink out in the pub garden to celebrate Merlin’s birthday. They had a small snack and told Merlin they were having a special meal that evening. They sat there until about three o’clock when Arthur’s phone rang. He looked at the message and then a few minutes later told them they needed to get back.


	52. Chapter 52

As the cars arrived at the bungalow nothing out of the unusual could be seen. Merlin commented on the smell of cooking but said no more. As they went into the bungalow Arthur steered Merlin straight into the bedroom to have a shower and change. The curtains were already drawn so Merlin couldn’t see the garden. They had a shower which took a bit longer than anticipated due to the Arthur deciding now would be a good time to make love. Afterwards they got dressed. Arthur had laid out some new clothes for Merlin which he said were part of his Birthday present. 

Merlin put on the blue silk shirt and black trousers without complaint. He knew Arthur loved seeing him dressed up and at least there wasn’t a tie. Arthur put on his favourite red shirt and black trousers and they headed out to the lounge. Once there Merlin was greeted by the view of the garden and his month dropped open.

“What have you done.” he asked turning to Arthur.

“Happy Birthday darling” the blonde man kissed his husband once again. 

As he did so, all the family and guests come out of the marquee. It was the first time in ages that they had all been together. All the family members as well as all the staff and several friends like Alice who they had made in the village. Then Merlin spotted Iseldir and someone who he presumed was his wife and Dr Kilgarrah and his wife who Merlin had met once before.

Merlin has tears in his eyes. He walked slowly round and said hello to everyone telling his mother and Gwaine off for not warning him. After that he sat down quite taken aback with it all. William brought him across a glass of Champaign and Arthur stood up. 

“Hello everyone, and thank you all for coming here today to celebrate Merlin’s fiftieth birthday, which is also the thirtieth anniversary of our first meeting. It hasn’t always been easy but I bless the day I met Merlin and love him more today than ever. A toast to Merlin.”

They all drank to the toast. Then Merlin stood up.

“As Arthur said, thank you for all coming here today and for keeping his secret so well. He says he blesses the day he met me, but that is nothing to how I feel about him. Without him I would be nothing, he is my life my love, my everything without him I would never have made this day. I would also like to thank you all of you here today, as you have all played you part in helping me these past years. I know I have often been difficult and hard to live with but you have all made it better for me. I can’t promise it will be better in the years to come, but I do promise to try. I presume that there is food and drink a plenty so please enjoy yourselves.”

Merlin turned to Arthur and kissed him again before sitting down. He looked at Arthur and smiled.”I never thought I would manage public speaking.”

Both of the men had unshed tears in their eyes. The party began and everyone stood round and talked until the food was ready. Merlin laughed at Arthur when he saw the roasts.

“I think one would have done you know, we’re going to be eating leftovers for weeks.”

George came round the corner and whispered in Arthur’s ear and Arthur followed him into the bungalow. He came back half an hour late with some more guests. Walking up to where Merlin was sitting his back toward the bungalow he tapped Merlin on the shoulder.

“Merlin we have some more guests in fact they’ve come to sing for us.” 

Merlin turned round and had to do a double take. Then he held out his hand to the people with Arthur. In front of him was one of his favourite singers and he couldn’t believe it. There in front of him was Elton John! with his husband David Furnish and their two sons Zachary and Elijah. Merlin was completely flustered. But the two men were lovely and already about Merlin’s past so were completely understanding. Merlin had just got over the shock when he received another one. Arthur disappeared once more and came back with another two guests. He had met them before as they had a house a few miles away but was surprised to see them again. It was Barry Gibb and his wife Linda. He spoke to them for a while and then introduced them to Elton John but they already knew each other. Merlin pulled Arthur to one side.

“Really Arthur not that I’m complaining but two top star’s I appreciate one but two?”

“Well neither of them was sure and since they didn’t mind I book both then it worked out they could both come. I would have tried to get Elvis but he wasn’t available.” Arthur kept a straight face.

“You idiot! It must have cost you a fortune! Two stars, two roasts what else am I having two of.” Merlin said quietly.

“Well if you’re lucky we can repeat what we did in the shower earlier.” He smirked making Merlin blush. “As the money it did cost a bit but they both gave their fee to the disabled canal boat trust so I don’t mind.” Arthur had been surprised when both the men suggested a charity benefit. Both the men had heard of Merlin’s kidnap and ongoing problems and had wanted to help a charity close to him.

Later on that evening both the stars performed separately and together. As they started their joint session Arthur pulled Merlin onto the dance floor as Elton made an announcement.

“This song is a request it is Merlin and Arthur’s song even if they were both babies when it was first recorded. Arthur has asked us to sing it and for the first time you will hear both of us covering this song once recorded by Elvis.  
With that they began to sing once more as Arthur pulled Merlin close and they started to dance slowly. Merlin supported by this husband. As they danced Arthur quietly sang along the words so apt for the pair of them:  
  
When no-one else can understand me  
When everything I do is wrong  
You give me hope and consolation  
You give me strength to carry on  
And you're always there to lend a hand  
In everything I do  
That's the wonder  
The wonder of you  
And when you smile the world is brighter  
You touch my hand and I'm a king  
Your kiss to me is worth a fortune  
Your love for me is everything  
I'll guess I'll never know the reason why  
You love me like you do  
That's the wonder  
The wonder of you


	53. Chapter 53

The party went on for several more hours and Arthur and Merlin danced several times, although by the end Arthur was almost totally holding Merlin up, as his leg no longer wanted to support him. Everyone was pleased to see the two men so happy together. The day had been a great success. In the end, both Elton and Barry stayed the night. The next day Merlin was confined to his wheelchair all day, except for a spell in the pool, due to the pain he was getting in his leg.

They both had breakfast with their guests then Barry and his wife left to return to their home. Elton and his family stayed for lunch. The men had a long chat David said he was surprised at how well the two men had integrated into the community from the beginning. Saying that for a gay couple, in a small village they had done very well. Arthur said he thought they had been helped by several things; they had helped to establish the woodland walks, suitable for wheelchair use. They had also used the local facilities on a regular basis as well. 

Arthur said he also felt that the publicity around Merlin’s kidnap had made the locals sympathetic but that he thought the greatest asset was Merlin himself, who was very popular in the area. They had only had a few negative experiences but not as many as they had thought they would have. By the time Elton and his family left the couple had some new friends. Merlin also had two new children to make a fuss of for awhile.

The party seemed to have had a long lasting effect on Merlin’s mood and he was much happier afterwards. Arthur only hoped it would continue. The village was full of gossip about the party and the singers for sometime afterwards. All the children also had bragging rights with their friends which pleased them no end. 

Winter soon arrived and one morning there was a knock on the door. When Kay opened it he was met by one of the neighbours who said Hunith had fallen on the ice. An ambulance had been called but they thought she had broken her hip. Kay informed Arthur who went straight down to the village. Merlin was in the pool with Gwaine and Arthur asked Kay not to say anything until he had checked it out. He didn’t want Merlin to unnecessary worry him. 

Arthur phoned a little while later, the ambulance had arrived and yes Hunith had broken her hip. He was coming back to the bungalow and would take Merlin to the hospital so would they get him ready. Merlin was very upset and angry at first that he hadn’t been told straight away. But by the time he had arrived in A&E he was a bit calmer. Arthur had brought Gwaine and Kay as well.

Hunith was soon sorted and Arthur arranged for her to have a single room much to her disgust. She was to be treated privately but within the hospital. She was soon in theatre having her hip replaced. Merlin was devastated and insisted on visiting her every day, until Hunith herself told him to stay at home, he was getting himself stressed. She was back home in five days and Arthur arranged for her to have some help, so she could still be independent in her own home. Merlin tried to get her to move into the main bungalow but she refused, insisting that she was only a door away. She did agree to have a personal alarm which she wore round her neck so she could call for help if she needed it. 

But it was a wakeup call to Merlin that his mother was getting frailer, she was seventy six after all. After that Merlin made sure he went round to see her every day, unless she came to the main bungalow first. He started to worry about the smallest things and his mental state got more fragile once again. Arthur tried to reassure him but he found it difficult as he could see that Hunith seemed to be showing her age more since the fall. She had lost some of her confidence. Gwaine started to get Hunith round to the hydrotherapy pool everyday and that helped her no end. It also helped to strengthen her hip.

On one of Merlin’s visits to Hunith she sat down with her son and talked to him:  
“Look Merlin I know seventy six isn’t that old nowadays but you must face facts I am getting older. I’ve reached my three score years and ten and sooner or later I won’t be here for you.” She placed her hand on his knee. “What I don’t want is you getting so upset that it affects your health.”

“Don’t talk like that mum, you’re still young, and anyway I have the right to worry about you.” Merlin could feel himself getting tearful.

“Yes you do, to worry but not make yourself ill. You and Arthur have made sure I’ve had a good life and hopefully I will go on longer yet but you must face facts son. It would break my heart if I thought that after I’ve gone you would follow me soon after because you’ve made yourself ill.”

“Don’t talk like that mum!” Merlin knew he would start crying soon but was trying not to; he didn’t want to upset his mother.

“Merlin all I ask is that you be sensible about things and face facts. I will go before you but when I do I will be ready. I will be with your father again, so I will want you to be happy. You need to be strong for Arthur as well as yourself. He worries about you and he must be your first priority.” She paused “I’ll say no more now but please think about what I’ve said and be sensible.”

They hugged each other and then Merlin went to make them a cup of tea. It was almost a tradition with his mum. A cup of tea was the cure for anything.  
Hunith watched Merlin for the next few days and was pleased that their conversation didn’t appear to be having a negative effect on her son’s state of mind.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry folks tissue time again

Arthur had continued to do a few small legal cases for Leon as long as it meant he didn’t need to be away from home to many days at a time, only rarely working a full week. So he was surprised to be offered the chance to become a high court judge. He was very flattered but turned it down not wanting the increased workload. 

Then in the New Years honours list Merlin was awarded an M.B.E., for his years of unpaid work for the County Archive. He knew about it before Christmas, and had great difficulty in not telling anyone other than Arthur. The award also had the side effect of increasing Merlin’s self esteem; he had suffered with a low opinion of himself since his kidnap. The investiture was at Windsor Castle and he managed to go with Arthur to collect it, although he was very unsettled for weeks before. Merlin was very nervous when he found he was going to be given his award from the Queen, he so frightened he would fall over, but he refused to accept it from his wheelchair. Hunith went as well and was so proud of her son. Afterwards he received a recording of the event and they had a small party one weekend so all their friends could see it, although it had been on the news, and in the newspapers, due to his history. Merlin often took out the medal so he could look at it; he was bowled over to have been so appreciated to even get nominated.

The during the summer holidays that year, Penny and William announced their engagement. It came as no surprise to anyone. They didn’t intend to get married until William had finished his training, so they had a long time to save up. It was also during the holidays when Alice decided she could no longer cope and moved into a rest home in the nearest town. They were all sad to see her go but Arthur picked said he would pick he up at least once a month to come to the bungalow for lunch. Hunith and Alice would speak on the phone so at least she could keep up with the family she now considered hers.

Tristan and Elizabeth were both going to college after the holidays. Tristan wanted to work towards a career in accountancy as he loved mathematics and figures. Elizabeth was still undecided but Gwen and Lance were happy for her to continue to stretch herself until she did. So now with all the children left school a landmark had been reached.

Miranda and Mordred were still together, and they asked if they could stay at the bungalow for part of the holidays. Merlin and Arthur were only too pleased. It was nice to have people around them. Miranda spent quite a bit of time with Arthur, working on his cases, so it gave Mordred the chance to spend time with Merlin. They would talk for hours on end about all sorts of things.

Merlin went a whole eight months without getting down at all and Arthur was just beginning to think to worse could be over. But then something happened that shattered Merlin’s world once more. Arthur had had a routine blood test and was found to have Prostate Cancer. He kept it quiet until he had had the tests, not wanting to worry Merlin unnecessarily. After the tests results came through he was told he had stage a localised cancer, a T2 type luckily it had been found early before it spread. 

Arthur then sat down with Merlin and told him all he knew and what treatment he would need. That night the men cried themselves to sleep in each other’s arms. Would their troubles never end.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance if I have any facts wrong in this chapter it isn't my area of expertise.

The next day Arthur told six other people. Leon and Morgana were the first as he wanted Merlin to be protected should the worse happen. He asked if Morgana could stay with Merlin when he had his treatment. Leon looked after their legal affairs so he needed to know. Arthur then told Gwaine, he knew that Merlin would rely on him more than anyone. Merlin would need all the support he could get in the following months.

Hunith was next and the hardest after Merlin, she was like a mother to him and he wanted her to hear it from him. The only other people he told from the onset were Dr Kilgarrah and Iseldir, so they were aware that Merlin might need support. Later once he stared treatment he knew everyone would know, but he didn’t want people talking too much around Merlin. 

 

As soon as he could Merlin got on the computer and started looking up everything on the treatment and prognosis of prostate cancer. He was slightly happier once he had finished, it appeared that if the cancer was caught early enough the treatment was successful. By the end of his session on the computer, he had a list of questions to take with them when they saw the specialist. At least he knew that if the tumour was localised there was a good chance of full recovery. 

Rather than Merlin sinking into depression he seemed to be move positive. It was as if he felt he needed to be strong for Arthur sake. In fact Merlin found himself comforting Morgana and Miranda and spent a long time trying to explain everything to them. Arthur didn’t want to talk about it with anyone but Merlin. Arthur was pleased that Merlin seemed to be coping well, but wondered if it would hit him later. But they both did their best to be optimistic even though the word cancer scared them. 

When Arthur and Merlin saw the oncologist Merlin got out his list of questions, at least this way he felt more involved. With help and advice from the oncologist the form of treatment was soon decided. The doctor then spent some time discussing the side effects and possible problems after treatment. Merlin in particular asked if the cancer had been caused by their lifestyle. He had heard that gay men were more susceptible, but he was reassured this was not true.

They were told that Arthur might have some erectile dysfunction afterwards, but neither man was overly worried about that, as long as they had each other. After all, after Merlin was rescued they had a long time without sex. When they were told that they would need to use condoms with lots of lubrication for a time after treatment, as Arthur would be sore, Merlin laughed. He knew Arthur hated condoms and moaned that lubrication messed up his nice sheets. Arthur found it all very embarrassing and kicked Merlin under the table. 

 

They left the consultation more positive than they went in, at least now they knew what they faced. Arthur was started on hormone replacement therapy straight away. Once home they sat together for hours just enjoying being together, both secretly wondering what the future would bring.

 

Then a couple of weeks later Arthur was started his treatment, Temporary Brachytherapy, which was given in three treatments six hours apart so he had to stay in hospital overnight. Merlin insisted in staying in the hospital as the treatment was given, sitting with Arthur in between. But that night Gwaine practically had to drag him home. Never had the dogs been so vital they were unconditional in their affection and kept Merlin busy as well as giving him company that night. No one had the heart to stop them sleeping in bed with Merlin.

First thing next morning Merlin and Gwaine were back at the hospital. Merlin saw Arthur for about half an hour before his next treatment. Once it was over they were allowed to go home. Arthur was given a course of antibiotics afterwards to prevent infection. They then had a break of two weeks before the radiotherapy started. 

Merlin became very protective of Arthur and looked after the other man who was feeling the effects of all the stress as well as the treatment. They had one or two minor arguments but soon made up.

When Arthur started on his four weeks of radiotherapy he travelled in on a daily basis and again Merlin insisted on going in each day. Both men were getting tired but they wanted to spend their time together. Every moment became important to them. All the way though the process Arthur was scared, not for himself, but what would happen to Merlin if the worse happened. He was not in control, and for him that brought back the bad days when Merlin was missing. He tried not to let Merlin know how frightened he was. Whereas Merlin just couldn’t imagine life without Arthur, and made his mind up that nothing bad was going to happen he wouldn’t let it. He buried his fear so deep he wouldn’t allow himself to feel it. He would face what happen when the time came. 

Although the treatment only spanned a couple of months it seemed an age to everyone. Arthur felt unwell though quite a bit of the treatment and had aged during it. Merlin did everything he could to keep his husband’s spirits up and refused to let Arthur sleep in one of the spare bedrooms when he had disturbed nights. They would be together came what may, nothing was going to part them. They often spent the small hours a night talking, telling each other how much they cared and talking about their happy times together and what they would do in the future.

 

Then at last the treatment was over. When Arthur was given the news that his markers were back to normal and for the present he was free of the cancer they both hugged each and cried in relief. Arthur would still need regular blood tests to check his levels of PSA, but so far they remained low and once more the two men felt they could breath. They both knew Arthur would continue to have checkups but for the moment he was safe.

They celebrated by getting everyone together for a meal, to thank them for their support during the dark days. Arthur remained tired for some time, but slowly his health returned and things could settle back down. Although Merlin no longer took Arthur’s health for granted. Once again they had faced adversity and come though the other side. Even Miranda, Mordred and William came back for the meal so everyone one was there. As a double celebration Miranda and Mordred announced their engagement.


	56. Chapter 56

It had been November before all the treatment was finished and the two men could begin to rebuild their lives once more. The whole experience had made to two men even closer. Arthur was in no hurry to start any work at the moment preferring instead to spending the time with Merlin. They made to most of the weather and went out for walks or messed about tidying the garden before the winter weather set in. 

Geriant announced that after Christmas he was going to hand in his notice. He was the oldest of the bodyguards and wanted to get himself a small part time job and spend more time with his own family. It would be sad to see him go he had been working for them for over twenty years. Arthur spent some time deciding what to do. In the end he decided not to replace him as he was now home most of the time. It would be hard to have someone new in the team. 

He had been informed that it was highly unlikely that the prisoners would be released for the foreseeable future; every parole request had been turned down so far. Arthur would review the situation again if they were ever released. He didn’t intend to let any of the other men go unless they wanted to.

That Christmas was a quieter event. Gwaine Mithian and their children went to Mithian’s parents. Miranda and Mordred wouldn’t be coming until Boxing Day as they were going to his parents. Even Percy and Freya were going away to stay with Percy’s family. But even so they had a nice time. Penny helped her Mum in the kitchen and even Hunith helped with the lighter work. They had a White Christmas; luckily it was mostly gone by the next morning. But Finna and Gi loved the snow and spent ages out in the garden running around before coming back in to get warmed up on Merlin’s lap by the fire. 

Merlin had brought Arthur a powerful telescope for Christmas and they all spent ages setting it up and looking at the stars. It was an inspirational choice on Merlin’s part and Arthur loved it but once he had seen the night sky through it trouble started. 

“Seeing this I think we need to update the planetarium in our bedroom we could get some of the smaller stars in. Just think we could have a sky with no light pollution.” Arthur was getting enthusiastic.

“Don’t be daft, think of the mess! The ceiling would have to come down.” Merlin was just imagining the upheaval.

“Don’t worry we could move into one of the other rooms while it was done.” Arthur was actually serious.

“Won’t the plaster on the walls have to come off as well? I seem to remember the work behind there as well.” Morgana butted in.

“No way! You’ve’ got to be mad. Why did I buy you that thing? You’ll keep on and on now until I agree won’t you?” Merlin glared at Arthur.

“Oh love, don’t be like that, you know it will be worth it. I’ll get some quotes.”

“Why bother with quotes, that’s the problem with you having money, you want something it’s no problem. You should have had to struggle like mum did. You’d appreciate value of money then.” Merlin was getting riled.

“Merlin! We never that short of money! You never did without.” Hunith butted in.

“I didn’t say we did mum, but you never threw thousands away for no reason.” Merlin surprised his mother had almost backed Arthur.

“Merlin, it’s for a good reason, you love the planetarium and must know every star by now. Accept the change and enjoy.” Arthur knew all od Merlin’s weak spots and knew he’d win.

“Now, now boys no fighting. Just move in with us while he gets it done Merlin. He won’t like sleeping alone.” Morgana offered.

“No way, I don’t like sleeping alone either.” Merlin gave up. With a bit of luck Arthur would forget about it. 

Boxing afternoon the whole crowd was there once more, and the bungalow was full and very busy. Both the men loved having everyone there, but at the same time they were pleased once it was quiet once more. As always everyone was back on New Year’s Eve to see the New Year in. It was no surprise that the two men wished for a better year.

In early February Merlin had a down spell and became withdrawn then a few days later come down flu. Arthur started his oxygen and called out the doctor. Merlin continued to get worse and started to get chest pain, he was taken to hospital for an x ray. He had developed pneumonia and was put on antibiotics. His weakened respiratory system couldn’t cope, and this time he needed to go into hospital. Even there his condition worsened, and Arthur was told that Merlin needed to go to ITU and be ventilated, as he was unable to maintain adequate oxygen levels, and his body was getting tired. Merlin stayed on the ventilator for ten days and it was touch and go for awhile, once more Arthur stayed with him only leaving his side when forced to do so. It was a further two weeks after he left ITU, before he was well enough to come home. By then he was very down. His PTSD was back, just being in hospital was enough, it held to many memories for him. Iseldir visited him to help him with coping strategies, but told Arthur he didn’t think Merlin’s mental state would improve until he got home. Arthur even got permission for the dogs to visit on a couple of occasions to see if that would help. 

Merlin remained weak for several months and his mood continued to suffer, as he was restricted in what he could do. The doctors had told them that Merlin was going into stage two of COPD and might well need his oxygen more frequently. Which made them both worry for the future.

Hunith and Merlin had had hundreds of extra bulbs planted in the autumn and the whole back garden was a blaze of colour from the snowdrops through to the tulips. So although Merlin had missed the early flowers he at least had something colourful to look out on which helped a bit. 

It was June before Merlin was back in his pool once more and started to rebuild his strength. One day, in early July, as he came back from the pool with Gwaine he found Arthur and Kay emptying all the cupboards in the bedroom and moving everything into the spare bedroom next door.

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked.

“I thought I told you to keep him there for longer this morning!” Arthur said to Gwaine,

“Sorry princess, he wanted to come out.” Gwaine laughed.

“I asked what is going on.” Merlin demanded.

“Well I wanted to do something nice for you. You’ve had a bad time and you deserve a treat.” Arthur appeared hesitant which made Merlin suspicions. “We need to clear the room; the electricians from the planetarium specialists are coming in two days to start work to update the system.”

“Arthur! I thought we decided not to waste the money.” Merlin glared at Gwaine who was sniggering behind him.

“It’s not a waste; you love it you know you do. The wiring needed redoing anyway so it was a chance to update that’s all.” Said Arthur trying to justify what he had planned. “It will only take a couple of weeks.”

In truth Arthur had only decided to do the update when Merlin came out of hospital. When doctors warned him that Merlin’s chest was getting weaker, and he was going to be more prone to chest infections and breathing difficulties, he wanted to do something special. The damage done during his kidnap was finally taking its toll. If Merlin might have to spend long in bed, Arthur wanted Merlin to have everything to make life better. He was also having piped oxygen put in both the bedroom and lounge so they could dispense with the large bottles. He had been lucky that the firm had time to get the job done quickly before winter came once more.

Merlin was cross for a few days but was also secretly pleased as it was something they both enjoyed, sleeping under the stars but in a very comfortable bed. In the end the job took three weeks including the redecorating of the bedroom and lounge. The result was a great success and there were twice as many pinpricks of light so Merlin forgave Arthur. His husband was just pleased that Merlin never knew the cost. 

Arthur would have had a hard time justifying the price to Merlin. The system had been specially commissioned and the lights controlled by a computer so the stars would twinkle and move. They could change the sky to anywhere in the world. There was a new blind to cover the window so the starlight sky would cover the whole room and further down the walls. It was a completely new type of system. It had cost Arthur over twenty thousand pounds, and he thought it was worth every penny when he saw Merlin’s face, the first night they had it on. If Merlin ever needed to sleep sat up he would still be able to fully enjoy it. 

When Morgana saw the system in action she made Merlin blush, saying she was convinced Arthur would do literally anything for Merlin, he had after all, just brought him the moon and stars.  
The thing was Arthur and Merlin both knew it was true.


	57. Chapter 57

Things settled down once more and the two men enjoyed the rest of the summer. They had several barbeques for everyone at the weekends and had a surprise visit one weekend when Elton and his family arrived. Merlin seemed to have made quite an impression on them. They thought the two men were coping wonderfully with the problems they had faced. Elton spent over an hour looking at Merlin’s photographs, he himself had a passion for photography and they spent ages discussing various techniques. Arthur mentioned that they were going on another canal boat holiday the next year and David asked all about the special boats. The two men were offered the use of the other family’s home in Windsor if they wished for a holiday but that was left on hold as Merlin was unsure. By the time the family had left Arthur had been given a very generous cheque for the charity as well as an offer to do a small concert for the charity workers and users. Arthur was amazed at their interest and offer and accepted with gratitude.

In September Hunith went in hospital for day surgery on her cataracts. Although Merlin worried all day the operation went well and she was back home by the evening. Hunith asked Merlin to put in her eye drops afterwards which he did for a month. It took a bit of getting used to but if Hunith opened the bottle Merlin managed quite well. To start with they had lots of laughs as the drops went everywhere, but Merlin soon got very good, over the years he had become quite adapt in using what limited function he had.. He liked helping his mother and it made sure they saw each other four times a day. Gwen and Mithian popped in and did a bit of housework for her and Hunith came to the bungalow for all her meals.

As the nights got darker the telescope was used more and more and Arthur was getting very good at identifying the various stars. Merlin teased him saying that was why he had the updated planetarium put in so he could practice all year. While Arthur was star gazing Merlin would be watching the gardens resident hedgehogs.

They were both much more settled after their health problems of that year. Finally they were both were learning, at long last, to take each day as it came instead of either looking to the future or at the past. It allowed them to be happier and enjoy each day as it came. Merlin’s mental health improved as a result to such a degree that everyone noticed the improvement. Gwaine even mentioned it to Arthur saying it was amazing that it was strange that Merlin’s improvement was down to Arthur brush with cancer. Arthur agreed after giving some thought, and even said that it almost made the whole episode worthwhile from that point of view. 

In November Gwaine managed to break his arm when he was doing some work on his cottage roof and fell of the ladder. It wasn’t a bad break but he was in plaster for six weeks so Percy took over helping Merlin in the pool and gym. At first Gwaine watched but soon gave in and stayed away when Percy started to get annoyed.

Gwaine still spent most of the weekdays at the bungalow as usual. Because of his work with Merlin he had nearly always worked Monday to Friday dayshift, so he more than any of the bodyguards had a regular pattern to his life. Only George came close who nearly always did the night shifts. Gwaine took the dogs out for extra walks to help pass the time. The biggest surprise was when he went to town one day and came back with short hair! He said at fifty four he thought he ought to change his image. Mithian was not amused, especially as he also went clean shaven. That didn’t last long and the facial hair soon came back. 

Christmas was fast approaching once more and Merlin had asked Percy and Kay to get the tree as Arthur was busy with some work for Leon. They came back with a far bigger one than normal. Kay blamed Percy saying that being so tall he though the tree was small. Merlin was only pleased they had such a large room. Percy was given the job of putting the top decorations on. Hunith went out with Gwen to buy more as the tree was bare even with all their old decorations on. Finna as usual tried to pull off the bottom decorations even though she was getting older. Gi was less interested he would much rather stay with Merlin. He had gained a nickname of ‘shadow’ over the years.

Gwaine plaster came off just in time for Christmas and he was now less irritable. They were spending the Christmas with Arthur and Merlin this year. In fact everyone was there so the second table had to be retrieved from the garage once more in preparation for the big day.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry short chapter today.   
> ................................................................................................................................................

So far this winter Merlin had avoided any chest problems and they were keeping their fingers crossed. He was getting more breathless if he walked about to much in the bungalow and had needed oxygen in the gym a couple of times but Gwaine had restructured Merlin’s exercises. William had given them some ideas as he had just finished a placement in on a respiratory ward.

By Christmas Eve the bungalow was full of people coming and going the stack of presents in the lounge was growing, so was the problem of stopping Finna opening them all. But Arthur erected a barrier to keep her out and it was working so far as long as she wasn’t left in the room alone. She had never bothered before but his year she had opened two before anyone had spotted her. 

On Christmas Eve Arthur received a letter from his uncle, so not to spoil the festive cheer he didn’t tell Merlin. Agravaine was trying to rekindle contact with his nephew. The letter came as a complete shock to Arthur it read:

Dear Arthur,

I hope this finds you both well, and I would like to offer you festive greetings for his holiday season. I realise you don’t think well of me following my trail and conviction but I want you to know that I do love you. You are after all my only living relative. I was sorry also to hear of your father’s death. We didn’t get on but as you know he wasn’t an easy man.  
The good news is that my lawyers are applying for a retrial, as they have at long last found compelling evidence to help me clear my name. I want you to know I have never had dealings with drugs, and I certainly never gave anyone information so they could break into your home. I did see Alined in prison but only because I was asked to visit him by a relative of his in Australia, I also took the opportunity to plead with him to leave your dear Merlin alone.  
Again I know you thought I was unfair to Merlin when I stayed with you but I was only trying to help you. I fear I upset your staff and that may well have caused you to think badly of me.   
Please find it in your hearts to forgive me for any slight I may have caused.  
Yours  
Uncle Agravaine.


	59. Chapter 59

Arthur hoped to get chance to speak privately to Leon over the holiday period. He wasn’t going to say anything to Merlin that would spoil his holiday; he knew how Merlin loved his Christmas’s. Unfortunately he wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as Merlin, and the other man knew something was bothering him. That night when they had gone to bed Merlin tried to find out what was bothering Arthur but the other man insisted he was ok. This meant both men slept poorly.

The next morning while Merlin was out with the dogs and all the children Arthur took his opportunity to speak to Leon. He asked his brother in law to come to the office. He showed Leon the letter.

“When the holidays are over can you ask around and see if this is true please. I’m not going to tell Merlin until I know for sure.”

“I don’t need to ask I heard yesterday, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I was going to wait until after the holidays. It seems your uncle has several independent witnesses who said they saw him in another part of the country when the police say he was doing the drug deal. They are saying the police fabricated the evidence. The senior policeman at the arrest has already been thrown out of the police for fabricating evidence, in another case, and they say he did the same in your uncle’s case. I’m afraid to say their argument looks good on paper. It is going to the Court of Appeal to consider a retrial.” Leon put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Look I’ve been asked to take on the prosecuting case, that’s the only reason I know. I spoke to the Lord Chief Justice about the case, and he was happy for you to know the basics but no more. I’m not sure yet if I’m going to take the case. It might be best if I didn’t” 

Arthur was disappointed that this should all come up now. He knew mistakes were made but couldn’t help but think Agravaine had been guilty. But he also had faith in the system and knew he would have to wait and see. In the meantime he needed to get back to Merlin and make sure he enjoyed himself.

As always Christmas day was busy and despite everything everyone did enjoy themselves. It was amazing the all the children still wanted to join them after all they were all growing up fast. They were all progressing well in their lives William was working in Oxford, as part of his practical placement in his training but was back in university in January. He was really enjoying his training. Both Miranda and Mordred were still on course in their university work and were both getting the top marks needed to progress in their career choice. Penny was half way through her apprenticeship to be a master baker. Tristan was working hard for his qualifications so he could train as an accountant and Elizabeth had decided she wanted to train as a nurse once she had finished college. Merlin missed having younger children about and told them all he wanted the next generation to start. This caused all the parents to shout at him. 

The Christmas dinner was loud and noisy and as usual Finna and Gi managed to get fed tip bits under the table. Later they all watched the television together before settling down to play board games. Once they had all gone to bed and the two men were once more under the stars Merlin asked Arthur once again what was worrying him.

“And don’t lie, we promised to always tell each other the truth remember.”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about honestly.” Arthur tried to put Merlin off by cuddling into him and starting to kiss him.

“No kissing until I know” he said pulling away.

“Oh ok ……..I had a letter from Agravaine…..he claims to have new evidence and is seeking a retrial. But it won’t be for ages even if he does get one. I just didn’t want to worry you.” Arthur looked at Merlin in the soft light. “Please don’t get yourself in a bad place over this.”

“I won’t as long as you tell me what’s happening. It’s the not knowing that’s worse. Anyway he didn’t actually do anything to me he was just not nice.”

“Now can I kiss you?” Arthur said moving closer once more.

“Yes, since you’ve been good.”


	60. Chapter 60

Merlin did his best not to allow the whole court case issue upset him. He wasn’t completely successful, but after talking to Iseldir he was better able to put the issue to one side. It was also helped by the fact that it was not connected to his kidnap and major trauma in his life. Arthur was better once he had told Merlin he hated secrets. Leon kept them as informed about the case as much as he was able. After discussing the issue with all concerned he decided to take the case for the prosecution. The retrial was scheduled for two months time. As the matter being dealt with was the drug dealing, the two men would not be involved in anyway. The break in had never been part of the original trail so it wouldn’t be considered this time.

Once Gwaine found out about Agravaine he became extra vigilant with Merlin’s moods. He sat and talked to Merlin about the whole thing and was surprised how unaffected Merlin seemed about it. Unlike Arthur who appeared more worried. He had felt guilty about how his uncle had treated Merlin when he stayed at the bungalow.

“If he’s let out I don’t want him being given access here at all. Make sure everyone is aware. Hopefully his bid will fail.” Arthur just didn’t want old troubles to resurface.

“Don’t worry Arthur. You know your uncle is a bit like that mould problem I’ve got in the bathroom, it keeps coming back to bother me, but it won’t beat me in the end.”

Arthur laughed “Only you would call my uncle mould!”  
The following weeks were wet cold and damp but so far Merlin was keeping well. He was wrapped up so well when he went out with the dogs that he complained he could hardly see anything and was wedged into his wheelchair. Merlin made his own brand of fuss when his mum went down to the shops when it was frosty. He was scared she would fall again, so she agreed in the end not to go out if it was slippery. 

During a particularly stormy day the village lost all its electricity so the house started to get colder. They lit a fire in the grate and Merlin and Hunith sat by it to keep warm. Arthur joined them to play board games to pass the time. The electric still wasn’t back on before they went to bed. Arthur took Hunith along to her annex and left a powerful torch with her and made sure she had plenty of blankets to keep warm. It gave the two men an extra reason to cuddle up that night. It wasn’t until eleven the next day that the power was restored. It took awhile for the bungalow to warm up properly.

Several of the trees had blown down in the garden and needed to be sorted out; one was the apple tree that Isolde had been buried under, which upset Merlin. Arthur hired a local company to clear them and turn most of the trees into logs for their fire. One of the men, Garry, turned out to be the son of the family where Gi had come from. He was pleased to see Gi so happy. As they removed the torn up roots the small dog’s grave was disturbed. Garry realising what the bones might be had a quick word with Kay, and then made sure that the grave was restored without upsetting either of the men. Once the garden was tidied up a new tree was planted to mark the grave.


	61. Chapter 61

A few days later Merlin woke up and felt strange, as soon as he sat up in bed he was sick. Arthur jumped up and comforted Merlin, then phoned through for someone to bring a bowl, and something to clear up the mess. Merlin tried to stand, he wanted to go to the toilet, but was very dizzy and couldn’t seem to get his balance. Arthur made him sit in his wheelchair and wheeled him into the bathroom, but even that movement made him feel worse. Once he had been to the toilet Arthur helped him back into bed. Any movement of Merlin’s head caused his head to swim and the sickness got worse.

Arthur called the GP and asked for him to visit, there was no way Merlin could go down to the surgery. In the mean time Mithian came to see him, she thought it might be an inner ear infection. Arthur also noticed that Merlin seemed to have trouble hearing. As it was he only had his right ear, but even that didn’t seem to be working properly. Arthur sat with his husband until the doctor arrived.

After giving Merlin an examination, and asking the poor man to move his head quickly several times, he confirmed that it was indeed a right inner ear infection. The Doctor advised bed rest, lying on his side and plenty of fluids, also prescribing some anti sickness tablets to dissolve under the tongue and said the symptoms should resolve in a few days and to phone if they didn’t.

The whole thing made Merlin feel very miserable and Arthur relented and allowed Finna and Gi to get on the bed with Merlin. Arthur tried to read to Merlin to help pass the time, but Merlin man couldn’t hear him, and became even more annoyed. Every time Merlin wanted to use the toilet he had to have help getting to and from the on suite, and felt really fed up. He hated having someone watching him all the time, so Arthur left him with a bell and one of the men sat outside the door. After a day of this Merlin decided he was alright to make his own way to the toilet. So instead of ringing the bell, he got up slowly and made his own way across the room. He was nearly back in bed when his bad leg gave way, he started to fall and put his arms out to catch himself. His left hand hit the bedside table as he went forward. Outside the room Percy heard a noise and went into the bedroom as Merlin was trying to get himself on the bed. 

“You ok Merlin?” he asked moving forward.

“Bloody leg gave way, I’m ok now.” His hand hurt but he wasn’t going to admit it.

Percy went to Merlin and helped him get back in bed, as he did so he spotted Merlin’s hand. “What have you done? Your hand is red did you hit it?” Percy touched Merlin’s hand and the other man hissed and pulled it away.

“I’m ok, I just hit it, it will settle in a bit.”

“Sorry I don’t think so. I’ll ask Mithian to look at it, she’s in the kitchen.” Percy left and went to find Gwaine’s wife.

Mithian came and looked at Merlin’s hand. “I think you might have broken a couple of fingers Merlin. Do you still have your old brace anywhere?”

Merlin pointed to the chest of draws. Mithian found the brace and carefully put in on Merlin’s hand. Then put the hand up on some pillows.

“I’ll give the GP a call, I don’t expect he will want you to have it x rayed until you’re better.” She turned and left the room saying as she went “If he says it’s ok I’ll bring you some painkillers back.

Mithian went to the office and found Arthur, she explained what Merlin had done and that she was going to phone the GP. She phoned from the office. The doctor said he would call in later, but what Mithian had done was alright for now and to give Merlin the painkillers.

Two hours later the GP arrived and he thought that Merlin had indeed broken two fingers, he was to keep his hand in the splint and once his nausea settled Arthur was asked to take him to the orthopaedic clinic. With the long term damage to the hand, the GP wanted the hospital to see the new injury. Arthur was livid that Merlin had been so silly and said he wasn’t to be left alone again.  
It was another two days before he was able to get up without feeling dizzy and sick. Even after that he had to move his head slowly. Due to the nausea Merlin had once more lost weight, he could ill afford to. This resulted in Gwen and Mithian cooking him lots of treats. Arthur complained because he was gaining weight instead of Merlin. Gradually Merlin felt better and his hearing improved once more. But the whole episode had made him depressed. Not being able to move or hear much he had had too much time to think. 

Arthur arranged to take Merlin to the hospital to get his hand looked at. After an x ray it was found Merlin had broken two fingers. They were strapped to his middle finger for support and he was told to keep the splint on for six weeks. He was to go back in two weeks for a check up. The Consultant thought that the injury was probably due to Merlin’s low bone density, and would arrange a scan to see if his osteoporosis had got worse. 

It was an uphill battle to get him back to normal once more. Arthur then had to battle with the dogs to get them to say off the bed once more. At least spring was on its way and the garden burst into flower once more. This made everyone feel better. 

Then Arthur and Merlin heard that the retrial had started. The case took three weeks, and Agravaine was cleared of some of the charges but found guilty of others. The sentence he had already served was taken into account, and he was to be released from prison. Leon wasn’t happy, he told Arthur it was only due to technicalities that some of the charges couldn’t be upheld.

A few days later Merlin, Percy and Gwaine were going up the pavement taking the dogs towards the woods, when a car pulled up just in front of them and Agravaine got out. He walked back towards the group.


	62. Chapter 62

Gwaine and Percy looked at one another and Percy took a step forward do he was in front of Merlin. Agravaine stopped just before he reached the group.

“Hello Merlin, I don’t mean to bother you, but I have called at the bungalow and couldn’t get anyone to come to the gate. Is my nephew at home?” He completely ignored the two bodyguards.

“No he isn’t, I’m afraid neither of us will be available to see you. So you needn’t call again.” Merlin’s voice was strong and he appeared to be completely unflustered. The two terriers growled deep in their throats, picking up their master’s mood.

Agravaine looked down at the two dogs before looking straight into Merlin’s eyes. “No need to be like that Merlin, I’m sure Arthur would like to see me, so can you tell me when would be best to call?” Agravaine was trying his best to intimidate Merlin.

“You heard what Mr Pendragon said, so please be on your way.” Percy took half a step forward. Two could try intimidation, and Percy was still an impressive figure.

 

Agravaine looked Percy up and down. “I see I’ll get nowhere now, but really Merlin you should control your hired help better.” Agravaine sneered. “I after all, left mine in the car. Manners you know, not that I suppose you know much about that. I will catch up with Arthur another time.”

Gwaine stepped forward, but Merlin put out his hand to stop him. “Ignore him Gwaine he’s not worth our time.” Merlin started forward and ignored the man on the pavement. 

As Merlin got closer Gwaine spoke once more. “I’d be careful if I were you Sir, Mr Pendragon is apt to run over shit, and that wheelchair is heavy, it’s the batteries you know.”

Agravaine seeing he wasn’t getting anywhere went back and got into the car and it drove off. Once it was round the corner Merlin stopped his chair. Gwaine and Percy looked at him. Merlin was shaking like a leaf and was deadly pale.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” He asked in a whisper.

“Why should we, you did a good job Merlin, just don’t let me cross you, I didn’t know you had it in you.” Gwaine squeezed Merlin’s shoulder.

“Good on you Merlin.” Percy joined in. “Let’s get going shall we, the dogs want their walk. Then when Arthur gets back you can warn him.”

They didn’t go too far Merlin was too shaken, he couldn’t believe what he had done. As they approached the bungalow Percy noticed the car parked a few yards past the gate. 

“It looks like they went in a circle. I’ll stay outside and keep an eye on him.”

Gwaine took Merlin indoors and made Merlin a coffee. “You did well Merlin, don’t ever let people like him get under your skin.”

Merlin gave Gwaine a half smile “Don’t expect me to do that again I was shitting myself. If you two hadn’t been there to hide behind I would never have done it.”

“Hey, that’s what we’re paid for, we make a good brick wall, or rather Percy does.” Gwaine laughed at Merlin’s face. “Mind you if you keep that up we might need a newer model, if you try it on someone younger and fitter, we’re all getting older you know.”

Outside Percy kept an eye on the car, but it stayed where it was. About an hour later Arthur’s car pulled up and Percy opened the gates for him. After Arthur had parked his car in the garage, Percy went up to him and explained what had happened.

“Come on inside Percy, we can’t stop him parking on the highway. Just make sure the CITV is on and being watched. How’s Merlin?”

“Gwaine’s with him. I think he shook himself up a bit! He was shaking after your uncle left.”

Arthur went in and found Merlin and Gwaine in the lounge. Gwaine left the two men alone. Arthur took his jacket and tie off and threw them on the armchair before walking towards Merlin.

“I hear you’ve been sorting out my Uncle.” Arthur smiled at Merlin as he sat next to his husband on the sofa.

“I don’t know what came over me. It wasn’t until afterwards I felt scared.” Merlin turned and cuddled into Arthur, he was still shaking.

Arthur put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and pulled him closer and gave the other man a kiss. “Don’t worry I don’t want anything to do with him. He won’t come in here.”

“You know, I don’t care as long as you are here. I feel safe with you about, safer than with the others. I don’t know how I’d feel if it was ….them…. but anyone else I know I’m safe. I don’t know why, but lately if I wake up in a bad dream and if I turn and see you beside me. I can cuddle up I feel completely safe. But if you’re not there I can’t stop the thoughts. Am I being silly?” Merlin looked up at the other man.

“No Merlin, I will never let anyone hurt you again, even them, I’d die first, you know that don’t you?” If you dream, just wake me up, I don’t mind.” Arthur was surprised, Merlin had never spoke in such a way before.

“If it’s them I see…..even now, I find myself back in that room.....I don’t think I‘ll ever be able to face them, but anyone else… After all your uncle was just nasty, he didn’t hurt me, he just scared me. I’m a coward I can’t help it.”

Arthur looked down at his husband:  
“Merlin you are not a coward, you went through hell, but we’re past that now, and I’ll always make sure you’re protected. You know that don’t you? I won’t put you at risk ever again my love.” Arthur pulled Merlin tight into his chest tears running down his face at the memories.

Merlin pulled away and looked up at the blonde man. “It wasn’t your fault you know? I never blamed you. I should have used a taxi and this wouldn’t have happened, we would have had a normal life with kids. It was my fault not yours." Merlin put his hand around Arthur’s neck and pulled him into a desperate kiss.

“Never ever say it was your fault Merlin, it wasn’t. They had it all planned, if not then, then somewhere else. As to the rest, who knows what would have happened. The important thing is we have each other.” The two men sat together for some time. Arthur was wondering why this had all come out now after all these years.

It took Merlin sometime to settle back down and get his colour back. Arthur stayed with him and comforted him. Agaravaine’s car left a short time after Arthur had got back. So now they would have to wait for his next move. Arthur rang up Dr Kilgarrah and told him what Merlin had been speaking about. The psychiatrist felt this might be that at long last Merlin was beginning to come to terms with what had happened to him. That by standing up to the lesser threat Merlin was able to process his fears and thoughts. But he agreed it was early days. He was due to see Merlin in a couple of weeks and would reassess him fully then.

Arthur found that Merlin was becoming far more emotional as the time went on. Talking more and more about how he wished things could have been different, but also telling Arthur how much he loved him and felt loved by him. He still wasn’t talking about his two years away but seemed to be more accepting of it. He was initiating close and personal contact with Arthur far more frequently. Whereas before, it was nearly always Arthur, that made the first move.

Agravaine left it a week before calling once again, again Arthur was out. But this time Merlin was unaware of the visit. The following week Agravaine arrived when Arthur was there and spoke to his Uncle outside, refusing to let him indoors. Agravaine said he wanted to re-establish a relationship with Arthur, claiming he was set up, and as Arthurs Uncle, and one of a few of Arthur’s living relatives it was important for them both. Also he was Arthur’s only contact with his dead mother. Arthur was insistent he wanted nothing to do with the man and that if necessary would ask for a court injunction to keep him away. Agravaine left but Arthur was still uneasy. 

Merlin knew that Agravaine had visited and followed Arthur into his office afterwards. He wanted to make sure his husband was alright. He found Arthur sat at his desk with his head in his hands running his fingers though his hair. A sure sign that Arthur was upset. Merlin put his hands on Arthurs shoulders and kissed too top of his head.

“You can see him if you want you know. I can cope. He is family.”

“I don’t want to Merlin. I just want him to keep away.” Arthur turned and put his arms around Merlin’s waist. “I don’t want family like that.”

Merlin bent down and kissed Arthur. Arthur deepened the kiss and then picked Merlin up and sat him on his lap. They continued to kiss and hold each other.

“I think we might be getting a bit old for all this you know.” grinned Merlin.

“We’ll never be too old! Come on let’s go to bed.” Arthur leered back at the man in his arms.

“Bed! It’s only three o’clock in the afternoon, and you need a sleep. You are getting old my love.” Merlin said very seriously.

“Oh no my dear! I don’t want to sleep.”Arthur grinned and started to stand uo with Merlin still in his arms.

“Don’t be an idiot, you’ll hurt your back. I’ll walk!” Merlin was giggling by now.

“Hey you to get a room why don’t you.” Came Kay’s voice from the lounge.

“That’s the one problem with all these men about no privacy. Come on Merlin.” Arthur dragged Merlin off to their bedroom.


	63. Chapter 63

For months they didn’t see anything of Agravaine, although Arthur did receive a couple of letters that he binned without reading. Merlin’s mood remained upbeat and Arthur hoped that this was the beginning of a new phase in their lives. 

At the end of that summer Penny and William announced that they were getting married in a year’s time as William would be finished university. William would try to get a junior post in Stoke Mandeville, and the prospects looked good. He had made a good impression when he did some of his practical there. Also his course in Cardiff was considered the best in the country and William had been top of his class so far. 

 

The couple, who had bought Alice and Gaius’s cottage, when Alice had moved into a home, had put it back on the market and so the couple decided to put in an offer. Gwaine was helping them with the deposit. The couple decided they wanted a very simple wedding to reduce the costs. That way they would have more money to furnish the cottage. Arthur and Merlin said that if they could arrange it, the couple could marry from the grounds of the bungalow if they wanted. After all the men already had an arrangement with the marquee company, for their regular parties. So plans were underway, they had a year to get it sorted. Mithian and Gwen offered to make the cake and do the buffet as their present.

As winter approached the days were getting shorter, so Merlin was making the most of getting outside with the dogs. He was out for quite long walk, the two dogs loved running about off the lead. Finna more so than Gi, who as always liked to keep Merlin in sight. After one of their walks Merlin noticed that Finna was sick a couple of times, but as she had been eating grass he thought no more of it. But as the day continued she continued to throw up, so they took her to the vets. After some tests they found she was suffering from poisoning, the tests showed antifreeze was the culprit. The vet gave Finna the antidote and told then she had a reasonable chance as it had been detected quite early. 

Two other dogs in the area had also been brought in by their owners. The police were informed. Poisoned bate was found on the route that Merlin usually took. Despite the vets best efforts Finna got worse and Merlin had to face the fact that she might not survive. She was thirteen years old and that didn’t help. She had to stay at the vets and be kept on a drip. Notices were put up in the area warning other dog owners of the risk. 

Finna was at the vets for three days before she was allowed home, and the vet kept an eye on her for some time. She was left with a degree of kidney failure and had to be put on special food. 

Due to the circumstances the episode hit Merlin hard. He was constantly worried about his pets. One of the other dogs affected had died and he sent a letter to the owners. Iseldir came to see Merlin and did several visits over the next few weeks. Merlin would only let the dogs out in the garden and made sure they were carefully watched to make sure they didn’t eat anything. A couple of weeks later some meat was found at the back of the lawn. Arthur had it tested and it was laced with antifreeze. The police were informed and decided that the other instances in the woods may well have been targeted at Merlin’s dogs. Gwaine and Arthur both suspected Agravaine but they had no proof. Extra cameras were put up on the periphery of the garden and a very careful watch kept on the two terriers. Merlin insisted if they wanted to go out at night one of the bodyguards stayed right by their side. 

It was a month later that the cameras picked up on something being thrown over the back fence once more. Again it was poisoned meat, the cameras picked up a car parked outside and the plates were traced to London and Agravaine. He hadn’t been careful enough. He was arrested and was to face criminal charges. He was given bail on condition he didn’t go anywhere near the village where the Pendragons lived. Eventually Agravaine went to court, he admitted the offense saying that the dogs were dangerous and had tried to bite him on numerous occasions. This was not backed up by evidence which showed they had only ever growled at him if they thought Merlin was being threatened. 

Agravaine was found guilty and given an eighteen week prison sentence. Something Merlin thought was derogatory for the loss of the other person’s dog and the suffering of the others in the area. Percy said if the man came anywhere near the village he would sort him out once and for all. Percy had always had a soft spot for the dogs.

Arthur got Merlin to start planning Christmas to try to take his mind of the past events of that autumn. But it was such a well established large event it almost planned itself. But still it did occupy his mind a bit. As always it was a success. Hunith was gradually doing less and less she would be eighty in the spring but had already told Merlin and Arthur she didn’t want a party. She was popular with all the younger generation and was a ‘granny’ to all of them as well as a mother figure to all Merlin’s generation including the bodyguards. She told her two boys that she considered herself blessed to have such a large family in her later years.

At the New Year the two men went to bed early as Merlin was feeling tired and a bit breathless. He used his oxygen overnight and that seemed to help. They still had a New Year cuddle and kiss as Merlin had woken up just before midnight and when he got up to go to the toilet had disturbed Arthur. They both decided that their New Year’s resolution was to have at least one kiss and cuddle every day. Not hard as it was normal for them anyway unless Merlin was low in mood. Even the Arthur gave his man a kiss. 

Three of the children were turning twenty one in the next twelve months so it would be a busy year. Merlin had already got their presents from him. Each year since they were born he had purchased a gold sovereign for that year so each one would get twenty one sovereigns as well as a album of photos, also one for each year taken with both Arthur and himself. He had perfected the timer on his camera over the years so they got better and better. Arthur would have to think of what to buy for them as he wanted to do something else. 

Since Merlin still refused to go on any other sort of holiday Arthur booked another two week canal holiday, for the next summer and this time Hunith wanted to stay at home. Percy and Freya would go as usual together with Gwaine and Mithian. The third generation all wanted to go including Mordred and Elizabeth’s boyfriend John. Tristan had just broken up with his boyfriend, so at the moment he wouldn’t be bringing anyone. But Arthur made sure there would be room just in case. They were having two barges one for the older generation, and one for the younger group. The younger group’s barge was going to be a normal one without a lift. They were going in August Gwen and Lance said they would keep an eye on Hunith and then have a holiday by themselves when the others came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my first draft I killed of poor Finna but I couldn't do it in the end. The dogs always die in films and I hate it.


	64. Chapter 64

Miranda’s twenty first was going to be a large event even though she had a large inheritance from her grandfather her parents insisted on providing the party. She came to speak to Merlin as she wanted him to go, so had to find out if he would attend. He told her to do what she wanted and he would go if he could. But if it was too much for him, he could leave after a short time. She had wanted to go to Las Vegas for a weekend. He asked her if he could think about it, and let her know. Merlin had been surprised; he thought she would want something different but not that different. 

Later the evening when Merlin was sat quietly with Arthur he mentioned Miranda’s plans.  
“I’m not happy, but I want her to have the party she wants, and not change it just because of me. But at the same time I just don’t think I can do it.” Merlin was really conflicted.

“Then tell her so, and we could have two parties for her. I don’t know that Las Vegas is my scene either to be honest with you. She will have access to Uther’s fortune and I think it’s gone to her head. Miranda is looking to go mad for once; she’s normally a sensible girl. Tell you what I’ll have a word with Leon and see what her thinks.” Arthur suggested “He might not be happy either, and it’s no point in worrying if it’s not going to happen anyway.”

“Thanks, I don’t want to upset her, but flying, as well as staying somewhere so crowded. It’s not for me.”

Arthur rang his brother in law, who it turned out wasn’t that enthralled at the idea himself. Nor it seemed was Morgana. They had suggested a venue in London but it seemed Miranda had her heart set on going to see a top act, and weekend away, and felt Las Vegas was her top choice. But she was open to ideas. It was for about 100 people in total. She wanted something no of her friends could do. Arthur said he would give it a thought and see if he could help.

Arthur rang around to find out about shows, and the likely hood of hiring someone. It had been easier for Merlin’s fiftieth, as Elton and Barry had been please to help due to Merlin’s history, and the fees had gone to Charity, but for a twenty first no one wanted to put themselves in a position of being hired all the time for private gigs. It looked like they were out of luck.

By finding out Miranda’s favourite artists Arthur came up with a plan, and phoned Miranda. Then he booked all the tickets for her. It would be a present between her parents and him. He had booked a block of good tickets to see one of her favourite singers Passenger, in London with a hotel, also booked for three days. A top nightclub function room was also booked for the night after the concert. This way the youngsters could have their fun, and the older crowd could get together, in the afternoon of her birthday before the concert, at the Savoy. 

Miranda was really happy as this plan suited everyone. Arthur and Merlin would stay at Morgana and Leon’s home, thus keeping Merlin in a fairly quiet environment. Once Arthur had her agreement he finalised all the tickets and rooms. Morgana and Leon were pleased, they had tried to get their daughter away from the Las Vegas idea but she wouldn’t listen to them.

Merlin helped Miranda with sending out the invitations, as she was hard at work, and Morgana was busy launching yet another magazine. It helped keep him busy. All the replies were to come to the bungalow. Not surprisingly there were no refusals.

Arthur also got the licence arranged so that William and Penny could get married from the bungalow, so that was one more thing ready. William and Penny were having a small do for their twenty firsts, as they didn’t want two things to sort out. Their friends were going to go out with them for drinks for their birthdays. 

Miranda’s party went well and Merlin coped with London for overnight. The Savoy was at least calm and spacious. They were treated very well and all enjoyed themselves. Hunith was a bit overwhelmed by the ‘poshness’ but once she settled down she enjoyed herself. The youngsters all enjoyed the whole weekend and were well behaved on the whole, and if they weren’t no one heard differently. 

By the time the holiday came round it gave everyone chance to wind down. Elizabeth had broken up with her boyfriend so to a friend with her. Tristan had found himself a new boyfriend who was more comfortable due to Arthur and Merlin. Barry had only come out six months before. 

The dogs as always enjoyed themselves, and with so many youngsters about they had lots of walks and ball throwing. There was only one bit of unpleasantness during the whole holiday, when the hoist stopped working with Merlin stuck up in the air. He was there for an hour while they waited for someone to arrive to fix it. Percy had offered to lift him down but Merlin declined saying he felt safer where he was. Luckily the weather was good, and the pub sent out his lunch and Percy got it up to him. The others sat at a table nearby in the pub gardens and called out to him.

They weren’t back home long before the wedding was on its way. Gwen and Lance had managed to go away for a fortnight before they need to start work. Penny and Gwen went for the last gown fitting with Elizabeth and Miranda who were the bridesmaids, Tristan was the best man. Merlin insisted on being the photographer, and the couple arranged for a video of the day to be made. All they needed now was good weather. 

Merlin helped Mithian and Gwen with the food and Freya also had the week off to help. Arthur arranged for the normal company to come on the day to lay up and serve. The marquee company set up two days before and brought all the tables and chairs. There was a live band coming for the evening do.  
The day of the wedding was a glorious summer’s day and the wedding went without a hitch. Merlin joined Gwen in shedding a few tears; the wedding had made him all sentimental. Gwaine as was expected had made an interesting speech as father of the groom. But the day couldn’t have gone better. It may not have cost a fortune but was a day they would all remember. The couple were going away for a weekend in Wales before coming back to their new home in the village.

That night Merlin asked Arthur if he could remember their wedding. 

“I will never forget that day as long as I live Merlin, The day I married you was far better, but then I married you, and that was always my heart’s desire.” Arthur leant forward and kissed Merlin tenderly.

“Good, because I feel the same. I wouldn’t have wanted anything different, you are my other half in every sense of the word.” He took Arthur’s face, his good hand on the other man’s cheek and his left hand cupping Arthur’s chin and returned the kiss. “I love you, my stars and moon.”


	65. Chapter 65

The next morning the big clean up started, there were young guests asleep everywhere. The bungalow bedrooms were full as well as guest on the lounge floor and in the marquee outside. It seemed nearly everyone had stayed. Percy was sent off to the village shop to get more supplies as Freya tried to cope with breakfasts. Mithian and Gwen came to help and soon people were eating breakfast. Some had decided to eat the remains of the buffet for the night before. Merlin was his normal morning self and threatened to run over several couples, as he made his way through the tangle of people. He had clearly decided that the chair was the safest option. It was after lunch before they finally had the place to themselves once more. Luckily the hired staff had come in, and cleaned most of the garden, and the guests had cleaned up the bungalow and helped to wash up. The washing machine would be going for days. 

Once the two men were alone Arthur got Merlin to settle down and watch some old films with him and had a cuddle to help him get into a better place. By the next morning Merlin had decided to make a start on the wedding photo’s he had taken hundreds, determined to give the couple a lasting memory. At least that had helped him cope with the large amount of strangers. Although the wedding it’s self had been small they do afterwards had grown in number over time. In the end there were over fifty youngsters in the garden as well as the adults. 

Merlin downloaded everything and started work. He was happy with the quality of his photography and knew he had got the photos that the couple wanted. He had spent some time with them making a list of the groups they had wanted and well as the settings.

Arthur had gone to a specialist shop in London to get a really nice album so it was just a case of selecting the photos and mounting them. It took Merlin a week to get them how he wanted. During the day he had managed to get the ones with him in that they had wanted, using time lapse. Some of those needed a bit of work with the computer, but all in all he was pleased. All the extra photos he had taken he printed off and put in a box, they could either give those away or keep them separately. 

He only showed Arthur before the couple got back, Arthur was stunned by the quality of work and suggested Merlin take it up as a job. Merlin just rolled his eyes.

After Merlin was happy with the album he went across to the couple to give them the album. He had to leave the wheelchair outside as the door wasn’t wide enough. Once inside they made Merlin comfortable as they looked at the photos. They were very pleased with the result and soon realised they couldn’t have done better. Everyone else they knew realised after the event that they didn’t have one of the shots they wanted, but Merlin had done all they asked and more. 

They had a surprise for him as a thank you. They had planned it over a month before to get it ready in time. They had found that Poole Pottery in Dorset had a paintress who with the aid of photos would undertake commissions and had a special plate made and decorated for Merlin. Arthur had managed to collect the photos without Merlin knowing. It had arrived just before the wedding  
It was all three of Merlin’s Jack Russell’s. He was overwhelmed and so happy with the results, to have all three together was wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try my best to post a photo of the plate if I can work out what I put for source!!


	66. Chapter 66

Merlin went home and showed Arthur and they immediately started to look for a home for the piece. The enjoyment was slightly ruined when Finna started to show symptoms of Kidney problems. She had been having regular tests since the poisoning attempt. The vets put her on special feed, and warned Merlin that due to her age she would have a shortened life. They kept a close eye on her and made her life as happy as they could. 

Merlin was upset but took comfort in the idea she might go on for some time. The two men discussed it, and decided that while she still had a good quality of life there was no decision, but if she started to suffer they would do the kind thing. Merlin took comfort in the fact that she had had a good life. He knew he would be sad, but he thought he would cope if he thought he was doing the right thing by her. 

Arthur managed to talk Merlin into going to visit Wisley gardens for the autumn colour. Hunith was happy to go as well. Merlin would use his motorised wheelchair and the folding one would be taken for Hunith. Luckily when Arthur purchased a new van for the Wheelchair, he got a slightly larger once than before. Merlin could get his big wheelchair in even easier. Percy and Kay went with them. But the dogs stayed at home with Gwen. It was about an hour travel each way but they had a really good day, and it Merlin loved the autumn colour. They had lunch out and it made a great end to what had been a busy summer. 

In October the whole bungalow was in upset once more as a new kitchen was being fitted. A small cooker was put in the utility room, and one of the spare bedrooms was used to store everything out of the cupboards. It was a long job and took three weeks. Arthur insisted if they were going to do it they would do everything, so the walls and floors were redone, as well as all the cupboards and work surfaces. The old one had been very good quality and lasted well over twenty years. This one he hoped would last for just as long if not longer. Next year Arthur planned on the guest bathrooms being done. Arthur said he wanted to sort everything out, before they got to old. Merlin laughed at him, saying they weren’t doing any of the work so what did it matter. At least their bathroom had been done in the major refurbishment of the lighting so wouldn’t need touching. 

Gwen and Mithian coped very well with the upheaval, and as the weather had been good they resorted to using the barbeque when they could at lunch times. It gave Merlin lots of opportunity to take the mickey out of Arthur as he made the all the decisions on fixtures and fittings. Merlin didn’t know why Arthur couldn’t leave it to Gwen and Mithian, as Arthur never cooked. All the old insults of prat, cabbage head and clot pole were regularly heard in the planning stages. Instead of being a stressful time for Merlin it was comic relief, even if Arthur did get worked up. 

Once finished the ladies loved their new kitchen, especially their refurbished Aga, and there was a flurry of baking for days afterwards. Everyone agreed that Christmas cooking would be easier this year. The utility was also redone and a much larger freezer purchased. Once the workmen had gone it seemed very quiet, and Merlin complained that he wasn’t getting so many cups of tea made for him. He was back to making some of his own.

Morgana and Leon still came to stay most weekends and were impressed by the new kitchen. This resulted in Morgana wanting hers updated which made Leon pull his hair out. She jokingly asked Arthur to design it for her and was surprised when he agreed. Merlin nearly strangled her.

In November Arthur was approached by Pellinor, the bodyguards all wanted a meeting with him. He wasn’t prepared to say why, which worried Arthur. So the next afternoon he met the whole team in the lounge. Arthur asked Hunith to get Merlin to visit her, he didn’t want Merlin worrying.


	67. Chapter 67

After lunch the next day Hunith rang though to the bungalow as arranged and asked Merlin if he would like to go and see her, so he went off saying he would be back later. Half an hour later Arthur went through to the lounge; he had been worried about the meeting since yesterday. What did they want? It seemed strange they all wanted to see him together. It couldn’t be a pay rise they had had one only six months ago. He went in to get it over with. The men were all sat down, and as he walked in they stood up.

“Sit down men no need to stand for me. Now how can I help you?” Arthur sat down in the remaining chair facing them.

Pellinor spoke first “It’s more what we can do for you Arthur, we’ve been talking lately, and have all come to the same conclusion. We are all getting older and think we can no longer fully do the job you are paying us for.”

Arthur opened his mouth to say something but before he could Pellinor continued:

“Most of us are in our fifties now, and those that aren’t will be soon. We feel that it’s time for you to look at the situation sensibility. We get paid very well for a job we’re too old for. You and Merlin have been very good to us over the years, after all Merlin set us all up years ago when he gave us his money. We don’t feel its right for us to continue. If you feel Merlin still needs protection you ought to look at getting some younger fitter men in.”

Kay spoke for the first time: “Don’t worry about us boss, we can get something else if we need to, in fact my brother keeps on for some of us to work for him. None of us will go if you want us to stay, but it depends on what you need. If you want Merlin fully protected we just aren’t your men anymore. We keep fit but put us up against fitter and younger men we’d be no good.”

Arthur was stunned of all the things he had thought of this hadn’t been one of them. They had all grown older together and he hadn’t really noticed.

Percy spoke: “Please give it some thought Arthur, that’s all we ask.”

“I will, I must admit it hadn’t occurred to me. You probably all think me daft for keeping the protection going this long, but I wouldn’t fell happy stopping it. You all know what happened. I know we haven’t had too much trouble but I’m sure that was because I had you guys here. I will think about it and get back to you. Whatever happens I want you to know that you have done a fantastic job.”

“Well we couldn’t have had a better boss, either way we won’t go until any replacements are settled in.” Pellinor spoke once more.

“Thank you. I’ll think about everything and get back to you.” Arthur stood up and left the men to talk. 

A bit later Gwaine found him sitting in the kitchen hugging a cup of tea.   
“Sorry for not saying anything before Arthur but the guys wanted to speak as one.” 

“That’s ok Gwaine; I guess their right, where has the time gone? When did we all start getting old?” Arthur sighed. He looked up at Gwaine. “What do you think? Do I stop the protection? I always said I would keep it forever, I don’t want to stop it but am I being silly.”

“Only you know the answer to that one. Can you afford it? If you can and you’re worried keep it going, it’s not like your family needs your money is it. I know that’s blunt but its true…..Do what you think is best for both of you.”

Gwaine pulled a chair round and sat down. “If all you what is for Merlin to feel safe and you think there’s no risk keep the boys on, but if you think there’s any risk at, all get new guys in.”

“It’s been a long time Gwaine, but they’re still there and I don’t know if they still pose a threat. What would you do if you where them? They’ve been inside a long time. Would you still want revenge or would you leave it?”

“I wouldn’t have done it in the first place so I don’t know. Can you afford the cost of it all?”

“God yes, I had millions left me. The interest alone makes sure of that. It’s going down but we’d have to live for at least another eighty years to run out. I even made more money on selling the penthouse than this place cost.” Arthur looked at his friend. “I couldn’t bare it if anything happened to him you know that.”

“I think you know the answer then…..why don’t you talk to Merlin? He might not want new people about. Either way I won’t be going far even if I am laid off. I’ll always be here for Merlin you know that.”

“Thanks Gwaine, I do, you’ve been a good friend to him and me. I’ll give it all some thought and let you know.”

Arthur went to his office after the others had all gone and thought through thinks properly. He even phoned Leon to have a word with him. He needed to find out when the next parole hearing was due and if Leon had heard anything through the grapevine. Now Arthur was almost completely retired he relied on his brother in law to keep abreast of things.

That evening when Arthur was sat with Merlin he told him about the meeting.

“What do you think about having new bodyguards about? Would you be happy with different people? Only I realise what the boys are saying and in many ways I agree with them.” He looked down at Merlin who had his head rested on Arthurs shoulder.

“I don’t know, I like all the guys. Do I still need people about? It’s been a long time.” Merlin sounded very unsure.

“I don’t know Merlin and that’s the problem. But one thing I do know is I have always said I wanted you protected at all costs, and that hasn’t changed. I won’t risk you. But I can see what the men mean, they are getting older and I wouldn’t want them getting hurt either.”

“Do what you think best Arthur, I feel safe with you about, and I trust you to do what you think is best. It’s silly spending all that money just to keep me happy if I don’t need it. They won’t bother with me now surely.” Merlin still never referred to any of the group by name. To Arthur that was very telling.

“No amount of money is too much for you Merlin, what else am I going to spend it on. Miranda will have what’s left and she already has enough. I’ll think about it.”

That night for the first time in over a year Arthur was woken up in the early hours by his husband having a nightmare. He soon managed to calm him down but it made his decision for him.


	68. Chapter 68

Three days later Arthur asked to see the bodyguards to give them his decision. He had decided to take their comments on board. All the men had a pension to come, and he checked their arrangements for the future. Most of them were going to work for Kay’s brother who ran a large security firm. They would help with training and other light security work in the new branch he was opening.

The only two who had declined this offer were Percy and Gwaine. After a long discussion with them Arthur offered them flexible part time hours. They would help Merlin to keep fit and be with him in the pool when needed as well as joining the new bodyguard when Merlin went out with the dogs. They would also walk the dogs when if Merlin was unwell and help with bits around the place. The gardener had recently moved away so they would also help outside. This suited them as both wanted to work less hours and spend more time with their wives. Gwen, Mithian and Freya were going to share the housekeeper’s job. 

Arthur contacted Kay’s brother to get help to find the new bodyguards. It was he who, years before, had helped with recruiting the present set. Arthur would interview after Christmas. His time he was planning on only having one on duty at a time instead of two. If he felt there was a raised threat Kay’s brother would provide the extra cover from his firm. The arrangements pleased everyone. 

 

Christmas came and went and soon it was time for the interviews. Arthur was looking for five men. He was interviewing ten people and they were all in their mid twenties. After the interviews had taken place it didn’t take long for Arthur to pick out the people he wanted. Merlin had briefly met all of the candidates and was happy with Arthur’s choice. 

The five men were: Colin, Brad, John, Tom and Richard. They were all to start in February, and the old team would leave two weeks later once everyone was settled in. Despite their young age they were all experienced and were all ex military. Their training was far greater than before, and they were also first aid trained. The cost was higher as well, but Arthur was happy with that. The other change was the title; it seemed they were now referred to as Protection officers. All the men were happy with the set up, and once in place they would discuss changes if and when required. Richard was to be the senior member of staff.

As soon as they started Arthur and Merlin noticed the difference. The new men were much sharper and less like friends. But both the men hoped that once they settled in they would develop friendships. One of the first changes they made was that both Merlin and Arthur now worn a device that could not only call for help if needed, but also had a communication device built in. Now there was only one officer on duty at a time Richard said it was essential. The CITV was also updated and alarms put on all the doors and windows, together with a sensor system around the periphery of the grounds. All computerised and details sent to whoever was on duty via a smart phone. 

By the end of the first month Arthur felt he had got very lax over the years. He was reassured that Merlin would be safe, Arthur made sure the men all knew that Merlin was their main focus and not him. As the older guys left Arthur and Merlin held a party for them and they all promised to keep in touch.

Merlin soon got used to the new people, although at first they had made him jump on several occasions. It took him three weeks to get them to stop calling him Mr Pendragon, but even then they all called him Mr Merlin and Arthur was Mr Arthur. After about a month Gwaine noticed that Merlin was slowly going down in mood. He mentioned it to Arthur and they kept a close eye on him. 

One day Merlin and Gwaine walked into the lounge having just spent sometime in the pool. Arthur and Colin were already there talking. Gwaine noticed Merlin tense up. He watched the other man for a bit and he was certain there was a problem between Merlin and Colin. Gwaine decided to keep an eye on the situation. Sure enough several times when Colin was on duty Merlin seemed to be more moody. But there was nothing Gwaine could put his finger on.

About a week later Merlin was sat in the lounge with Colin in his normal place just outside the door. Arthur and Gwaine walked in with a tray of coffee and cakes. Colin said something to Arthur as he walked past and Arthur laughed. Merlin looked round at the sound and he glared before walking out of the room toward the bedroom.

“Coffee Merlin” Arthur called after him.

“Don’t want it give it to Colin.” Merlin kept going without turning round.

Arthur looked at Gwaine then followed Merlin. A few minutes later Gwaine heard Merlin shouting, something that was very rare to hear. Normally if Merlin was upset he refused to speak. Arthur came back and went straight to his office without saying a word.


	69. Chapter 69

Gwaine went and knocked on the bedroom door and went in without waiting for an answer. He found Merlin led on the bed staring into space.

“What’s up mate?” Gwaine sat on the bed next to his friend.

“Nothing.” Came a mumbled reply “go away”

“No, I’m not, now what’s up you two never shout at each other.”

“Ask him! Now leave me alone…..Get out!” Merlin’s voice rose to a shout.

Gwaine stood up and left going straight to the office and again without knocking walked in. Arthur was sat at his desk his head in his hands.

“What was that all about Arthur?” 

“It’s none of your business Gwaine, go away and leave me alone.”

“No I’m not going to, you two don’t shout and even when you do you don’t just walk away from each other. Whatever it is go and talk to him.” Gwaine was determined to sort this out.

“Gwaine just go away, it’s none of your business, leave it be.” Arthur looked at Gwaine his eyes full of unshed tears.

“Arthur don’t be daft, you’re both my friends that makes it my business. Now do I have to get Hunith?”

Arthur sighed “Merlin thinks……he’s got it in his head…….”

Gwaine waited quietly or Arthur to continue.

“Merlin thinks I fancy Colin…..he thinks I’m after a ‘newer, better model’ those are his words not mine. I’ve told him he’s imagining things but he won’t listen. I can’t not talk to the man, and I can’t just get rid of him because Merlin is insecure.”

“Ah, well that would do it. Trouble is Arthur, he does look a bit like Merlin did when he was younger, and he is just your type. Not that I’m saying there’s anything in it.” Gwaine could see the problem clearly now. 

“Gwaine! He’s young enough to be my son! And I love Merlin, I wouldn’t be unfaithful, you know that.”

“Yes I know that but Merlin has very little self esteem, he’s scared of losing you. Don’t walk away from him Arthur you’ll make it worse, go and hug him make him understand. He loves you he always has, you know that. Don’t forget he spent two years being told you didn’t care and had moved on.”

“Gwaine that was over twenty five years ago!” Arthur looked at Gwaine as if he were mad.

“We both know that means nothing to Merlin, his mind still goes back there you know that. Just cut him some slack please. Go and reassure him, hug him and if necessary get rid of Colin. At least tell Colin what he’s up against. If you all work together you can get over this if you want to. Just make sure you don’t speak to Colin alone in here or Merlin’s mind will work overtime. I’ll have a word with Colin if you like.”

Gwaine put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder “I know Merlin isn’t always easy, but he’s worth it.” Gwaine left the other man to think. 

As Gwaine went to leave, Arthur turned to him. “Thank you Gwaine, for caring.” Tears started to fall down Arthur’s face.

“Go on speak to him. I’ll speak to Colin.” Gwaine went off and found Colin stood outside the master bedroom.

“Colin could you come with me a minute, Arthur’s coming to see Merlin and they want some privacy.” Gwaine gave the younger man a smile.

Colin looked you the corridor and saw Arthur heading towards them, so went with Gwaine down towards the gym. The two men sat down on windowsill.

“Look Colin this is a bit difficult so I’ll come straight out with it. You know about Merlin’s kidnap and some of what happened. Well it left Merlin with a lot of psychological issues as well as the physical ones. He is very insecure.”

Colin looked at Gwaine and waited for him to continue.

“Well, he gets lots of flashbacks, it’s like he’s still there even after all these years.”

“I realise he has PTSD I’ve seen some of the men from Afghanistan come back with it. My uncle had it from the Falklands so I do know a bit about it.” Colin said “It wrecks lives”

“Good then you’ll understand Merlin can’t help how it makes him act. You’re looks are very much like Merlin was before he was captured. He was told for two years that Arthur had moved on, he’s got it in his head that Arthur fancies you. Merlin is very insecure; those two men love each other so much it’s sickening sometimes but that’s what’s happening at the moment. So if you could just make sure you’re aware and make allowances until Merlin gets to know you.”

“Sure no problem, I knew he didn’t like me but it’s good to know why. If it remains a problem I’ll get reassigned elsewhere. I’ll make sure Mr Merlin knows I’m not interested. I’m engaged anyway and to a woman so that might help. Thanks for letting me know”

“Thanks for understanding. Merlin is a great guy when you get to know him. I don’t think all the changes have helped. The other guys were with him since his rescue, he doesn’t do changes well. I’ll tell Arthur we’ve spoken.” Gwaine was relieved it had gone so well. Now it was just a case of getting Merlin and Arthur back on speaking terms.

Arthur went back into the bedroom and taking of his shoes led down on the bed next to Merlin. Merlin moved away towards the edge of the bed and said nothing. So Arthur moved closer, then putting his arms around pulled Merlin closer to him careful to turn Merlin onto his back a bit. 

“Merlin I love you, nothing’s changed, and we’ll get rid of Colin if you want. Please speak to me.” Arthur started to nuzzle into his husbands neck. “I wouldn’t look at anyone else, why should I.”

Still Merlin said nothing.

“Love please, don’t be like this….I need you love” Arthur let his tears fall onto Merlin’s neck and he sobbed.


	70. Chapter 70

Merlin felt Arthur’s tears on his neck then felt him shake as he started to sob. His heart started to melt and he it had been something he had done, something that had driven Arthur away. Merlin slowly turned over to face Arthur and looked into the other mans eyes as if to read his mind. Arthur looked back unflinching. 

“Darling you’ve always been the one for me… I’ve never needed to look elsewhere…. please believe me….. I love you, every inch of you.” The blond said between sobs. 

“Why Arthur, why all the looks and laughing, I see you whispering to each other why?” Merlin asked his voice flat. 

“I don’t look at him, I talk and laugh with them all Merlin. I’m sorry if I have given you reason to doubt me. Please believe me; I can’t stand us like this.” Arthur moved his head forward to kiss the other man.

Merlin pulled his face away out of reach. He looked at his husband for a moment then looked at the ceiling.

“I wouldn’t blame you, not really. I’m a wreck, your worth far better than me. But be honest please…. I don’t want you staying with me for pity…I’d rather you were happy.” Merlin’s voice was devoid of emotion, he sounded completely resigned.

“Merlin what do I have to do to convince you! I love you and only you I have since I first saw you. You mean everything to me……..don’t do this.” Arthur sat up and leaning on his elbow moved his head until it was over Merlin’s “Look at me Merlin, look into my eyes, I LOVE YOU.”

Merlin turned his head away and looked out of the window. “I wish I believed that, but I don’t.” with that he stood up and walked out of the room.

Arthur led there for awhile totally lost. How could he convince Merlin? Arthur was scared what the other man would do; he looked so beaten, as if he’d lost all hope. Arthur got up and went out of the room. There was no sign of Merlin anywhere. He saw Colin who said Merlin had gone into the annex. Arthur was going to follow him but instead went to find Gwaine.

Arthur went across to Gwaine cottage and found him there. “Gwaine what can I do, he won’t believe me. I’m scared he’ll do something daft.”

“Where is he now?” Gwaine asked.

“In the annex, I can’t leave him like this, but he won’t let me in, he won’t believe me. Why did I have to make the changes we were ok until then.”

“Look Arthur let him think for a bit. Hunith will talk to him I’m sure and I’ll come over and stay with him, give him time. I’ve spoken to Colin he understands, he’s had dealing with PTSD and what it does to people. He said he’ll leave if he needs to. I’ll talk to Merlin again….you know Colin has a girlfriend he’s straight that might make Merlin think. Just give him space.” Gwaine shock his head, he felt so sorry for the pair of them.

“Stay over here a bit, I’ll go over.” Gwaine stood up and left to go to the bungalow.

Hunith was surprised to see Merlin, he didn’t look very happy and it didn’t take her long to get him to speak to her. She was amazed at what Merlin had to say. Not for a moment did she believe that Arthur would do this to her son. They were so much in love. Hunith let Merlin talk himself out, she was worried he was so flat, no emotion, as if he was resigned to losing Arthur. 

“Look Merlin, are you sure? Without any doubt what so ever. Because son you need to be sure.” Hunith asked him.

“I’m sure.”  
“Have you asked Arthur, what did he say?” Hunith was determined to get this sorted.

“He says he loves me and it isn’t true. But I know it is.” Merlin looked at her. He was broken.

“Come on Merlin, come and lie down you look awful. Have a rest and we’ll sort it all out my boy.” She led him into her bedroom and made him lie down. 

She sat by his side until she was sure he was asleep. Then she quietly went to her sitting room and rang the bungalow and asked to speak to Arthur. Gwaine came to the phone. They spoke and then tried to find a solution. Both men clearly loved one another, but equally both men were stubborn. Gwaine agreed that Merlin was at risk of doing something silly. Gwaine said he would ring the CPN for advice in the mean time Merlin would stay with Hunith for as long as possible. 

By the time Hunith got back to check on Merlin he had gone, she went back towards the bungalow to spot him going out the door in his wheelchair with the dogs. At that moment Colin came though to check who was opening the door. Hunith said it was Merlin. Now Colin had a problem, if he went after Merlin would it make things worse, but he couldn’t leave him. Percy came in to ask why Merlin was out on his own. Colin asked Percy to follow him while he quickly spoke to Arthur.

Percy was surprised but did as he was asked. Colin went looked for Arthur but found Gwaine first. Gwaine then went after Percy and Merlin and left Colin to go and talk to Arthur.

Percy caught up with Merlin who just ignored him. Percy just walked along beside the wheelchair and let the other man settle down he was clearly upset. Then he heard someone running after them. Looking round he saw Gwaine. Gwaine caught up with them and stood in front of Merlin stopping him. He bent down and looked Merlin straight in the eye.

“What the fucking hell are you up to? Don’t act like such a stupid idiot and get yourself back home.”

“No! I need to get out of there; I can’t be in the same house as them!” Merlin was angry. “I’m not a child I can do what I want. Anyway it doesn’t matter anymore does it, Arthur would be better off with me gone.”

Percy looked at the pair in amazement wondering that had happened. Gwaine took Merlin by the shoulders and was about to shake the man before getting hold of himself.

“You idiot! Arthur loves you; don’t do this to him Merlin. He’s not being unfaithful I promise you. Now let’s go back and sort this out.”

“No the dogs need a walk, and I’m not going back yet. Get out of my way Gwaine.”

Gwaine stood up and let Merlin continue and the two other men followed. They were out for nearly two hours before Merlin decided to go back, by then he was calmer but still not talking.


	71. Chapter 71

By the time they got back to the bungalow Colin was gone. Richard was there instead. It seemed Arthur had told Colin to go home until they could sort things out. Colin wasn’t due on duty again for five days. Arthur was relieved to see Merlin back it was cold outside, and Merlin hadn’t used his thicker coat. 

Merlin was still avoiding Arthur and even at mealtimes didn’t speak any more than he had to. Hunith had managed to have a talk with her son in law and was happy that Merlin was worked up about nothing. By the time the evening came around Merlin was feeling lousy so he took himself of too bed. He didn’t even say goodnight to Arthur.

An hour later Arthur went to retire for the night hoping that by tomorrow Merlin would have calmed down enough to talk to. He went to the bedroom only to find the bed empty. By now Brad was on duty, and was sat outside one of the spare bedrooms. It seemed Merlin was sleeping there.

That was the final straw for Arthur. He marched into the spare bedroom and took the duvet off of Merlin and bent down over the half asleep man.

“That’s it. I’ve had enough; you are not sleeping in here. We do not sleep separately now or ever.” He bent down and picked Merlin up bridal style and carried him into the master bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them. 

The duvet was already folded back he placed the surprised Merlin down on the bed and covered him up, Then looking down at Merlin Arthur said:

“I don’t care what you think; I have not now or ever cheated on you! I haven’t ever looked at anyone else since we met, over thirty years ago. I am not putting up with this anymore, so grow up and start listening to me. I do not fancy Colin and he doesn’t fancy me, he’s got a girlfriend he doesn’t even like men!” Then Arthur got into the other side of the bed and turned his back to Merlin.

Merlin lay there, he couldn’t believe what Arthur had just done. He slowly started to go over what his husband had just said to him, and then went over everything again in his mind. It was several hours before either man fell asleep.

When Arthur woke up the next morning it was to find the other side of the bed empty. He looked at the clock it was ten o’clock! He never slept in that late. He got up and had a shower before getting dressed. Then he went to find a cup of coffee, after that he would speak to Merlin. He wondered what the other man had thought of his loss of temper the night before.

Gwen was in the kitchen, she was surprised to see Arthur up so late. but said nothing except to say Merlin was out, with Richard and Percy, taking the dogs for a walk. They had been out for over an hour. 

“I think Merlin’s got a bit of a cold coming. So I’ll make sure he has his hot milk and honey when he gets back.” 

“Thanks Gwen, what mood was he in?” Arthur asked trying to get some idea of what he was facing.

“He seemed a bit quiet; I hear you two had a disagreement yesterday.” Gwen was never one to hide things.

“That’s one way of putting it, he thinks I’m having an affair with Colin.” Arthur knew it would soon be common knowledge. Gwaine would have told Mithian he was sure.

“I take it you’re not?” Gwen said looking at Arthur. “I can see the attraction he’s almost identical to Merlin at that age. Merlin must have noticed it, probably not a good choice on your part, no matter how good his is.”

“No I’m not! Gwen how could you! Anyway, Colin nowhere near as good looking as Merlin, even now. He might have the same colouring but that’s all. I might have noticed the similarities but that’s not why I employed him. Anyway Merlin is a stunner, as well as the nicest man I know.”

“Thank you” came Merlin’s voice from the doorway.

Arthur turned round quickly: “I didn’t hear you coming.” He looked at the other man trying to gauge his mood.

“Obviously not.”

“ Anyway you didn’t let me finish Merlin, I was going to add… even if he is the most exasperating person at times.”

“Oh…well I suppose I deserve that. Sorry.” Merlin stood up and took his coat and gloves off before limping off down the corridor. 

Arthur quickly followed him down the corridor and into the master bedroom.

“Merlin………” Arthur paused not sure what to say.

“Arthur I’m sorry….I think I might have made a fool of myself. Mum had a go at me this morning so did Gwaine.” Merlin was looking down at the ground.

“Merlin I’m sorry to, I didn’t realise what was happening. I knew you weren’t happy, but put it down to all the changes, I didn’t realise how things must have looked to you. It wasn’t until all this blew up that I started to think things through. But it hurts that you don’t trust me enough.” Arthur stopped unsure how to continue.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you…..but look at me Arthur I’m a mess…your worth far more than I can give you… why wouldn’t you want more. I saw you laughing and joking and realised I’m just not good enough. You’ve done everything for me and what have I done in return….nothing.” Tears started to collect in Merlin’s eyes. 

“Oh Merlin, how can you say that. You’ve given me years of happiness and love, if ever I’ve made you feel less than everything to me, I am sorry. You have problems, but so do I and we are together that’s all I need.” Arthur stepped closer and took Merlin into his arms and pulled him into his chest. “I should never have taken Colin on, I saw the resemblance but he was such a good candidate. I didn’t think how you would see it.”

Merlin put his arms around Arthur and they stood hugging each other. After a couple of minutes Arthur pulled away. And sat on the bed Merlin sat down by him “Remind me never to play the caveman again, my backs killing me this morning.”

“That’s a pity. I liked that!” Merlin gave a small smile. The pair sat and talked through the last couple of days and started to mend their strained relationship. Arthur said he was going to replace Colin but Merlin said no. He said he would speak to him and apologise and had no problems. Merlin said he was the idiot and it wasn’t the other mans fault. Arthur admitted that he liked having different people about to talk to, and he had probably given Merlin the wrong impression. The two men weren’t seen out of the bedroom until lunchtime, which everyone saw as a good thing.

Things took awhile for things to get completely back to normal as the two men got over the hurt they had caused each other. Merlin arranged to speak to Colin and asked the other man to come and see him. They had a long chat and Merlin apologised. They might never become best friends but at least they now had an understanding of sorts.

Merlin did go down with a bad cold but luckily accept for needing oxygen he managed to keep quite well. The stress of their arguments had obviously not helped Merlin’s general health. Iseldir had visited Merlin and was happy that he was coping well mentally afterwards, but advised Arthur to keep an eye on Merlin for any signs of a relapse in his mental health and call if needed. The CPN said he would come back in a week to check anyway. 

Three days later Brad was just finishing his nights when he had a quiet word with Arthur. Finna had passed away in the night. Arthur told Merlin who was devastated, he knew that the little dog had problems but it still hurt. They buried her in the garden next to Isolde. Her death in a way helped the two men rebuild their relationship as Arthur comforted his husband. Gi really missed his friend and became even clingier over the next few weeks, never leaving Merlin’s side accept at night and then only reluctantly.

When Colin came on duty and heard the news he had a word with Arthur. His sisters Jack Russell had just had puppies and wondered if Merlin would like one of the pups. It would be ten weeks until they were ready but he would get her to keep one back. Arthur said he thought it might be a good idea but he couldn’t say for sure and wouldn’t mention it yet as it was far too soon. Colin said he would talk to his sister and bring photos for Arthur to see.


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay in posting my internet and phone has been down. Hopefully I can now resume my normal daily postings. If I don't post it will mean it's down again!!
> 
> Thank you for all the PM of concern. Nice to know I was missed
> 
> .............................................................................................................................................

Things gradually settled back to normal between the two men, it was a bit strained at first Merlin was feeling guilty at not trusting Arthur and Arthur in turn was hurt by Merlin’s accusations. But they worked through it. After all they had been through worse. It was helped when Colin decided it would be best for him to leave and so he was replaced by John.

Merlin still had the new puppy and after a lot of debate called her Princess. So he was now kept busy house training once more and stopping Princess chewing everything in sight. She was far more adventurous than the other had been and Merlin had trouble keeping track of her. It made Merlin determined that this would be his last puppy. 

Arthur heard from the Courts that Morgause had been released from prison on parole, on medical grounds. She had breast cancer and she was not expected to live long. Arthur debated on whether to tell Merlin and decided to be honest with him. Merlin was worried but seemed to cope. Arthur informed the protection officers so they were aware. It was decided not to increase numbers at the moment.

One evening as Merlin and Arthur were led looking up at the stars in their room Merlin sighed.  
“What was that about love?” Arthur asked.

“I was remembering the first time we made love, you were so gentle and I was so scared. I was frightened of disappointing you.”

“You didn’t it was magical. I wish it had been my first time as well.” Arthur looked at Merlin. “That is a special gift, the first time, but you don’t realise it until it’s too late.”

“That weekend was wonderful, a whole weekend in bed!” Merlin chuckled.

“No it wasn’t we got up to eat and shower!” 

“And make love, everywhere I seem to remember……I swore to myself you would be my one and only….but I broke that promise…they made me.” Merlin’s voice broke.

“Oh Merlin you didn’t break any promise. I have been the only one you have made love to….what they did wasn’t love don’t think it was, just because they took you...it changes nothing that wasn’t love.”

“That hurts the most you know, not the broken bones or beatings not even the things they made me do……I broke my promise……I didn’t even fight in the end, if I didn’t they finished sooner…..I should have fought.” Merlin’s mind was back in that room. “I was weak…..I did all sorts of bad things…..I drank their piss and even ate shit when they told me to, but why did I let them take me…..why. I’m so ashamed…not because it made me feel dirty or even because it hurt but I broke my own promise to myself…..I can’t get that back.” His voice faded off with his memories.

Arthur sat up and leaned over Merlin trying to get his husband to look into his eyes. “Merlin stop, please stop. You did nothing wrong. They did not you, you couldn’t fight them off they had you for two years….you had no choice. You did what you did to survive and I’m glad you did” 

Merlin looked at Arthur who continued:

“You didn’t break any promises that wasn’t making love…understand…we make love, we do things together because we love each other, that’s different. You make me feel like a king and I can do things to you they never could.” Arthur bent down and kissed Merlin’s mouth then moved down to his throat, “I can make love to you, they never could. I know all the spots that turn you to jelly and you know all mine. That’s making love.” Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes and saw he past slowly fade away.

“Please Merlin just think of us….leave them behind….forget them we have each other, we have what they never could have…….Let me love you let me take away the memories…” Arthur started to touch Merlin in places he knew the other man loved, secret places, places that turned him on. Slowly Merlin returned the touches and left behind his bad memories.

Arthur whispered to him “Let’s make new memories, together my darling…I love you”  
A small voice replied “I love you always” as they both forgot the past.

Arthur was always surprised when Merlin told him even more about what had happened to him. There was always something new and disturbing. It wasn’t often he opened up and over the years it had been less and less frequent. He couldn’t believe how depraved people could be to each other. But after that last episode life seemed to me getting better once more for the two men. Merlin was relieved when Colin handed in his notice, deciding it was unfair to stay on. He was replaced by John. Before he left Colin gave Merlin the puppy little bitch that Merlin called Princess. Once more he was back to house training and stopping things getting chewed.

It was soon summer once more and Miranda and Mordred announced they were finally engaged and going to marry the following summer. Miranda wanted a big white wedding and they were getting married in one of the big London churches. The guest list was already two hundred and growing. It would be a different affair than William and Penny’s. This couple had no problems with finances Miranda was a very wealthy woman, thanks to Uther, and Mordred was from a wealthy background. So the couple weren’t holding back. It would take ages to plan.

The wedding went well and the couple went off on honeymoon to Jamaica. Merlin and Arthur had gone to the wedding but came home afterward the family lunch afterwards. They didn’t stay for the evening do. It was too large and busy for Merlin to cope with. The newlyweds were happy with that; they had both been very pleased that they had stayed as long as they did.

The following Autumn Mithian had a health scare when she was found to have breast cancer. It was a tense time for all. Luckily it was found early and she only needed a partial mastectomy. But the scare had been a wakeup call to Gwaine and Mithian and they both retired to spend more time together. Although both came in to see the men several times a week. And Gwaine still helped Merlin in the pool when he wanted.  
Freya took over Mithian’s duties as she fancied a change and reduction in hours. So now Gwen and Freya worked together share duties as fitted their lives and husbands.

The following year yet another tragedy struck. It was one late summers day when Arthur. Merlin and Hunith were sitting out in the garden making the most of the weather when Merlin’s life took a crash. They had been laughing and joking and were now just soaking up the rays when Arthur heard Hunith drop he drink. He turned round and realised all was not well. Hunith’s face was all lopsided and when she tried to speak her voice was slurred. 

Brad was on duty and came across and immediately rang for an ambulance. Hunith had had a stroke. Merlin went to her side and held her hand and kept talking to her. Arthur took the oxygen mask from behind the wheelchair and put it over Hunith’s face as they waited. As soon as the ambulance had left Arthur and Merlin followed. Unfortunately despite everything the doctors did Hunith died that evening. She was eight six years old.

Merlin was beside himself with grief, part of him was glad she hadn’t suffered but at the same time he was shocked by the suddenness of it all. Nothing could console him. Arthur wasn’t much better, Hunith had been like a mother to him for so long, and her death hurt more than his own father had. Morgana and Leon came to stay to help support the two men. The funeral was well attended; Hunith had been very popular in the village. Hunith was buried in the churchyard and as instructed in her will her husband’s ashes, which she had kept, had been buried with her. Her head stone carried both their names. It seemed that had been Merlin’s father’s wishes and Hunith had honoured them all that time. Even Merlin was unaware of the ashes, but then as he said he didn’t suppose his father had expected to die so young. Merlin later said he could now visit both his parents, even though he hardly remembered his father who had died when Merlin was four.


	73. Chapter 73

It was over six months before Merlin would let his mother’s things be sorted out and removed for the annex. During that time he would often go along and sit surrounded by her things until Arthur went to fetch him. He found it hard to cope with her loss. He went to the annex to talk to her; it comforted him, just to be near her things. She had been his only relative and he felt alone, he found it difficult to explain to Arthur and he didn’t want his husband to feel in any way less because of his grief for this mother’s loss.

Once his grief became bearable, Merlin found he wanted to be with Arthur all the time, it was almost as if he feared losing him as well. The two men spent even more time together. Arthur had started to come on all the dog walks with Merlin and they settled into a very relaxed life. Arthur had given up all his legal work with Hunith’s death and decided that he wouldn’t take anymore on. 

Twelve months after Hunith’s passing Gwen and Freya retired, but found a replacement in Audrey, a woman in her thirties from the village. Her husband had died, and she wanted a change. She moved into the annex and spoilt the men. She was a really motherly sort. She always left prepared meals for them when she had her days off. They soon settled into each other’s ways as Audrey had different methods in most things to Gwen. 

The couple then had a couple of stress free years were they really enjoyed each other’s company. And accept for Miranda having twin boys, it was peaceful. Both men loved it when the children visited. The saw William and Penny’s little girl, Katie, quite often as well, so once more they were kept busy with little ones about the place. Miranda had called her boys Arthur and Merlin in honour of their great uncles, much to everyone’s amusement, and Merlin’s annoyance. He thought it was wrong, he knew much comment his name had caused when he was young. Miranda pointed out that now a day’s children had far stranger names, and she hoped her two boys grew up as kind and generous as their namesakes. Princess loved the children and spent more time with them than Merlin. They were often found running round the garden or up and down the passageway in the bungalow, the children screaming and Princess barking. Gi watched with a disdainful expression from his place on Merlin’s lap.

A few years later, during the summer, Merlin and Arthur celebrated their fortieth anniversary of their civil partnership, as well as Merlin’s sixty fifth birthday. It was a quiet affair, but nearly everyone dropped in to see them. Merlin’s health was slowly but surely deteriorating, as his chest problems worsened. Each time he had a chest infection it was taking him longer to recover. He was spending more and more time in his wheelchair, only walking for short distances. Merlin was still able to go in the pool, but with either Gwaine or Arthur and a protection officer. He needed the support and safety of two people with him. But he enjoyed the gently exercise regime and just floating on the water.

Then Merlin had to have Gi put to sleep, the little dog had developed cancer, and in the end it was the only kind thing to do. Merlin swore again that Princess would be his last dog no matter what. He said he didn’t want a whole grave yard in the garden. He loved his dogs they had been like his children and it hurt him so as each one had died.

By the time Merlin reached his seventh birthday he was wheelchair bound, and on oxygen all the time. His COPD had reached its last stages. He knew his time was coming to an end, he sat down one day and wrote a letter to Arthur for when he was gone. He gave it to Leon and asked him to pass it on as soon as he died. Leon wasn’t happy but promised he would do it. Even talking was becoming an effort for him.

Then a couple of months later the couple were led in bed when Merlin snuggled up to Arthur and said in very breathless voice:

“I love you so much, I have been so lucky.”

“I love you to and I’m the lucky one” Arthur smiled at Merlin. It hurt Arthur to see Merlin struggle so. It seemed to have crept up on him. The changes had been so gradual over the years. It wasn’t until Merlin stayed on the oxygen that it really hit Arthur how bad Merlin had become.

“I’m sorry I haven’t always been easy to deal with… but throughout you’ve always been there for me..Thank you darling.”

“Hi what’s this all about? We’ve always been there for each other, idiot. Now come here and have a hug.” Arthur put his arms round Merlin and before they fell asleep they both got lost in their memories, not of the bad times but all the good times.

The next morning when Arthur woke he found Merlin dead in his arms. He let out a wail that was heard throughout the building, When Richard found out the cause of Arthur’s distress he rang the doctor then Morgana. Then he called Gwaine who came straight across. Arthur refused to let go of Merlin. He held him tears running down his face. It wasn’t until the doctor gave Arthur a sedative that they could separate the couple. 

Morgana and Leon arrived to do what they could. Merlin’s body was removed to the chapel of rest and Arthur sat here completely stunned. Leon realised that Merlin had known he didn’t have long when he wrote the letter. He took it out of his pocket and gave it to Arthur as promised.

“Merlin gave me this not long ago, he asked me to give it to you as soon as possible after his death.” Leon looked at Arthur; he had never, even in the days of Merlin’s kidnap, seen Arthur so lost. “I’m sorry Arthur but he was insistent you have it as soon as possible. 

Arthur took the letter and went back into their bedroom to read it alone. He didn’t want to but his Merlin had asked him to, so he would. He carefully opened the envelope and took out the letter.

My dearest darling Arthur,  
If you are reading this I’ve just died. I asked Leon to give it to you as soon as he could because I want to make sure you’re alright. Sounds daft I know, but I know you and you’re probably shocked and crying now. Please don’t cry for me. I’m out of pain now and free from nightmares.  
You have given me a great life, we’ve had good times and yes, some bad times, but we have been together, until now. Now you have to face life alone. You can do it, you’re stronger than me, and I’m glad I went first I couldn’t have coped.  
Do all those things that you couldn’t do because of me, please. Don’t sit and grieve.  
Remember me as I was years ago, cheeky and sarcastic always giving as good as I got. But also remember I loved you to my core, you were my strength and happiness, and you kept me going when I would have given up. I can’t express how much I love you and what you mean to me there aren’t words for it.   
One other thing on my list of demands: Please make sure Princess is ok and she has a good home. I loved my dogs, all of them and when it’s her time, place her with the others they can keep each other company. As indeed one day we will lie together once more. Tell Morgana and Gwaine, as well as all the others, thank you without them my life would not have been so good. Gwaine was truly a brother to me and I loved him as such.

We’ve grown older together and stayed together despite everything. When you lie in bed at night look up and remember: first star to the right and on to morning. And whatever you make yourself fell guilty about, stop it, you did all you could for me and gave me a life worth living. Oh and because I know what a sentimental fool you are I have placed a lock of my hair in the envelope.  
If you’re right, and when aren’t you, I’ll wait for you in the afterlife.  
My one and only love,  
Truly the better half of the coin,  
My prat, my darling  
Goodbye,  
Your idiot, Merlin.

Arthur folded the letter up after kissing it and placed it in his inside pocket over his heart. Checking the lock of hair was safe. Yes Merlin did…had known him to well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .................................................................................................................................................  
>  One more chapter to come


	74. Chapter 74

Arthur sat with tears flowing freely. He felt so very lost. Merlin was wrong in his eyes; it was Merlin who had been the better half of him. He stayed there for a bit before going to find the others. His sister and brother in law stayed with him until a week after the funeral. Leon sorted out all the legal work and Morgana helped Arthur arrange the funeral.

Arthur asked for the same song to be played as they had had at their party all those years before. The Wonder of You, it had always been their song. Arthur stood up to give the eulogy but the tears were already threatening. 

“Thank you all for coming here today to pay your respects to a wonderful man. I first met Merlin when he was just over twenty years old but it took me several years to talk him into going out with me. I however knew immediately he was the one for me. We had a fantastic time planning our future together but as most of you know our plans were changed forever when Merlin was kidnapped for two years, as retribution against me. They were the worse two years of my life.” Arthur looked around the room.  
“I won’t go into all the details accept to say we will never know all the humiliation and torture he had to endure. For that I will never forgive those who …….took him. All though the years he slowly told me some of it, but I know there was more. But he was an incredibly strong man. Those who didn’t know him before that time only saw him with physical and mental problems, you must believe me he was far more than that. He was the better half of me, the most caring, thoughtful and funny husband, son and friend to all who knew him I have ever met or will ever meet. I loved Merlin and cannot bear the thought of life without him………………………..I don’t want to live without him” 

Even with all his barristers training Arthur just couldn’t cope and broke down. Gwaine took the piece of paper from Arthur and finished on his behalf:

“Despite all he had to endure he was always willing to help others where he could and did much to build the Counties Archive of Memories. He loved all the children who came into our lives and would listen patiently to their problems. As you all know he also loved his dogs who meant so much to him. But most of all he was everything to me and my heart and soul has been torn out by his death. He left me a letter telling me to do all the things he had stopped me from doing, due to his condition. But there is nothing to do; I have never wanted anything but to be with him. All our plans had been for us not me. Please remember him as I will, not as a man in a wheelchair but as a unique and loving man who deserved so much more than he received.” 

As Gwaine helped Arthur back to his seat there wasn’t a dry eye in the church.

Merlin was buried in the plot next to his parents, in a double plot so Arthur could join him when the time came. After everyone had moved away Arthur stood by the graveside and sobbed. All he wanted to do was jump in with his beloved. After giving him some time Morgana and Leon moved forward and led him away.

After the funeral Miranda and her family moved into the bungalow permanently, to keep an eye on Arthur. He had got rid of the protection officers and was going to live there alone until they moved in. They insisted he keep the master bedroom. He wasn’t able to get over Merlin’s death but having the children about helped. They loved Princess and were always going on walks with her and Arthur. 

Arthur never recovered from Merlin’s death; he remained a broken man, all the purpose in his life had gone. Each and every day, regardless of the weather, Arthur would go to the churchyard and visit Merlin’s grave and stand there and tell his lover all that was happening and to ask permission to join him. He felt he had no purpose in life anymore. So no one was surprised when four years after Merlin’s death Miranda found her uncle dead in bed one morning. He hadn’t got up for breakfast, so she went to look for him. He always got up early and saw her off to work once the nanny arrived. She found him lying clutching a glass pendant that was hung on a chain round his neck. In it was a lock of black hair and an inscription which read: ‘All I have of my beloved Merlin, except for memories.’ On the chain was also Merlin’s wedding ring. No one had ever seen the pendant before. 

After Arthur’s death Miranda found Arthurs diaries, he had kept them all his life the last entry was the night he died it read: ‘I can go on no longer, my life is worthless and empty without you, I’m coming to you tonight my love’

 

The cause of his death was put down as Sudden Adult Death, his family believed he died of a broken heart. Arthur was buried with his husband as was his wish. He was seventy seven years old. When he was buried he had with him the locket, both their wedding rings and the letter Merlin had written which Arthur had carried all the time.

His funeral was attended by all of his family and friends, along with most of the village. The same song was played in memory of them for the last time. Morgana spoke her brother eulogy and there wasn’t a dry eye in the church. She spoke of her brother, his courage and love, and all he did for those her loved. They all knew he was now where he wanted to be. With his Merlin. 

The grave stone was marked simply with:

Merlin Emrys Pendragon MBE  
Arthur Pendragon

“Together forever you’re mine”

Epilogue  
Their legacy was many and varied.

Arthur left money to the Canal Barge charity for the wheelchair user and they bought two barges one named Merlin the other Arthur Pendragon. That most people thought they had been named after the Arthurian legend didn’t matter.

In the county archives there was a Merlin Emrys Pendragon wing that held the collective memories of the county, the records having been started by Merlin.

After she had read them Miranda had Arthur diaries published as an extraordinary love story for two men. The dairies were given to the archive.

Miranda never changed her name as Uther had requested. But she did leave the law firm that Arthur started, and she and Mordred were now owners, as Pendragons in Arthur’s honour. After reading the dairies and talking to her parents she felt that her Grandfather had not been someone she wanted to remember. She had some vague memories of him but had lots of happy memories of her uncle’s.

Arthur left the bungalow to Miranda. She continued to live there, selling Uther’s house to be converted into flats. She said she wanted her children brought up in a place of love and happy memories.

In Arthurs life time the bungalow had always been referred to as the Pendragons by the locals and now had a name plaque saying ‘PENDRAGONS’

The bungalow and cottages continued to be lived in by the original families for many, many years and they remained friends and had lots of parties in the grounds. Gwaine lived the longest and died aged one hundred and two but never forgot his best friend Merlin.

Both Valliant and Cenred outlived their victims but weren’t released until they were in their early eighties.

Morgause died a year after her release on medical grounds.

Edwin was knocked over by a car five years after his release so never enjoyed a long life.

None of them ever showed remorse for their actions.

Agravaine went back to Australia after his release on animal cruelty changes and died during a drug cartel war.   
THE END  
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THANK YOU ALL FOR STAYING WITH ME ON THIS JOURNEY, AND FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND ENCOURAGEMENT. It has inspired me to continue writing. I have thought of writing a prequel, with the story of how they met and fell in love. Please let me know if you want me to.


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